A Letter To The Hopeful Adoptive Family

To the weary, hopeful adoptive parents, I see you. I want you to know that your journey does not go unnoticed by me. I know the adoption journey is filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, delays and disappointments, but first and foremost I just want you to know that I see you. I understand that this hasn't been an easy process for you.

As an adoption consultant with CAC, it breaks my heart to have to send another "I'm so sorry you weren't chosen" email. I carry so much heaviness on my heart typing each word. Right before I push send I hold my breath and say a prayer, "Lord, please comfort them and be with them when they receive this." It's never easy to deliver that kind of news.

I understand that all of the no’s can seem so final and definite and they can can make you doubt or even second guess your decision to pursue adoption. I realize the no’s can make you feel like something is wrong with you and your family. For those of you who have struggled with infertility, I get that the no’s can feel like more rejection and may serve as a painful reminder of all of those negative pregnancy tests.

I also understand that it’s hard when things in the adoption world are moving quite differently than you expected they would. “Have we been forgotten about? Did God really call us to this journey? When will we see another situation?”

Perhaps you are already at the point where you feel like you are drowning in a sea of no’s and endless disappointments. Perhaps the silence has been too overwhelming to bear. You may begin to think that somehow because things aren’t unfolding as you expected they would that you somehow entered into this journey by mistake. Friends, even though I'm hurting for you, I also need you to know that I am hoping and praying for you. I understand the heartache and disappointment that comes with each no. I know the heartache that comes with the silence, the questioning, the wondering. However, I also know that you can’t miss out on God’s plan for your family. That’s worth repeating. You can’t miss out or mess up God’s plan for your family. I place my hope and confidence in the fact that our God is a good Father who loves His children. And so if you are still waiting on God’s “yes” than let your heart rest in knowing that this is a part of His plan. “…But I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait” (C.S. Lewis).

God wastes nothing. Even when it seems like nothing is happening, God is working. He works in the waiting, even when we can’t see it. When you are holding your baby in your arms, the no’s and the waiting will make more sense. And thats not just something I say to make you feel better. It’s something I truly believe. It’s something I have seen to be true for my CAC families time and time again. It’s something most of my families tell me when they get to the end of their adoption journey, “We get it now, Kelly. We get it.” If you are on this journey, but are weary from the process, don’t lose hope. Perhaps instead of hearing each "no” as a resounding “never” you can start receiving them as a “not yet.” Don’t let the no’s or the waiting deter you from something God has laid on your heart. “Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith” (Elizabeth Elliot).