Adoption & The Unknown Spaces

I’ve always lived in the unknown spaces in some respect. As a childhood and adult cancer survivor, I’ve spent my share of time waiting for answers from doctors, pathologists, surgeons and test results. In some ways I can see how waiting in the unknown spaces helped prepare me for some of what was to come in our adoption journey. As a former client of CAC and an adoption consultant, I know first-hand how difficult the journey can be. Those who have walked through the process before can testify to the fact that there are so many unknowns throughout every stage of the adoption process. 

Researching Adoption 
The unknown spaces greet you as soon as you begin researching adoption. “Who should we should we work with? An agency? An attorney? An adoption consultant? What type of questions should we be asking? How will we afford it? How do we know this agency/attorney is trustworthy? How long will it take? What’s a home study and why do we need one?” When my husband and I began researching adoption we quickly became overwhelmed and realized we didn’t know much about the process other than our desire to adopt. After calling a few different adoption agencies, we ultimately made the decision to move forward with Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC). We were so thankful that we had an adoption consultant who was holding our hand and guiding us through the entire process from start to finish. The unknown spaces became more manageable and less daunting because our consultant was constantly educating us on the process, answering our questions (we had a ton!) and providing helpful resources to us throughout our journey. 

Home Study Providers 
When you are beginning the home study questions may enter your head such as, “What is entailed in a home study? What kind of stuff will they be asking us about? How long will it take? How do I know I can trust this home study provider?” At CAC we connect our families with reputable home study providers in their state. The thought of a social worker coming into your home can seem a little intimidating at first because you don’t know what to expect. At CAC we help ease some of the unknowns and fears through addressing home study related questions and providing tips and advice on what to expect so that you feel more prepared going into your first interview. 

 Creative Financing Ideas 
The financial cost of adoption can prevents many from beginning the adoption process, but it doesn’t have to. “Where will the money come from? How will be able to afford adoption?” At CAC you are never left to figure out things on your own, as we provide our family with a list of low interest/ no interest adoption loans, adoption grants and fundraising ideas that have assisted thousands of families in raising funds for their adoption. I could share story after story of God’s faithfulness in providing for of our families. 

 Adoption Family Profile Book
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin!” This is one of the most common statements I hear when discussing a profile book with a family. The profile book is one of the most important pieces of the adoption process because it’s the only information an expectant mama will have to make her decision on. We have years of experience in creating beautiful and unique profile books for our families and we know what agencies and expectant/birth families are looking for. 

Applying to Agencies/Attorneys
If you were to do a google search for “adoption agencies” hundreds and hundreds of agencies will pop-up. You won’t be able to tell just by looking which ones provide ethical services and this is such an important aspect of the adoption process. At CAC our families have access to our thoroughly vetted agency list. Based on a family’s adoption preferences, we help eliminate some of the uncertainty in recommending which ones to apply to. We also are available to answer any questions that may arise about the agencies and attorneys.

 Adoption Risk Assessment 
Whatever route you choose to grow your family there will always be risk involved. Adoption is no exception. But at CAC you are not without our guidance. Our support team of 20 adoption professionals have over 120 years of combined experience. We’ve also assisted our families with 2,500 + adoptions. Our “doors” have been open since 2006 and we’ve learned a lot along the way. Therefore, we are equipped to help our families weigh the risks of every situation. Our team of adoption consultants have been trained to follow our company’s high standards and guidelines for ethical adoption practices. When my husband and I started seeing situations we were so grateful to have an adoption consultant point out risks to us that we otherwise would have been clueless about! 

Waiting  
There are ebbs and flows in adoption. Though our families do see more situations than others who are only working with one agency that does not always mean our families see situations every day or every week. However, because of our multi-agency approach our families do get more exposure and opportunities than if they were only working with one agency/attorney. When things feel a little more “ebbing” than “flowing” in the adoption process, in the unknown spaces it can be tempting to think God has forgotten you. But, He hasn’t. God is writing your story. It may not meet up with the timeline you had in mind, but I promise His plan for your family is good. His plan for your family is best. 

Hearing “No” 
Hearing “no” is never easy and can feel extremely discouraging at times. In the unknown it can be easy to think, “Are we ever going to get chosen? Is something wrong with our family?” Something I continually share with my families is “every no is leading to your yes.” Once you are holding your baby in your arms all of those “no’s” will finally makes sense, and the wait will be worth it! 

Hearing “Yes” (Matched)
It has finally happened-an expectant mother has chosen you to be the parents of her little one! This is a very exciting, overwhelming and emotional time. But, even still, I’ve heard families say this can be difficult time of waiting in the unknown. Thoughts like, “What if the expectant mother decides to parent? How should we be communicating with the expectant mother? What can we say? What should we not say?” I’m so grateful my husband and I had an amazing consultant who was able to address these questions for us and help speak truth into our fears. 

Traveling, Hospital & ICPC 
There can be so many unknowns during this time. At CAC we provide our families with information regarding travel, places to stay, packing list, hospital etiquette, and post- partum communication. We also provide our families with education on what to expect during ICPC. 

At CAC we cannot eliminate all of the unknowns in adoption-no adoption professional can. Although we can speak truth into many of your fears, there will always be some aspects of adoption that are just uncertain. Though I do not know how or when your story will unfold, I do know the One who does. Because I know my God has a plan and purpose for all things (Ephesians 1:11), I know that these unknown spaces are not wasted in adoption and are part of His good and loving plan for your family. Learning to trust Him in the unknown is a sanctifying process and one I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve learned that that these unknown spaces in life are very sacred moments where God continually draws us closer to Himself. Even though this will be difficult my prayer for you is to not wish away this time and trust God with your story. Dig deep into God’s word, prayer and seek out what He is teaching you through the unknown. Though the uncertainty and difficulty of this process may not make much sense to you now, I’m confident it will one day. 

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***