My favorite part of the day begins when I’m woken up by my two sweeties “twin talking” to each other from across their cribs. I watch from the monitor and wonder what they could be chatting about. After a few minutes, I hear my favorite words come out of their mouths, words that for so long I thought I would never hear: “Ma Ma.” My heart melts into a puddle. I walk into their room, turn on the light, and their beautiful brown eyes grab my heart and pull it in tightly. They squeal with excitement and continue babbling and giggling. Roman, my sensitive little man, reaches for me: “Ma ma.” As I pick him up, he rests his head on my shoulder and then looks at me with the most handsome dimple-filled smile I’ve ever seen. Ruby, my independent little lady, reaches for me, and as I squeeze her up she wraps her little arm around my neck. I give her a kiss on the cheek, and she flashes those beautiful pearly whites at me like she does 100 times a day. I stare in amazement at our two beautiful children.
I try to freeze the picture in my mind so I don’t forget. I don’t want to move from this moment. If only I could have seen the beautiful masterpiece that God was orchestrating for our family. If only I could have seen the beautiful plan God had in store, it would have made it easier to trust Him. But then again, that wouldn’t be faith now would it?
Though I’m grateful for this work-in-progress masterpiece now, there were times when I was confused about what God’s brush strokes were creating. It was as if my life was a piece of unfinished artwork hanging in a big fancy white art gallery. I imagined myself standing before the art that God was constructing and asking Him, “What are you doing God? This doesn’t make sense. This doesn’t look good to me! I think it would look better with a little blue here, and a little yellow there and take that out…that’s just not right.”
Can you imagine if Monet had listened to the critics who called his paintings “formless, unfinished and ugly?” I imagine his artwork would look quite a bit different, and his title as one of the most famous painters in history would’ve been forfeited. But there I have stood many times giving the Master Artist, the Creator of the entire Universe, my critiques. I imagine Him listening to my “suggestions” with a grin on His face, as He pulls me in closely and says, “My daughter, you can’t see it just yet, but I’m creating a MASTERPIECE, something more beautiful than you could ever imagine.”
Following His brush strokes has been a daily act of surrender, trusting that He knows what is best for my life, and truly believing that He “withholds no good thing” from His children (Psalm 84:11). It isn’t easy to trust God in the unknown, but that’s what He calls us to do. And guess what? God supplies us with His grace to do just that – trust. We can be certain and confident that we serve a good Father who loves us more than we can wrap our earthly minds around. So, let your heart rest on that truth for a minute. Our Heavenly Father loves YOU so much that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die a gruesome and painful death on the cross for my sins, for your sins, for her sins and for his sins so that we might come to know Him.
Perhaps in this very moment you feel forgotten, as if God was in the very middle of creating your masterpiece and just left it there as is. He hasn’t. He is right there, brush struck in hand. He works at His own pace and in His own time. Maybe you can relate to the girl at the art gallery confused with the very piece of work that is supposed to be her life. “What are you doing God? What are you up to? I don’t understand. This is so painful. This hurts too much.” I’ve been there too.
Although my heart is so full, it hasn’t always been easy. Through the cancer, infertility and loss, God has been faithful. It is through those painfully slow brush strokes that I felt the depths of His grace, love and kindness and learned there is no end to it. Even when your eyes can’t see what God is up to and you find it hard to follow His brush strokes-He is at work. He is creating a masterpiece- something MORE BEAUTIFUL than you could ever imagine.