Adoption Story: Jamey + Sydnee

December 20, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Stories

It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being "too old" to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, "I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them." Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story:

I had someone that has only talked to me a handful of times ask me, “what kept you from giving up?” I immediately started crying. She knew our story of adoption, but she didn’t know all of the years that preceded. When she asked me that simple question, my mind was flooded with all the trials and tribulations from many years before that led up to receiving our precious daughter. So many times I wanted to quit, but there was an internal fight that would not let me. I could write about my many years of struggling with severe depression and anxiety wondering if I would ever be a mother. I could write about my husband not wanting children and our journey to come together and grow. I could write about miscarriage and pregnancy loss, or I could write about years of fertility treatments. God brought us to Him and gave us the strength to traverse and overcome each trying situation so that we could eventually become parents.

Oh the waiting! That was always the hardest part of all the troubled waters we navigated. Waiting for God to work on me, on Jamey, and on us. Waiting to hear His answer. Waiting on the outcome so that I could keep going and keep fighting. Waiting on the next attempt at parenthood and starting the process all over again. It truly is God’s waiting room. We had to learn what to do and how to handle our time there. We had to grow and wait on His perfect timing. Meditation, prayer, and music were essential. These lyrics by Tenth Avenue North were comforting in the waiting –

As I walk this great unknown, Questions come and questions go, Was there purpose for the pain? Did I cry these tears in vain? I don’t want to live in fear, I want to trust that You are near, Trust Your grace can be seen, In both triumph and tragedy. I have this hope, In the depth of my soul, In the flood or the fire, You’re with me and You won’t let go.

When we decided it was time to give our all to adoption, I remember finding Christian Adoption Consultant’s website and calling from a conference room at work. Kelly answered and talked to me about CAC, her journey and listened to our story. Luckily, I had a handkerchief with me. I immediately knew that we needed to work with her and CAC! And, just to mention that I had already talked to 3 other consultant groups before talking to Kelly. Working with CAC and Kelly was the best decision we made! She guided us every step of the way, and prayed with us and for us! We’re beyond grateful for CAC and for all that Kelly did to help us find our way to our daughter!

Jamey was always on board with adoption, but he never wanted biological children. I always knew I wanted to adopt, but my dream was to have a biological child and adopt a child. It took a lot of work on our part and on God’s part for us to come together even after 20 years of marriage, but we did and are closer and stronger than ever before. When we started this journey, memories from my early childhood came back. I remember my mother telling me stories about when I would have a child, and I would correct her and tell her I wasn’t having children that I was going to adopt. We did end up trying everything possible to have a biological child but that was not God’s plan.

The song that helped during this time is by Lauren Daigle – Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at Your feet, Every moment of my wandering, Never changes what You see, I’ve tried to win this war, I confess, My hands are weary, I need Your rest, Mighty warrior, King of the fight, No matter what I face, You’re by my side. When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move, When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through, When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You, I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.

The adoption journey is not an easy one, but every single time, God shows up and there is grace, mercy, and beauty beyond comprehension. We presented to expectant mothers several times and were not chosen, which was so hard. It was tempting to ask why, wondering what was wrong with us, but instead we would shift and pray for God’s will and trust in His plan and His timing. We presented to a situation where the baby was due in just 10 days and we were chosen. We were beyond excited and so hopeful! We met the expectant mother twice before her delivery and felt so purposefully connected to her. Since this was only a couple of hours from our home, we arrived at the hospital before this baby girl was born. We visited with the family and were so elated to meet and love on this sweet baby. We also spent the next day at the hospital. On the 3rd day, we arrived in the morning expecting to bring our baby girl home and we were asked to leave the hospital because the mother was struggling. We went to a park and prayed for help and guidance, until we received the call that the mother had decided to parent. Feeling completely devastated, we drove back to the hospital to give her the car seat, so that she could bring her baby home. We had to process this loss and grieve this baby girl. I do believe that this happened for a reason and that we played a part in this birth mother’s difficult decision. We immediately loved her unconditionally and continue to pray for her and her baby girl.

This song by Hillary Scott helped during this time – I believe that You are God alone, But sometimes I still try to take control, ‘Cause I get scared when I can’t see the end, And all You want from me is to let go. You’re parting waters, Making a rain for me, You’re moving mountains that I don’t even see, You’ve answered my prayer before I even speak, All You need for me to be is still.

Two and a half months later, we felt ready to present our profile and we were once again chosen. Though we were excited, we were cautious with our emotions. We spoke to the expectant mother on the phone and found out that it was going to be a baby boy. She went into labor about 3 weeks after we were matched, and we got the call to go home and pack since this was several states away. We waited to hear that we could head that way, and that call never came. The news we heard was that the baby was born and the mother was struggling with her decision. At the end of the week, we heard that she decided to parent. We had to pick ourselves up once again and find strength to keep going.

The song I listened to after this was by Danny Gokey – I’ve been running through rain, That I thought would never end, Trying to make it on faith, In a struggle against the wind, I’ve seen the dark and the broken places, But I know in my soul, No matter how bad it gets, I’ll be alright. There’s a hope in front of me, There’s a light, I still see it, There’s a hand still holding me, Even when I don’t believe it, I might be down but I’m not dead, There’s better days still up ahead, Even after all I’ve seen, There’s a hope in front of me.

I was finding it harder and harder to hold on to the fight, but God kept reminding us to not give up. On October 16, I was especially struggling, so I went to mass at Noon and prayed that if we were not meant to be parents, for God to please send me a clear sign because I was so tired. I went back to work and was headed to the gym that afternoon when I received a call from an agency. I was told that there was a baby girl born 2 days prior and that our profile was shown to the birth mother and father and that we were chosen! She said she needed to know right away because the baby could be discharged that day. We were on a plane the next morning! We had to pack, buy plane tickets, find a place to stay, and choose a name for our daughter! We met her on October 17 and left the hospital that day with her.

She was truly worth all that we went through! We stay in touch with our daughter’s birth parents and we love them so much! We got to meet them and visit with them a couple of months ago. During our visit we learned that my daughter, her birth mother, and my birthdays are all in October and my husband and our daughter’s birth father’s birthdays are in March. We are so thankful for an open adoption. God weaves the most beautiful tapestry of life for us.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Guest Post: Adoption Isn't A Way To Get Pregnant

November 12, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Infertility & Adoption

The moment the nurse placed him in my arms, I knew we belonged to each other. All the tears and frustrations of the past several years pooled into a fountain of joy. Now I understood why God has us wait for a baby: So we could have this baby.

After my husband and I struggled with infertility, the Lord blew us away with His kindness and matched us with a loving birthmother. Through her brave choice, He gave us a son.

People were happy for us. They threw us showers, brought meals, and eagerly cuddled our son. Yet amid the celebration, we heard comments hinting at something better to come. A wink here, a nudged elbow there, the crack of a smile implying special intuition. I cringed every time someone uttered the words:

“Now that you’ve adopted, you’ll get pregnant. It happens all the time.”

No. No, it doesn’t happen all the time. Research on pregnancy after infertility doesn’t account for couples who adopt before getting pregnant. From a scientific standpoint, this idea is a myth.

People who say this mean well. They’re trying to give you hope that your longing for a biological child will be fulfilled. What they don’t understand is that this myth devalues adoptees. It regards the process of adoption as inferior to biological procreation, and an adopted child as less desirable than a biological child.

Regardless of good intentions, statements like “Just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant” hurt people. They question couples’ family-building decisions, treat children as a means to an end, and reject the core Christian belief that God created all human beings in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Every life matters to God. He calls us as His image bearers to respect and preserve the dignity of every single person. No matter how a child is brought into a family, he or she is worthy of value to the Lord and to the world.

God grows families through both pregnancy and adoption. The varied makeup of the earthly families he builds reflects the diversity of our spiritual family. We come from different backgrounds, far-flung places, and widely ranging walks of life, all broken and in need of rescue. By sending Christ to die in our place and raise to new life, God gave us the right to be called His adopted children. As He welcomed us into His family, so we can embrace and appreciate the mosaic of families he forms in the world.

Through earthly adoption, God does more than unite parents with children. He provides a path to redeem some of the damage the Fall inflicted on childbearing and family unity. He takes crises like infertility, unexpected pregnancy, and children who are orphaned or otherwise at risk and transforms them into opportunities for restoration.

As with any earthly process, adoption isn’t perfect. It can’t completely “fix” these problems. Yet the creation of a family born of loss renders hope for a broken world groaning to be made anew (Romans 8:19). Like with our spiritual adoption, we need earthly adoption to claim the family wholeness we crave.

Viewing adoption as secondary to biological procreation diminishes a beautiful process whereby God works redemption. Rather than a lesser means to a better end, adoption is a resolution, a responsibility, a calling, and a gift. It’s an end unto itself and should be appreciated as a providential plan. John Piper describes the intrinsic worth of both ways God designs a family:

“In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But it does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth.”

Although it’s rare, some couples do get pregnant after adopting. It happened to us. I have no explanation for it, other than to say God worked another miracle after the first miracle of bringing our oldest son through adoption. We’re grateful for how he formed our family using different paths at different times.

Wherever you’re at on the path of adoption, be prepared to encounter the myth that adoption leads to pregnancy. Even if infertility isn’t part of your story, you’ll hear it tossed around as a platitude or joke.

While it’s frustrating to be told such a harmful cliché, try to approach the situation as an opportunity to educate others. Tell them that a child who is adopted isn’t a consolation prize for parents who couldn’t conceive. Give them a clearer picture of adoption, acknowledging the risks and flaws while also highlighting the value and beauty of this path.

Ask the Lord to give you boldness and gentleness to correct the myth. Help others see the glorious ways God chooses to grow a family, that they might glorify your Father in heaven.

Jenn Hesse is a writer, wife, and mother through adoption and pregnancy. She is the content director at a national infertility support ministry called Waiting in Hope, and has a passion for equipping others to know Christ through His Word. She writes at jennhesse.com and other Christian publications.

Getting Through Mother's Day After A Loss

May 09, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Infertility & Adoption

It’s the day before Mother’s Day and I have so many women on my mind who are struggling with infertility and loss. As I was praying for these sweet ladies, a post I wrote over 6 years ago, 2 months after our miscarriage, kept coming to mind. I don’t know who needs to hear these words, but I’m confident someone does.

May 10, 2014

This would have been my very first Mother’s Day with a little baby growing inside of me, but here I am in my bed, weighed down by a mountain of grief, unable to put my feet on the floor. I have been praying that God would give me (and others) strength to get through tomorrow, but I know it will still sting. This Mother’s Day will be a reminder of the loss of our baby. It will be a reminder of a broken dream. Mothers will post pictures of their “Mother’s Day” gifts and “Mother’s Day” lunches (as they should). It is something to be celebrated. Young mothers will get homemade drawings from their little ones and husbands will buy their wives a bouquet of flowers (as they should). Mother’s Day will be difficult for me to celebrate this year because it will be a constant reminder of our loss.

On this Mother’s Day, please honor your mothers, but don’t forget about those who have had a miscarriage or are struggling with infertility. Also, be mindful that many women (and men) have lost their mother or child. It may be difficult for them to be joyous on this occasion-so be understanding if they do not appear to be as “celebratory” as you. Be sensitive, gracious and very mindful of your words. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24). A simple: “I am praying for you” is more than sufficient.

To the women (and men) who are stung by a loss or infertility, please know it is more than ok (and quite normal) to struggle with feelings of anger and sadness-especially on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to dress yourself with a fake smile. Take your thoughts, take your sadness, take your frustration, take your brokenness, take it all to the feet of your Savior. He is a good Father. He is the best listener and He never gets tired of wiping your tears. I know your heart may feel broken and shattered into a million pieces, but our God is the Great Physician and He will help you.

A week after my miscarriage, I wrote a very honest letter to the Lord. I am not going to share all of it now (maybe one day), but I would like to disclose a portion with you:

“Where do I go from here? Where do we go from here? Great question. All I know is this: We are going to keep loving Jesus. And when we need to cry….we are going to cry. And when anger overcomes us we aren’t going to suppress it, but rather we will bring those feelings before the Lord, for He understands. We will keep running to the Ultimate healer who is more than able to restore our broken hearts.”

On this Mother’s Day don’t forget about those who are struggling with pain from prior losses or infertility. Pray for them. Pray that the Lord would bring complete healing to their soul. To all of the AMAZINGLY courageous women who contacted me after I shared about our miscarriage, sharing similar experiences, I will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow. I have found myself asking, “Lord, how am I going to get through the day tomorrow? It is just going to be an overwhelming reminder of our loss.” The Lord brought me to HIS WORD: “God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns” (Psalm 46:5). Remember: The Lord is walking with you tomorrow and if you need Him to…He will carry you through this storm. You are never alone.

10 Years After Open-Heart Surgery

January 23, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Faith, Infertility

Yesterday, I logged into an old blog of mine from 2010. I had begun writing it as a means to keep my family and friends updated on my health. In February of that year I had a mini-stroke that lead to a dozen specialists conducting dozens of tests on a seemingly healthy 22 year old girl. After a week of tests and rarely being allowed to leave my hospital bed, the puzzle was finally solved. A tumor was sitting on my mitral valve and a tiny piece of the tumor had broken off and made it's way up to my brain, causing a mini-stroke.

Last night I stayed up pretty late reading all the posts I wrote before and after my surgery. And I was amazed. I was amazed to read about the work God was doing in my heart as I was walking through so many unknowns. I was amazed to read about all the prayer warriors that were interceding for healing on my behalf. I was amazed at the kindness and tender care provided from the hospital staff, friends, family and even strangers. As I was reading through each post I had flashbacks of that 22 year old sitting on those itchy, bleach white hospital sheets waiting to learn what her future would hold.

Doctors and nurses were in and out of my room the entire week. They were drawing blood, taking me for another MRI and other various tests. There was discussion about what type of valve replacement I would require. There were explanations for how the medication I may need would affect my fertility. There were even talks of how, if I choose a certain valve, I would require another open heart surgery in 8-10 years. The surgery itself, and what doctors would find, was not altogether known. They explained that during open heart surgery they would stop my heart and that I would be kept alive through a bypass machine.

It would have been completely understandable if I was paralyzed with fear. But I wasn't. Yes, I was scared at times, but I wasn't consumed by it. And last night as I was reading through every word of every post, one thing was very evident: Christ was sustaining me. I wasn't an insanely strong human being and I didn’t just pull myself up by my boot straps and keep chugging along. But I had an entire army of brothers and sisters pleading with Lord on my behalf. They were praying for my physical healing. They were also praying that He would be my peace, hope and source of strength and that in all things God would be glorified. It was His grace overflowing into every corner of my heart that enabled me to trust Him. His loving and gracious hand was holding me above the raging waters. It wasn't that I was oblivious to my surroundings; I just had this peace-filled confidence. I knew that regardless of what was on the other side of this surgery, I was safe and secure in the shadow of His wings.

I had this overwhelming sense that someone else needed this reminder today. I know I did. Whatever you are going through right now - relationship challenges, parenting issues, financial hardships, health issues, grieving a loss, dealing with uncertainty and doubt - God will sustain you. That’s worth repeating. God sustains those who trust in Him. Dear friend, you also weren’t created to walk this road alone. Reach out to a friend and ask for them to pray with you. Prayer changes things. I’m a walking example.

With Love,
Kelly

Generalizing Perspectives In Adoption

January 17, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

There are countless perspectives about adoption. This makes a lot of sense to me, as there are three parties to consider-the adoptee, the birth mother/family, and the adoptive parents. I have noticed an unhealthy trend in the adoption community. The best phrase I can use to describe it is this: "generalizing perspectives in adoption." Often times we hear of an adoptee, birth mother or adoptive family's experience in adoption and we mistakenly conclude that must be true for every situation. However, that belief is false. We must be careful not to make blanket assumptions about any part of the triad because in doing so we are unknowingly contributing to stereotypes/generalizations.

For example, let's say you meet a couple who has chosen adoption as a means to grow their family because they have struggled with infertility. Then, you go on to assume that all couples or most who pursue adoption have struggled with infertility as well. Now while many couples who struggle with infertility do walk down this path, I work with a lot of families, both small and large, who are not infertile, but have chosen the path of adoption.

The same is true of adoptee and birth mother perspectives. If you hear an adoptee speak about their story and how they feel about their adoption, you can't conclude that all adoptees feels the same way about adoption that this person does. This just isn't true. I have many friends who were adopted and I can tell you that each of their experiences and opinions are different and no story is like the next. Similarly, no two birth mother/parents opinions and experiences are exactly the same. Just because you read about one birth mother's perspectives on adoption, does not mean that every birth mother views adoption the way that she does.

As an adoption consultant I get asked a ton of questions about adoption on a daily basis. Of course it's my job and I love answering questions, but sometimes I can pick up on these stereotypes just by the type of questions someone will ask. "So most birth mothers are teenagers, right?" False. Only about 25% of birth mothers/parents are teenagers. I get asked similar questions like this about the "type" of birth mothers our families place with and the truth is they are all different with varying backgrounds, preferences, ethnicities, stories, hobbies, hopes and dreams. There isn't one "type" of birth mother.

Perhaps you read an adoption story about a family whose journey to their child wasn't easy. They waited two years and went through 2 failed adoptions before they brought their child home. You don't want to go through what this family went through! While no adoption is risk-free or easy, you can't assume that your story will look like anyone else's. Every adoption is unique and different. How do I know that? Because every potential adoptive parent, expectant/birth parent and adoptee are unique and different.

It's important that we listen and respect the voices of all parties of the adoption triad and their differing experiences and perspectives. But let's be careful not to assume that everyone holds the same opinions and experiences that one person does. God crafted each and every person so uniquely and special. And we are all fearfully and wonderfully made by God and each have our own experiences and opinions that we bring to the table. Let's give space to learn from a variety of perspectives.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Adoption Story: Jon + Amy

November 13, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Stories

I had the honor of walking with Jon and Amy through the adoption process from beginning to end! I remember the very first time I spoke with Amy on the phone! She was so kind and easy to talk to. I was amazed by her vulnerability and openness in sharing about the journey that led them to adoption. Jon and Amy, I’m amazed by your strength, faith and trust in God throughout this entire process. It was very evident that your hope was in the One who was writing your story and not your circumstances. I pray Amy’s words would be a source of encouragement and joy to you wherever you are on your journey.

Jon and I have two biological sons. We always knew our hearts had more love to share with another child. After experiencing serious medical complications with our second son at birth, we didn’t know if we would ever have more children. We put it in God’s hand and after many years of trying to grow our family, he opened the door to adoption for us….and we followed Him through it.

In January 2018, a friend of ours who had recently adopted, recommended that we call Christian Adoption Consultants for a consultation call. We were in the very early stages of considering adoption when I called and spoke to Kelly Todd. There was an instant connection, like I was talking to someone I had known forever! She answered all of our questions and put our concerns at ease. Our initial plan was to call a few places and do our research before signing on with one place. CAC was our first phone call and our last!! We felt so good after that initial call with Kelly Todd and we signed on a few days later!!

Kelly was so incredibly helpful right from the start. She made us the most beautiful profile book and helped us find a home study agency which we adored! I was constantly texting her or emailing her questions and thoughts as they came up and she was always so quick to answer!

We were home study ready in April 2018 and immediately started seeing situations. Over the next few months, we presented to a few situations however kept hearing that expectant mama had chosen another family. I will admit, we weren’t prepared for how difficult that part was going to be with each time feeling like a loss of someone we already cared for. Kelly was always there to encourage us, pray for us and push us to trust in God’s timing. Our faith was definitely strengthened during this waiting period and I am thankful for the gentle nudging that she continued to give us.

In September of 2018, we received a situation about a baby that had already been born. We chose to present! As we were writing a letter to her birth mother, I felt so connected to her. It felt different than the previous times and I just knew in my heart and soul that this was it! Two days after presenting, we got the call that we had been chosen!! 24 hours later, we hopped on a plane to go meet this sweet little girl!

Ours boys came with us which was incredibly special! We communicated very openly with them about the adoption journey from the beginning and having them by our sides on our way to go meet our daughter and their sister was something we will never forget and always be grateful for.

On September 15th, the sweetest little girl was placed in our arms. I will never forget the joy and emotion that was felt in that very moment. We had prayed for this child for so long and our hearts were literally bursting with joy.

We were initially told that her birth mama wanted a closed adoption which we felt sad about however little did we know that more prayers would be answered. We were told by the agency, that her birth mama really wanted to meet us after all! The following day, we had the great privilege to meet her for lunch and get to know her more. It was one of the most beautiful and unforgettable moments we have ever experienced and we feel so blessed to have had this opportunity.

This journey was not an easy one but our family learned so much about life and love. It has changed us in ways we never could have imagined. We will forever be grateful to Abigail’s birth mother for giving us the honor and privilege to parent this sweet girl and to God for His faithfulness throughout all of this.

Ready to Learn More?
I’d love to hear your story and help you explore how Christian Adoption Consultants can simplify the adoption process for your family. Send me an email at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com, and we can set up a time to connect. Whether you’re just starting to consider adoption or you’re ready to take the next step, I’m here to guide and encourage you every step of the way!

Adoption Story: John + Lindsay

October 02, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Stories

It was such an honor to walk John and Lindsay through the adoption process. I was in tears reading through their adoption story. Lindsay was so honest, raw and vulnerable in sharing their journey and I know you will be encouraged as I have been by their faith and trust in God. They were chosen by their son’s birth mother a month after being home study ready, and their baby boy was born 8 weeks early, just a few weeks after being matched. As you will read below, their story is filled with joy, heartache, ups and downs, twists and turns, but every moment of waiting led them to their miracle baby boy, Elijah.

Our adoption story started out with a lot of heartache, frustration, and disappointment. We had been married for about a year when we started to try to have children biologically. After about two years of month after month of continually receiving negative results, we decided it was time to have some testing done. The doctors could not find anything wrong with either one of us, which was in a way even more disappointing. We were hoping they would find something they could fix easily. But, unexplained infertility? What does that even mean? We completed several rounds of artificial insemination, and again we were unsuccessful.

At this point, our marriage was not doing so well, as this was really getting to both of us. We did not handle it together like we should have and we had stopped going to church at some point along our infertility journey. But someone must have been praying for us. Because just when we needed it more than ever, God sent us a new pastor and he and his wife were young with three young children. Of course when we heard it, we thought, "just what we need is to be around a happy young family." Needless to say, we did not get back to church until about six months after they had arrived. We hit it off fairly quickly with him and his wife, and we believe that if it had not been for them, our marriage was headed down a rocky road. We quickly became very close with them and their three beautiful children. Looking back on it now, we know that God brought us together to show us how much we could love children that were not biologically ours.

During the couple years of spending time with our pastor and his family, we also had decided stop worrying about getting pregnant. Of course, that was easier said than done, as it was always in the back of our minds. At some point during this time we were both saved by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. It completely changed us both. It still took awhile for God to convince us that adoption was the route for us, mainly due to my (Lindsay) stubborn nature. We had touched base with Kelly Todd at Christian Adoption Consultants in February of 2018, but decided it was not time yet. Again, my stubbornness. It took a lot more heartache and some bouts with depression before God finally picked me back up and helped us to make the first step.

In January of 2019 we officially signed on with CAC. At this point, it was exciting but scary. All we could do was be obedient to God by doing things one step at a time because the big picture was incredibly overwhelming. Kelly was a gift from God! Her strength and incredible faith kept us going and helped us to persevere when there were many times that we wanted to give up.

By May of 2019, we were home study ready! Kelly was getting ready to begin our profile to show to expectant mothers, when we happened upon a local woman who was looking for a family for her baby. The way it happened, through a friend of a friend, we knew it had to be God’s doing. The next six weeks were a whirlwind, and we still faced more heartache. We would lose touch with birth mom and think she had changed her mind. We thought she lost the baby at one point as well and we had to grieve the loss for about 24 hours. Then in the middle of June we got the call that birth mom had delivered eight weeks early. We were so excited and nervous. We showed up at the hospital about five hours after our beautiful little miracle was born. We have been with him ever since. After five long weeks of time in the NICU, we brought him home on July 18, 2019!

Throughout all of it God was so faithful. Looking back, He was holding our hands the entire time and He had it all planned out. From a nurse who prayed with us when we needed it the most to another nurse who gave us a gas card because she had heard our story and wanted to perform a random act of kindness. And then there was Kelly and her wonderfully strong faith and encouraging words through it all. She was always there when we needed it most and we believe that God spoke to us so many times through her.

As we reflect back, we know that all of it was part of God’s plan to bring us to our son. From the heartache and marriage problems, to the being saved and coming to know Jesus, it was a crazy ride, but we are stronger now because of it. Our marriage is stronger and our faith is stronger. We know that God is in control and He is faithful. All we have to do is let go of our plans, to not be afraid to step out of our comfort zones, and to be obedient to His plan for our lives. All it takes is one small “Yes!” to God.

Adoption Story: Jim + Julie

September 17, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Stories

It was such a pleasure getting to know Jim and Julie throughout their journey through adoption. I’m so blessed to work with such amazing families and this sweet couple was no exception! I remember the first time I spoke with them. Prior to signing on with Christian Adoption Consultants they had been working with other agencies for about 5 years and during that time had experienced a great deal of loss and heartache. But their strength in the Lord and perseverance throughout was so very evident. They were chosen about 10 months after signing on with CAC to be the parents of their sweet baby girl. I’m honored and grateful to have Julie on the blog tonight sharing the story that led them to their daughter.

After twelve years of marriage, my husband Jim and I decided to begin our family. We didn’t really consider that it wouldn’t happen easily and quickly, and we spent about the next three years doing multiple rounds of infertility treatments. We had a glimmer of hope with one pregnancy, but heartbreak soon followed with a devastating miscarriage. It took some time, but one more round of IVF later, we realized that we just wanted a family, however that came about. Though our hearts were still healing from our miscarriage and the inability to become pregnant, we simultaneously became increasingly excited and encouraged about the prospect of adoption.

Again, we were not prepared for how long our adoption journey would take. We signed up with a local facilitator, which resulted in several broken matches. We then signed up with an adoption attorney, and this also resulted in two broken matches. After about four years, we decided to investigate other avenues. A California agency recommended we look into Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC), as we already had a home study. We called, and CAC sounded encouraging, but we decided to stick it out with our facilitator a little longer. Looking back, we believe our depression over years of failed attempts to have children made signing up with a new adoption provider seem overwhelming and daunting, like starting from scratch. We felt discouraged and weren’t sure that God even wanted us to have kids, but we both felt the Holy Spirit encouraging us to not give up yet. And thankfully, God placed people in our lives to encourage us to keep going.

Within a year, we called CAC again and spoke to Kelly Todd, who would become our adoption consultant. She listened to our story, and dispelled some of our fears, such as us being too old to be picked by an expectant mom. We were encouraged and excited after speaking to her, and finally signed up with CAC. One of the most helpful things for us was Kelly’s detailed feedback on our already existing profile book. After years of working on and updating it ourselves, it was incredible to have her expertise help us fine tune it, so it showed the best and most complete picture of what we had to offer a child. She also proofread the letters we wrote to expectant moms we were hoping to be matched with – also invaluable. It was just great to have someone walking through each of these steps with us, answering our questions, checking in on us, and praying for us.

Less than a year after having signed up with CAC, we received a call that we had been chosen by an expectant mom that we had written to! We were shocked and overjoyed. Could this really finally be happening? We cautiously began making preparations, as our baby’s birth mom was due to give birth in a month. We texted and Skyped with her and felt compassion for her and her circumstances. While I always knew I’d be grateful to the woman who blessed us with a baby, I was concerned that I might also feel insecure, or even jealous. But I believe the Lord worked on my heart and I very quickly felt protective of her and wanted to assure her that she would play a role in her baby’s life.

When our daughter’s birth mom gave birth several weeks later, we hurriedly packed the car, and drove the 8 ½ hours, though the mountains, in the middle of the night. We were excited, still in shock, and terrified all at the same time! We couldn’t believe we might actually be parents soon. We arrived a few hours after the birth, and then had to wait the three days until she could legally be placed with us. I, in particular, was so worried about another broken match. I could see our baby’s birth mom’s sadness and we hurt for her. But, we continued guarding our hearts, and just couldn’t let ourselves get emotional until the baby was actually placed with us. When it happened on day three, it was a mix of emotions, as we couldn’t fathom everything our daughter’s birth mother was going through. But we were also so grateful and honored that she chose us to be her daughter’s mommy and daddy forever.

It has been a much longer journey than we expected to begin our family. However, as painful as parts have been, we don’t believe it was wasted time. God grew us both over the years. We learned to persevere, and that with God’s presence, we could handle more than we thought possible. We also were forced to trust God, and give up the illusion of control. We have struggled with fear along this journey, and we believe God purposefully allowed us to be in situations where we had absolutely no control, so that we would learn to trust Him. Finally, we experienced, up close, God’s comfort and kindness for us. Not just when we finally became parents, but in the eight years before. He consistently put friends in our lives who prayed for us, checked in our how we were doing after setbacks, encouraged us to continue, and did thoughtful things, like bringing me sunflowers on Mother’s Day. It made us realize, like never before, that God sees us in our suffering. Every tear we shed in our desire for a child, God was right there, loving us, and wanting us to turn to Him. Though this timeline is not what we would have thought we wanted, we are so grateful that God loved us enough to do what’s best for us. We would encourage anyone who is pursuing adoption to persevere in hope, trust Him in painful and uncertain moments, and seek His heart and will for you. If you do these things, you and your story will be in His hands, and there is no better place to be.

Adoption Story: Cody + Bristi

September 13, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I remember the very first time I spoke with Bristi on the phone. She was kind, funny, friendly, and so open about their life and how they came to the adoption process. We instantly bonded over the fact that both of our husband’s were in the ministry! Cody and Bristi were chosen by their son’s birth mother 6 months after their home study was completed. They brought their son, Cainan, home with them a few months later. It was such a joy and an honor to walk with them through the adoption process. Bristi has shared their adoption story with such honesty and vulnerability. I know you will be encouraged as you read her words below.

Before my husband and I ever talked about marriage we talked about how we wanted to adopt one day. I (Bristi) have wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember. After having 3 biological children, we felt that God was encouraging us to start the adoption process. We had absolutely no idea where to start. God placed a couple of families in our church that had used Christian Adoption Consultants, so we decided to look into that. After we applied we got a phone call from Kelly Todd. We honestly had no clue what we were doing and Kelly was so patient and able to answer all of our questions and help guide us through the process. We used CAC for all of our paperwork and to create our profile book, which was a huge help! Any questions we had when it came to whether or not to present to a situation were answered and we never felt like we needed to doubt the advice that was given us. Kelly made it feel like we were talking to a close friend who had been through this before and knew the ins and outs of it all.

We went active in April and had high hopes of being matched quickly. After the first “no” we started to doubt that any expectant mom would choose us because we already had 3 biological children. Satan likes to use any seed of doubt he can. We presented to three or four situations and all of them were “no’s” and we started to doubt that God had even called us to adopt. We received a situation over a holiday weekend while we were out of town. When we saw it, we both immediately wanted to present. That next week we got a phone call from the agency and I answered my phone, expecting a no, but instead were told she had chosen us! I was speechless and couldn’t hold the tears back. I called my husband who was at work and we both sat on the phone in silent shock. Although the wait wasn’t easy, we knew that God’s timing was perfect. After the shock wore off we remember being nervous and excited all at the same time! We got the opportunity to Skype with our son’s birth mom a few times before heading down to meet them in December for his birth.

The waiting period leading up to December was not easy and had plenty of emotions to go with it, but it was nothing compared to the birth of our son. There were so many ups and downs. I was honored to be in the delivery room with our son’s birth mom for the c-section. I will always keep those moments etched into my mind as they are very sacred and special. Seeing our son’s birth mother make one of the most difficult decisions of her life was heart wrenching.

During this time we wanted to make sure she knew how amazing and strong she was regardless of what she decided, as we knew he wasn’t our son until consents were signed. That time of waiting was more difficult than we anticipated. Our case worker at the agency was great at helping us to know when to be with our son’s birth mom and when to let her have her time. We were able to have our own room in the hospital, which was such a sweet blessing.

The day she was supposed to sign was such a difficult day. We knew it was going to be extremely hard for her. Kelly was so sweet to be on standby to pray. We were a nervous wreck. Knowing that the sweet baby boy that we had grown to love more than anything in the last two days could potentially not be ours was almost more than we could handle, but at the same time we couldn’t even imagine all of the heavy emotions she was going through. But then we got the call. We got the call from our case worker saying that she had signed and we could come get our son from the hospital. It was surreal walking back into the hospital after everything that had happened that day, but everyone was so accommodating and compassionate towards us that all of the nervous, anxious feeling we had melted away.

Words fail to express how grateful we are for our son’s birth mother. The love she has shown us has been incredible. We are blown away by her strength and selflessness. We truly love our son’s birth mother and see her as a part of our family. She has given us the sweetest, most wonderful gift we could have ever dreamed of. We have an open adoption and get messages from her around every 3 months. We plan to visit her after the new year. Our son, Cainan, has been such a blessing to our entire family. Our kids love being his big brother and sister! He is so loved!

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A big thank you to CAC and Kelly Todd for walking with us through this journey. If you are considering adoption and don’t know where to start, start with CAC. The guidance you will receive is priceless. The process is overwhelming and can be very stressful at times, but in the end it is more than worth it and with CAC by your side it helps share the load. We would do it all again if God calls us to, and we wouldn’t hesitate to use CAC!

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Thoughts On Adoption From An Adoptee & Birth Mother

September 09, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

I’m so honored to share a guest post from Jori Reid. Jori is a birth mother to an amazing 10 year old girl and they have an open adoption. As an adoptee, she also reunited with her birth mother after 21 years. Jori and her husband have 4 children, including twin girls! She is excited to share her unique perspective on adoption with you! I hope her words will be an encouragement to you, as they have been to me.

Adoption has always been a part of my life. I was born to one mother and then was raised by another. Both are amazing and wonderful in their own right. I was adopted from foster care when I was six months old in the 80’s when open adoption was still pretty non-existent. And so I grew up knowing very little about my biological family.

While in college in 2008, I became a birth mother when I placed my oldest daughter for adoption. It was a title I never thought I would share with my own birth mother. I have learned so much in the last 11 years. Since I am two parts of the adoption triad, I think I have a unique perspective. I would like to share with you 5 things I want you about adoption from the perspective of an adoptee and birth mom.

Adoption begins with loss. To be completely honest, it took me a while to see and feel this one, but it doesn't make it any less true. My birth mother left the hospital 32 years ago with empty arms and a broken heart while I stayed there without her. When I was first adopted my mom said I had a hard time adjusting to my new environment and didn’t smile much. Loss and trauma can present in many different ways and times. As a birth mother, I experienced the loss of my daughter when I got on the plane to fly back home after I relinquished my rights and the adoption became final. Yet, I also feel the loss on many occasions like a holiday or a completely random day. It hurts me to my core knowing I caused the pain my daughter feels or will feel, even though we have an open adoption. As parents it’s important to recognize adoption for all that it is and be able to sit with our children in their trauma and get them further help if needed. Doing research, joining a support group and/or finding a therapist can all make a difference.
Adoption is a choice. After reuniting with my birth mom 10 years ago I was able to hear first hand why she placed me for adoption. It was so healing for me. She chose to place me for adoption so I could have a different life. Not necessarily better just different. I too chose adoption for the same reason. It was the best choice for us at that time in my life. So now 11 years into our adoption journey I am still healing, growing, and learning. I live with my choice every single day and try to make the best of it that I can.
Adoption is about love and so is DNA. Adoption is created with love. The love of a girl/woman. The love of a baby/child. The love surrounding a family. But that’s not all it is. Adoption is family. It is history. It is DNA. It is biology. A child’s DNA matters. Growing up and filling out family history paperwork at any medical office and having to write N/A or unknown was hard. Everytime. I was always curious about my biological family. I had a void where that piece of me was missing. I always wondered if I looked or acted like them. I used to fantasize about my ethnicity and where my ancestors came from. As a birth mom, when my oldest daughter was born I had no information to give her parents about my side of the family at the time. Then, when she was six months old I reunited with my birth mom. It was such an incredible time in my life. To have that void filled and to learn about my history that no one but her could share was amazing. To be clear, just because I found and reunited with parts of my biological family does not mean I love my family or parents any less. They raised me to be who I am. I am equal parts of both of my families and am so grateful for that.
What you say about adoption matters. In society today it’s so very easy to offend someone by saying the wrong thing. But I feel most of the time people have no idea they are offending. So what’s the solution? Educate your on positive adoption language. If you don’t who will? Many times I have heard people say, “ I could never GIVE UP my baby” and and I would just cringe. Then I would politely say, “Did you know the correct term is placed a child and not gave up?” It’s a very simple, kind and direct way to educate. Words do matter and have profound power.
Teach your children about diversity. Transracial adoptions are very common. And it’s very imperative that children are taught families come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

Adoption is a never ending journey. We in the adoption community have a responsibility to the triad. We have a responsibility to adoptees to remind them that they are loved unconditionally. We have a responsibility to help them remember that their voice and story matter. We have a responsibility to birth parents to remind them that they are loved during and after placement. And that this love does not just exist for who they created, but for who they are. Birth mothers deserve the best post placement care we can find and they deserve healing. Lastly, we have a responsibility to adoptive parents. To hear them. To love them. To find and give them the support they need to raise these amazing humans. Because in the end we should all be in this journey together. Supporting each other. Lifting each other up. Adoption will only move forward and progress if we put in the work.

About the writer:

Jori Reid is an adoptee and birth mom in an open adoption to an amazing 10 year old girl. Jori reunited with her birth mom after 21 years. She and her husband have 4 children, including a set of twin girls. She loves sharing her story of adoption, motherhood and her adventures of raising her kids, with the hopes to inspire and uplift others.

Understanding The Adoption Tax Credit

September 04, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

Understanding how the adoption tax credit works can be a bit confusing. After my husband and I brought our twins home, we knew we needed assistance with taxes from someone who had experience in working with families who had adopted. After speaking with a few friends who had worked with Dave Lemaster, owner of Superior Tax Prep, we opted to use his services. We continue to use him every year since and he has been wonderful to work with. With over 11 years of experience, he is very knowledgeable on the adoption tax credit and has always been very quick to answer all of our questions.

I reached out to Dave to see if he would be interested in providing a brief summary of how the adoption tax credit works and he was more than happy to provide us with this helpful information.

When a family adopts they are allowed to claim a tax credit on their income tax return for expenses incurred throughout the adoption process. It is advised that individuals should seek professional tax help when looking to claim the adoption tax credit to ensure it is handled properly. In general adoption expenses are claimed on the tax return in the year the adoption is finalized. But for any domestic adoption and foster care adoption qualifying expenses paid before finalization can only be claimed in the tax year following the year of expenditure (i.e. 2018 adoption expenses could not be claimed until the 2019 filed tax return in early 2020). When the adoption has been finalized any remaining expenses not already claimed can be claimed. For an international adoption expenses cannot be claimed until the year of finalization. If there are expenses in a year after finalization and you still have adoption tax credit left you claim them on the tax return for the year paid.

Items that can be claimed as adoption expenses are adoption fees, agency fees, attorney fees, court costs, travel expenses (including meals and lodging) while away from home, etc. Basically any reasonable adoption expense paid throughout the adoption journey. Families should pay special attention to keep receipts for all adoption related expenses so that when it comes time to file for the adoption tax credit there will be no setbacks and trying to track information down.

There are two kinds of tax credits; non-refundable and refundable. A refundable credit will reduce your income tax owed (i.e. does not reduce self-employment tax) and if there is any left it will refund you the remaining amount of the credit. A non-refundable credit will only reduce your tax owed, but any remaining credit amount will not be refunded. The adoption tax credit is a non-fundable credit up to $14,080 per child for a 2019 finalized adoption. This does not mean that when you finalize you will get the full amount in the year of finalization. Those eligible to claim the adoption tax credit can only benefit in a given year up to the amount of their tax liability. For 2018 look at form 1040, line 11 for tax liability. The benefit is limited because it is a non-refundable credit, which means it cannot exceed over your tax liability for the year. Other credits you’re claiming will impact the claimable amount as well.

The good news is that any amount of the adoption credit not used in the initial year can be carried forward for up to 5 years or until the credit runs out. If after the 5 carry forward years there is still adoption credit remaining it expires. Back in 2010 and 2011 the adoption tax credit was a refundable credit and there are legislators trying to make it refundable again.

Understanding the adoption tax credit is complex, but not impossible! Feel free to reach out to Dave Lemaster with any questions regarding the adoption tax credit or his services.

Superior Tax Prep , Dave Lemaster, Owner
(218)-591-3892 / dave.e.lemaster@gmail.com

Dave and his wife Amy are the proud parents of four children, 3 through adoption (including twin boys & their daughter) and one son biologically. They adopted with the help and support of Christian Adoption Consultants for both their adoption journeys. Dave has a B.S. in Accounting from the University of Wisconsin-Superior and MBA through Liberty University Online. He has been in the accounting/tax field since 2008 and has also operated his own tax business since 2014 where he has gained extensive knowledge about the adoption tax credit which helps to serve adoptive families.

A Letter To The Hopeful Adoptive Family

July 22, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Waiting In Adoption

Dear Hopeful Adoptive Family,

I can’t imagine everything you must be thinking and feeling right now. And I’m so very sorry your loss. I wish there were perfect words I could formulate into existence that would erase your pain, but I’m not naïve in this arena. I’ve walked with other families through failed adoptions and I know words can be powerful, but they can’t do that. And knowing that, truly knowing that, devastates me to my core.

I wish I could make this better for you. I wish I could mend your broken heart. I wish I could put all of the pieces back together again. I wish I could make sense of this situation for you. I wish I could pull you out of the storm and make the sun shine again. I wish I could restore hope to your heart in this very moment of your pain. But I can’t. I can’t. And it breaks my heart.

But I’m here for you. I want you to know, dear friend, that even though I can do none of those things, I will be here for you. I will be here when you need a friend to listen and cry with over the phone. I will be here to remind you that you have every right to feel all of the heavy things you are feeling- even when and especially when they don’t make sense. I will be here to remind you to take time to grieve, as what happened is in every sense of the word a loss. I will be here to remind you that others may not understand this type of loss. And as a result make trite remarks like, “It will happen one day” or “It ‘s okay. It will all work out.” But I will be your soundboard. I will remind you that it’s quite “okay” to acknowledge that in this season things couldn’t feel further from seeming like they are going to “work out.”

But as you grieve I will also be your voice of hope, reminding you that you are not alone. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:8) And even though in this moment it may feel like your story is over or that God has forgotten you, I will be here to remind you He has not forgotten you. And your story is not over.

Although I don’t understand why some things unfold the way that they do, I know that our God is faithful. And He will never leave you (Deuteronomy 31:6). I know our God is the great Comforter. And He promises to comfort those who are hurting (1 Corinthians 1:3-5). I know God is the great Healer. And I know He is faithful and committed to healing your heart and your mind (Psalms 30:2). I know that God is your Helper. (Psalm 46:1) And He will guide you through the days to come, every step of the way.

And although I cannot put all of the pieces back together for you, I know the One who can. He is the Great Physician, who restores hope and makes broken things whole again and gives beauty for ashes.

With Love and Prayers,

Kelly Todd,

5 Tips On Talking To Children About Adoption

July 08, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

We were playing on the park one day when a seven year old boy with blonde hair and bright blue eyes approached me. I could tell what he was going to ask before the question came out of his mouth, as it's one I get asked often by kids around his age. I saw him looking at me and looking at the twins, wondering how we were connected.

"Are those your babies?" he asked politely.

"Yes, I'm their mama!"

"But, why are they brown and you're white?"

His mother, completely embarrassed, stepped in and put her hand on his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"Isn't their skin beautiful? You know, families come in all different shapes, colors and sizes. Some families are really big and some families are really small. Some families have step-brothers or step-sisters and some families have only one child or no children at all. Families are formed in different ways. Children can be raised by the family they were born into, like you and your family, or through a family who adopted them, like our family."

"What's adoption?" he asked further.

"That's a great question. Adoption is when a birth mom or birth parent feel they can't take care of a child at the time. And then adoptive parents become their mommy and daddy. My children grew in their birth mama's tummy. When they were born she chose me and that man over there (pointed to my husband, Obbie) to be their parents. They became our son and daughter through adoption. Their birth mama loves them so very much and so do we!"

“Cool!” he said running off to play with his friends on the playground.

The questions I get asked most about adoption and why my children and I don’t “look the same” come mostly from children. I started receiving questions like this as soon as I brought our babies home.

I was tongue tied the very first time a 5 year old little girl asked, “Why are they brown and your not?” The twins were just about 3 weeks old at the time.

“They were adopted!” I replied.“What’s that?” she innocently questioned.

I said, “You can have your mommy explain that!”

Looking back, I still think that answer was okay. It’s not my job to educate every single person on the adoption process and you don’t need to carry that weight either. Adoption is common. And families, schools and churches, should be be doing a better job at educating children on how families are created in different ways.

Here are a few helpful tips to keep in mind as you are responding to children and their questions about adoption:

Don’t overshare. Protect your child’s story when answering questions about adoption.Sometimes I have found it’s best to use generalized answers instead of using personal examples. “Birth mothers choose to have another mommy and daddy raise their child when they feel they can’t at the time.” I have found when I use examples from the twins life it leads to further questions about their adoption story, which isn’t mine to share. Your first priority is to protect your child’s story, not answer others questions about their story. Most kids asking questions are just innocently curious, but even so, it’s not my story to share.
Keep it simple and use age appropriate language. Don’t use abstract phrases or language that could be confusing to a young little mind.
Don’t feel the need to explain the adoption process to every child who asks you. Just like you wouldn’t explain the “birds and the bees” to any random kid who asks you how “babies came to be”-it’s not your job to explain the adoption process to every child who inquires about it. Sometimes it's okay to simple say, "You can have your mommy or daddy explain that" or "You know, I bet your mom or dad would like to explain that to you!"
Continue implementing positive adoption language. Even as we are explaining adoption to younger children, it's important that we still incorporate positive adoption language. I think it's okay to make big adoption words and phrases easier for the little ones to understand, as long as we are doing it in a way that continues to honor all parties of the adoption triad. Click here for a helpful post on positive adoption language.
Be prepared for more questions and how you will respond. Adoption is very complex and difficult for children to wrap their minds around. Many of the words and phrases you may use will be words most children have never heard before and may need further explanation. But again, it's also quite alright to say: "I bet your mommy or daddy would like to explain that to you!"

It may take some time and practice to learn how to respond to kids about complex topics like adoption, but that’s okay! You will get better at it as you go! I hope that you find these tips helpful as you navigate conversations about adoption with children.

Adoption Story: Craig + Camille

March 05, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Stories

Have you ever met someone and just known instantly that there was something special about them? That was my experience with Craig and Camille. Their love for Jesus and faith in God is so evident and has often been an encouragement to me. I spoke to Camille for the very first time in November and they signed on with me at Christian Adoption Consultants a few weeks after our initial conversation. They were matched 4 months later with a sweet baby girl! I will never forget the excitement in my heart when they called to tell me they had been chosen. I was cooking in the kitchen and as I got the news from my sweet family tears of joy streamed down my face. It was such an honor to have a front row seat in watching God’s beautiful plan unfold for their beautiful family. I encourage you to grab a few tissues as Camille shares about their story and God’s faithfulness to their daughter, Annesely Rose.

We thought about adoption for a couple years before feeling God's nudge to begin the process. We crossed paths with Kelly Todd at Christian Adoption Consultants when we were nearing the end of our home study. I’m so grateful we did! We appreciated their multi-agency approach, and we felt more at ease with the adoption process knowing that CAC had heavily vetted these adoption agencies and attorneys. It was so important for us to work with an ethical adoption agency! One of the things that intimidated me most about the adoption process was creating a profile. I was so relieved to know that Kelly would make our book for us, and because of this we felt like we could confidently present to situations. The guidance and education Kelly provided for us was another reason we chose to move forward with CAC. She helped us evaluate the risks, encouraged us when we were discouraged, and answered all of our questions.

During the process my main fear was whether we would ever be chosen. That fear mainly crept in because of my human impatience; I know I'm getting older and want to have energy to care for my child. After we were home study approved we started receiving situations. We presented several times and were told “no.” We started to feel discouraged and wondered if we would ever be parents. One day we were contacted by an agency about a specific situation. We both felt very strongly that God was leading us down this path and so we decided to present. We were so excited to find out we had been chosen!

A few weeks later we received a phone call from the agency stating that the baby had been born that morning - 5 weeks early. She continued to list other things such as length, weight, etc, but everything became a blur when she mentioned the baby had Down Syndrome. This was not something we were aware of prior to her birth. At the same time we received this news, we were actually in a state of grief as both of our grandmothers had passed away within the previous few days. We had been preparing for funerals and were not expecting to travel for another month.

Even though this news had taken us by surprise, we knew it wasn’t a surprise to God. We collapsed into each other's arms and immediately began praying. We also texted Kelly and pleaded for her prayers during this time. After an hour of praying, reading the Bible, crying, and talking, we felt a definite peace in our hearts. We knew this baby was our baby girl and even though we felt unprepared, we knew that God would equip us with everything we needed to be the best parents we could be. When we arrived at the hospital we were finally able to meet our daughter, Annesely Rose, for the very first time. We loved her as soon as we were matched with her; however, when we first saw her, we realized how much we loved her, and it was even more evident when we could hold her for the very first time.

Throughout this adoption journey, God has taught us that we are not in control - He is. We should have known this all along and sometimes think we do, but deep down we still often try to control things ourselves. We look back in amazement at how God orchestrated all this. We love our little girl and are so thankful that she is in our lives. We feel God has a special plan for her and are just thankful that it includes us!

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

If She Doesn't Choose Your Family

February 09, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Waiting In Adoption

What's wrong with our family? Why aren't we being chosen? Is there something undesirable about us? Are we too old? Are we too young? How many times will we hear a no before we hear a yes? These are common questions I get from potential adoptive families at some point in their adoption journey. Many times families enter the adoption process after years of struggling with infertility. Month after month, year after year, dozens of negative pregnancy tests are tossed in the trash-a silent, but excruciating “no.”

After hearing no after no, you may begin to feel your situation is hopeless. It can be tempting to think that every no you receive is rejection, as if someone is screaming with a megaphone right in your face, "this is never going to happen." But I'm here to remind you that your situation is not hopeless. Your situation isn't hopeless because God is still writing your story. Even the no’s are a part of that plan. He hasn't put down the pen. He just works at His own pace in His own time. I can assure you with full confidence that however difficult your situation may be, it is not hopeless. Although I don't know how or when your family's story will unfold, I know God does. I'm trusting that the one who called you to the adoption process in the first place has not forgotten about you, even when at times it may feel otherwise.

The road I'm going to encourage your heart to go down won't be a popular one. It won't be a popular one because it doesn't end or begin with the promise of a child. As Christians pursuing adoption, it should be our deepest desire that these expectant mamas make the best decision for their child- whether that be choosing another family or being empowered to parent. Even if she doesn't choose your family, there is still reason to have joy. "How can that be, Kelly? Are you asking me to be happy over the fact that we were not chosen? That seems rather dismissive of our feelings." I'm not asking you to have a fake or false sense of happiness over the fact that your family wasn't chosen. I'm not saying you should just "get over it." I'm not encouraging you to dismiss your sadness or feelings of disappointment. As someone who has walked through infertility and the adoption process, I know it is not an easy journey. But as you're processing through these heavy feelings, I encourage you to look up to Christ. Look at what God is doing. I'm asking you to remember that even in your disappoint there is a reason to have joy in this situation. This expectant mama chose life for her child. This expectant mama considered all of her options and chose life. This expectant mama connected with another family. This expectant mama chose a family to parent her child. As Christians, we can hold both disappointment and joy in the same hand because we know that God is working through all of these things.

At times you may look around the adoption community and compare: "How did they match so quickly? What are they doing that we aren't?" In my experience, comparison only leads to further disappointment and it's also pretty good at stealing your joy. When my husband and I were struggling with infertility it seemed like everyone around us was getting pregnant so easily. I had to get off Facebook for a bit of time because I couldn't handle all of the pregnancy announcements blowing up my newsfeed. At times I felt consumed by jealousy and bitterness. I forgot to fix my eyes on Christ. God was doing a work in my heart, but I I couldn't see it because I was so blinded by what I wanted. I can honestly say that I'm so grateful that God didn't give me what I wanted when I wanted it. Why? Because if He had I would have missed out on some major heart growth that God needed to do in me. Why? Because if He had I wouldn't be the person and parent I am today. Why? Because if He had we wouldn't have started the adoption process when we did and Roman and Ruby wouldn't be our son and daughter. And I just can't imagine our world without them.

Perhaps your journey to growing your family through adoption is taking longer than you expected. Perhaps you’ve heard more than a dozen no’s and are starting to think that it’s never going to happen. Maybe you’ve looked around and noticed other families match quicker than you. Perhaps you’ve wrestled with the lie that something is wrong or undesirable about your family. My prayer for you is that you wouldn’t let the delays deter you from the desire God has placed on your heart. God never promises that our road will be easy, but He does promise to equip us with everything we need to accomplish everything He has called us to. Don’t forget that He is doing a work even when you can’t see it. He is doing a work even through the delays, detours, and even all of the nos. And even if she doesn’t choose your family, God is still writing your story. It isn’t over.

Adoption & The Unknown Spaces

January 14, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Waiting In Adoption

I’ve always lived in the unknown spaces in some respect. As a childhood and adult cancer survivor, I’ve spent my share of time waiting for answers from doctors, pathologists, surgeons and test results. In some ways I can see how waiting in the unknown spaces helped prepare me for some of what was to come in our adoption journey. As a former client of CAC and an adoption consultant, I know first-hand how difficult the journey can be. Those who have walked through the process before can testify to the fact that there are so many unknowns throughout every stage of the adoption process.

Researching Adoption
The unknown spaces greet you as soon as you begin researching adoption. “Who should we should we work with? An agency? An attorney? An adoption consultant? What type of questions should we be asking? How will we afford it? How do we know this agency/attorney is trustworthy? How long will it take? What’s a home study and why do we need one?” When my husband and I began researching adoption we quickly became overwhelmed and realized we didn’t know much about the process other than our desire to adopt. After calling a few different adoption agencies, we ultimately made the decision to move forward with Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC). We were so thankful that we had an adoption consultant who was holding our hand and guiding us through the entire process from start to finish. The unknown spaces became more manageable and less daunting because our consultant was constantly educating us on the process, answering our questions (we had a ton!) and providing helpful resources to us throughout our journey.

Home Study Providers
When you are beginning the home study questions may enter your head such as, “What is entailed in a home study? What kind of stuff will they be asking us about? How long will it take? How do I know I can trust this home study provider?” At CAC we connect our families with reputable home study providers in their state. The thought of a social worker coming into your home can seem a little intimidating at first because you don’t know what to expect. At CAC we help ease some of the unknowns and fears through addressing home study related questions and providing tips and advice on what to expect so that you feel more prepared going into your first interview.

Creative Financing Ideas
The financial cost of adoption can prevents many from beginning the adoption process, but it doesn’t have to. “Where will the money come from? How will be able to afford adoption?” At CAC you are never left to figure out things on your own, as we provide our family with a list of low interest/ no interest adoption loans, adoption grants and fundraising ideas that have assisted thousands of families in raising funds for their adoption. I could share story after story of God’s faithfulness in providing for of our families.

Adoption Family Profile Book
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin!” This is one of the most common statements I hear when discussing a profile book with a family. The profile book is one of the most important pieces of the adoption process because it’s the only information an expectant mama will have to make her decision on. We have years of experience in creating beautiful and unique profile books for our families and we know what agencies and expectant/birth families are looking for.

Applying to Agencies/Attorneys
If you were to do a google search for “adoption agencies” hundreds and hundreds of agencies will pop-up. You won’t be able to tell just by looking which ones provide ethical services and this is such an important aspect of the adoption process. At CAC our families have access to our thoroughly vetted agency list. Based on a family’s adoption preferences, we help eliminate some of the uncertainty in recommending which ones to apply to. We also are available to answer any questions that may arise about the agencies and attorneys.

Adoption Risk Assessment
Whatever route you choose to grow your family there will always be risk involved. Adoption is no exception. But at CAC you are not without our guidance. Our support team of 20 adoption professionals have over 120 years of combined experience. We’ve also assisted our families with 2,500 + adoptions. Our “doors” have been open since 2006 and we’ve learned a lot along the way. Therefore, we are equipped to help our families weigh the risks of every situation. Our team of adoption consultants have been trained to follow our company’s high standards and guidelines for ethical adoption practices. When my husband and I started seeing situations we were so grateful to have an adoption consultant point out risks to us that we otherwise would have been clueless about!

Waiting
There are ebbs and flows in adoption. Though our families do see more situations than others who are only working with one agency that does not always mean our families see situations every day or every week. However, because of our multi-agency approach our families do get more exposure and opportunities than if they were only working with one agency/attorney. When things feel a little more “ebbing” than “flowing” in the adoption process, in the unknown spaces it can be tempting to think God has forgotten you. But, He hasn’t. God is writing your story. It may not meet up with the timeline you had in mind, but I promise His plan for your family is good. His plan for your family is best.

Hearing “No”
Hearing “no” is never easy and can feel extremely discouraging at times. In the unknown it can be easy to think, “Are we ever going to get chosen? Is something wrong with our family?” Something I continually share with my families is “every no is leading to your yes.” Once you are holding your baby in your arms all of those “no’s” will finally makes sense, and the wait will be worth it!

Hearing “Yes” (Matched)
It has finally happened-an expectant mother has chosen you to be the parents of her little one! This is a very exciting, overwhelming and emotional time. But, even still, I’ve heard families say this can be difficult time of waiting in the unknown. Thoughts like, “What if the expectant mother decides to parent? How should we be communicating with the expectant mother? What can we say? What should we not say?” I’m so grateful my husband and I had an amazing consultant who was able to address these questions for us and help speak truth into our fears.

Traveling, Hospital & ICPC
There can be so many unknowns during this time. At CAC we provide our families with information regarding travel, places to stay, packing list, hospital etiquette, and post- partum communication. We also provide our families with education on what to expect during ICPC.

At CAC we cannot eliminate all of the unknowns in adoption-no adoption professional can. Although we can speak truth into many of your fears, there will always be some aspects of adoption that are just uncertain. Though I do not know how or when your story will unfold, I do know the One who does. Because I know my God has a plan and purpose for all things (Ephesians 1:11), I know that these unknown spaces are not wasted in adoption and are part of His good and loving plan for your family. Learning to trust Him in the unknown is a sanctifying process and one I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve learned that that these unknown spaces in life are very sacred moments where God continually draws us closer to Himself. Even though this will be difficult my prayer for you is to not wish away this time and trust God with your story. Dig deep into God’s word, prayer and seek out what He is teaching you through the unknown. Though the uncertainty and difficulty of this process may not make much sense to you now, I’m confident it will one day.

New Year, New Blog: Something Beautiful Here

January 03, 2019 by Kelly Todd

Grab a cup a coffee, pull up a seat and take a few minutes to peruse my new website design! A big shout out and "thanks a bazillion" to Manda Julaine Designs for making all my blog inspirations come to life on my computer screen! They are a dream to work with and I'm so grateful our paths crossed!

My blogging journey began almost a decade ago, as a means to keep family and friends updated on my health after having open-heart surgery. By the grace of God, life went on. And before long, this little space became a means to share my messy, grace-filled life with the purpose of encouraging and instilling hope in others.

A lot of changes have taken place since that time: I finished my undergraduate degree (finally), got married to a soon-to-be pastor, survived cancer a few times, struggled with infertility and loss, finished my Master's degree in counseling, moved across states, adopted our beautiful son and daughter, made it through a national disaster, started working for Christian Adoption Consultants and a ton of other little and big things in between.

Through all of these transitions one thing that has remained true and constant is God's unconditional love and faithfulness. And so that is what I write about. If you choose to follow along, (which I hope you do), I pray you would be encouraged and reminded of God's big love for you, a love that sent His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins, so that we could come to know Him. I pray you will be comforted as you read stories of God's faithfulness and grace in the midst of struggles and trials, motherhood and parenting, marriage and adoption. It is my hope that you would be reminded that even when your eyes can’t see what God is up to and you find it hard to follow His brush strokes-He is at work. He is creating a masterpiece- something MORE BEAUTIFUL than you could ever imagine.

***To learn more about the inspiration and meaning behind my blog, "Something Beautiful Here," hop over to this link. Feel free to share, subscribe and follow me over on Instagram!***

Adoption Story: Heath + Shannon

September 10, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Stories

I remember speaking with Heath and Shannon for the very first time in the winter of last year. I have always been so encouraged by their unshakeable faith and the way they have trusted God with their story. They signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants in February and finished up their home study and profile in March. In June they were chosen to be the parents of a little girl by her brave birth mama. Shannon shares more of their story below!

Waiting has always been a common theme of my life. Waiting for a job, waiting for a husband, and waiting for a baby. Each season of wait was harder than the wait before. This could be why my favorite verse is Isaiah 40:31 “They that wait upon the Lord will renew our strength, they will mount up on wings as eagles, they will run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint.”

My husband and I took a while to find each other. I thought I would never get married and Heath was content being a bachelor. Then one day on a hike, we discovered each other. Growing up, we had attended the same church and were well acquainted with each other’s family. It was God who finally brought us together. That season of waiting and feeling lonely was over.

After we were married, we decided to enjoy our first year together, growing as a couple. When we decided to begin our family, we were disappointed to discover that we were struggling to have a baby. We began to seek out medical consults and learned through surgery, that I had endometriosis. The surgery to explore became the surgery to repair, but still, we struggled to grow our family.

In the meantime, we began the process of being approved for foster care. But the timing never seemed to work out. On the same day that we went to get a third medical opinion about our infertility, we also made an appointment to meet with adoption caseworker in our foster care organization. We felt a little hopeless after leaving the fertility doctor, but the adoption meeting was very encouraging.

After many conversations and prayers, we made the decision to begin the adoption process. We quickly discovered that adoption is filled with so much uncertainty and we had no clue what we were doing. But, when we met Kelly Todd, an Adoption Consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC), we knew immediately that she and CAC were both a gift from God. The process became clearer and less daunting. But more than that, we felt like we had a friend to guide us through this journey... to help us through the fears and rejoice with us in our joys. Talking with Kelly was like talking with a long lost friend.

After our home study was ready to go and our profile book was complete in March, we began receiving situations. We were told "no" many times by expectant mothers. It was discouraging and somedays it felt like we would never be chosen. But, we didn't lose hope. In April we received a situation for a baby girl due in the summer. For some reason, this young woman caught our hearts. When we found out that she chose to move forward with another family, it was so difficult. I remember a co-worker praying me through the tears. Heath also felt this disappointment. Through God’s strength, we moved forward and continued waiting. We were secure in the knowledge that God had it all figured out and that every no would lead to a greater yes. It's incredible to know that we couldn't mess up or miss out on God's plan for our story.

Since I was a young girl, I believed that God would use myself, our farm, and our horses for a greater purpose. It was my dream to open a children’s camp for children to ride. I kept putting this vision off, thinking that it will happen the next year, and then the next. But I never got around to putting it into effect. God used the wait and the unknowns in the adoption process to encourage me to take the steps necessary to organize bringing children in foster care to our farm for a week long day camp. It was after I was obedient to his calling, we got a call that changed our lives so much.

To our surprise, one of the agencies we were working with was contacting us about a situation we presented to a few months prior-it was the expectant mother who caught our hearts. For some reason she was asking about us again, as she chose not to move forward with the other family. We were able to speak with her on the phone two days later and instantly clicked. She felt like a dear friend from the very beginning. We were so grateful to know that she chose us to be the parents of her little girl. Her due date was in few short weeks so we rushed to make travel arrangements to meet her and her son. We were so thrilled to have the opportunity to get to know them. Later that day, we worked together to name this precious child, Raegan Grace. Looking back, it’s amazing to see how God worked out all of the details and met our every need.

At her request, I was able to hold her hand through delivery, while encouraging and supporting her every step of the way. When our beautiful girl made her appearance, her brave and amazing birth mother wanted me to be the first one to hold her. As I burst into tears, Raegan’s birth mother grabbed me in a hug that I can still feel. We spent the next few days in the hospital bonding with our daughter and spending time with her birth mother. She said that it was so difficult to say goodbye, but when she saw Raegan with Heath and I, she knew she made the right decision. We are still amazed by her strength, courage and the decision she made for her baby girl. Raegan’s birth mother is a part of our family forever and we are so grateful to know her and for the selfless decision she made in choosing adoption for her daughter.

Through the entire experience, we were blessed beyond what we could imagine. Every day we look at our little girl, we are more and more amazed at God’s goodness. As we prepare for her dedication, we are committed to proclaim that this precious child is God’s child and we are but caretakers of a beautiful gift. We have been entrusted with something so precious. And we know through everything, God put it all together.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Remembering God's Fingerprints In Your Life

August 15, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Waiting In Adoption

The other night, after I sang my sweet 2 year old baby girl to sleep, I walked into her twin brother's room to tuck him in. I laid on the floor with my arm around him on his new, big boy, toddler bed. I was exhausted from the day and thought perhaps I could get away with just singing one verse of his favorite song. After I finished and I tried to get up, he wouldn't let me go. He wrapped his little arm around my neck, pulled me in close, and said, "No mama, song! Stay. Snuggle." He was so confident that mommy would stay with him and sing a few more songs because He knows me and that's what I do every other night. My heart melted into a puddle right there on the floor as I continued singing to him and watched him slowly drift off to sleep.

I don't have to look too far back in my life to see God's fingerprints and be reminded of His provision and faithfulness. But unlike my son, who can remember how many songs I sing to him every night, sometimes I forget. Can you relate? After 430 years in slavery (Exodus 12:40), God delivered the Israelites out of Egypt and out from under Pharaoh's rule in a mighty display of His power, dominion and glory. He sent 10 horrendous plagues, parted the Red Sea allowing the Israelites to escape from slavery into freedom, and when they were hungry God made bread fall from the sky (literally) (Exodus 16:4). But, they quickly forgot, complained and traded in the promises of God for broken cisterns that could not satisfy. And 2,000 years later, not really all that much has changed. We still behave like the Israelites who completely forgot and dismissed what the Lord did and said because our present circumstances aren't quite unfolding the way we expect them too.

Francis Chan refers to the forgetfulness of God's promises and provisions as spiritual amnesia, an epidemic that none of us are immune to. You may be thinking, "If spiritual amnesia is inevitable than what can I do?" The author of Hebrews continually reminded them, "We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away (Hebrews 2:1). And again in Hebrews 3:6 and 3:14 he encourages them to "hold onto their original confidence." Why would the author continually remind the Israelites to hold onto what they already know to be true? He knew they needed to be continually reminded to REMEMBER what God has done and REMEMBER what God has said. The author of Hebrews knew the antidote for spiritual amnesia: remembering.

1. Remembering what God has said. As a Christian, spending time with God in His word and through prayer are vital to your spiritual health. But, how can you remember what you do not know? As a busy wife, twin mom and adoption consultant, I'm constantly struggling to prioritize my schedule in such a way that allows for time in the Word and prayer. It's tough and I'm sure it's an art I will always be growing in. But, what a difference spending time in the Word does for my soul! During times of sickness, uncertainty, tragedy, doubt, loss, worry, fear, sadness, broken relationships, etc., God's promises come to mind because I've buried them in my heart through continual reading and remembering. Promises such as:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." -Isaiah 43:2

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:19

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." -Ephesians 3:20

2. Remembering what God has done. In Joshua 3 we see how God, once again, parted the waters which provided access for the Israelites to walk through the Jordan River onto dry land. They placed 12 stones from the riverbed and stacked them on the other side (Joshua 4), which served as a reminder to them and others of God's faithfulness and provision. I believe God places "Stones of Remembrance" in our life because He knows we are prone to forget. Remembering what God has done in our past, give us hope and confidence to trust Him with our future. Can you think of any "stones of remembrance" in your life or perhaps a time you remember where God was with you in a very tangible way?

Remember how God sustained you through a very difficult time.
Remember how God healed you or a loved one from physical illness.
Remember how God saved you from your sin and brought you into new life.
Remember how God provided for you in a very specific way.
Remember how God comforted you through a time of loss.

Roman and Ruby cry in the middle of the night because they know mommy and daddy are coming to rock them back to sleep. Roman runs towards me with arms wide open from across the room because he is confident that I will catch him! Ruby points out her "boo boo" to us because she knows we will make it better. How can they be so sure that we will follow through? Our children know us and their confidence in our response comes through remembering.

Whether you're sitting in the unknown and waiting, struggling with physical illness, trying to mend a broken relationship, experiencing financial issues, struggling with infertility or loss, dealing with the death of a loved one or in the process of adopting a child, whatever your circumstance may be; my prayer for you is that you would remember to remember. Remember what God has said. Remember what God has done. As stories of God's faithfulness come to mind and you look back on His fingerprints in your life, I hope it will provide you with strength and confidence to trust Him with your present circumstances and your future.