Adoption Story: Jeff + Shari

November 07, 2023 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I had the pleasure of walking Jeff and Shari through the adoption process! After 5 months of being active with agencies, they got a call they had been chosen to be the parents of a one-month-old baby boy. In less than 24 hours they were holding their little one in their arms! Shari and Jeff, it was an honor to walk with your family on the journey that led you to your sweet boy! I am in awe of what God has done, and I can’t wait for others to read about it today! I know it will be an encouragement to so many others who are in a difficult season of waiting!

We've always thought adoption was beautiful, and it was something we definitely talked about while we were dating. Shortly after we were married, we went on a mission trip to Haiti and visited a children's home. This opened our hearts even more to adoption, but like most couples, we assumed we would have biological children first. When that wasn't happening, we had peace about it but began to pray earnestly for God to place a calling on our lives to adopt. And He did!

A good friend connected us with Christian Adoption Consultants and Kelly Todd, specifically. I'm so glad we requested her to be our consultant. She was friendly, kind, reliable, and so knowledgeable! Having someone walk us through the process and answer all our questions was SO helpful!

Throughout our journey, we clung to Phillippians 4:7. “ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” We didn't always "feel" at peace because there were so many unknowns and what-ifs, but we trusted that God would match us with the exact baby He had for us.

After 5 months of being active with agencies through CAC’s multi-agency approach, we were finally chosen! Meeting our son for the first time was so wonderfully surreal. In our case, we found out we matched about 24 hours before we met him and brought him home. It was a whirlwind of emotions to process in a short amount of time. It's not how we envisioned it happening, but it ended up being SO perfect...we wouldn't change a thing!

Looking back, we see so many of "God's fingerprints" in our story. Like as we were pulling into the parking lot to go pick up our son, a friend texted Jeff that the Lord had put it on his heart to pray for us the day before and that he felt we would be getting our baby soon. And looking back on my many journal entries, I was praying God's favor over our baby and their birth family on the exact date our son was born.

Waiting and wondering how your story will play out is hard! Our advice is to fill your minds with encouragement and truth along the way. Read scripture, pray for your future baby and journal! Read uplifting books about adoption, listen to podcasts, and look at all the adoption stories on the CAC website. Know that God is working even when it doesn't feel like anything is happening. God's timing is perfect. Even when you think you're ready, God knows best.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me to receive a
FREE adoption packet.***

Adoption Story: Brittany + Michael

November 03, 2023 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I had the immense JOY of walking with this sweet family on the journey that led them to their beautiful baby girl! The adoption process is no easy feat, and their unshakeable faith and hope-filled perspective inspired me throughout the twists and turns that are often synonymous with adoption. Brittany & Michael, the entire team here at Christian Adoption Consultants could not be happier for your family. Today, Brittany shares a tiny sliver of the beautiful story God crafted (and continues to write) for their family. I know it will be an encouragement to you today!

Throughout the same time period of learning about a really hard and scary medical diagnosis for our precious son, we had also been struggling with infertility. Each of the two times we were able to get pregnant, our babies went to Heaven. As we grieved each of our losses and began to heal, there were many days and nights of prayer, tears, lament, and long discussions about what to do next. We believed that the door to having biological children was closing at that time.

Before marriage, we shared with each other a strong desire to adopt someday. We dreamed of having children close in age, whether through adoption or biologically. We also thought it would all happen on our own terms and timeline. But, of course, life often unfolds differently than we imagined it would.

We heard about CAC through our close friends who had adopted through them two years prior. We began working with Kelly Todd, and she was incredible! We started the process in May, and out of nowhere, we got pregnant. It was a miracle! However, a few weeks later, we lost our baby. Kelly was so kind and compassionate towards us as we continued grieving. Eventually, we moved forward and picked up where we left off in the adoption process.

Waiting for our “yes” was one of the hardest things we had ever walked through. We did not expect each “no” to be as heartbreaking as they were. Before entering this process, we knew we needed to surrender our desire for a child to Him, knowing full well that it may not be His plan for our family to bless us with a baby. We often had to ask ourselves, are we desiring a child more than we desire God? The Lord sees the whole perspective. We do not. And so, we put our trust in Him. Asking Him to prepare us for His will. We knew His timing was good and right and perfect, even though the wait and the unknown were extremely hard.

Throughout the waiting, Kelly was always there. She encouraged us, prayed for us, and was available whenever we needed her or just wanted to talk. She was always so responsive and ready to be there for us! After a few months of waiting and hearing no after no, we began to get discouraged. We were eventually able to celebrate that every time we heard no, a family out there heard their “Yes!” But that didn’t change how hard it was.

After a period of waiting, we received a message that we had been hoping to hear for so long. I picked up the phone and heard, “She chose you!” I’ll never forget how those three words made my heart overflow with joy and excitement. I immediately started bawling and couldn’t even process what she had to say next because I was so excited and completely in shock! I called my husband and Kelly right away, and we immediately began praying for and preparing to meet the incredible woman who chose us to raise her daughter.

A couple of weeks later, we made the long drive for baby girl’s birth! We got there early to meet her Birth Mama and to make sure we were there for the delivery because she wanted me in the room with her. Thirteen days later, it finally happened! Serena Belle was here, and she was perfect. All the pain, heartache, waiting, and tears made sense when we finally held our precious baby girl. Our daughter’s birth was indescribable. I’ve never witnessed such strength from anyone as I did with her Birth Mama. She is the bravest woman I’ve ever known.

Screenshot 2023-11-02 at 10.23.34 AM.png

Although the next few weeks didn’t go as expected, we were amazed at how God continued to provide in all the details. Our extended stay meant even more opportunities to spend time with our daughter’s Birth Mama, which was a blessing. We spent hours getting to know each other, and she was able to spend more time with Serena. I’ll never forget how my heart felt when I would hear her talk to Serena, saying things like, “Your mommy loves you so much” or, “Your mommy knows you so well already” as she was referring to me. It was bittersweet leaving her, but we are so thankful that we get to walk in an open adoption with her. When we started the adoption process, we knew we wanted an open adoption and prayed for it diligently. We are so glad that God heard and answered our prayer. We cannot imagine our life without our beautiful daughter and her amazing Birth Mother.

We never could have known that the plans for our lives would look so different from what we had imagined, but it is better than anything we could have dreamed. Daily, we have clung to His love and His promises. Isaiah 43:1-3 reminds us who God is and His unfailing love for us. These verses have been incredibly comforting throughout our journey and we hope they will be an encouragement to you, wherever you are in the adoption process:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and the rivers will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, and the flame will not burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, and your Savior.”

Adoption Story: Carrie + Joe

September 05, 2023 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

Today, Carrie shares the journey that led them to their TWINS! Prior to working with us, Joe and Carrie had been in the adoption process for about 10 years on and off. Understandably, they were exhausted from the ups and downs of the process. Yes, they were weary, but they were not without hope. Joe and Carrie have a beautiful resilience about them that I know they attribute to the Holy Spirit. I was speaking with Carrie the other day on the phone, and she reminded me that one of the reasons she decided to reach out to CAC was because she came across a picture of my family, and she saw that we had adopted twins. Little did they know that almost 10 months later, they would be chosen to be the parents of boy/girl twins! Carrie paints pictures with words, and I know you will be tremendously blessed by what she has to share today!

I'm sure, like many others who have walked this process before, our adoption story can be best likened to a ride on a wooden (antique even) roller coaster. The ascent is filled with enthusiasm for what awaits when you finally make it to the top and have the ability to see out above the track. It is the boiling anticipation and stamina that sustain you. The descent sends your belly into your throat — the kind where you are both exhilarated and terrified simultaneously.

As we all know, with any truly great roller coaster ride, there are unexpected curves and swift moves that jerk you back and forth in your harness, keeping you on edge and awaiting the next turn or drop. There are outstanding peaks, of which you can only see out for a second, and steep drops that remind you that you have no control — where you can only hope and trust that this harness will do its job. This is the closest illustration to our adoption journey, which, in all reality, will continue as a beautiful lifelong story.

We have started many hopeful horizons in the face that plunged us into steep, unexpected drops. And though we experienced hope leading to disappointment over and over again, there was always movement — and so long as there is movement, there is life.

Joe and I were at the tail end of our willingness to continue on the path toward adoption after we encountered yet another unforeseen drop. Though we wanted children more than anything, the whiplash from years of letdowns was beginning to take its toll as the end seemed more like a hopeful imagination than a reality worth putting any more money or expectancy into.

We found Christian Adoption Consultants and decided this would be our final go-around before getting off this ride for good. It took 15 years of twists and turns to bring us to where we are today — holding our amazingly beautiful twin babies and basking in spit-up, diapers, and limited sleep. Getting here took walking through numerous adoption situations, experiencing a dozen plus rejections, enduring several failed adoptions, and learning long-suffering — in every sense of the word — that seemed as though it would never end. But, when we got into our SUV to drive home with our twin babies in the backseat safely strapped into two car seats that were loaned to us by our neighbors because we didn't have time to buy our own, and as the congratulations started to pour in, I experienced something deeper than excitement — it was long-suffering coming to an end.

The process of adoption demands perseverance — and it is impossible to have perseverance without hope, without community, and for us, without CAC. They walked with us. That’s what friends do — they walk with you, at your pace, and alongside you. (A big thanks to Kelly for walking — sometimes crawling — with us and always being present through this process and all its demands.)

And to the reader: If you are contemplating adoption, stop thinking and get on the ride.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat!
Email me to receive a FREE inquiry packet.***

Adoption Story: Megan + Clayton

August 20, 2023 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

It’s never lost on me that my job as an Adoption Consultant entails walking hand-in-hand with families pursuing adoption. Having gone through the adoption process over 7 years ago, it’s very special to me that I’m able to connect with my families from the personal standpoint of, “Hey, I get it. I’ve gone down the path that you are embarking on. I understand what you are going through.” There is just something comforting about having an advocate on your side who understands the highs and lows, twists and turns, and uncertainties that accompany the adoption process.

I’ll never forget my first call with Megan and Clayton. We shared similar stories of infertility and the pain that coincides with it. Through the overwhelming path that led them to adoption, I sensed a strong sense of hope in their spirit. Despite their circumstances, they did not give up. I’m so glad they didn’t. Through perseverance and faith, God led them to their beautiful baby girl. Clayton and Megan, I’m so happy for your sweet family! Thank you for trusting me to help you on the journey to your daughter.

Megan shares more of their story below…

There is nothing that our God can’t do!

That has been the theme of our adoption story as God flung open one door after another. He had our daughter in mind before we met her, and nothing could mess up the story He was writing for our family.

When Clayton and I got married, we knew we wanted to grow our family right away. What we didn’t know was the struggle that growing our family would come to be. We endured three years of difficult diagnoses, miscarriages, multiple surgeries, several specialists, hundreds of medications and hormone injections, etc. In the thick of it, it felt as though God didn’t hear our prayers, our cries for a child to fulfill the desire He had placed in our hearts.

While we continued to pray and seek His will for our lives, we heard God place adoption on our hearts. As we prayed about adoption, we continued the medical route for a few more months. It was then that we reached out to Kelly Todd at Christian Adoption Consultants to gather more information about adoption. To be completely transparent, the fear of the unknown had taken hold of our hearts. What if the expecting mother changed her mind, and we experienced yet another loss? How would we afford to adopt after undergoing treatment for the past three years? What did an open adoption truly look like? A few more weeks went by, and we continued to feel God calling us to adoption. We knew it was time to be obedient and trust that He would take care of every detail. It was in that moment, when we fully opened our hearts to be obedient, that we truly felt God honor the position of our hearts and begin to move mountains.

We signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants and began working towards completing our home study, paperwork, and adoption agency applications. This process is not for the faint of heart, as it requires patience, organization, and being vulnerable enough to ask questions. Kelly was with us every step of the way. She encouraged us, answered our questions, and prayed for us. Within no time, our home study was complete, and we were able to begin receiving situations about expecting mothers who were considering adoption.

One ordinary evening we responded to a situation about a baby girl due in June. We were so new to the process, and this was only the second situation we had responded to. We said a prayer and sent a text saying we wanted to present to the expecting mother. God was on the move! That weekend in church, we sang the song ‘More Than Able’ by Elevation Worship, and it became the theme song over the next few weeks. “Who am I to deny what the Lord can do?” and “You are more than able” are lyrics I would repeat over and over.

A few days later, we were informed that the expecting mother had narrowed down the families she wanted to speak to, and we were one of those families! We couldn’t help but get our hopes up. We prayed endlessly, as did our family and friends. After having a phone conversation with the expecting mother, she informed us the next day she chose us to be parents! Tears of joy and prayers of thanksgiving became a part of our daily routine. However, we were no strangers to the fear and lies of the enemy. The more excited we became and the closer we got to traveling for the birth of our daughter, the more the enemy attacked. We are so thankful for Kelly as we continued to pray with us, reassure us, and check in with us continually. As she was praying for us, we were able to refocus our attention on the blessing before us.

Before we knew it, we were flying out to adopt our baby girl. Meeting her Birth Mom, watching her enter the world, and becoming her parents has been the greatest blessing we have ever experienced! Words truly cannot describe the emotions that surround this answered prayer.

We are currently living out our long-awaited dream of being parents, and we thank God every day for the little girl he chose to be ours! Adoption (and the three years of trying to grow our family) taught us to fully rely on the Lord, to find refuge in Him, and to seek His will above our own. Adopting our baby girl has been the greatest reminder that when we let go of our own plans and let God in, His blessings are far greater than anything we could imagine!

We are forever thankful for the gift of adoption, for our perfect baby girl, and for God’s faithfulness. We are so thankful for Kelly and Christian Adoption Consultants. This whole process truly takes a village, and we highly recommend having Christian Adoption Consultants as a part of your village!

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! Psalm 126:5

With love and gratitude,
Clayton, Megan, and Baby Girl

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat!
Email me to receive a FREE inquiry packet.***

Adoption Story: Mandy + Kirk

May 09, 2023 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

It was such a joy working with Kirk and Mandy! I am so grateful that the Lord connected our paths, as it was such an honor to have a front-row seat in their adoption journey! Below they share the story that led them to their two amazing kiddos and how God bonded their hearts with them forever.

It’s so cliché, but everything happens for a reason. Some people know from the jump that adoption is in their hearts and follow that path. We were not those people. Our 5-year journey to parenthood started in 2013 after we were married. We were placed on the adoption path in 2017 after trying to get pregnant both on our own and then with specialists.

When we met our daughter, Kenna, for the first time in 2018, it was like the waters parted, and it all made sense. All of the heartbreak over years of negative tests and failed treatments just melted away. We fell in love with her instantly.

Fast forward a few years, and we were ready to grow our family again. We had briefly tossed around the idea of doing one “Hail Mary” round of IVF, but I just didn’t have it in my heart. Adoption had rooted in and taken hold of it. While our first adoption experience was wonderful, once we were “in” the world of adoption, we learned about these people called consultants… and specifically about this wonderful group of people at Christian Adoption Consultants.

We were connected with Kelly Todd at CAC, and she quickly put us on our path to finding our son. She was there with us every step of the way. From reading letters to prospective birth families to offering prayers and kind words after the disappointments of not being chosen, to the joy after finding out we had matched, and finally, the elation that came with meeting our son, Liam.

Once again, the minute we saw him, we knew we were meant to be together. Not only did we have those parental feelings of joy, love, and connection, but Kenna immediately fell in love with him as well.

So this is us… Our story isn’t necessarily what we thought it would be, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. We could not love our children any more than we do. They amaze us, and we are in awe of them daily. God knew what he was doing when He joined our hearts with theirs. Our path is the path we were always meant to take, and we would do it again in a heartbeat!

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to receive a FREE inquiry packet, and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Adoption Story: Jamey + Sydnee

December 20, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being "too old" to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, "I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them." Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story:

I had someone that has only talked to me a handful of times ask me, “what kept you from giving up?” I immediately started crying. She knew our story of adoption, but she didn’t know all of the years that preceded. When she asked me that simple question, my mind was flooded with all the trials and tribulations from many years before that led up to receiving our precious daughter. So many times I wanted to quit, but there was an internal fight that would not let me. I could write about my many years of struggling with severe depression and anxiety wondering if I would ever be a mother. I could write about my husband not wanting children and our journey to come together and grow. I could write about miscarriage and pregnancy loss, or I could write about years of fertility treatments. God brought us to Him and gave us the strength to traverse and overcome each trying situation so that we could eventually become parents.

Oh the waiting! That was always the hardest part of all the troubled waters we navigated. Waiting for God to work on me, on Jamey, and on us. Waiting to hear His answer. Waiting on the outcome so that I could keep going and keep fighting. Waiting on the next attempt at parenthood and starting the process all over again. It truly is God’s waiting room. We had to learn what to do and how to handle our time there. We had to grow and wait on His perfect timing. Meditation, prayer, and music were essential. These lyrics by Tenth Avenue North were comforting in the waiting –

As I walk this great unknown, Questions come and questions go, Was there purpose for the pain? Did I cry these tears in vain? I don’t want to live in fear, I want to trust that You are near, Trust Your grace can be seen, In both triumph and tragedy. I have this hope, In the depth of my soul, In the flood or the fire, You’re with me and You won’t let go.

When we decided it was time to give our all to adoption, I remember finding Christian Adoption Consultant’s website and calling from a conference room at work. Kelly answered and talked to me about CAC, her journey and listened to our story. Luckily, I had a handkerchief with me. I immediately knew that we needed to work with her and CAC! And, just to mention that I had already talked to 3 other consultant groups before talking to Kelly. Working with CAC and Kelly was the best decision we made! She guided us every step of the way, and prayed with us and for us! We’re beyond grateful for CAC and for all that Kelly did to help us find our way to our daughter!

Jamey was always on board with adoption, but he never wanted biological children. I always knew I wanted to adopt, but my dream was to have a biological child and adopt a child. It took a lot of work on our part and on God’s part for us to come together even after 20 years of marriage, but we did and are closer and stronger than ever before. When we started this journey, memories from my early childhood came back. I remember my mother telling me stories about when I would have a child, and I would correct her and tell her I wasn’t having children that I was going to adopt. We did end up trying everything possible to have a biological child but that was not God’s plan.

The song that helped during this time is by Lauren Daigle – Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at Your feet, Every moment of my wandering, Never changes what You see, I’ve tried to win this war, I confess, My hands are weary, I need Your rest, Mighty warrior, King of the fight, No matter what I face, You’re by my side. When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move, When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through, When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You, I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.

The adoption journey is not an easy one, but every single time, God shows up and there is grace, mercy, and beauty beyond comprehension. We presented to expectant mothers several times and were not chosen, which was so hard. It was tempting to ask why, wondering what was wrong with us, but instead we would shift and pray for God’s will and trust in His plan and His timing. We presented to a situation where the baby was due in just 10 days and we were chosen. We were beyond excited and so hopeful! We met the expectant mother twice before her delivery and felt so purposefully connected to her. Since this was only a couple of hours from our home, we arrived at the hospital before this baby girl was born. We visited with the family and were so elated to meet and love on this sweet baby. We also spent the next day at the hospital. On the 3rd day, we arrived in the morning expecting to bring our baby girl home and we were asked to leave the hospital because the mother was struggling. We went to a park and prayed for help and guidance, until we received the call that the mother had decided to parent. Feeling completely devastated, we drove back to the hospital to give her the car seat, so that she could bring her baby home. We had to process this loss and grieve this baby girl. I do believe that this happened for a reason and that we played a part in this birth mother’s difficult decision. We immediately loved her unconditionally and continue to pray for her and her baby girl.

This song by Hillary Scott helped during this time – I believe that You are God alone, But sometimes I still try to take control, ‘Cause I get scared when I can’t see the end, And all You want from me is to let go. You’re parting waters, Making a rain for me, You’re moving mountains that I don’t even see, You’ve answered my prayer before I even speak, All You need for me to be is still.

Two and a half months later, we felt ready to present our profile and we were once again chosen. Though we were excited, we were cautious with our emotions. We spoke to the expectant mother on the phone and found out that it was going to be a baby boy. She went into labor about 3 weeks after we were matched, and we got the call to go home and pack since this was several states away. We waited to hear that we could head that way, and that call never came. The news we heard was that the baby was born and the mother was struggling with her decision. At the end of the week, we heard that she decided to parent. We had to pick ourselves up once again and find strength to keep going.

The song I listened to after this was by Danny Gokey – I’ve been running through rain, That I thought would never end, Trying to make it on faith, In a struggle against the wind, I’ve seen the dark and the broken places, But I know in my soul, No matter how bad it gets, I’ll be alright. There’s a hope in front of me, There’s a light, I still see it, There’s a hand still holding me, Even when I don’t believe it, I might be down but I’m not dead, There’s better days still up ahead, Even after all I’ve seen, There’s a hope in front of me.

I was finding it harder and harder to hold on to the fight, but God kept reminding us to not give up. On October 16, I was especially struggling, so I went to mass at Noon and prayed that if we were not meant to be parents, for God to please send me a clear sign because I was so tired. I went back to work and was headed to the gym that afternoon when I received a call from an agency. I was told that there was a baby girl born 2 days prior and that our profile was shown to the birth mother and father and that we were chosen! She said she needed to know right away because the baby could be discharged that day. We were on a plane the next morning! We had to pack, buy plane tickets, find a place to stay, and choose a name for our daughter! We met her on October 17 and left the hospital that day with her.

She was truly worth all that we went through! We stay in touch with our daughter’s birth parents and we love them so much! We got to meet them and visit with them a couple of months ago. During our visit we learned that my daughter, her birth mother, and my birthdays are all in October and my husband and our daughter’s birth father’s birthdays are in March. We are so thankful for an open adoption. God weaves the most beautiful tapestry of life for us.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Guest Post: Adoption Isn't A Way To Get Pregnant

November 12, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Infertility, Adoption

The moment the nurse placed him in my arms, I knew we belonged to each other. All the tears and frustrations of the past several years pooled into a fountain of joy. Now I understood why God has us wait for a baby: So we could have this baby.

After my husband and I struggled with infertility, the Lord blew us away with His kindness and matched us with a loving birthmother. Through her brave choice, He gave us a son.

People were happy for us. They threw us showers, brought meals, and eagerly cuddled our son. Yet amid the celebration, we heard comments hinting at something better to come. A wink here, a nudged elbow there, the crack of a smile implying special intuition. I cringed every time someone uttered the words:

“Now that you’ve adopted, you’ll get pregnant. It happens all the time.”

No. No, it doesn’t happen all the time. Research on pregnancy after infertility doesn’t account for couples who adopt before getting pregnant. From a scientific standpoint, this idea is a myth.

People who say this mean well. They’re trying to give you hope that your longing for a biological child will be fulfilled. What they don’t understand is that this myth devalues adoptees. It regards the process of adoption as inferior to biological procreation, and an adopted child as less desirable than a biological child.

Regardless of good intentions, statements like “Just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant” hurt people. They question couples’ family-building decisions, treat children as a means to an end, and reject the core Christian belief that God created all human beings in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Every life matters to God. He calls us as His image bearers to respect and preserve the dignity of every single person. No matter how a child is brought into a family, he or she is worthy of value to the Lord and to the world.

God grows families through both pregnancy and adoption. The varied makeup of the earthly families he builds reflects the diversity of our spiritual family. We come from different backgrounds, far-flung places, and widely ranging walks of life, all broken and in need of rescue. By sending Christ to die in our place and raise to new life, God gave us the right to be called His adopted children. As He welcomed us into His family, so we can embrace and appreciate the mosaic of families he forms in the world.

Through earthly adoption, God does more than unite parents with children. He provides a path to redeem some of the damage the Fall inflicted on childbearing and family unity. He takes crises like infertility, unexpected pregnancy, and children who are orphaned or otherwise at risk and transforms them into opportunities for restoration.

As with any earthly process, adoption isn’t perfect. It can’t completely “fix” these problems. Yet the creation of a family born of loss renders hope for a broken world groaning to be made anew (Romans 8:19). Like with our spiritual adoption, we need earthly adoption to claim the family wholeness we crave.

Viewing adoption as secondary to biological procreation diminishes a beautiful process whereby God works redemption. Rather than a lesser means to a better end, adoption is a resolution, a responsibility, a calling, and a gift. It’s an end unto itself and should be appreciated as a providential plan. John Piper describes the intrinsic worth of both ways God designs a family:

“In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But it does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth.”

Although it’s rare, some couples do get pregnant after adopting. It happened to us. I have no explanation for it, other than to say God worked another miracle after the first miracle of bringing our oldest son through adoption. We’re grateful for how he formed our family using different paths at different times.

Wherever you’re at on the path of adoption, be prepared to encounter the myth that adoption leads to pregnancy. Even if infertility isn’t part of your story, you’ll hear it tossed around as a platitude or joke.

While it’s frustrating to be told such a harmful cliché, try to approach the situation as an opportunity to educate others. Tell them that a child who is adopted isn’t a consolation prize for parents who couldn’t conceive. Give them a clearer picture of adoption, acknowledging the risks and flaws while also highlighting the value and beauty of this path.

Ask the Lord to give you boldness and gentleness to correct the myth. Help others see the glorious ways God chooses to grow a family, that they might glorify your Father in heaven.

Jenn Hesse is a writer, wife, and mother through adoption and pregnancy. She is the content director at a national infertility support ministry called Waiting in Hope, and has a passion for equipping others to know Christ through His Word. She writes at jennhesse.com and other Christian publications.

Getting Through Mother's Day After A Loss

May 09, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption, Infertility, Motherhood

It’s the day before Mother’s Day and I have so many women on my mind who are struggling with infertility and loss. As I was praying for these sweet ladies, a post I wrote over 6 years ago, 2 months after our miscarriage, kept coming to mind. I don’t know who needs to hear these words, but I’m confident someone does.

May 10, 2014

This would have been my very first Mother’s Day with a little baby growing inside of me, but here I am in my bed, weighed down by a mountain of grief, unable to put my feet on the floor. I have been praying that God would give me (and others) strength to get through tomorrow, but I know it will still sting. This Mother’s Day will be a reminder of the loss of our baby. It will be a reminder of a broken dream. Mothers will post pictures of their “Mother’s Day” gifts and “Mother’s Day” lunches (as they should). It is something to be celebrated. Young mothers will get homemade drawings from their little ones and husbands will buy their wives a bouquet of flowers (as they should). Mother’s Day will be difficult for me to celebrate this year because it will be a constant reminder of our loss.

On this Mother’s Day, please honor your mothers, but don’t forget about those who have had a miscarriage or are struggling with infertility. Also, be mindful that many women (and men) have lost their mother or child. It may be difficult for them to be joyous on this occasion-so be understanding if they do not appear to be as “celebratory” as you. Be sensitive, gracious and very mindful of your words. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24). A simple: “I am praying for you” is more than sufficient.

To the women (and men) who are stung by a loss or infertility, please know it is more than ok (and quite normal) to struggle with feelings of anger and sadness-especially on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to dress yourself with a fake smile. Take your thoughts, take your sadness, take your frustration, take your brokenness, take it all to the feet of your Savior. He is a good Father. He is the best listener and He never gets tired of wiping your tears. I know your heart may feel broken and shattered into a million pieces, but our God is the Great Physician and He will help you.

A week after my miscarriage, I wrote a very honest letter to the Lord. I am not going to share all of it now (maybe one day), but I would like to disclose a portion with you:

“Where do I go from here? Where do we go from here? Great question. All I know is this: We are going to keep loving Jesus. And when we need to cry….we are going to cry. And when anger overcomes us we aren’t going to suppress it, but rather we will bring those feelings before the Lord, for He understands. We will keep running to the Ultimate healer who is more than able to restore our broken hearts.”

On this Mother’s Day don’t forget about those who are struggling with pain from prior losses or infertility. Pray for them. Pray that the Lord would bring complete healing to their soul. To all of the AMAZINGLY courageous women who contacted me after I shared about our miscarriage, sharing similar experiences, I will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow. I have found myself asking, “Lord, how am I going to get through the day tomorrow? It is just going to be an overwhelming reminder of our loss.” The Lord brought me to HIS WORD: “God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns” (Psalm 46:5). Remember: The Lord is walking with you tomorrow and if you need Him to…He will carry you through this storm. You are never alone.

10 Years After Open-Heart Surgery

January 23, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Faith, Infertility

Yesterday, I logged into an old blog of mine from 2010. I had begun writing it as a means to keep my family and friends updated on my health. In February of that year I had a mini-stroke that lead to a dozen specialists conducting dozens of tests on a seemingly healthy 22 year old girl. After a week of tests and rarely being allowed to leave my hospital bed, the puzzle was finally solved. A tumor was sitting on my mitral valve and a tiny piece of the tumor had broken off and made it's way up to my brain, causing a mini-stroke.

Last night I stayed up pretty late reading all the posts I wrote before and after my surgery. And I was amazed. I was amazed to read about the work God was doing in my heart as I was walking through so many unknowns. I was amazed to read about all the prayer warriors that were interceding for healing on my behalf. I was amazed at the kindness and tender care provided from the hospital staff, friends, family and even strangers. As I was reading through each post I had flashbacks of that 22 year old sitting on those itchy, bleach white hospital sheets waiting to learn what her future would hold.

Doctors and nurses were in and out of my room the entire week. They were drawing blood, taking me for another MRI and other various tests. There was discussion about what type of valve replacement I would require. There were explanations for how the medication I may need would affect my fertility. There were even talks of how, if I choose a certain valve, I would require another open heart surgery in 8-10 years. The surgery itself, and what doctors would find, was not altogether known. They explained that during open heart surgery they would stop my heart and that I would be kept alive through a bypass machine.

It would have been completely understandable if I was paralyzed with fear. But I wasn't. Yes, I was scared at times, but I wasn't consumed by it. And last night as I was reading through every word of every post, one thing was very evident: Christ was sustaining me. I wasn't an insanely strong human being and I didn’t just pull myself up by my boot straps and keep chugging along. But I had an entire army of brothers and sisters pleading with Lord on my behalf. They were praying for my physical healing. They were also praying that He would be my peace, hope and source of strength and that in all things God would be glorified. It was His grace overflowing into every corner of my heart that enabled me to trust Him. His loving and gracious hand was holding me above the raging waters. It wasn't that I was oblivious to my surroundings; I just had this peace-filled confidence. I knew that regardless of what was on the other side of this surgery, I was safe and secure in the shadow of His wings.

I had this overwhelming sense that someone else needed this reminder today. I know I did. Whatever you are going through right now - relationship challenges, parenting issues, financial hardships, health issues, grieving a loss, dealing with uncertainty and doubt - God will sustain you. That’s worth repeating. God sustains those who trust in Him. Dear friend, you also weren’t created to walk this road alone. Reach out to a friend and ask for them to pray with you. Prayer changes things. I’m a walking example.

With Love,
Kelly

Generalizing Perspectives In Adoption

January 17, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

There are countless perspectives about adoption. This makes a lot of sense to me, as there are three parties to consider-the adoptee, the birth mother/family, and the adoptive parents. I have noticed an unhealthy trend in the adoption community. The best phrase I can use to describe it is this: "generalizing perspectives in adoption." Often times we hear of an adoptee, birth mother or adoptive family's experience in adoption and we mistakenly conclude that must be true for every situation. However, that belief is false. We must be careful not to make blanket assumptions about any part of the triad because in doing so we are unknowingly contributing to stereotypes/generalizations.

For example, let's say you meet a couple who has chosen adoption as a means to grow their family because they have struggled with infertility. Then, you go on to assume that all couples or most who pursue adoption have struggled with infertility as well. Now while many couples who struggle with infertility do walk down this path, I work with a lot of families, both small and large, who are not infertile, but have chosen the path of adoption.

The same is true of adoptee and birth mother perspectives. If you hear an adoptee speak about their story and how they feel about their adoption, you can't conclude that all adoptees feels the same way about adoption that this person does. This just isn't true. I have many friends who were adopted and I can tell you that each of their experiences and opinions are different and no story is like the next. Similarly, no two birth mother/parents opinions and experiences are exactly the same. Just because you read about one birth mother's perspectives on adoption, does not mean that every birth mother views adoption the way that she does.

As an adoption consultant I get asked a ton of questions about adoption on a daily basis. Of course it's my job and I love answering questions, but sometimes I can pick up on these stereotypes just by the type of questions someone will ask. "So most birth mothers are teenagers, right?" False. Only about 25% of birth mothers/parents are teenagers. I get asked similar questions like this about the "type" of birth mothers our families place with and the truth is they are all different with varying backgrounds, preferences, ethnicities, stories, hobbies, hopes and dreams. There isn't one "type" of birth mother.

Perhaps you read an adoption story about a family whose journey to their child wasn't easy. They waited two years and went through 2 failed adoptions before they brought their child home. You don't want to go through what this family went through! While no adoption is risk-free or easy, you can't assume that your story will look like anyone else's. Every adoption is unique and different. How do I know that? Because every potential adoptive parent, expectant/birth parent and adoptee are unique and different.

It's important that we listen and respect the voices of all parties of the adoption triad and their differing experiences and perspectives. But let's be careful not to assume that everyone holds the same opinions and experiences that one person does. God crafted each and every person so uniquely and special. And we are all fearfully and wonderfully made by God and each have our own experiences and opinions that we bring to the table. Let's give space to learn from a variety of perspectives.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Adoption Story: Jon + Amy

November 13, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I had the honor of walking with Jon and Amy through the adoption process from beginning to end! I remember the very first time I spoke with Amy on the phone! She was so kind and easy to talk to. I was amazed by her vulnerability and openness in sharing about the journey that led them to adoption. Jon and Amy, I’m amazed by your strength, faith and trust in God throughout this entire process. It was very evident that your hope was in the One who was writing your story and not your circumstances. I pray Amy’s words would be a source of encouragement and joy to you wherever you are on your journey.

Jon and I have two biological sons. We always knew our hearts had more love to share with another child. After experiencing serious medical complications with our second son at birth, we didn’t know if we would ever have more children. We put it in God’s hand and after many years of trying to grow our family, he opened the door to adoption for us….and we followed Him through it.

In January 2018, a friend of ours who had recently adopted, recommended that we call Christian Adoption Consultants for a consultation call. We were in the very early stages of considering adoption when I called and spoke to Kelly Todd. There was an instant connection, like I was talking to someone I had known forever! She answered all of our questions and put our concerns at ease. Our initial plan was to call a few places and do our research before signing on with one place. CAC was our first phone call and our last!! We felt so good after that initial call with Kelly Todd and we signed on a few days later!!

Kelly was so incredibly helpful right from the start. She made us the most beautiful profile book and helped us find a home study agency which we adored! I was constantly texting her or emailing her questions and thoughts as they came up and she was always so quick to answer!

We were home study ready in April 2018 and immediately started seeing situations. Over the next few months, we presented to a few situations however kept hearing that expectant mama had chosen another family. I will admit, we weren’t prepared for how difficult that part was going to be with each time feeling like a loss of someone we already cared for. Kelly was always there to encourage us, pray for us and push us to trust in God’s timing. Our faith was definitely strengthened during this waiting period and I am thankful for the gentle nudging that she continued to give us.

In September of 2018, we received a situation about a baby that had already been born. We chose to present! As we were writing a letter to her birth mother, I felt so connected to her. It felt different than the previous times and I just knew in my heart and soul that this was it! Two days after presenting, we got the call that we had been chosen!! 24 hours later, we hopped on a plane to go meet this sweet little girl!

Ours boys came with us which was incredibly special! We communicated very openly with them about the adoption journey from the beginning and having them by our sides on our way to go meet our daughter and their sister was something we will never forget and always be grateful for.

On September 15th, the sweetest little girl was placed in our arms. I will never forget the joy and emotion that was felt in that very moment. We had prayed for this child for so long and our hearts were literally bursting with joy.

We were initially told that her birth mama wanted a closed adoption which we felt sad about however little did we know that more prayers would be answered. We were told by the agency, that her birth mama really wanted to meet us after all! The following day, we had the great privilege to meet her for lunch and get to know her more. It was one of the most beautiful and unforgettable moments we have ever experienced and we feel so blessed to have had this opportunity.

This journey was not an easy one but our family learned so much about life and love. It has changed us in ways we never could have imagined. We will forever be grateful to Abigail’s birth mother for giving us the honor and privilege to parent this sweet girl and to God for His faithfulness throughout all of this.

Adoption Story: John + Lindsay

October 02, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

It was such an honor to walk John and Lindsay through the adoption process. I was in tears reading through their adoption story. Lindsay was so honest, raw and vulnerable in sharing their journey and I know you will be encouraged as I have been by their faith and trust in God. They were chosen by their son’s birth mother a month after being home study ready, and their baby boy was born 8 weeks early, just a few weeks after being matched. As you will read below, their story is filled with joy, heartache, ups and downs, twists and turns, but every moment of waiting led them to their miracle baby boy, Elijah.

Our adoption story started out with a lot of heartache, frustration, and disappointment. We had been married for about a year when we started to try to have children biologically. After about two years of month after month of continually receiving negative results, we decided it was time to have some testing done. The doctors could not find anything wrong with either one of us, which was in a way even more disappointing. We were hoping they would find something they could fix easily. But, unexplained infertility? What does that even mean? We completed several rounds of artificial insemination, and again we were unsuccessful.

At this point, our marriage was not doing so well, as this was really getting to both of us. We did not handle it together like we should have and we had stopped going to church at some point along our infertility journey. But someone must have been praying for us. Because just when we needed it more than ever, God sent us a new pastor and he and his wife were young with three young children. Of course when we heard it, we thought, "just what we need is to be around a happy young family." Needless to say, we did not get back to church until about six months after they had arrived. We hit it off fairly quickly with him and his wife, and we believe that if it had not been for them, our marriage was headed down a rocky road. We quickly became very close with them and their three beautiful children. Looking back on it now, we know that God brought us together to show us how much we could love children that were not biologically ours.

During the couple years of spending time with our pastor and his family, we also had decided stop worrying about getting pregnant. Of course, that was easier said than done, as it was always in the back of our minds. At some point during this time we were both saved by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. It completely changed us both. It still took awhile for God to convince us that adoption was the route for us, mainly due to my (Lindsay) stubborn nature. We had touched base with Kelly Todd at Christian Adoption Consultants in February of 2018, but decided it was not time yet. Again, my stubbornness. It took a lot more heartache and some bouts with depression before God finally picked me back up and helped us to make the first step.

In January of 2019 we officially signed on with CAC. At this point, it was exciting but scary. All we could do was be obedient to God by doing things one step at a time because the big picture was incredibly overwhelming. Kelly was a gift from God! Her strength and incredible faith kept us going and helped us to persevere when there were many times that we wanted to give up.

By May of 2019, we were home study ready! Kelly was getting ready to begin our profile to show to expectant mothers, when we happened upon a local woman who was looking for a family for her baby. The way it happened, through a friend of a friend, we knew it had to be God’s doing. The next six weeks were a whirlwind, and we still faced more heartache. We would lose touch with birth mom and think she had changed her mind. We thought she lost the baby at one point as well and we had to grieve the loss for about 24 hours. Then in the middle of June we got the call that birth mom had delivered eight weeks early. We were so excited and nervous. We showed up at the hospital about five hours after our beautiful little miracle was born. We have been with him ever since. After five long weeks of time in the NICU, we brought him home on July 18, 2019!

Throughout all of it God was so faithful. Looking back, He was holding our hands the entire time and He had it all planned out. From a nurse who prayed with us when we needed it the most to another nurse who gave us a gas card because she had heard our story and wanted to perform a random act of kindness. And then there was Kelly and her wonderfully strong faith and encouraging words through it all. She was always there when we needed it most and we believe that God spoke to us so many times through her.

As we reflect back, we know that all of it was part of God’s plan to bring us to our son. From the heartache and marriage problems, to the being saved and coming to know Jesus, it was a crazy ride, but we are stronger now because of it. Our marriage is stronger and our faith is stronger. We know that God is in control and He is faithful. All we have to do is let go of our plans, to not be afraid to step out of our comfort zones, and to be obedient to His plan for our lives. All it takes is one small “Yes!” to God.

Adoption Story: Jim + Julie

September 17, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

It was such a pleasure getting to know Jim and Julie throughout their journey through adoption. I’m so blessed to work with such amazing families and this sweet couple was no exception! I remember the first time I spoke with them. Prior to signing on with Christian Adoption Consultants they had been working with other agencies for about 5 years and during that time had experienced a great deal of loss and heartache. But their strength in the Lord and perseverance throughout was so very evident. They were chosen about 10 months after signing on with CAC to be the parents of their sweet baby girl. I’m honored and grateful to have Julie on the blog tonight sharing the story that led them to their daughter.

After twelve years of marriage, my husband Jim and I decided to begin our family. We didn’t really consider that it wouldn’t happen easily and quickly, and we spent about the next three years doing multiple rounds of infertility treatments. We had a glimmer of hope with one pregnancy, but heartbreak soon followed with a devastating miscarriage. It took some time, but one more round of IVF later, we realized that we just wanted a family, however that came about. Though our hearts were still healing from our miscarriage and the inability to become pregnant, we simultaneously became increasingly excited and encouraged about the prospect of adoption.

Again, we were not prepared for how long our adoption journey would take. We signed up with a local facilitator, which resulted in several broken matches. We then signed up with an adoption attorney, and this also resulted in two broken matches. After about four years, we decided to investigate other avenues. A California agency recommended we look into Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC), as we already had a home study. We called, and CAC sounded encouraging, but we decided to stick it out with our facilitator a little longer. Looking back, we believe our depression over years of failed attempts to have children made signing up with a new adoption provider seem overwhelming and daunting, like starting from scratch. We felt discouraged and weren’t sure that God even wanted us to have kids, but we both felt the Holy Spirit encouraging us to not give up yet. And thankfully, God placed people in our lives to encourage us to keep going.

Within a year, we called CAC again and spoke to Kelly Todd, who would become our adoption consultant. She listened to our story, and dispelled some of our fears, such as us being too old to be picked by an expectant mom. We were encouraged and excited after speaking to her, and finally signed up with CAC. One of the most helpful things for us was Kelly’s detailed feedback on our already existing profile book. After years of working on and updating it ourselves, it was incredible to have her expertise help us fine tune it, so it showed the best and most complete picture of what we had to offer a child. She also proofread the letters we wrote to expectant moms we were hoping to be matched with – also invaluable. It was just great to have someone walking through each of these steps with us, answering our questions, checking in on us, and praying for us.

Less than a year after having signed up with CAC, we received a call that we had been chosen by an expectant mom that we had written to! We were shocked and overjoyed. Could this really finally be happening? We cautiously began making preparations, as our baby’s birth mom was due to give birth in a month. We texted and Skyped with her and felt compassion for her and her circumstances. While I always knew I’d be grateful to the woman who blessed us with a baby, I was concerned that I might also feel insecure, or even jealous. But I believe the Lord worked on my heart and I very quickly felt protective of her and wanted to assure her that she would play a role in her baby’s life.

When our daughter’s birth mom gave birth several weeks later, we hurriedly packed the car, and drove the 8 ½ hours, though the mountains, in the middle of the night. We were excited, still in shock, and terrified all at the same time! We couldn’t believe we might actually be parents soon. We arrived a few hours after the birth, and then had to wait the three days until she could legally be placed with us. I, in particular, was so worried about another broken match. I could see our baby’s birth mom’s sadness and we hurt for her. But, we continued guarding our hearts, and just couldn’t let ourselves get emotional until the baby was actually placed with us. When it happened on day three, it was a mix of emotions, as we couldn’t fathom everything our daughter’s birth mother was going through. But we were also so grateful and honored that she chose us to be her daughter’s mommy and daddy forever.

It has been a much longer journey than we expected to begin our family. However, as painful as parts have been, we don’t believe it was wasted time. God grew us both over the years. We learned to persevere, and that with God’s presence, we could handle more than we thought possible. We also were forced to trust God, and give up the illusion of control. We have struggled with fear along this journey, and we believe God purposefully allowed us to be in situations where we had absolutely no control, so that we would learn to trust Him. Finally, we experienced, up close, God’s comfort and kindness for us. Not just when we finally became parents, but in the eight years before. He consistently put friends in our lives who prayed for us, checked in our how we were doing after setbacks, encouraged us to continue, and did thoughtful things, like bringing me sunflowers on Mother’s Day. It made us realize, like never before, that God sees us in our suffering. Every tear we shed in our desire for a child, God was right there, loving us, and wanting us to turn to Him. Though this timeline is not what we would have thought we wanted, we are so grateful that God loved us enough to do what’s best for us. We would encourage anyone who is pursuing adoption to persevere in hope, trust Him in painful and uncertain moments, and seek His heart and will for you. If you do these things, you and your story will be in His hands, and there is no better place to be.

Adoption Story: Cody + Bristi

September 13, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I remember the very first time I spoke with Bristi on the phone. She was kind, funny, friendly, and so open about their life and how they came to the adoption process. We instantly bonded over the fact that both of our husband’s were in the ministry! Cody and Bristi were chosen by their son’s birth mother 6 months after their home study was completed. They brought their son, Cainan, home with them a few months later. It was such a joy and an honor to walk with them through the adoption process. Bristi has shared their adoption story with such honesty and vulnerability. I know you will be encouraged as you read her words below.

Before my husband and I ever talked about marriage we talked about how we wanted to adopt one day. I (Bristi) have wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember. After having 3 biological children, we felt that God was encouraging us to start the adoption process. We had absolutely no idea where to start. God placed a couple of families in our church that had used Christian Adoption Consultants, so we decided to look into that. After we applied we got a phone call from Kelly Todd. We honestly had no clue what we were doing and Kelly was so patient and able to answer all of our questions and help guide us through the process. We used CAC for all of our paperwork and to create our profile book, which was a huge help! Any questions we had when it came to whether or not to present to a situation were answered and we never felt like we needed to doubt the advice that was given us. Kelly made it feel like we were talking to a close friend who had been through this before and knew the ins and outs of it all.

We went active in April and had high hopes of being matched quickly. After the first “no” we started to doubt that any expectant mom would choose us because we already had 3 biological children. Satan likes to use any seed of doubt he can. We presented to three or four situations and all of them were “no’s” and we started to doubt that God had even called us to adopt. We received a situation over a holiday weekend while we were out of town. When we saw it, we both immediately wanted to present. That next week we got a phone call from the agency and I answered my phone, expecting a no, but instead were told she had chosen us! I was speechless and couldn’t hold the tears back. I called my husband who was at work and we both sat on the phone in silent shock. Although the wait wasn’t easy, we knew that God’s timing was perfect. After the shock wore off we remember being nervous and excited all at the same time! We got the opportunity to Skype with our son’s birth mom a few times before heading down to meet them in December for his birth.

The waiting period leading up to December was not easy and had plenty of emotions to go with it, but it was nothing compared to the birth of our son. There were so many ups and downs. I was honored to be in the delivery room with our son’s birth mom for the c-section. I will always keep those moments etched into my mind as they are very sacred and special. Seeing our son’s birth mother make one of the most difficult decisions of her life was heart wrenching.

During this time we wanted to make sure she knew how amazing and strong she was regardless of what she decided, as we knew he wasn’t our son until consents were signed. That time of waiting was more difficult than we anticipated. Our case worker at the agency was great at helping us to know when to be with our son’s birth mom and when to let her have her time. We were able to have our own room in the hospital, which was such a sweet blessing.

The day she was supposed to sign was such a difficult day. We knew it was going to be extremely hard for her. Kelly was so sweet to be on standby to pray. We were a nervous wreck. Knowing that the sweet baby boy that we had grown to love more than anything in the last two days could potentially not be ours was almost more than we could handle, but at the same time we couldn’t even imagine all of the heavy emotions she was going through. But then we got the call. We got the call from our case worker saying that she had signed and we could come get our son from the hospital. It was surreal walking back into the hospital after everything that had happened that day, but everyone was so accommodating and compassionate towards us that all of the nervous, anxious feeling we had melted away.

Words fail to express how grateful we are for our son’s birth mother. The love she has shown us has been incredible. We are blown away by her strength and selflessness. We truly love our son’s birth mother and see her as a part of our family. She has given us the sweetest, most wonderful gift we could have ever dreamed of. We have an open adoption and get messages from her around every 3 months. We plan to visit her after the new year. Our son, Cainan, has been such a blessing to our entire family. Our kids love being his big brother and sister! He is so loved!

67641956_10100235660082899_1979716594716114944_o (1).jpg

A big thank you to CAC and Kelly Todd for walking with us through this journey. If you are considering adoption and don’t know where to start, start with CAC. The guidance you will receive is priceless. The process is overwhelming and can be very stressful at times, but in the end it is more than worth it and with CAC by your side it helps share the load. We would do it all again if God calls us to, and we wouldn’t hesitate to use CAC!

57663994_10100206771116619_7828555242538008576_o (1).jpg

Thoughts On Adoption From An Adoptee & Birth Mother

September 09, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I’m so honored to share a guest post from Jori Reid. Jori is a birth mother to an amazing 10 year old girl and they have an open adoption. As an adoptee, she also reunited with her birth mother after 21 years. Jori and her husband have 4 children, including twin girls! She is excited to share her unique perspective on adoption with you! I hope her words will be an encouragement to you, as they have been to me.

Adoption has always been a part of my life. I was born to one mother and then was raised by another. Both are amazing and wonderful in their own right. I was adopted from foster care when I was six months old in the 80’s when open adoption was still pretty non-existent. And so I grew up knowing very little about my biological family.

While in college in 2008, I became a birth mother when I placed my oldest daughter for adoption. It was a title I never thought I would share with my own birth mother. I have learned so much in the last 11 years. Since I am two parts of the adoption triad, I think I have a unique perspective. I would like to share with you 5 things I want you about adoption from the perspective of an adoptee and birth mom.

Adoption begins with loss. To be completely honest, it took me a while to see and feel this one, but it doesn't make it any less true. My birth mother left the hospital 32 years ago with empty arms and a broken heart while I stayed there without her. When I was first adopted my mom said I had a hard time adjusting to my new environment and didn’t smile much. Loss and trauma can present in many different ways and times. As a birth mother, I experienced the loss of my daughter when I got on the plane to fly back home after I relinquished my rights and the adoption became final. Yet, I also feel the loss on many occasions like a holiday or a completely random day. It hurts me to my core knowing I caused the pain my daughter feels or will feel, even though we have an open adoption. As parents it’s important to recognize adoption for all that it is and be able to sit with our children in their trauma and get them further help if needed. Doing research, joining a support group and/or finding a therapist can all make a difference.
Adoption is a choice. After reuniting with my birth mom 10 years ago I was able to hear first hand why she placed me for adoption. It was so healing for me. She chose to place me for adoption so I could have a different life. Not necessarily better just different. I too chose adoption for the same reason. It was the best choice for us at that time in my life. So now 11 years into our adoption journey I am still healing, growing, and learning. I live with my choice every single day and try to make the best of it that I can.
Adoption is about love and so is DNA. Adoption is created with love. The love of a girl/woman. The love of a baby/child. The love surrounding a family. But that’s not all it is. Adoption is family. It is history. It is DNA. It is biology. A child’s DNA matters. Growing up and filling out family history paperwork at any medical office and having to write N/A or unknown was hard. Everytime. I was always curious about my biological family. I had a void where that piece of me was missing. I always wondered if I looked or acted like them. I used to fantasize about my ethnicity and where my ancestors came from. As a birth mom, when my oldest daughter was born I had no information to give her parents about my side of the family at the time. Then, when she was six months old I reunited with my birth mom. It was such an incredible time in my life. To have that void filled and to learn about my history that no one but her could share was amazing. To be clear, just because I found and reunited with parts of my biological family does not mean I love my family or parents any less. They raised me to be who I am. I am equal parts of both of my families and am so grateful for that.
What you say about adoption matters. In society today it’s so very easy to offend someone by saying the wrong thing. But I feel most of the time people have no idea they are offending. So what’s the solution? Educate your on positive adoption language. If you don’t who will? Many times I have heard people say, “ I could never GIVE UP my baby” and and I would just cringe. Then I would politely say, “Did you know the correct term is placed a child and not gave up?” It’s a very simple, kind and direct way to educate. Words do matter and have profound power.
Teach your children about diversity. Transracial adoptions are very common. And it’s very imperative that children are taught families come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

Adoption is a never ending journey. We in the adoption community have a responsibility to the triad. We have a responsibility to adoptees to remind them that they are loved unconditionally. We have a responsibility to help them remember that their voice and story matter. We have a responsibility to birth parents to remind them that they are loved during and after placement. And that this love does not just exist for who they created, but for who they are. Birth mothers deserve the best post placement care we can find and they deserve healing. Lastly, we have a responsibility to adoptive parents. To hear them. To love them. To find and give them the support they need to raise these amazing humans. Because in the end we should all be in this journey together. Supporting each other. Lifting each other up. Adoption will only move forward and progress if we put in the work.

About the writer:

Jori Reid is an adoptee and birth mom in an open adoption to an amazing 10 year old girl. Jori reunited with her birth mom after 21 years. She and her husband have 4 children, including a set of twin girls. She loves sharing her story of adoption, motherhood and her adventures of raising her kids, with the hopes to inspire and uplift others.

Understanding The Adoption Tax Credit

September 04, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

Understanding how the adoption tax credit works can be a bit confusing. After my husband and I brought our twins home, we knew we needed assistance with taxes from someone who had experience in working with families who had adopted. After speaking with a few friends who had worked with Dave Lemaster, owner of Superior Tax Prep, we opted to use his services. We continue to use him every year since and he has been wonderful to work with. With over 11 years of experience, he is very knowledgeable on the adoption tax credit and has always been very quick to answer all of our questions.

I reached out to Dave to see if he would be interested in providing a brief summary of how the adoption tax credit works and he was more than happy to provide us with this helpful information.

When a family adopts they are allowed to claim a tax credit on their income tax return for expenses incurred throughout the adoption process. It is advised that individuals should seek professional tax help when looking to claim the adoption tax credit to ensure it is handled properly. In general adoption expenses are claimed on the tax return in the year the adoption is finalized. But for any domestic adoption and foster care adoption qualifying expenses paid before finalization can only be claimed in the tax year following the year of expenditure (i.e. 2018 adoption expenses could not be claimed until the 2019 filed tax return in early 2020). When the adoption has been finalized any remaining expenses not already claimed can be claimed. For an international adoption expenses cannot be claimed until the year of finalization. If there are expenses in a year after finalization and you still have adoption tax credit left you claim them on the tax return for the year paid.

Items that can be claimed as adoption expenses are adoption fees, agency fees, attorney fees, court costs, travel expenses (including meals and lodging) while away from home, etc. Basically any reasonable adoption expense paid throughout the adoption journey. Families should pay special attention to keep receipts for all adoption related expenses so that when it comes time to file for the adoption tax credit there will be no setbacks and trying to track information down.

There are two kinds of tax credits; non-refundable and refundable. A refundable credit will reduce your income tax owed (i.e. does not reduce self-employment tax) and if there is any left it will refund you the remaining amount of the credit. A non-refundable credit will only reduce your tax owed, but any remaining credit amount will not be refunded. The adoption tax credit is a non-fundable credit up to $14,080 per child for a 2019 finalized adoption. This does not mean that when you finalize you will get the full amount in the year of finalization. Those eligible to claim the adoption tax credit can only benefit in a given year up to the amount of their tax liability. For 2018 look at form 1040, line 11 for tax liability. The benefit is limited because it is a non-refundable credit, which means it cannot exceed over your tax liability for the year. Other credits you’re claiming will impact the claimable amount as well.

The good news is that any amount of the adoption credit not used in the initial year can be carried forward for up to 5 years or until the credit runs out. If after the 5 carry forward years there is still adoption credit remaining it expires. Back in 2010 and 2011 the adoption tax credit was a refundable credit and there are legislators trying to make it refundable again.

Understanding the adoption tax credit is complex, but not impossible! Feel free to reach out to Dave Lemaster with any questions regarding the adoption tax credit or his services.

Superior Tax Prep , Dave Lemaster, Owner
(218)-591-3892 / dave.e.lemaster@gmail.com

Dave and his wife Amy are the proud parents of four children, 3 through adoption (including twin boys & their daughter) and one son biologically. They adopted with the help and support of Christian Adoption Consultants for both their adoption journeys. Dave has a B.S. in Accounting from the University of Wisconsin-Superior and MBA through Liberty University Online. He has been in the accounting/tax field since 2008 and has also operated his own tax business since 2014 where he has gained extensive knowledge about the adoption tax credit which helps to serve adoptive families.

A Letter To The Hopeful Adoptive Family

July 22, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

Dear Hopeful Adoptive Family,

I can’t imagine everything you must be thinking and feeling right now. And I’m so very sorry your loss. I wish there were perfect words I could formulate into existence that would erase your pain, but I’m not naïve in this arena. I’ve walked with other families through failed adoptions and I know words can be powerful, but they can’t do that. And knowing that, truly knowing that, devastates me to my core.

I wish I could make this better for you. I wish I could mend your broken heart. I wish I could put all of the pieces back together again. I wish I could make sense of this situation for you. I wish I could pull you out of the storm and make the sun shine again. I wish I could restore hope to your heart in this very moment of your pain. But I can’t. I can’t. And it breaks my heart.

But I’m here for you. I want you to know, dear friend, that even though I can do none of those things, I will be here for you. I will be here when you need a friend to listen and cry with over the phone. I will be here to remind you that you have every right to feel all of the heavy things you are feeling- even when and especially when they don’t make sense. I will be here to remind you to take time to grieve, as what happened is in every sense of the word a loss. I will be here to remind you that others may not understand this type of loss. And as a result make trite remarks like, “It will happen one day” or “It ‘s okay. It will all work out.” But I will be your soundboard. I will remind you that it’s quite “okay” to acknowledge that in this season things couldn’t feel further from seeming like they are going to “work out.”

But as you grieve I will also be your voice of hope, reminding you that you are not alone. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:8) And even though in this moment it may feel like your story is over or that God has forgotten you, I will be here to remind you He has not forgotten you. And your story is not over.

Although I don’t understand why some things unfold the way that they do, I know that our God is faithful. And He will never leave you (Deuteronomy 31:6). I know our God is the great Comforter. And He promises to comfort those who are hurting (1 Corinthians 1:3-5). I know God is the great Healer. And I know He is faithful and committed to healing your heart and your mind (Psalms 30:2). I know that God is your Helper. (Psalm 46:1) And He will guide you through the days to come, every step of the way.

And although I cannot put all of the pieces back together for you, I know the One who can. He is the Great Physician, who restores hope and makes broken things whole again and gives beauty for ashes.

With Love and Prayers,

Kelly Todd,

5 Tips On Talking To Children About Adoption

July 08, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

We were playing on the park one day when a seven year old boy with blonde hair and bright blue eyes approached me. I could tell what he was going to ask before the question came out of his mouth, as it's one I get asked often by kids around his age. I saw him looking at me and looking at the twins, wondering how we were connected.

"Are those your babies?" he asked politely.

"Yes, I'm their mama!"

"But, why are they brown and you're white?"

His mother, completely embarrassed, stepped in and put her hand on his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"Isn't their skin beautiful? You know, families come in all different shapes, colors and sizes. Some families are really big and some families are really small. Some families have step-brothers or step-sisters and some families have only one child or no children at all. Families are formed in different ways. Children can be raised by the family they were born into, like you and your family, or through a family who adopted them, like our family."

"What's adoption?" he asked further.

"That's a great question. Adoption is when a birth mom or birth parent feel they can't take care of a child at the time. And then adoptive parents become their mommy and daddy. My children grew in their birth mama's tummy. When they were born she chose me and that man over there (pointed to my husband, Obbie) to be their parents. They became our son and daughter through adoption. Their birth mama loves them so very much and so do we!"

“Cool!” he said running off to play with his friends on the playground.

The questions I get asked most about adoption and why my children and I don’t “look the same” come mostly from children. I started receiving questions like this as soon as I brought our babies home.

I was tongue tied the very first time a 5 year old little girl asked, “Why are they brown and your not?” The twins were just about 3 weeks old at the time.

“They were adopted!” I replied.“What’s that?” she innocently questioned.

I said, “You can have your mommy explain that!”

Looking back, I still think that answer was okay. It’s not my job to educate every single person on the adoption process and you don’t need to carry that weight either. Adoption is common. And families, schools and churches, should be be doing a better job at educating children on how families are created in different ways.

Here are a few helpful tips to keep in mind as you are responding to children and their questions about adoption:

Don’t overshare. Protect your child’s story when answering questions about adoption.Sometimes I have found it’s best to use generalized answers instead of using personal examples. “Birth mothers choose to have another mommy and daddy raise their child when they feel they can’t at the time.” I have found when I use examples from the twins life it leads to further questions about their adoption story, which isn’t mine to share. Your first priority is to protect your child’s story, not answer others questions about their story. Most kids asking questions are just innocently curious, but even so, it’s not my story to share.
Keep it simple and use age appropriate language. Don’t use abstract phrases or language that could be confusing to a young little mind.
Don’t feel the need to explain the adoption process to every child who asks you. Just like you wouldn’t explain the “birds and the bees” to any random kid who asks you how “babies came to be”-it’s not your job to explain the adoption process to every child who inquires about it. Sometimes it's okay to simple say, "You can have your mommy or daddy explain that" or "You know, I bet your mom or dad would like to explain that to you!"
Continue implementing positive adoption language. Even as we are explaining adoption to younger children, it's important that we still incorporate positive adoption language. I think it's okay to make big adoption words and phrases easier for the little ones to understand, as long as we are doing it in a way that continues to honor all parties of the adoption triad. Click here for a helpful post on positive adoption language.
Be prepared for more questions and how you will respond. Adoption is very complex and difficult for children to wrap their minds around. Many of the words and phrases you may use will be words most children have never heard before and may need further explanation. But again, it's also quite alright to say: "I bet your mommy or daddy would like to explain that to you!"

It may take some time and practice to learn how to respond to kids about complex topics like adoption, but that’s okay! You will get better at it as you go! I hope that you find these tips helpful as you navigate conversations about adoption with children.

Adoption Story: Craig + Camille

March 05, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

Have you ever met someone and just known instantly that there was something special about them? That was my experience with Craig and Camille. Their love for Jesus and faith in God is so evident and has often been an encouragement to me. I spoke to Camille for the very first time in November and they signed on with me at Christian Adoption Consultants a few weeks after our initial conversation. They were matched 4 months later with a sweet baby girl! I will never forget the excitement in my heart when they called to tell me they had been chosen. I was cooking in the kitchen and as I got the news from my sweet family tears of joy streamed down my face. It was such an honor to have a front row seat in watching God’s beautiful plan unfold for their beautiful family. I encourage you to grab a few tissues as Camille shares about their story and God’s faithfulness to their daughter, Annesely Rose.

We thought about adoption for a couple years before feeling God's nudge to begin the process. We crossed paths with Kelly Todd at Christian Adoption Consultants when we were nearing the end of our home study. I’m so grateful we did! We appreciated their multi-agency approach, and we felt more at ease with the adoption process knowing that CAC had heavily vetted these adoption agencies and attorneys. It was so important for us to work with an ethical adoption agency! One of the things that intimidated me most about the adoption process was creating a profile. I was so relieved to know that Kelly would make our book for us, and because of this we felt like we could confidently present to situations. The guidance and education Kelly provided for us was another reason we chose to move forward with CAC. She helped us evaluate the risks, encouraged us when we were discouraged, and answered all of our questions.

During the process my main fear was whether we would ever be chosen. That fear mainly crept in because of my human impatience; I know I'm getting older and want to have energy to care for my child. After we were home study approved we started receiving situations. We presented several times and were told “no.” We started to feel discouraged and wondered if we would ever be parents. One day we were contacted by an agency about a specific situation. We both felt very strongly that God was leading us down this path and so we decided to present. We were so excited to find out we had been chosen!

A few weeks later we received a phone call from the agency stating that the baby had been born that morning - 5 weeks early. She continued to list other things such as length, weight, etc, but everything became a blur when she mentioned the baby had Down Syndrome. This was not something we were aware of prior to her birth. At the same time we received this news, we were actually in a state of grief as both of our grandmothers had passed away within the previous few days. We had been preparing for funerals and were not expecting to travel for another month.

Even though this news had taken us by surprise, we knew it wasn’t a surprise to God. We collapsed into each other's arms and immediately began praying. We also texted Kelly and pleaded for her prayers during this time. After an hour of praying, reading the Bible, crying, and talking, we felt a definite peace in our hearts. We knew this baby was our baby girl and even though we felt unprepared, we knew that God would equip us with everything we needed to be the best parents we could be. When we arrived at the hospital we were finally able to meet our daughter, Annesely Rose, for the very first time. We loved her as soon as we were matched with her; however, when we first saw her, we realized how much we loved her, and it was even more evident when we could hold her for the very first time.

Throughout this adoption journey, God has taught us that we are not in control - He is. We should have known this all along and sometimes think we do, but deep down we still often try to control things ourselves. We look back in amazement at how God orchestrated all this. We love our little girl and are so thankful that she is in our lives. We feel God has a special plan for her and are just thankful that it includes us!

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***