To My Daughter: More Than Just A Pretty Face

Lies have been infiltrating the thoughts of women for centuries now. Some of the lies are: “If I become more successful or make a name for myself I’ll be happy. If my life looked more like hers or if I had that job I’d be happy. If I were married or if I could get pregnant I’d be happy. If I could lose a few pounds I’d be happy.” I’ve sat across from many successful and beautiful women. The world would say, “Their life must be perfect. They have it all: beauty, job, husband, children, etc.” More times than not each of these women have bravely shared with me about their struggles and the lies they fight not to be consumed by. The lies that tell them they aren’t ________ enough- not successful enough, not worthy enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not a good enough wife, mother, friend, employee etc.

Satan is the king of the “Lie Factory.” Since the beginning of time (literally), he’s aggressively been trying to lure women into doubting that what God says in His word is true. It all started in the garden. “Did God really say that?” Not all that much has changed. Satan still roams around like a roaring lion plotting to devour little Eves through lies about ourselves, God and others. He wants us to question God’s promises. He wants us to think we aren’t worthy enough for God’s word to hold any value for us. He wants us to be so focused on ourselves and consumed by our insecurities and self-perceived failures that we forget God’s ultimate purpose for our life-to make much of Him.

I believe Satan uses  “the comparison trap” as his biggest ally.  I remember falling into that deadly game dating back to middle school. The scars left on my body from cancer and the health issues I battled as a result made me feel so different from my peers and seemed to be in stark contrast to how I perceived the world to define a woman. And so, all though my teenage years and early college, I permitted others opinion’s of what is beautiful, valuable and worthy to define me. And so when I examined my life, I felt in many ways that I didn’t measure up. Through years of therapy, prayer and being really honest with those closest to me, I experienced freedom from the lies that used to torment me. And as God’s word transformed my mind, I came to realize how God would use all things in my life for my good and to bring glory to His name.

But, I’m not too far removed from that time that I’m not distinctively and overwhelming aware of the societal pressures placed on women. Even though I have experienced freedom, I still feel the pull sometimes towards those worldly standards and the lies that once consumed me. And it is because of my experience and knowledge that raising a daughter in this generation gravely concerns me at times.

Lately, when my 2-year gets up in the morning she has been proclaiming as soon as I walk in the room, “Morning, Mama! Hey, I a princess!” The other day I was cooking dinner and Ruby found a picture of her and her twin brother and brought it to me and pointed to herself, “Hey, I’m pretty!” I smile, as I know she has been listening to every single word we say.

In a world that is telling little girls and women of all ages, “you’re not enough” and “you’ll never measure up,” I want my daughter to know that her value extends way beyond what she sees in the mirror. Do I want my daughter to know she is beautiful? Absolutely. But most importantly, I want my little girl to be confident in the very person God uniquely made her to be. I want so much more for Ruby than self-confidence with her reflection in the mirror. I want her to know she is fearfully and wonderfully made and that God has a wonderful plan for her life.  In an ever-changing world of social media, standards and perfection, I long for her to know that the one thing that never changes, the one thing that remains constant is God’s unconditional love for her. In a world that is telling everyone that their value is found in what social media thinks about them, their appearance, employment or martial status, I want my daughter to not be fooled by this notion.

My prayer is that Ruby would know for certain that beauty isn’t just found in a pretty face. Rather, beauty comes in many forms-extending kindness, love and patience towards others, using the mind to bring about change in this world, being a strong voice for the oppressed and those who can’t speak for themselves, using humor to make others laugh, befriending those who don’t “fit in,” or using talents to bless someone. Instead of focusing all of her time and attention on cultivating outwardly beauty, my prayer is she would invest her time and energy in cultivating a beautiful soul, which can’t be done a part from Christ.

Some of the most beautiful people I’ve met had one trait in common: they cared less about what others think of them and invested their time directing others towards the ultimate source and creator of beauty-God. The National Geographic listed Antelope Island State Park in Syracuse, Utah as home to one of the most beautiful summer sunsets in the world. After a long day of traveling to this glorious spot, would it make any sense to pull out a mirror to look at yourself just as the sun is setting?  No, that would be considered foolishness. As the gorgeous colors were filling up the sky you would stand in awe and you would stare. You would realize the magnitude of beauty that is right before your eyes, as you point to your friends, “Wow! Look at that. Isn’t it the most beautiful sunset you’ve ever seen?”

Many of us have become so consumed by our insecurities and shortcomings that we forget our ultimate calling on this earth-to bring glory to God. We are constantly in the presence of the creator of beauty, the One who spoke the stars and sky into existence, and yet like the person pulling out their mirror during the most beautiful summer sunset, we forget. We forget that our calling on this earth isn’t to make a name for ourselves, but rather to move all attention and honor to Jesus. Do I still struggle with insecurities? Absolutely. But now I know where to fix my eyes-the author and perfector of my faith, Jesus Christ. God has the power to redeem us, transform our thinking and make us more like His Son, through His grace that was poured out for us. We forget because we stop looking at Christ. We forget because we look to other things and only find momentary satisfaction. In a world that is screaming, “Hey, look at me, look at me,” I want my daughter to know where her value comes from and to be able to say with confidence, “No, look at Him. Look at Christ.”

As mothers, this starts with us. If we long for our daughters to be confident that their purpose on this earth goes far beyond trivial things, than we have to lead by example. What is my daughter observing that I place my value in? Is she seeing that I treasure Christ above all else? Is she hearing me speak words of life and truth into our home?  Is she hearing mommy speak well of herself and other women? Or is she seeing a mama who is swayed by opinions and expectations of this world? I know for certain that our daughters are watching. They watching and they are listening. After all, my two-year-old daughter knows she’s a princess. I wonder who she heard that from?

Remembering God’s Fingerprints In Your Life

The other night, after I sang my sweet 2 year old baby girl to sleep, I walked into her twin brother’s room to tuck him in. I laid on the floor with my arm around him on his new, big boy, toddler bed. I was exhausted from the day and thought perhaps I could get away with just singing one verse of his favorite song. After I finished and I tried to get up, he wouldn’t let me go. He wrapped his little arm around my neck, pulled me in close, and said, “No mama, song! Stay. Snuggle.” He was so confident that mommy would stay with him and sing a few more songs because He knows me and that’s what I do every other night. My heart melted into a puddle right there on the floor as I continued singing to him and watched him slowly drift off to sleep.

I don’t have to look too far back in my life to see God’s fingerprints and be reminded of His provision and faithfulness. But unlike my son, who can remember how many songs I sing to him every night, sometimes I forget. Can you relate? After 430 years in slavery (Exodus 12:40), God delivered the Israelites out of Egypt and out from under Pharaoh’s rule in a mighty display of His power, dominion and glory. He sent 10 horrendous plagues, parted the Red Sea allowing the Israelites to escape from slavery into freedom, and when they were hungry God made bread fall from the sky (literally) (Exodus 16:4). But, they quickly forgot, complained and traded in the promises of God for broken cisterns that could not satisfy. And 2,000 years later, not really all that much has changed. We still behave like the Israelites who completely forgot and dismissed what the Lord did and said because our present circumstances aren’t quite unfolding the way we expect them too. 

Francis Chan refers to the forgetfulness of God’s promises and provisions as spiritual amnesia, an epidemic that none of us are immune to. You may be thinking, “If spiritual amnesia is inevitable than what can I do?” The author of Hebrews continually reminded them, “We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away (Hebrews 2:1). And again in Hebrews 3:6 and 3:14 he encourages them to “hold onto their original confidence.” Why would the author continually remind the Israelites to hold onto what they already know to be true?  He knew they needed to be continually reminded to REMEMBER what God has done and REMEMBER what God has said. The author of Hebrews knew the antidote for spiritual amnesia: remembering.

1. Remembering what God has said.
As a Christian, spending time with God in His word and through prayer are vital to your spiritual health. But, how can you remember what you do not know? As a busy wife, twin mom and adoption consultant, I’m constantly struggling to prioritize my schedule in such a way that allows for time in the Word and prayer. It’s tough and I’m sure it’s an art I will always be growing in. But, what a difference spending time in the Word does for my soul! During times of sickness, uncertainty, tragedy, doubt, loss, worry, fear, sadness, broken relationships, etc., God’s promises come to mind because I’ve buried them in my heart through continual reading and remembering.  Promises such as:

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
-Isaiah 43:2

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:19

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…”
-Ephesians 3:20

2. Remembering what God has done. 
In Joshua 3 we see how God, once again, parted the waters which provided access for the Israelites to walk through the Jordan River onto dry land.  They placed 12 stones from the riverbed and stacked them on the other side (Joshua 4), which served as a reminder to them and others of God’s faithfulness and provision.  I believe God places “Stones of Remembrance” in our life because He knows we are prone to forget. Remembering what God has done in our past, give us hope and confidence to trust Him with our future. Can you think of any “stones of remembrance” in your life or perhaps a time you remember where God was with you in a very tangible way?

  • Remember how God sustained you through a very difficult time.
  • Remember how God healed you or a loved one from physical illness.
  • Remember how God saved you from your sin and brought you into new life.
  • Remember how God provided for you in a very specific way.
  • Remember how God comforted you through a time of loss.

Roman and Ruby cry in the middle of the night because they know mommy and daddy are coming to rock them back to sleep. Roman runs towards me with arms wide open from across the room because he is confident that I will catch him! Ruby points out her “boo boo” to us because she knows we will make it better.  How can they be so sure that we will follow through? Our children know us and their confidence in our response comes through remembering.

Whether you’re sitting in the unknown and waiting, struggling with physical illness, trying to mend a broken relationship, experiencing financial issues, struggling with infertility or loss, dealing with the death of a loved one or in the process of adopting a child, whatever your circumstance may be; my prayer for you is that you would remember to remember. Remember what God has said. Remember what God has done. As stories of God’s faithfulness come to mind and you look back on His fingerprints in your life, I hope it will provide you with strength and confidence to trust Him with your present circumstances and your future.