Healing is in His Hands (Part 2) — Something Beautiful Here

When I was a little girl I have the most vivid memories of people praying over me. One time in particular always comes to mind, although I could share more. My pastor asked if anyone needed prayer. My hands got really sweaty and my heart started beating fast and I felt the Holy Spirit's prompting to go up and ask for it. But I wasn't just merely asking. Even at 7 years old I believed with full confidence that He would do it. After all, I was living proof. So when I was asking, I was asking in full confidence knowing He had the power to heal my body right then and there.

I had cancer twice as an infant. After the tumors were removed I was left with medical issues that I dealt with all throughout the day from the removal of the tumors. I had to take medication for these issues and was observed by specialists in St.Louis to make sure the cancer wasn't returning and the issues were under control. The medication didn't resolve the medical issues, but I was sick less often than I would have been without them.

My Mother & I. I was halfway through chemo treatments.

I walked up to the altar with my mother and the pastor met us at the stairs.I still remember how the green carpet felt. As we kneeled down and my head was anointed with oil, my pastor and the entire congregation joined in prayer over me. It makes me tear up thinking about how much courage it took to walk down in front of hundreds of people sitting in the congregation-a type of courage that could truly only come from the Holy Spirit. Some of my church family knew what I was asking specific prayers for, others did not. But God knew. And God heard. That was enough. But I left that night with the same medical complications I had walking into the sanctuary.

I cried when we got home. I didn't understand why I had to carry this burden. I felt a heavy "differentness" among my peers and this weight was carried with me for years. I continued to miss a ton of school due to these issues. I had a nurse who would come get from class a few times a day to make sure I was taking care of myself. Kids were curious and of course would ask questions. I got really tired of answering those questions because these questions served as a reminder to me of just how different I felt than my peers. But despite the embarrassment, shame and humbling encounters I had in spite of these things, I continue talking to God about it. I continued asking Him to heal my body.

I was quite familiar with the power of prayer and miraculous healing. I had seen it to be true in my own life. Since He had done it before, I just knew in my heart that He would do it again. To me there was no "could" about it. I knew deep down in my heart that God would do it. But day after day I prayed and I prayed and there was no change. There would be times when I had convinced myself that I was healed. I would beg my mom to take me to be tested by my doctors to see if in fact I had been "healed." But year after year, the little hopeful Kelly was met with more and more disappointment, "I'm sorry. There have been no changes. The medical issues are irreversible."

"What was I doing wrong? Was I not praying hard enough? Did I not have enough faith?" Unfortunately, this mentality surrounding healing and prayer isn't uncommon. Just as I was susceptible to it, I've heard others make similar comments. It breaks my heart when I hear questions like this. This mentality and way of thinking about healing and prayer is very dangerous. "God didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to so that must mean I prayed the wrong formula or I don't have enough faith."

At a very young age the Lord helped me reframe and understand my medical challenges in a new light. Healing came in a different way than I expected it would. There was no burning bush. There was no flash of light. There was no tingling sensation all over my body like I had heard others speak of. But He did heal me. Healing just came wrapped in a different package than I thought it would. He healed my mind and my heart to be at peace with my circumstances. Finally, I came to embrace my medical challenges. That didn't mean that they still weren't hard to deal with, but I learned to find God's purpose behind the pain. That was so transformative for me because in doing so I found Jesus Christ right there with me.

Me at Relay for Life leading the Survivor Walk.

The things that I once considered the worst part of me, a burden, like chains holding me down, I came to recognize as a gift from God. Because not a day went by where I was not physically reminded of my weaknesses and my need for Christ. I'm so grateful through God's grace and kindness that I learned from a very early age that there really is no greater treasure than being constantly aware of your need for a Savior. And that was I. This early recognition of my need for Jesus and my inability to function in this world without Him was the greatest gift I could have ever received. The cancer wasn't wasted. The medical complications weren't wasted. The pain wasn't wasted. He used all of these things to keep my heart close to His and to draw me to Him. It was through these difficult experiences and not a part from them that I started asking questions about God. And it was through asking these questions that I came to learn about the Gospel. And it was through learning about the Gospel that I came to learn about the unconditional love of my heavenly Father. And that love changed everything.

Getting baptized at the Lake of Egypt after I became a Christian in 1996. The man holding my hand walking me into the lake was the same pastor who prayed for me.