Overcoming Fear In The New Year

Are you crippled by fear? Are you consumed with worry over losing a loved one? Are you or a loved one struggling with an unresolved health issue? Do you fear failure or the thought that you’ll never be “good enough?” Do you carry around the weight that something bad is going to happen to you? Have you been struggling with infertility and wondering if you will ever get pregnant? Are you weary from the adoption process and wonder if you’ll ever be chosen? Do you stay up late at night worried about your child getting sick? Do you fear losing your job or the inability to provide well for your family? 

I can relate to some of these fears. At times, I’ve felt consumed by them. When I was in my third year of college I had a mini-stroke. It took weeks before we discovered why the seemingly healthy 22 year old suffered one. There was so much uncertainty surrounding those weeks. Test after test, the results of one test would soon lead to another and dozens of doctors from different specialties came in and out of my hospital room asking the same questions. When your health is starting to look more like an anomaly and an unsolvable puzzle, fear can start to creep in. But, God met me in that cold hospital room. God was there with me when I discovered I would be having open-heart surgery due to the tumor growing on my mitral valve. God was there with me when I was told this would affect my ability to have biological children. God was there with me when thoughts and fears of what the outcome of surgery would entail for my future. And as I was looking out the hospital window the night before surgery, my heavenly Father lovingly guided my heart to a place of peace and trust. 

I’ve been brought to my knees many times throughout my life, as I’ve struggled with fear surrounding my circumstances. I wanted to share a little tried and true “road map” for your soul, that’s been extremely helpful to me in fighting and overcoming fear. I pray it brings your weary heart to a place of rest.

1. Share your fears with God. Acknowledge them and lay them all out before Him. Every thought. Every feeling. Don’t hold back. No feeling is too big for Him to handle. I’ve found it helpful for me to even write them down in my journal or say them out loud in prayer.
   
   

2. Remember who your Father is. Ask God to help you remember who He is. Lately I’ve been reminding myself that God is Most High. He is supreme and above all things-our fears, our health issues, our struggles, the unknown. He is bigger. He is greater. 
   
   God is our helper. Psalm 121:1-8
   God is our comforter. Psalm 34:18
   God is our strength. Psalm 46:1 
   God is our hope. Psalm 33:20
   God is our peace. Philippians 4:7
   
   

3. Meditate on God’s promises.We have access to the very Word of God. The Bible says, “All scriptures are God-breathed” (2 Timothy 3). His Word is full of rich truths and promises for His children. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes it’s a struggle for me to make time to do this. I get so frustrated with myself because I know The Word is exactly what my soul needs. His Word is life giving. His Word is transformative. His Word is powerful. His Word speaks truth to your fears. In a world that is vying for our attention and our time, in a world that is spitting lies into our face, we need to fight for time in God’s word. It must be a priority. But first we must ask God to do what only He can: create in us a desire to read it. Through the years I’ve realized this is not something I can do a part from God’s grace. 
   

   Isaiah 41: 10 “ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
   
   Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”
   
   Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
   
   Psalm 23: 4 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.’’
   
   

4. Reflect on the times you’ve seen God’s faithfulness in your life and in the lives of others. When you are struggling with fear it can be very tempting to go inward and get stuck in your head. Reflecting on God’s faithfulness can remind your heart to hope, as you remember all the ways that God has provided for your family and others. 
   
   

5. Ask God what He wants you to learn through this. Fear can be a byproduct of the unknown. But, God wastes nothing. Asking God to help me find His purpose through this “thing” I fear most, the pain, the unknowns and suffering (and not a part from them) has been transformative for my soul. 

Cancer multiple times, health issues, open-heart surgery, infertility, miscarriage-I know what it’s like to be overwhelmed with fear and the unknown. I know what it’s like to feel like you are drowning in your circumstances. But, it was through these challenges I became more keenly aware of my need for something bigger than myself. It was through the fire (not a part from it) that I came to know the depths of God’s grace, love and kindness and learned there is no end to it. Joni Erickson Tada said it well, “My weakness, that is, my quadriplegia, is my greatest asset because it forces me into the arms of Christ every single morning when I get up.” Pray that God would help you see His purpose through the unknown, through the struggle, through the pain.   

Does fear still creep in? Absolutely. Some days more than others. But the trials I’ve encountered earth side have kept me closer to Jesus, right underneath His wings, which I’m continually reminded is the safest and the best place for me to be.  When you know your soul is secure in Jesus Christ, ultimately nothing can overcome you-not even the thing you fear most. You can look that “thing” you fear most straight in the eyes and say with complete confidence, “My God is bigger.”  

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39

Anxiety: How God Used It For My Good

Wouldn't it be great if we could just snap our fingers and by doing so all of our present concerns and worries would just be eliminated into thin air? As a self-professed "professional" worrier, I've often thought about how great it would be if someone had a "worry wand" where they could just zap away all of my anxieties with the flip of the wrist. Am I the only one who has thought this? I mean, wouldn't that be awesome?

As a childhood cancer survivor, I dealt with medical complications on a daily basis related to the treatments and surgeries I received. I still deal with some of those issues today, but they’ve become as normal to me as breathing air into my lungs. As a little girl, however, they were a great source of embarrassment, anxiety, and sickness. Throughout elementary school I had to be excused from class by my nurse multiple times a day to take care of these issues. Kids were curious and I would get nervous about how to answer their questions about where I was going or what I was doing. I was sick often all throughout school, constantly concerned about making up tests, missed assignments and how I would ever graduate. Although I participated in many extracurricular activities, there were times I was nervous and constantly on edge about whether or not these medical issues would flare up during an event or a performance-and a few times they did.

When I was younger I tried to convince myself through “pep talks” not to worry over these things. The more I told myself not to worry, the more I became consumed by anxiety-ridden thoughts. I had stored up Bible verses in my heart such as “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink...” (Matthew 6) but I was conflicted because I was worried and I really didn’t know where to go from there. Even though I was a believer and clung tightly to promises that God was in control, He was keeping me, He hadn’t forsaken me, He had a plan for all things-I wasn’t immune to fear.

Six months after my husband and I started dating I was diagnosed again with cancer. There was a lot of unknowns and uncertainty surrounding my diagnosis. I was initially told by one of the top hospitals in the US that it was a very aggressive type of cancer and would require an immediate and intense chemotherapy regimin. But they weren’t 100% sure of the diagnosis so we opted to get another opinion. While waiting for further tests to be concluded, we took a family vacation to Florida to get away and enjoy the sunshine. I was so fearful about what my future would hold-would I even have one? I had read Matthew 6 about a thousand times at that point, about how I shouldn’t worry, but my faulty understanding of those verses left me struggling with guilt and condemnation over the anxiety I had. Can anyone relate to that?

One morning I woke up early before my family and stepped out onto the balcony of our condo. The morning sun greeted me and I just took in one big deep breath and exhaled, “I’m scared God. I’m so scared. Help me.” As I turned around to go back inside, a little yellow bird caught my eye. It was sunbathing on a white chair on our balcony. I knelt down to get a closer look and held out my hands. Assuming the little guy would fly away, I was surprised when he jumped right into my hands as if he belonged there. I thought back to Matthew 6 and realized my faulty understanding of those passages had been influencing the way I dealt with fear and anxiety. 

Jesus wasn’t telling the people not to worry in the absence of worry. That would be absurd! He wasn't telling them to pick themselves up by their bootstraps, get rid of all of their anxiety and then come to Him. Jesus was telling them not to worry because He knew them well. He knew they were prone to struggle with anxiety and fear. He knew they were prone to forget God’s promises. But, you see, He didn’t just stop with a an empty suggestion. He pointed them towards their heavenly Father. “Don’t worry about your life…Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them (Matthew 6:25-26) Then, He reminded them that they are more valuable then these things. If God provided for these things, would He not also provide for them? Through studying the scriptures I learned I wasn’t alone in my anxiety and contrary to my initial interpretation, I wasn’t any “less of a Christian” because I struggled with it.

Just as I had learned to recognize that God has used my physical weaknesses to remind me of my need for a Savior, he has used (and continues to use) the anxiety in my life to draw me closer to Him. My worry throughout the years has led me into a dialogue of prayer with God. My struggles with anxiety have actually pushed me closer to the Lord because I am constantly aware of my great need for Him. Instead of trying to “self-help” my way out of anxiety, instead of trying to ignore it and act like it isn’t there (come on, we’ve all done that), I’ve learned to do what the author says in Psalm 55, “Cast all your cares on the Lord.” And God has met me there. God has met me in my honesty, and in my vulnerability and in my tears, and in my mess. He has met in my fear and in those dark places where I felt outnumbered by my thoughts. He picked me up and breathed life, His Word, into my lungs and He sustained me. And He continues to do so everyday.

If God hadn’t renewed my perspective through His word when He did, and if I hadn’t been able to see, through His grace, how He was using all of these difficult trials for my good and His glory, I know for certain I wouldn’t be equipped to handle the journey before me. It’s not that worry, doubt and sadness don’t exist anymore. They do. How could they not? I’m human. It’s just I’ve learned where to take with these feelings when they come pouring in-to the foot of the cross. And I’ve never been turned away. Christ always meets me where I am and greets me with His grace, truth and unconditional love. And He offers the same to you, my friend.

Through The Storm {Trusting God With Our Kids}

Do you ever lay in bed worried about the future of your children? Do thoughts plague your mind about them getting sick? Is your child suffering from an illness or mental health disorder and you wonder how you will make it through the day? Are you worried that your child isn't hitting all of the developmental milestones like the other kids? As parents, there are a hundred fears we could let our thoughts be consumed by. I know this to be true from personal experience. Eight weeks after we adopted Roman and Ruby, our home, city and the surrounding area were unexpectedly hit with the Great Flood of 2016. The Washington Post stated that this flood dumped three times as much rain on Louisiana as Hurricane Katrina. According to the Red Cross, this was the "worst US disaster since Hurricane Sandy," and FEMA reported that over 150,000 homeowners/renters applied for assistance.

Moments leading up to the evacuation I was cooking dinner for Obbie and I. While feeding Roman, I looked out the front door and noticed the water line had risen quite considerably. I frantically pointed this out to Obbie, who quickly ran out the front door to talk with all of the neighbors that had gathered at the edge of their driveways. When I stuck my head out the door, I saw Obbie from a distance. He had a very concerned look on his face. I felt my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. I knew it wasn’t good. He came back inside and said, “Kelly, we have to pack everything up. The water is rising and we have to evacuate immediately.”

I couldn’t find a suitcase so I dragged a large empty trunk into the twin’s nursery. As I walked in, I began to tear up. I had spent so much time preparing, dreaming and hoping in this room. I had flashbacks to all of the countless hours I spent on the floor praying for our baby that the Lord would bring into our home. As I began stuffing all of their clothes and diapers mindlessly into the trunk, I looked to the right and saw the huge frame that read, “I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him” (1 Samuel 1:27). I stopped. I took a deep breath. And I was reminded that it was God who brought these precious children into our life. They were in His hands and there was no safer place to be. 

We threw as much as we could into the back of our neighbor’s big white truck.  As we slowly waded through the flood, I looked down at my children and began to cry. The water was continually rising, our neighborhood was completely surrounded and there were only a few dry streets left. Those moments didn't feel as if they belonged to me. It was like we were the characters in the movie, "The Day After Tomorrow,” where they rushed to the top of the building to prevent from being consumed by the water. I felt completely helpless. I closed my eyes tightly and prayed, “Dear Lord, protect our babies.” It was a prayer of surrender, as I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop the flood. We were in God’s hands.

We were prepared to sleep in our mini van on the side of the road with our friends who evacuated their home too. It was dark, hot and humid. Many people in the area had been rescued by boat and that knowledge was looming over us as we waited. Not long after we arrived, a young woman ran out of her house with a concerned look on her face. “Are y’all the ones with the newborn twins? My husband is working a late shift so the house is empty and our street is still dry. Please come stay with us.” We spent that night and the next day camped out in her living room waiting for the streets to clear. These kind people welcomed us and fed us. God took care of us through the kindness of strangers. As soon as the waters subsided, the twins and I headed 12 hours north to stay with family, while Obbie began gutting our home with the assistance of friends.

We anticipated a lot as parents of newborn twins: sleepless nights, excessive crying, dirty diapers, a messy house, but we couldn't have prepared ourselves for this disaster. Once the twins and I made it to my parent’s house, I fell on the couch in complete exhaustion. This was not how I imagined the first few months of parenthood. If I’d had known the flood was coming for us I would have said, “I can’t do that. I’m not strong enough.” And I was right. I wasn’t strong enough. There is no way I could have walked down that road without God breathing grace into my lungs.

When we first brought the twins home I was afraid that something terrible was going to happen to them. I would stare at them throughout the night and rarely slept. Sometimes when they’d cough or make what I interpreted to be a weird sound, Google and I would spend some time together. However, through the storm I was reminded that God is not only the Creator of all things, but He is the Keeper of all things. Our heavenly Father has entrusted us with the most precious gifts, and as parents we have the privilege of loving and shepherding our children. On the other side of the flood, I came to understand that one of the most important things I can do as a mother is to remember to whom my children belong. Surrendering my children everyday to God is the best way I can love them. Surrender releases you from fear and worry. It doesn’t eliminate every fearful or worrisome thought, but surrender reminds you where to take them- at the feet of your Savior.

Parents, when you remember that your heavenly Father is the ultimate Keeper of your child’s soul, an overwhelming peace consumes you, a kind of peace that will get you through life’s biggest storms. When worry comes for you as a parent (because it will), I pray God will illuminate your mind with His truth and bring your heart to a place of surrender. My prayer is that you can see what I did as I was holding my children,  with floodwater so high I could feel it splash on my cheeks. God is not only with them through the storm, He is keeping them safe, and upholding them in the very palm His hands.

Mud Pies, Little Treasures & A Holiday At Sea

I put the twins in one of their cribs the other day with half a dozen of their favorite toys so I could clean their room quickly.  A few minutes later Ruby let out a loud screech and stood up with her arms in the air begging to be pulled out of the crib. Assuming Roman had stolen one of her toys again, I chuckled and walked over to see what all the fuss was about. Roman hadn't stolen one of her toys, but he had ripped off his diaper and claimed the little "surprise" on the inside as his favorite toy. Ruby wanted absolutely nothing to do with Roman's new little "treasure." After I cleaned up Roman and the crib, I started chuckling to myself. I put their favorite toys in the crib and Roman wasn't satisfied. He was more content with the little "treasure" inside of his diaper than the light-up musical toys surrounding him. But my little man also taught me a lesson that day.

God has offered us Himself, the fullness of joy, and yet we find ourselves chasing after other pleasures that do not and cannot satisfy. Perhaps they can provide momentary satisfaction, but complete fulfillment will never come from this world. How do I know this?

The Bible has endless scriptures promising satisfaction in Christ:

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore" (Psalm 16:11).

"But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life" (John 4:14).

C.S. Lewis puts it so well: "Indeed if we consider the unblemishing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Christ has offered us Himself, and has clearly spelled out all of the promises for us in Scripture, and yet we continue to choose the very things that will leave us hollow, empty, and dry. C.S. Lewis says we do this because our desires our not too strong, but rather too weak. What a sobering thought. I've seen this to be true in my own life. It can be compared to chasing the wind; placing all of our hope in this one thing and expecting it to fill all of the cracks and crevices in our heart. And yet we're left with a sense of emptiness, realizing that this one thing wasn't created to do the thing we were so desperately trying to make it do. Like trying to stuff a star-shaped object into the circle-shape sorter; no matter how many times Roman and Ruby try, it's not going through. It wasn't designed to.

Our hearts were uniquely crafted to be completely satisfied in Christ alone. And yet we so easily turn God's good gifts into idols because we expect them to fulfill a role in our lives for which they were never created. Jobs, family, friends, spouse, children- all good gifts - but if we rely on these gifts to fill our hearts completely we'll be disappointed. We must always go to the source of the goodness, Christ himself, in order to find the ultimate satisfaction are hearts so desperately desire

"If I could find the perfect spouse I would be happy." "If I could have the perfect marriage I would be happy." "If I could get pregnant I would be happy." "If I could get that promotion at work I would be happy." "If I could look like him/her I would be happy."

I'm convinced that these statements may be true for some, at least temporarily true. Perhaps if you found the perfect spouse and you got the job promotion at work you were pinning for you would be content for a little while. But then time would pass and that empty-pit- feeling in your stomach would consume you again. And maybe this time you would stop chasing after the wind: fame, attention, sex, drugs, food, ______________ (fill in the blank), to infuse that space inside your heart, and instead turn to Christ. Are you tired of playing with mud pies? Are you ready to experience all the fullness and joy, "a holiday at sea," that is yours for you in Christ?

I have tasted the things of this world and none compare to the fullness that comes with knowing, truly knowing Christ Jesus. You can climb the corporate ladder, have a really nice house, car, friends, clothes, etc and completely miss it. You could sail through this life and completely bypass the "holiday at sea" that God has in store for you. Or like Ruby, you can reach up with both arms completely confident in the One who is capable of pulling you out of the mud pie and into the fullness of His joy.