Adoption Story: Brittany + Michael

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I had the immense JOY of walking with this sweet family on the journey that led them to their beautiful baby girl! The adoption process is no easy feat, and their unshakeable faith and hope-filled perspective inspired me throughout the twists and turns that are often synonymous with adoption. Brittany & Michael, the entire team here at Christian Adoption Consultants could not be happier for your family. Today, Brittany shares a tiny sliver of the beautiful story God crafted (and continues to write) for their family. I know it will be an encouragement to you today!

Throughout the same time period of learning about a really hard and scary medical diagnosis for our precious son, we had also been struggling with infertility. Each of the two times we were able to get pregnant, our babies went to Heaven. As we grieved each of our losses and began to heal, there were many days and nights of prayer, tears, lament, and long discussions about what to do next. We believed that the door to having biological children was closing at that time.

Before marriage, we shared with each other a strong desire to adopt someday. We dreamed of having children close in age, whether through adoption or biologically. We also thought it would all happen on our own terms and timeline. But, of course, life often unfolds differently than we imagined it would.

We heard about CAC through our close friends who had adopted through them two years prior. We began working with Kelly Todd, and she was incredible! We started the process in May, and out of nowhere, we got pregnant. It was a miracle! However, a few weeks later, we lost our baby. Kelly was so kind and compassionate towards us as we continued grieving. Eventually, we moved forward and picked up where we left off in the adoption process.

Waiting for our “yes” was one of the hardest things we had ever walked through. We did not expect each “no” to be as heartbreaking as they were. Before entering this process, we knew we needed to surrender our desire for a child to Him, knowing full well that it may not be His plan for our family to bless us with a baby. We often had to ask ourselves, are we desiring a child more than we desire God? The Lord sees the whole perspective. We do not. And so, we put our trust in Him. Asking Him to prepare us for His will. We knew His timing was good and right and perfect, even though the wait and the unknown were extremely hard.

Throughout the waiting, Kelly was always there. She encouraged us, prayed for us, and was available whenever we needed her or just wanted to talk. She was always so responsive and ready to be there for us! After a few months of waiting and hearing no after no, we began to get discouraged. We were eventually able to celebrate that every time we heard no, a family out there heard their “Yes!” But that didn’t change how hard it was.

After a period of waiting, we received a message that we had been hoping to hear for so long. I picked up the phone and heard, “She chose you!” I’ll never forget how those three words made my heart overflow with joy and excitement. I immediately started bawling and couldn’t even process what she had to say next because I was so excited and completely in shock! I called my husband and Kelly right away, and we immediately began praying for and preparing to meet the incredible woman who chose us to raise her daughter.

A couple of weeks later, we made the long drive for baby girl’s birth! We got there early to meet her Birth Mama and to make sure we were there for the delivery because she wanted me in the room with her. Thirteen days later, it finally happened! Serena Belle was here, and she was perfect. All the pain, heartache, waiting, and tears made sense when we finally held our precious baby girl. Our daughter’s birth was indescribable. I’ve never witnessed such strength from anyone as I did with her Birth Mama. She is the bravest woman I’ve ever known.

Although the next few weeks didn’t go as expected, we were amazed at how God continued to provide in all the details. Our extended stay meant even more opportunities to spend time with our daughter’s Birth Mama, which was a blessing. We spent hours getting to know each other, and she was able to spend more time with Serena. I’ll never forget how my heart felt when I would hear her talk to Serena, saying things like, “Your mommy loves you so much” or, “Your mommy knows you so well already” as she was referring to me.  It was bittersweet leaving her, but we are so thankful that we get to walk in an open adoption with her. When we started the adoption process, we knew we wanted an open adoption and prayed for it diligently. We are so glad that God heard and answered our prayer. We cannot imagine our life without our beautiful daughter and her amazing Birth Mother.

We never could have known that the plans for our lives would look so different from what we had imagined, but it is better than anything we could have dreamed. Daily, we have clung to His love and His promises. Isaiah 43:1-3 reminds us who God is and His unfailing love for us. These verses have been incredibly comforting throughout our journey and we hope they will be an encouragement to you, wherever you are in the adoption process:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and the rivers will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, and the flame will not burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, and your Savior.”

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me to receive a
FREE adoption packet.***

Not Defined By Infertility: 3 Truths To Remember

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My infertility once defined me. Every negative pregnancy test became a reminder of what my body couldn’t do. Baby shower invites would come in the mail and my heart would be overwhelmed with jealousy and a reminder of the brokenness I felt in my soul. A stroll through the baby clothes aisle at Target felt like walking onto a stage before a mocking crowd, as if a giant spotlight was shining on my empty tummy, reminding me that I was somehow less of a woman because of my barrenness. My entire life I was told the likelihood of having biological children would be very slim due to the cancer treatments I received as a baby. But after we were married I was still optimistic and hopeful that somehow God would heal my body. After all, my God is a God of miracles. I’d seen this to be true in my own life, as He healed my body of cancer more than once.

After a few years of struggling with infertility,  a positive pregnancy test appeared. But tragedy struck as quickly as the news came in, as I miscarried shortly after learning we were pregnant. The weight of that loss wrecked me. My tears bathed the pillow every night and every ounce of my body was grieving. I felt hopeless. I felt broken.  I didn't want to get out of bed or leave the house. When I did muster up the strength to get out of the house I felt like I had to dress myself up with a fake smile.

The death of our unborn child felt like being stuck in winter. As we greeted anger and sadness in the face, we started talking and lamenting over the loss with God, close friends and family. That was the most healing thing for us to do. And as we continued talking about the heavy thoughts and feelings we were experiencing and praying through the pain instead of running away from it, God continued healing our hearts.

Grace gave us the strength to trust Him through the loss and the reality of our infertility, knowing that He is a good Father, who loves us even when we couldn't make our way through the storm. And although most days I failed to see Him-the Son was always there. Eventually He melted the ice away and replaced my barrenness with hope- not hope in a positive pregnancy test or a child, but hope in Jesus Christ.

A doctor would tell you that I’m infertile, that statistically my chances of getting pregnant are impossible. But, I see it quite differently. God healed me. He just healed me in a different way than expected. God healed my heart to be at peace with my circumstances. Though my heart is content that doesn't equate to immunity from sadness over our loss or my infertility, but it doesn't consume my thoughts or define me like it once did.

For women struggling with infertility or loss I want to remind you that there is so much more to you than your inability to procreate. Infertility does not make you broken. Infertility does not make you less of a woman. Infertility does not make you unworthy. Infertility does not make you undesirable. But I also want you to know that if you've had some of these thoughts you are not alone. I've talked to many women over the years who have felt broken, less of a woman, unworthy and undesirable because of their infertility, myself included. But these are lies. And when we begin to see ourselves through these falsities and allow them to infiltrate our mind, we begin to believe them. We begin to see ourselves through these distorted lenses. So what do we do? We combat the lies with God's truth and promises. 

Lie: I'm broken.
Truth: Your body isn't broken, but Christ's body was broken for you. An empty womb is not the end of your story, but a Risen King from an empty grave is the beginning.  Christ came to this earth so we could have "life in abundance" (John 10:10). This fullness is explicitly and solely found in Christ alone.

Lie: I'm less of a woman. 
Truth: In Ephesians 2:10 Paul refers to the children of God as His "masterpieces." It does not say, "those who are fertile are God's masterpieces," does it? There is more to being a woman then the ability or inability to bear a child. You are first and foremost a child of God and those who are in Christ are "completed by Him" (not a positive pregnant test or a baby) (Colossians 2:10). All other identities you share (wife, friend, mother, employee) come after that one. Those identities, although wonderful, are not eternal like your relationship with your Heavenly Father. I am not trying to devalue our earthly relationships. Rather, I'm hoping to remind you that you are a child of God and that surpasses all other titles on this side of earth and heaven. 

Lie: I'm unworthy of love and undesirable. 
Truth: Your worthiness and desirableness are not based upon your ability to procreate. God went to great lengths to declare His love for you. He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross for you so that you could come to know Him and be known by Him. The Creator of the Universe, the one who placed the stars in the sky and causes the rain to water the ground, and flowers to bloom in their season, the One who fashioned every fiber of our DNA, desires a relationship with you. Let me repeat that: He desires you. He loves you. In Zephaniah 3: 17 we learn that God takes "great delight" in His children and "rejoices" over them "with singing."  You must learn to believe these truths as you are sifting through the lies. Your value and your worth are not contingent upon your ability to conceive. Your value and worth are found in Christ and nothing can dilute that-not even infertility.

Keep running to Jesus with all of your big thoughts and emotions. He can handle it. Keep pouring out your honest cries and prayers before the Lord. He is a good listener-the best. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you cling to His promises over any lies that the enemy would want you to believe about yourself or your situation. Remember that God is with you wherever you are, whatever you are feeling. You are not alone, sweet friend. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit" (Psalm 34:18). 

Getting Through Mother's Day After A Loss

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It’s the day before Mother’s Day and I have so many women on my mind who are struggling with infertility and loss. As I was praying for these sweet ladies, a post I wrote over 6 years ago, 2 months after our miscarriage, kept coming to mind. I don’t know who needs to hear these words, but I’m confident someone does.

May 10, 2014

This would have been my very first  Mother’s Day with a little baby growing inside of me, but here I am in my bed, weighed down by a mountain of grief, unable to put my feet on the floor. I have been praying that God would give me (and others) strength to get through tomorrow, but I know it will still sting. This Mother’s Day will be a reminder of the loss of our baby. It will be a reminder of a broken dream. Mothers will post pictures of their “Mother’s Day” gifts and “Mother’s Day” lunches (as they should). It is something to be celebrated. Young mothers will get homemade drawings from their little ones and husbands will buy their wives a bouquet of flowers (as they should). Mother’s Day will be difficult for me to celebrate this year because it will be a constant reminder of our loss.

On this Mother’s Day, please honor your mothers, but don’t forget about those who have had a miscarriage or are struggling with infertility. Also, be mindful that many women (and men) have lost their mother or child. It may be difficult for them to be joyous on this occasion-so be understanding if they do not appear to be as “celebratory” as you. Be sensitive, gracious and very mindful of your words. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24). A simple: “I am praying for you” is more than sufficient.

To the women (and men) who are stung by a loss or infertility, please know it is more than ok (and quite normal) to struggle with feelings of anger and sadness-especially on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to dress yourself with a fake smile. Take your thoughts, take your sadness, take your frustration, take your brokenness, take it all to the feet of your Savior. He is a good Father. He is the best listener and He never gets tired of wiping your tears. I know your heart may feel broken and shattered into a million pieces, but our God is the Great Physician and He will help you.

A week after my miscarriage, I wrote a very honest letter to the Lord. I am not going to share all of it now (maybe one day), but I would like to disclose a portion with you:

“Where do I go from here? Where do we go from here? Great question. All I know is this: We are going to keep loving Jesus. And when we need to cry….we are going to cry. And when anger overcomes us we aren’t going to suppress it, but rather we will bring those feelings before the Lord, for He understands. We will keep running to the Ultimate healer who is more than able to restore our broken hearts.”

On this Mother’s Day don’t forget about those who are struggling with pain from prior losses or infertility. Pray for them. Pray that the Lord would bring complete healing to their soul. To all of the AMAZINGLY courageous women who contacted me after I shared about our miscarriage, sharing similar experiences, I will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow. I have found myself asking, “Lord, how am I going to get through the day tomorrow? It is just going to be an overwhelming reminder of our loss.” The Lord brought me to HIS WORD: “God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns” (Psalm 46:5). Remember: The Lord is walking with you tomorrow and if you need Him to…He will carry you through this storm. You are never alone.