5 Things People Get Wrong About Adoption

March 06, 2026 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

There are many misconceptions about adoption that can leave families feeling confused or discouraged. Let’s take a closer look at five common adoption myths and uncover the truth behind them.

Adopting Again? Here's 7 Questions To Ask First

April 04, 2025 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

If you’ve already walked through adoption once, you may find yourself wondering if God is stirring your heart to grow your family again. Before stepping back into the process, here are seven thoughtful questions to help you prayerfully discern if now is the right time.

What Is Embryo Adoption? A Guide for Families Considering This Path

March 18, 2023 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

Embryo adoption is a unique and life-affirming path for families hoping to grow their family through adoption. In this guide, we explain what embryo adoption is, why so many embryos remain frozen in storage, and how our Embryo Adoption Program helps families navigate this journey with support and guidance.

Video: Adoption Consultant vs Adoption Agency — What’s the Difference?

December 02, 2022 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

Many families exploring adoption aren’t sure where to start. In this video, I explain the difference between an adoption consultant and an adoption agency and how each supports families during the adoption process

Sharing helpful ways to love and support a family going through an interrupted/failed adoption.

Video: Helpful Ways To Love & Support A Family Going Through An Interrupted/ Failed Adoption

February 19, 2022 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

Adoptive Mother's Thoughts On An Open Adoption: The More Love The Better

June 25, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

When Roman grins at me with his handsome brown eyes and big dimples, I see glimpses of his beautiful birth mother. When Ruby skips across the room in her princess dress with her beads clicking and clacking, making music as they hit each other, I think back to a 30 year old picture her birth mother sent me of herself when she was a little girl and I see Ruby in it. When Roman gets close to me, puts his hands on my face and presses his nose against mine as he says, "Nosey nosey kisses mama," I'm reminded, "That's our thing. I taught him that." When Ruby runs across the room and nearly squeezes my leg off as she says, "You're my favorite girl" I think of how many times she must have heard me tell her that.

See, our children have two mothers-their birth mother, the woman who carried them for 9 months and birthed them into this world. The woman who loved/loves them so much that she placed them in the arms of another because at the time she felt that she could not provide the life she wanted them to have. The woman who calls to check-in and see how they are doing-how we are doing. The woman who delights in pictures of the twins, updates, Facetime calls, and artwork made by her son and daughter. And they have me-the mother who has loved them and taken care of them everyday from the moment they were lovingly placed in my arms by their birth mother.

We’ve explained the twin's adoption story to them since they were itty bitty. We wanted them to know their story. We wanted them to know about the amazing woman who gave them life and loves them so much. Why? Because the more love the better. There is always room for more love. Our family didn't just grow by two when we adopted the twins, it grew by a lot more. Their birth family has become an extension of our family. We love them. We talk about them. The twins know them by name. There's a family picture of them hanging on our wall. They are family.

The other day Roman was asking me questions about his birth mother. He said, "So, I have two moms?" And I said, "Yes." Prior to starting the adoption process I never thought I would answer a question that way. But it's the truth. And confirming that my son and daughter have two mothers, does not in any way take away from the substance of our relationship. It makes it stronger. Because there is strength in unity. There is strength in truth.

"Do you have two mommies like me and sissy?" Roman asked. I should have known this question was coming. Roman makes quick connections.

Me: "No, I don't. But you know what? Daddy does."

Roman: "He does?"

Me: "Yes. Mims (what they call my husband's mother) is his mommy. But he grew in another mommy's belly."

Roman: "Like I grew in my birth mother's belly?"

Me: "Yes."

Roman: "Have I met her?"

Me: "No, you haven't. She had a boo boo when daddy was a little boy and she died. She's in heaven with Jesus now. But she loved your daddy so very much."

Roman: "Like Mims loves Daddy and me and sissy?"

Me: "Yes. Just like that."

Roman: "I wish I could know her."

Me: "Oh, me too Bubby."

Roman: "So we and daddy both have two mothers."

Me: "Yes."

Roman: "And they love us very much?" (He asks this question with a big smile on his face)

Me: "So much.”

Adoption & Fear In Presenting Your Profile

February 24, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

Fear is a common feeling that hopeful adoptive families typically encounter throughout the adoption process. What if we don't pass the home study? What if an expectant mother doesn't choose us? What if an expectant mother chooses to parent? What if the child we are matched with has medical issues we aren't equipped to handle? What if the adoption process takes longer than expected?

What I want to hone in on today is the fear that may arise as families consider whether or not to present their profile to a specific situation. After a family's home study and profile are complete they are able to start applying with agencies and begin seeing situations. The underlying feelings after reviewing their first situation may be a culmination of excitement, sadness, shock and fear. As I have journeyed through the adoption process before, I can relate. And I remind them that their thoughts and feelings are completely normal. But how do you manage fear when it seems to be lurking around every corner? How do you present to situations when you feel you are drowning in fear?

Ask God to help you get to the root of your fear. Seek the Lord in prayer first. Bring your fears and concerns before God and ask Him to help you sort through them and make sense of them. Here are some questions to help you navigate your decision:

Am I trusting God or am I letting fear calculate my every move? As Christians we can place our hope and comfort in the truth that God is in control of all things. This creates freedom in our hearts to move where the Holy Spirit leads, because we trust that we can't mess up or miss out on the plan God is writing for our family.
Am I holding out for the “perfect” situation? There is no such thing as a "perfect" situation or no-risk in adoption. Yes, there are times where situations will be less risky, but there will always be an element of risk in adoption. If you are holding out for the "perfect" situation, you may never put your "yes" on the table.
Am I allowing room for God to work outside my preferences? Sometimes we come into the adoption process with our own set of preferences. At CAC our families are able to specify their adoption preferences. Oftentimes, however, I've seen families step outside those preferences when God prompts them to do so. It's an act of obedience and leap of faith. But I've never had a family look back on that decision with regret. As you calculate your preferences, are you keeping your hands open to the Lord?
Am I being unrealistic with my feelings about a situation? If you are expecting yourself to have 100% peace and 0% fear whatsoever before moving forward you may never present. Although this is common to think/feel this way, it's an unrealistic expectation to have. We always encourage couples to be on the same page with whatever they decide. However, it's important to know there will typically always be some unanswered questions and some level of uncertainty in most adoption situations.
Am I seeking God in prayer in every situation that crosses my eyes? This is the most important thing to do. Be in prayer. Seek God in prayer with every situation that you encounter. Ask God to direct your steps and give you wisdom. Although it's important to seek guidance from your adoption consultant, there is no better council than that which comes from the Lord. Seek Him first! Also, if you choose not to present, continue praying for the expectant mother and her baby. What a privilege it is to ask God to help her as she considers adoption.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

From Matched to Birth: 5 Helpful Tips As You Wait

May 12, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

When my husband and I were matched with the twin's birth mother, we were so excited! We couldn't believe it! However, I quickly noticed fear creeping in and my mind began to go through all of the "what-if" scenarios. As an adoption consultant I have walked with many families through the adoption journey. As an adoptive mama, I'm also privy to some of the emotions, thoughts and fears that families may experience as they navigate the process. Waiting to be matched can be a very overwhelming and exhausting time, especially families who continue hearing no after no. It can be very discouraging. But it may surprise some to learn that the time between being matched and waiting for the baby to be born can be difficult as well. In fact, I have had many families tell me how shocked they were at how waiting for the baby to be born was an overwhelming time, filled with even more uncertainty and unknowns.

My CAC families realize and respect that until the expectant mother signs consents nothing is official. But I think carrying the weight of that uncertainty with them is what causes doubt and worry to set-in. Perhaps you are in this season right now, overwhelmed with all of the "what-ifs." Maybe you have spent countless hours worrying about the situation. But I want to challenge you with a question. How do you want to spend the next few months? Do you want to spend them constantly worrying about all the things that could happen? That is an option. But wouldn't you rather use this time to choose to believe that God called you to present your profile to this situation for a reason? Choosing to believe that God called you to present your profile to this situation for a reason isn't a guarantee that this precious child will be yours, but I much rather spend my time enjoying this season than being worried about all of the "what-ifs."

Here are 5 helpful things to consider as you wait from match until birth:

1. God is with you. "...Do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand..." (Isaiah 41:10). When we have a million thoughts running through our mind, sometimes it's easy to forget the most important thing: God is with you. Say that outloud right now. "God is with me." Whatever you are going through right now, remember that you are not alone. Whatever comes in the days ahead, there will never be a day where God is not with you.

2. Remember why you chose to present to this expectant mama. You didn't just enter into this situation flippantly. You spent a great deal of time looking through and praying over the situation. Don't forget that. I love this quote by Elisabeth Elliot and I think it's quite applicable here, "Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." Our thoughts have the potential to lead us in a million different directions, so take charge of them by reminding yourself that it was the Lord who led you to show this mama your profile book in the first place.

3. Start a prayer journal. This is one of the first things I encourage my families to do when they are struggling with the wait. Instead of letting worry fester in your mind, pour out your heart to the Lord. Tell Him that you are struggling and ask Him to help you. Use this time to pray for the expectant mother and her child. Pray that God would protect her mind, body and spirit. Pray that God would help you find ways to love this expectant mama well as she is navigating through this difficult time. Pray for the child she is carrying in her womb. Pray that God would give you peace regardless of the outcome. Pray that God would use this time of unknown and uncertainty to draw your heart closer to Him. Our prayers matter to God. He is a good Father. And He is the best listener.

4. Make an encouraging playlist of music to listen to. "Where words fail, music speaks "(Flans Christian Anderson). Music is a sweet gift to us and as Christians it's a special way for us to communicate our thoughts and emotions to God. In our home we have praise and worship music constantly playing, as it's important to our family to fill our home and hearts with reminders of God's promises. I created a playlist on Spotify called, "The Waiting Room." I created it with my CAC families in mind who are each in their own "waiting room" so to speak. Feel free to grab it here. I pray that as you listen to the music, the Lord would use it to comfort your heart.

5. Steer clear of adoption content or stories that evoke fear or cause you to worry. With the accessibility of social media and the internet it is very easy to become a professional "researcher" of an array of topics, but please trust me with this. If the adoption content you are reading is causing you to worry, it's not worth investing your time in. We are pretty good at worrying all on our own without any "extra help" from the internet, so why would we knowingly seek out information about worst case scenarios?

These are not quick fixes by any means, but I pray that they have provided you with some helpful tools to navigate the remaining stages of your adoption journey!

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Repost: Fear In The Adoption Process

April 23, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

How will we afford the cost associated with adoption? What if the expectant mother decides to parent? What if there is a history of mental health issues? What if the expectant mother used drugs or alcohol during pregnancy? Are we too old to be considered? Do we have too many children to be desirable to an expectant mother?

As an adoption consultant these questions, concerns and fears enter the conversation quite frequently. But, I can relate. When my husband and I started our adoption journey we had similar concerns. Below, I will examine a few of the most common questions I receive as a consultant.

1. How will we afford the cost associated with adoption? Adoption can be expensive. The cost associated with adoption was one our biggest concerns before walking into the process. If this is one of your fears you are not alone. I would say it’s one of the most common questions I get asked about when a family is inquiring about adoption, “How will we afford it?” And yet, time and time again I see families blown away by the faithfulness of God through the generosity of friends, family and even complete strangers. At Christian Adoption Consultants, we also provide our families with resources and tools on how to fund their adoption through grants, loans, and fundraising.

2. What if the expectant mother changes her mind? Although Christian Adoption Consultants has a lower adoption failure rate (< 20%) than the nation wide failure rate (50-60%), there will always be some level of risk in the adoption process. When a woman is considering an adoption plan for her child, she is making one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Placing a child for adoption is a sacrificial and selfless act of unconditional love. Unless you've walked through this yourself, than you can't possibly understand the thoughts and feelings that surround this decision. No one can predict whether or not an expectant mother will change her mind. However, if you are living and breathing on this earth, then risk is inevitable. You can’t be immune to it; it’s a part of life. A gynecologist can’t guarantee a full-term pregnancy, as there is 1 in 4 chances that a woman will miscarry. But that risk doesn’t prevent couples from trying. There are many potential side effects of prescription drugs and medicine, and yet the majority rarely think twice about taking a pill. At CAC we walk with our families and assist them in navigating the warnings signs to reduce the levels of risks associated with the adoption process.

3. What if there is a history of mental health issues or the expectant mother used drugs or alcohol during pregnancy? I often hear couples say, “We just want a healthy baby.” Drug and alcohol exposure during pregnancy and a history of mental health issues are not uncommon in adoption. The desire for a healthy child isn’t abnormal, but in reality this is something that can’t be guaranteed, even in what some would consider the “best case scenario.” If you are considering adoption, please know that I don’t share this information with you to evoke fear. Rather, I share this to remind you that risk is a part of life and adoption is no exception. I'm confident that God equips families with His grace and strength to handle whatever circumstances may come their way.

4. Will we ever get chosen? Many couples express concerns about whether or not their family will be desirable to an expectant mother. “Are we too old? Are we too young? Do we have too many children?” Every expectant mother has their own set of preferences for an adoptive family. Perhaps one expectant mother may desire a family with many children for her little one to play with. Another expectant mother may prefer a family who has a history of infertility because she feels as though she is giving them something they cannot give themselves. Regardless of your situation, God is using everything about your family to connect with an expectant mother, even when you can’t quite see what He is up to.

When my husband and I were functioning and making decisions through a “what I can handle” lens, fear quickly became a familiar visitor. However, our worry began dissipating when we stopped thinking with an autonomous mentality and started reminding ourselves that our source of strength does not begin or end with ourselves. It is God who equips us with all that we need to journey through this life (and the adoption process)! It also brought us great comfort to know that we couldn’t mess up or miss out on the story God was writing for our family.

If we had let fear govern our decision-making, we probably never would have started the adoption process. And then we would have missed out on the two biggest blessings of our life: Roman and Ruby. Fears and concerns may arise and when they do my prayer is that you would remember the Author who is writing your story-the One who will equip with you everything you need to accomplish everything He will bring along your path.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Generalizing Perspectives In Adoption

January 17, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

There are countless perspectives about adoption. This makes a lot of sense to me, as there are three parties to consider-the adoptee, the birth mother/family, and the adoptive parents. I have noticed an unhealthy trend in the adoption community. The best phrase I can use to describe it is this: "generalizing perspectives in adoption." Often times we hear of an adoptee, birth mother or adoptive family's experience in adoption and we mistakenly conclude that must be true for every situation. However, that belief is false. We must be careful not to make blanket assumptions about any part of the triad because in doing so we are unknowingly contributing to stereotypes/generalizations.

For example, let's say you meet a couple who has chosen adoption as a means to grow their family because they have struggled with infertility. Then, you go on to assume that all couples or most who pursue adoption have struggled with infertility as well. Now while many couples who struggle with infertility do walk down this path, I work with a lot of families, both small and large, who are not infertile, but have chosen the path of adoption.

The same is true of adoptee and birth mother perspectives. If you hear an adoptee speak about their story and how they feel about their adoption, you can't conclude that all adoptees feels the same way about adoption that this person does. This just isn't true. I have many friends who were adopted and I can tell you that each of their experiences and opinions are different and no story is like the next. Similarly, no two birth mother/parents opinions and experiences are exactly the same. Just because you read about one birth mother's perspectives on adoption, does not mean that every birth mother views adoption the way that she does.

As an adoption consultant I get asked a ton of questions about adoption on a daily basis. Of course it's my job and I love answering questions, but sometimes I can pick up on these stereotypes just by the type of questions someone will ask. "So most birth mothers are teenagers, right?" False. Only about 25% of birth mothers/parents are teenagers. I get asked similar questions like this about the "type" of birth mothers our families place with and the truth is they are all different with varying backgrounds, preferences, ethnicities, stories, hobbies, hopes and dreams. There isn't one "type" of birth mother.

Perhaps you read an adoption story about a family whose journey to their child wasn't easy. They waited two years and went through 2 failed adoptions before they brought their child home. You don't want to go through what this family went through! While no adoption is risk-free or easy, you can't assume that your story will look like anyone else's. Every adoption is unique and different. How do I know that? Because every potential adoptive parent, expectant/birth parent and adoptee are unique and different.

It's important that we listen and respect the voices of all parties of the adoption triad and their differing experiences and perspectives. But let's be careful not to assume that everyone holds the same opinions and experiences that one person does. God crafted each and every person so uniquely and special. And we are all fearfully and wonderfully made by God and each have our own experiences and opinions that we bring to the table. Let's give space to learn from a variety of perspectives.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Why CAC?

December 03, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

When my husband and I were in the initial stages of researching adoption we quickly learned that we had no idea where to begin. After one call with a home study provider, I soon realized how very little we knew about the process. Even though adoption had been something my husband and I had been praying about for many years, we didn't know a ton about it from a logistical standpoint. I remember googling "adoption agencies" one night and hundreds and hundreds of agencies popped up on my computer screen. It was overwhelming to say the least.

One day a friend reached out to me and told me about her amazing experience with Christian Adoption Consultants. "What is an adoption consultant?" I remember asking. She encouraged me to give them a call and so I did. I was connected to someone who would soon become not only our consultant, but a dear friend. And even though I didn't know it at the time, she would later become a co-worker!

One of the very first things that attracted my husband and I to Christian Adoption Consultants was their extensive professional adoption experience. Christian Adoption Consultants is one of the largest, oldest, and most experienced adoption consulting firms in the world! We have been around since 2006 and since that time have assisted families with over 3,500 successful adoptions. Our team consists of adoption professionals that hold degrees ranging from masters to bachelors in the counseling, social work, child welfare and human services fields. Because we work as a team at CAC, you not only receive guidance from your adoption consultant, but you also have access to the resources and experience from our entire staff! Between all team members we have 120 years combined professional adoption experience.

Another thing that stood out to us is the fact that most of the team had walked through the adoption process before. Between all team members we have adopted 45 kids through domestic, international, foster care and special needs programs. It was so helpful for our family to work with an organization who not only had extensive professional adoption experience, but could also relate to us as adoptive parents.

We never felt like "just another number" while working with Christian Adoption Consultants. Our consultant became a friend and our greatest prayer warrior throughout our entire journey, and even still today! All of my CAC families have my personal cell number and email address. They know they can ask me anything and that I’m here to support them every step of the way. Walking through the adoption process is filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, delays, disappointment, excitement, joy, sadness, etc. It is such an honor to guide families through their adoption journey and it's a privilege I do not take for granted.

There is so much more to the adoption process than just the act of adopting. There is a lot to be learned along the way. At CAC we are committed to providing adoption education and resources for our families. From understanding open adoption, positive adoption language, risks in adoption, communicating with expectant/birth mamas/families, protecting your child's story, educating other family members-we are supporting, encouraging and guiding you from beginning to the end!

Another benefit of working with Christian Adoption Consultants is our multi-agency approach. When you sign on with CAC you have access to our recommended agency list, which includes ethical adoption agencies and attorneys that have been vetted by us personally. This was very important to my husband and I because we wanted to work with agencies and attorneys that provided great care for all parties of the triad.

I tell everyone that working with CAC was by far the easiest and best decision we made in our adoption journey. I know from personal experience that the adoption process can seem intimidating, but that’s where Christian Adoption Consultants comes in! If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide, I would love to chat and provide you with a FREE inquiry packet! You can email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com or check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!

Thoughts On Adoption From An Adoptee & Birth Mother

September 09, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

I’m so honored to share a guest post from Jori Reid. Jori is a birth mother to an amazing 10 year old girl and they have an open adoption. As an adoptee, she also reunited with her birth mother after 21 years. Jori and her husband have 4 children, including twin girls! She is excited to share her unique perspective on adoption with you! I hope her words will be an encouragement to you, as they have been to me.

Adoption has always been a part of my life. I was born to one mother and then was raised by another. Both are amazing and wonderful in their own right. I was adopted from foster care when I was six months old in the 80’s when open adoption was still pretty non-existent. And so I grew up knowing very little about my biological family.

While in college in 2008, I became a birth mother when I placed my oldest daughter for adoption. It was a title I never thought I would share with my own birth mother. I have learned so much in the last 11 years. Since I am two parts of the adoption triad, I think I have a unique perspective. I would like to share with you 5 things I want you about adoption from the perspective of an adoptee and birth mom.

Adoption begins with loss. To be completely honest, it took me a while to see and feel this one, but it doesn't make it any less true. My birth mother left the hospital 32 years ago with empty arms and a broken heart while I stayed there without her. When I was first adopted my mom said I had a hard time adjusting to my new environment and didn’t smile much. Loss and trauma can present in many different ways and times. As a birth mother, I experienced the loss of my daughter when I got on the plane to fly back home after I relinquished my rights and the adoption became final. Yet, I also feel the loss on many occasions like a holiday or a completely random day. It hurts me to my core knowing I caused the pain my daughter feels or will feel, even though we have an open adoption. As parents it’s important to recognize adoption for all that it is and be able to sit with our children in their trauma and get them further help if needed. Doing research, joining a support group and/or finding a therapist can all make a difference.
Adoption is a choice. After reuniting with my birth mom 10 years ago I was able to hear first hand why she placed me for adoption. It was so healing for me. She chose to place me for adoption so I could have a different life. Not necessarily better just different. I too chose adoption for the same reason. It was the best choice for us at that time in my life. So now 11 years into our adoption journey I am still healing, growing, and learning. I live with my choice every single day and try to make the best of it that I can.
Adoption is about love and so is DNA. Adoption is created with love. The love of a girl/woman. The love of a baby/child. The love surrounding a family. But that’s not all it is. Adoption is family. It is history. It is DNA. It is biology. A child’s DNA matters. Growing up and filling out family history paperwork at any medical office and having to write N/A or unknown was hard. Everytime. I was always curious about my biological family. I had a void where that piece of me was missing. I always wondered if I looked or acted like them. I used to fantasize about my ethnicity and where my ancestors came from. As a birth mom, when my oldest daughter was born I had no information to give her parents about my side of the family at the time. Then, when she was six months old I reunited with my birth mom. It was such an incredible time in my life. To have that void filled and to learn about my history that no one but her could share was amazing. To be clear, just because I found and reunited with parts of my biological family does not mean I love my family or parents any less. They raised me to be who I am. I am equal parts of both of my families and am so grateful for that.
What you say about adoption matters. In society today it’s so very easy to offend someone by saying the wrong thing. But I feel most of the time people have no idea they are offending. So what’s the solution? Educate your on positive adoption language. If you don’t who will? Many times I have heard people say, “ I could never GIVE UP my baby” and and I would just cringe. Then I would politely say, “Did you know the correct term is placed a child and not gave up?” It’s a very simple, kind and direct way to educate. Words do matter and have profound power.
Teach your children about diversity. Transracial adoptions are very common. And it’s very imperative that children are taught families come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

Adoption is a never ending journey. We in the adoption community have a responsibility to the triad. We have a responsibility to adoptees to remind them that they are loved unconditionally. We have a responsibility to help them remember that their voice and story matter. We have a responsibility to birth parents to remind them that they are loved during and after placement. And that this love does not just exist for who they created, but for who they are. Birth mothers deserve the best post placement care we can find and they deserve healing. Lastly, we have a responsibility to adoptive parents. To hear them. To love them. To find and give them the support they need to raise these amazing humans. Because in the end we should all be in this journey together. Supporting each other. Lifting each other up. Adoption will only move forward and progress if we put in the work.

About the writer:

Jori Reid is an adoptee and birth mom in an open adoption to an amazing 10 year old girl. Jori reunited with her birth mom after 21 years. She and her husband have 4 children, including a set of twin girls. She loves sharing her story of adoption, motherhood and her adventures of raising her kids, with the hopes to inspire and uplift others.

Understanding The Adoption Tax Credit

September 04, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

Understanding how the adoption tax credit works can be a bit confusing. After my husband and I brought our twins home, we knew we needed assistance with taxes from someone who had experience in working with families who had adopted. After speaking with a few friends who had worked with Dave Lemaster, owner of Superior Tax Prep, we opted to use his services. We continue to use him every year since and he has been wonderful to work with. With over 11 years of experience, he is very knowledgeable on the adoption tax credit and has always been very quick to answer all of our questions.

I reached out to Dave to see if he would be interested in providing a brief summary of how the adoption tax credit works and he was more than happy to provide us with this helpful information.

When a family adopts they are allowed to claim a tax credit on their income tax return for expenses incurred throughout the adoption process. It is advised that individuals should seek professional tax help when looking to claim the adoption tax credit to ensure it is handled properly. In general adoption expenses are claimed on the tax return in the year the adoption is finalized. But for any domestic adoption and foster care adoption qualifying expenses paid before finalization can only be claimed in the tax year following the year of expenditure (i.e. 2018 adoption expenses could not be claimed until the 2019 filed tax return in early 2020). When the adoption has been finalized any remaining expenses not already claimed can be claimed. For an international adoption expenses cannot be claimed until the year of finalization. If there are expenses in a year after finalization and you still have adoption tax credit left you claim them on the tax return for the year paid.

Items that can be claimed as adoption expenses are adoption fees, agency fees, attorney fees, court costs, travel expenses (including meals and lodging) while away from home, etc. Basically any reasonable adoption expense paid throughout the adoption journey. Families should pay special attention to keep receipts for all adoption related expenses so that when it comes time to file for the adoption tax credit there will be no setbacks and trying to track information down.

There are two kinds of tax credits; non-refundable and refundable. A refundable credit will reduce your income tax owed (i.e. does not reduce self-employment tax) and if there is any left it will refund you the remaining amount of the credit. A non-refundable credit will only reduce your tax owed, but any remaining credit amount will not be refunded. The adoption tax credit is a non-fundable credit up to $14,080 per child for a 2019 finalized adoption. This does not mean that when you finalize you will get the full amount in the year of finalization. Those eligible to claim the adoption tax credit can only benefit in a given year up to the amount of their tax liability. For 2018 look at form 1040, line 11 for tax liability. The benefit is limited because it is a non-refundable credit, which means it cannot exceed over your tax liability for the year. Other credits you’re claiming will impact the claimable amount as well.

The good news is that any amount of the adoption credit not used in the initial year can be carried forward for up to 5 years or until the credit runs out. If after the 5 carry forward years there is still adoption credit remaining it expires. Back in 2010 and 2011 the adoption tax credit was a refundable credit and there are legislators trying to make it refundable again.

Understanding the adoption tax credit is complex, but not impossible! Feel free to reach out to Dave Lemaster with any questions regarding the adoption tax credit or his services.

Superior Tax Prep , Dave Lemaster, Owner
(218)-591-3892 / dave.e.lemaster@gmail.com

Dave and his wife Amy are the proud parents of four children, 3 through adoption (including twin boys & their daughter) and one son biologically. They adopted with the help and support of Christian Adoption Consultants for both their adoption journeys. Dave has a B.S. in Accounting from the University of Wisconsin-Superior and MBA through Liberty University Online. He has been in the accounting/tax field since 2008 and has also operated his own tax business since 2014 where he has gained extensive knowledge about the adoption tax credit which helps to serve adoptive families.

Thoughts On Open Adoption From Adoptive Parents

July 15, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

One of the most frequent questions I get asked as an adoption consultant is "Kelly, what does it really look like to have an open adoption?" There's so much more to an open adoption than a singular definition. I would venture to say that there is no cookie cutter explanation for what an open adoption entails, mainly because every relationship is different. A common definition of an open adoption is a direct line of communication between adoptive parents, adoptee and birth mother, which typically includes annual visit(s). But those descriptions seem lacking and incomplete, as they fail to truly explain the heart and purpose behind an open adoption. To help me fill in the gaps, I've gathered a few thoughts anonymously from adoptive parents and their experiences with an open adoption. I hope their words dispel some of the fears and myths you've upheld about openness and give you encouragement as you navigate your adoption journey.

"Open adoption is and isn’t many things and it’s different for every triad. For us, openness starts in our hearts and minds that makes us comfortable with and want to pursue acceptance that tension exists within adoption. Openness means we pursue contact with biological families. Most importantly, we are open to however our (adopted) child feels about his adoption and commit to stand with him as he wrestles through the good, bad, and ugly of his story. It means we view his bio family with respect, without co-parenting, and are open to him having all the information about his own life that we can help him get."

"Open adoption is about two families that love the same child, and choose to build a relationship. Open adoption is healthy for both the child and mother. For the mother because it gives her reassurance to see her child thriving, for the child because it allows them to know where they came from, providing a sense of identity. Open adoption is not co-parenting. It’s not worrying that they’ll show up at your door or tell you how to parent."

"Open adoption gives opportunity for more peace and love and understanding. It’s about loving your child. The more you can love and know each other the better it is for your child. They will want to know whatever they can and if we love them we will want to know whatever we can about their birth family and story. Open adoption is not a loss of power or control as a parent. You are still a parent just the same and have all of the parental rights."

"Open adoption has been the most amazing experience! I was always prepared to love my child, but I was surprised at how much I care about her birth mama too, and feel a connection to her that only mothers feel. Every time I text her a picture, I think how blessed we are that she wants to be a part of her daughter's life. Open adoption is not scary or intimidating like I once thought it might be. On the contrary, when I pray for my daughter's birth mom, I have a name, a face, a voice, and a personality that we care for and love."

"Open adoption is beautiful! The amount of love between families is priceless. You gain more than just a child or children you gain family members for life. Open adoption is not always easy or the most comfortable, but it’s worth it and over time can blossom just like any relationship! Relationships take work and just because it may not feel” natural” in the beginning, give it time and energy and watch it grow into something you didn’t realize it could be."

"Open adoption is an organic, dynamic process that grows as your child grows. Open adoption helps answer your child's questions. It is not threatening, nor does it diminish you as a parent."

“Open adoption is letting go of your own fears and insecurities, and keeping the door open for your child to be able to know their biological family. It’s showing love to the woman who carried your baby for 9 months, and made the difficult decision to place him or her in your arms. Open adoption is setting healthy boundaries. It’s texting, emailing, Facetiming or visiting. Open adoption is not co-parenting. It’s gaining new family members and allowing your child to truly know where they came from.”

"I hear it from so many people that they think open adoption causes more harm than good to their child. But I don't see it that way. Open adoption is allowing God to heal what is broken through relationship and love. I just want people to understand how healing it can be for adoptees to know about their birth parents/have a relationship with them."

"Open adoption can be scary, but it’s a relationship God orchestrated unique to your family. While it can be a complicated relationship, it also provides the opportunity for you to know your child’s birth mother. I’ve found value in being able to share more of my children’s stories as they grow up. How that relationship looks over time varies by situation, but often the relationships with birth moms change over time as they grieve and settle back into their own lives. Even so, it’s a bond that’s forever."

"Open adoption is not always easy, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it. Just like any other significant relationship you've had or will have takes commitment, the relationship between the adoption triad is no different. When things get difficult or confusing at times, it would be easy to give up. Some people may even tell you that it's not worth it. But I want my child to know I did everything in my power to make it work. Because my child's birth mother is worth it. And my child is worth. It's all worth it."

"Open adoption is a posture of the heart. It's about keeping your heart open and extending grace to each other as you navigate, what is for many, uncharted waters. It's remembering that this relationship, like every relationship, takes time to grow and build trust. It's remembering to not assume things within the relationship. "Why hasn't she called? Did I say something wrong? She must just not really want to talk to us." It's remembering the grief process comes in ebbs and flows. Her silence may not mean what you think it does. Open adoption takes sacrifice, unconditional love, grace and honest communication between the birth mama and adoptive parents. Open adoption is a sacred and special bond, unlike anything we've ever experienced. I'm so very grateful for the opportunity to get to know my child's birth mother/birth family and for our child to have that special relationship too. It's a gift. It's a gift that not every family can provide their child with and I pray I don't ever take it for granted."

If you've come to the end of this post and are asking yourself, "Could we really do that? Could we really have an open adoption with our child's birth mother?" Believe me, I've been where you are. I've been on the other side of the adoption process, just like you, filling out applications and working through our concerns and fears in regards to an open adoption. Shortly after beginning the adoption process my husband and I started researching open adoption. Through research and conversations with others we realized the many benefits of an open adoption for all parties of the adoption triad. We recognized that our fear had been preventing us from embracing the reality of what an open adoption is and not just what we assume it to be based upon false pretenses. If you still are unsure, I want you to know that’s okay. As you are exploring your fears and concerns, I would just encourage you to do as much research as you can on the topic.

For further reading on open adoption:

Open Adoption Isn't A Lifetime Movie

Insecurities & Open Adoption

5 Tips On Talking To Children About Adoption

July 08, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

We were playing on the park one day when a seven year old boy with blonde hair and bright blue eyes approached me. I could tell what he was going to ask before the question came out of his mouth, as it's one I get asked often by kids around his age. I saw him looking at me and looking at the twins, wondering how we were connected.

"Are those your babies?" he asked politely.

"Yes, I'm their mama!"

"But, why are they brown and you're white?"

His mother, completely embarrassed, stepped in and put her hand on his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"Isn't their skin beautiful? You know, families come in all different shapes, colors and sizes. Some families are really big and some families are really small. Some families have step-brothers or step-sisters and some families have only one child or no children at all. Families are formed in different ways. Children can be raised by the family they were born into, like you and your family, or through a family who adopted them, like our family."

"What's adoption?" he asked further.

"That's a great question. Adoption is when a birth mom or birth parent feel they can't take care of a child at the time. And then adoptive parents become their mommy and daddy. My children grew in their birth mama's tummy. When they were born she chose me and that man over there (pointed to my husband, Obbie) to be their parents. They became our son and daughter through adoption. Their birth mama loves them so very much and so do we!"

“Cool!” he said running off to play with his friends on the playground.

The questions I get asked most about adoption and why my children and I don’t “look the same” come mostly from children. I started receiving questions like this as soon as I brought our babies home.

I was tongue tied the very first time a 5 year old little girl asked, “Why are they brown and your not?” The twins were just about 3 weeks old at the time.

“They were adopted!” I replied.“What’s that?” she innocently questioned.

I said, “You can have your mommy explain that!”

Looking back, I still think that answer was okay. It’s not my job to educate every single person on the adoption process and you don’t need to carry that weight either. Adoption is common. And families, schools and churches, should be be doing a better job at educating children on how families are created in different ways.

Here are a few helpful tips to keep in mind as you are responding to children and their questions about adoption:

Don’t overshare. Protect your child’s story when answering questions about adoption.Sometimes I have found it’s best to use generalized answers instead of using personal examples. “Birth mothers choose to have another mommy and daddy raise their child when they feel they can’t at the time.” I have found when I use examples from the twins life it leads to further questions about their adoption story, which isn’t mine to share. Your first priority is to protect your child’s story, not answer others questions about their story. Most kids asking questions are just innocently curious, but even so, it’s not my story to share.
Keep it simple and use age appropriate language. Don’t use abstract phrases or language that could be confusing to a young little mind.
Don’t feel the need to explain the adoption process to every child who asks you. Just like you wouldn’t explain the “birds and the bees” to any random kid who asks you how “babies came to be”-it’s not your job to explain the adoption process to every child who inquires about it. Sometimes it's okay to simple say, "You can have your mommy or daddy explain that" or "You know, I bet your mom or dad would like to explain that to you!"
Continue implementing positive adoption language. Even as we are explaining adoption to younger children, it's important that we still incorporate positive adoption language. I think it's okay to make big adoption words and phrases easier for the little ones to understand, as long as we are doing it in a way that continues to honor all parties of the adoption triad. Click here for a helpful post on positive adoption language.
Be prepared for more questions and how you will respond. Adoption is very complex and difficult for children to wrap their minds around. Many of the words and phrases you may use will be words most children have never heard before and may need further explanation. But again, it's also quite alright to say: "I bet your mommy or daddy would like to explain that to you!"

It may take some time and practice to learn how to respond to kids about complex topics like adoption, but that’s okay! You will get better at it as you go! I hope that you find these tips helpful as you navigate conversations about adoption with children.

Yes, It Matters Where Your Adoption Advice Comes From

March 28, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

As an adoption consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants, I've seen a drastic increase in the amount of questions that are asked about ethics, agencies, attorneys, fee structures, expectant mother/birth mother care, etc. As an adoptive mother and someone guiding families through the adoption process, I find it very encouraging that families are doing their research and asking the hard questions.

There are a ton of different avenues online where hopeful adoptive families can acquire information regarding adoption. From a quick online Google search to adoption support groups on Facebook-there is so much information out there! There are plenty of amazing adoption resources accessible to families. But, at times all of the information can be very overwhelming. In fact, I've had many families tell me just that. How do you know who you can trust? How do you know what information is accurate?

When I was working on my Master's degree in counseling I wrote many research papers. As a part of my work, I was required to include peer reviewed articles and journals. Peer review means these articles and journals had gone through an extensive series of evaluations by experts and scholars to establish their validity. I couldn't just pick a topic to write about and then "Google" my way through it to make my point. I had to ensure that the material being researched adhered to the highest credentials by the experts on that topic.

We live in a day and age where anyone can learn anything about anything. Although this has many benefits, it also reaps consequences. The consequences are that false, inaccurate and/or incomplete information about a topic has become easily accessible and transmitted to the general public. How many times have you stayed up late at night Googling your symptoms, only to be self-diagnosed with some crazy, rare disease based on someone's random post in a discussion board? Although we can glean a lot from others personal experiences, when it comes to something as important as your health, one would think you’d at least want confirmation on this crazy rare disease by an expert in the field: your doctor.

When my husband and I were researching adoption we quickly realized how much we didn't know about it. I'm so thankful our paths crossed with Christian Adoption Consultants. We felt more at ease knowing they were truly professionals in the field and had been around since 2006, assisting over 2,500 families on their adoption journey. The directors were more than just adoptive parents, they had founded 3 licensed adoption agencies in 3 different states, and had experience in working with adoption attorneys, social workers and case managers as well as state licensing specialists. When we signed on with CAC we weren't just getting access to one adoption consultant, but rather a team of 20 adoption professionals with 120 years of combined professional adoption experience. Four months after we signed on with CAC, we brought our twins home. And we could not have done it without their guidance, encouragement, support and prayers.

Shortly after the birth of our twins, I joined the team at CAC. Although our team has adopted 45 kids (and counting!) between all us, our knowledge goes beyond our experience as adoptive parents. We have team members that hold degrees ranging from masters to bachelors in the counseling, social work, child welfare and human services fields. Additionally, we have a licensed social worker on staff with over 17 years experience.

I'm a firm believer in doing research and asking the hard questions. How do you learn if you don't ask? But I'm also a big proponent in checking your facts and verifying credentials, especially in a day and age where anyone can be an expert. As an adoption consultant, I'm still learning and growing in this field-that will never stop! But I've found that with so much information at our fingertips we can't just accept any information that comes our way. We have to push back and ask questions. Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself as you are filtering through adoption information:

1. Where did you acquire this information? Who is the author? Adoption Facebook support groups are great places to learn from other's adoption experiences, but just as you would go to a doctor to verify your Google imposed self-diagnosis, confirm said information with an adoption professional/expert.

2. Is this a fact or opinion? Facts can be verified. Opinions cannot. Just because a lot of people are saying it doesn't mean it's true. It's very easy to repeat information others have heard or said because it sounds right or is dressed in a pretty package. But, do your research. Make sure the sources are credible.

3. When was this information published? The adoption world is constantly changing. While doing your homework make sure you’re looking at the date it was published to ensure it’s relevancy for adoption today.

4. Are they a part of a reputable adoption organization? There are many things that make an organization reputable: education and experience in the field are just a few.

5. What is their relationship to adoption? Are they an adoptee? Birth mom/parent? Adoptive parent? Social worker? Knowing this information will give great insight into where they are coming from. For example, I'm not an adoptee or a birth mother. I can only speak to what I've learned from other adoptees and birth mothers. But, that is second-hand information. That doesn't mean I can't share what I've learned or discredit the information, but it's important for the audience to be aware of the sources relationship to adoption when speaking on it.

6. What topic are they discussing and what are their credentials? For example, someone who is discussing ethics and how it relates to an agency: Do they have any experience working at or with an adoption agency/attorney? Are they a social worker? Have they counseled expectant mamas/ birth parents before? If they haven't personally, are they a part of an organization that has where they are receiving education to be equipped with the knowledge they need to be discussing said topic?

I can't tell you how many people have come to me with inaccurate adoption-related information regarding something they read in an adoption support group on Facebook or the comment section of someone's Instagram account. I’ve seen false information regarding adoption that was essentially just parroted from something that someone else read or heard. It’s my hope that these questions will serve as tools to help you filter through information that crosses your path.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Insecurities & Open Adoption

July 24, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

In the initial stages of the adoption process the thought of having an open adoption with a birth mother evoked some concerns and fear in our mind. At the time, our perception was heavily influenced by the media, our lack of education and a few Lifetime movies. But now having some personal experience in this relationship and as an adoption consultant who walks with families through the process, I understand the benefits of an open adoption to all three parties of the adoption triad. Recently, I wrote a post debunking 5 myths commonly associated with an open adoption. Myths such as "open adoption is co-parenting" or "open adoption is only beneficial to the birth family." Today I will be discussing how our insecurities can play a role in negatively shaping the way we view an open adoption.

Early on in the process, I realized these misconceptions surrounding an open adoption not only stemmed from lack of education, but also my own deep rooted insecurities that had been brewing for many years as we struggled with infertility. I thought that if we had an open line of communication with a birth mother it would make me feel like less of a mother and be a blatant reminder of my infertility and empty womb. Perhaps I also believed the lie that an open adoption would somehow undermine my role as a mother. I quickly discovered a connection between my insecurities and the initial fear I had regarding an open adoption.

Throughout our struggle with infertility, I allowed my barrenness to define me. Many days I felt broken and the odd one out among my friends. There was a time when I equated "being a woman" with a growing bump and a positive pregnancy test. But when the growing bump never came and hundred of negative pregnancy tests later, my definition of "womanhood" didn't fit. It was a lie. "There has to be more than this," I said to God one night through tears after throwing another negative pregnancy test straight into the trashcan along with what seemed at the time, my hopes and dreams.

Over the next year the Lord carefully and lovingly removed the false identity I had unknowingly placed on myself. I was reminded through reading the Word, my personal suffering and talking with other friends that my identity is solely and explicitly found in Christ. For those who are a child of God, nothing from this world can take away the fullness that is found in Jesus Christ-not even an empty womb.

I'm grateful I had this "break through" before we started the adoption process, as I continued to carry this truth with me. Even so, reminders of my "old way of thinking" sometimes crept back in. When our home study provider began describing examples of what an open adoption looked like practically bitterness, insecurity and jealously stirred back up again. "I could never do that," I secretly thought to myself. But, as we received education from our adoption consultant, read blog posts, listened to podcasts and heard stories from birth mothers, adoptees and other adoptive families we came to realize the benefits of an open adoption far outweighed any fears we had. We knew an open adoption wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth it.

Where and who we find our identity in has a profound effect on the way we interact with others and respond to circumstances. When our identity is found in Christ-we are free to love others and embrace the uncharted waters we may encounter without fear. Because my identity is rooted in Christ, and not on my role as a parent, I can embrace the beautiful reality that the twins have two mothers, with distinct roles, who love them immensely. Their first mama lovingly carried them for 9 months, brought them into this life and chose adoption for them. Their birth mother made me a mother. She gave them life and I have the privilege of raising them. She chose us to be their parents because she felt it was in the best interest of her children. Can you imagine that kind of love? A kind of love and strength that it takes to place the baby who you carried in your tummy for 9 months, the baby who you felt kick, the baby you heard cry for the very first time, the baby who has your nose and your eyes, into the arms of another woman who her child will one day call “mama?” That is a self-sacrificing kind of love; a love I want my children to know.

Research indicates that on going communication with birth parents allows adoptees to have a deeper understanding of identity and where they came from, access to important genetic and medical information and a distinct understanding of why adoption was chosen, which can decrease feelings of abandonment and increase feelings of belonging. And so I propose this question: How could we as adoptive parents, knowing this truth, not take the opportunity to have an open adoption with our child's/children's birth mother if that option is laid before us? I’ve spoken with adoptive families who wish they had the opportunity to have an open adoption with their child’s birth family. They would give any thing to be able to answer some of their child’s lingering questions about where they came from.

If you were like us, and struggled with the thought of having an open adoption with your child's birth family, I encourage you to take a few moments and examine yours fears, insecurities and concerns. Birth mothers have given adoptive families a piece of their heart, one that they are entrusting them with forever. There is so much love in that decision. Not only do I want my children to hear about her unconditional love from us , I want them to know her personally. In our mind, the more love the better.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Open Adoption Isn't A Lifetime Movie

June 25, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

When my husband and I first entered the adoption process we were holding pretty tight to a few misconceptions about open adoption. Our perception was highly influenced by lack of education in the area, the media and a few Lifetime movies if I'm being honest here. Initially, the thought of having an open adoption with a birth mother evoked some fear in us. As an adoption consultant and having walked through the adoption process before, I'm embarrassed over a few of the thoughts and concerns I had about an open adoption. I know many others have struggled at times with these thoughts and concerns. And so, I want to spend the next few minutes addressing, explaining and debunking some of the most common myths of an open adoption.

Myth #1 : If the birth mother has our information she could change her mind, show up at our door step and try to parent. Out of all of the misconceptions I hear, this one comes to the surface most frequently. Initially, this was one of our biggest fears. But, as we learned more about the intricacies of adoption we discovered this couldn't be further from the truth. After the baby is born consents are signed. Then, finalization occurs after a certain length of time (varies state by state) and a judge declares the child a part of the family forever. The child takes the adoptive family's last name and a new birth certificate is provided. An adoption is final and the decision is irrevocable.

Myth #2: An open adoption could potentially confuse the child and cause identity issues. Research indicates that children understand the distinction between their adoptive parents and their birth parents and the specific roles they carry in their life. Adoptees have an understanding of who gave them life and who takes care for them on a daily basis. Decades ago closed adoptions were very common. In many cases (not all) because the adoptee didn't have access to their birth family they began trying to fill in the missing pieces and created fantasies (positive and/or negative) about them. Having an open adoption with the birth family eliminates the mystery and gives the adoptee a clear and realistic picture of who their birth family is and the reasons that lead to them choosing adoption. In the long run having access to their birth family has shown to strengthen the adoptee's sense of identity.

Myth #3: Open adoption is too similar to co-parenting. Generally birth parents and adoptive parents understand their rights and responsibilities in the relationship. In co-parenting both parties have some form of custody. In adoption custody isn't shared. Many adoptive families describe their relationship with the adoptee's birth family similar to an extended family-like relationship or an extension of their immediate family.

Myth # 4: If the child has on going communication with their birth parents they will eventually end up leaving the adoptive parents when they are old enough. For adoptees, home is with their adoptive family. As previously mentioned, adoptees have a clear and distinct understanding of what role their birth family plays in their life. They were raised and daily cared for by their adoptive family and that’s where they usually live until they’re ready to move out. Many adoptees (not all) are often curious in discovering more about their birth family and where they came from, but this does not change or lessen the love they have for their adoptive family. If you are interested in learning more about this topic I encourage you to watch an informative documentary called, "Closure."

Myth #5: Open adoption is only beneficial to the birth family. Research indicates that an open adoption is beneficial to all three parties of the adoption triad (adoptee, birth family and adoptive family). Another study that was published in 2009 by the Journal of Psychology discovered that an "open adoption significantly improved satisfaction in adoptive parents and birth families."

For the birth family, feelings of loss and grief may continue throughout their life. However, an open adoption can help them navigate through the grieving process in a healthier way as it provides the birth family with peace of mind in knowing they made the right decision.

On going communication with birth parents allows adoptees to have a deeper understanding of identity and where they came from, access to important genetic and medical information and a distinct understanding of why adoption was chosen, which can decrease feelings of abandonment and increase feelings of belonging. To learn more about an open adoption from the adoptee's perspective click here.

An open adoption allows adoptive parents to establish a healthy relationship with their child's birth family, gain a better understanding of their child's history and have access to the birth family who can answer questions that may arise throughout their child's life.

As an adoption consultant, I get asked frequently to define what an open adoption looks like. However, that can be difficult to do because there really isn't a black and white, one-size-fits-all scenario. I've seen open adoptions where the adoptive family exchange pictures and updates through email and talk on the phone every few months or so. I've also seen open adoptions where the adoptive family keep in touch through talking on the phone and/or video chats and will visit their child's birth family once or twice a year. We wouldn't expectant all mother-daughter or sister-aunt relationships to look identical across the board and the same goes for the relationships that exist between the adoption triad.

Although there are many benefits to an open adoption, just like any other relationship it won't always be easy and it will take work and time to grow. Clear boundaries, communication and honesty are extremely important, as well as extending patience, understanding and grace! But, my husband and I have found, along with many others, that the benefits of an open adoption far outweigh any concerns or fears we initially had. I've spoken with adoptive families who wish they had the opportunity to have an open adoption with their child's birth family. They would give any thing to be able to answer some of their child's lingering questions about where they came from. I pray that if you have the opportunity to have an open adoption with your child's birth family that you don’t take this privilege lightly. It's a gift.

How Do People Afford Adoption?

May 30, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Education

“How do people afford adoption?" As an adoption consultant, this is one of the most frequently asked questions I receive. The financial aspects of adoption are, for many families, their number one concern when they begin inquiring about the process.

When my husband and I started researching adoption it was one of our biggest concerns. “How will we afford it?” At the time my husband was a youth pastor working on his PhD and I was working full-time and attending graduate school. Quite a bit of our income was going towards tuition. As you can imagine, we didn't have a huge chunk of money sitting in a savings account. But, we were confident that God wanted us to begin growing our family through adoption and we knew that He would provide everything we needed.

We began applying for adoption grants, no-interest adoption loans and fundraising. As we started sharing our story people began praying for us and supporting financially. I will never forget the day a kind woman approached me at church and put a check in my hand. As I opened it tears of gratitude filled my eyes and I looked back up at her, "Are you serious? But, are you sure? I don't know if I can accept this. It's so much." I will never forget her response, "Kelly, it is a blessing to me to be able to be a part of your adoption journey in this way. Don't rob me of this blessing."

I have numerous moments like this in our own adoption journey that I could share with you. Thankfully, our story isn't unique. I could spend all day sharing stories about God’s faithfulness from others who have been blessed by the generosity of family, friends and even complete strangers in the adoption process. Just the other week a family was in need of a certain amount to finance the rest of their adoption. They received a little over the amount they needed in the mail from a family friend!

Trusting God with the finances of our adoption was one of the most difficult things for my husband and I. It was also very humbling. Can you relate? I know most of you can. But God gave us exactly what we needed in His perfect timing. Did the money just fall from the sky? No, we worked hard, saved, applied for adoption grants and loans. We even did a few fundraisers! We saw God’s faithfulness and provision through the hands and feet of family, friends and even complete strangers.

“Adoption is so expensive to begin with! Is it really worth hiring an adoption consultant?” This was one of our concerns, as well. Take it from someone who has walked through the adoption process before: I don’t know how we would have journeyed through this adventure without our consultant. One of the reasons (among many) that families choose to work with Christian Adoption Consultants is because of our creative financing ideas. We equip our families with the following information:

Average Adoption Costs-a break-down of typical agency/attorney fees
Adoption Tax Credit and Dependency Exemptions-direct our families towards exploring tax benefits
Adoption loans-no-interest and low-interest options and providers
Adoption Grants-detailed list of grant providers
Creative Fundraising Ideas-including testimonials from our staff and families of creative ideas that have assisted in raising thousands of dollars for their adoptions

In addition to creative financing ideas, we help our families navigate the risks associated with the process. The nation wide failure rate for an adoption is 50-60%. Can you imagine how many families have lost thousands of dollars in regards to a failed adoption? Although no one can eliminate all of the risk in adoption, families working with Christian Adoption Consultants experience a drastically lower failure rate (<20%). I believe this is because we direct our families to ethical and adoption-friendly agencies and attorneys that have endured our vetting process. Additionally, we assist them in navigating the warnings signs to reduce the levels of risks associated with the adoption process. We also provide adoption resources and education so our families are equipped with knowledge to make informed decisions in their journey.

The financial cost of adoption prevents many families from beginning the adoption process, but it doesn’t have to. When I was functioning in a “what I can accomplish” mentality I was buried in fear about how we would come up with the funds for our adoption. It genuinely felt like an impossible task. I will never forget the day my husband said, “Kelly, God isn’t going to call us to this journey and leave us to ourselves. He will provide everything we need to accomplish everything He has called us to.” This wasn’t new information to me. But I think that somewhere in the mix of filling out paperwork, setting up our home study interviews, applying for grants and loans that I had lost sight of who was in control. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t Christian Adoption Consultants. It wasn’t an adoption agency. It was God. And it was in that moment that I was reminded that nothing could prevent us from accomplishing what God had planned for us-not even my doubt or fear.