Adoption: When You Feel Like Giving Up

January 26, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Waiting In Adoption

"We're exhausted. We've presented more times than we can count. We prayed about pursuing adoption for years before we even started the process! Why would God bring us to this journey if we would only be met with ‘no’ after ‘no,’ delays and disappointments? Did we miss something?"

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have the privilege and honor of walking families through the adoption process from the very beginning of their journey until they have their baby in their arms. I am very passionate about helping families in this way. It's a blessing and a calling I do not take lightly.

People outside of the adoption process may struggle to understand the intricacies and complexities of this sacred space. I know this to be true because my families have shared it with me. "No one gets it. My family, my friends- they just don't understand the roller coaster of emotions that we go through on a daily basis."

But I get it. The team at Christian Adoption Consultants understands. The adoption process can be exhausting. And yet "exhausting" doesn't even seem to fully encapsulate all of the feelings evoked from families struggling through the ups and downs of the adoption process. If these words resonate with you, then this post is for you.

Friend, take a few deep breaths, remove any distractions and lean into what I'm about to share with you.

1. God has not forgotten you. Sometimes when things aren't working out like we expected they would we can be tempted to think that God has forgotten about us. But that is not the truth. It may feel really true to us, but we can't always trust our feelings. Our feelings change a lot and are often moved by our circumstances. But God and His Word remain constant. God has not promised that the road He has called us to will be easy, but He has promised that He will always be with us.

"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20, NIV)

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6, NIV)

2. God is in control. "Through our union with Christ we too have been claimed by God as his own inheritance. Before we were even born, he gave us our destiny; that we would fulfill the plan of God who always accomplishes every purpose and plan in his heart"(Ephesian 1:11, TPT). As Christians, isn't this comforting to rest our minds and hearts on? Isn't this truth freeing to cling to? It's freeing to think about the fact that we can't "slip outside" of God's plans for our life. Friends, you can't mess up or miss out on the plans God has for your family...not in the adoption process and not in any aspect of your life.

3. God is working all things out for your good. If you are believer you can rest in this knowledge. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28, NIV). The "good" here that Paul is referring to might not be in agreement with our understanding of "good." My kids love Krispy Kreme donuts and would probably eat 3 every day if I let them. But doing so would not be good for them. Ask God to help you trust that He who knows all and sees all, knows what is best for us, even when it doesn't coincide and align with our thoughts.

4. God is faithful to equip you with everything you need to accomplish everything that He has called you to. Our God is a very present God. He isn't somewhere off in the sky, twiddling His fingers, just hoping His children figure it out on their own. He is with us. He has sent us the Holy Spirit, our Helper. "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19, NIV). Are you weary from the adoption process? Do you feel like giving up? Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a renewed hope and perspective. Ask the Holy Spirit to comfort you and strengthen you every step of the way. He is faithful.

Friends, I understand the adoption process is exhausting, confusing, and filled with ups and downs. But I also know and have seen how God creates beautiful stories out of really difficult times. I wish I could tell you that I know exactly how your story will unfold. I don't. But I know the One who does. When you feel like giving up, remember the One who called you to this journey in the first place. He will see you through.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoption Story: Jamey + Sydnee

December 20, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption Stories

It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being "too old" to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, "I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them." Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story:

I had someone that has only talked to me a handful of times ask me, “what kept you from giving up?” I immediately started crying. She knew our story of adoption, but she didn’t know all of the years that preceded. When she asked me that simple question, my mind was flooded with all the trials and tribulations from many years before that led up to receiving our precious daughter. So many times I wanted to quit, but there was an internal fight that would not let me. I could write about my many years of struggling with severe depression and anxiety wondering if I would ever be a mother. I could write about my husband not wanting children and our journey to come together and grow. I could write about miscarriage and pregnancy loss, or I could write about years of fertility treatments. God brought us to Him and gave us the strength to traverse and overcome each trying situation so that we could eventually become parents.

Oh the waiting! That was always the hardest part of all the troubled waters we navigated. Waiting for God to work on me, on Jamey, and on us. Waiting to hear His answer. Waiting on the outcome so that I could keep going and keep fighting. Waiting on the next attempt at parenthood and starting the process all over again. It truly is God’s waiting room. We had to learn what to do and how to handle our time there. We had to grow and wait on His perfect timing. Meditation, prayer, and music were essential. These lyrics by Tenth Avenue North were comforting in the waiting –

As I walk this great unknown, Questions come and questions go, Was there purpose for the pain? Did I cry these tears in vain? I don’t want to live in fear, I want to trust that You are near, Trust Your grace can be seen, In both triumph and tragedy. I have this hope, In the depth of my soul, In the flood or the fire, You’re with me and You won’t let go.

When we decided it was time to give our all to adoption, I remember finding Christian Adoption Consultant’s website and calling from a conference room at work. Kelly answered and talked to me about CAC, her journey and listened to our story. Luckily, I had a handkerchief with me. I immediately knew that we needed to work with her and CAC! And, just to mention that I had already talked to 3 other consultant groups before talking to Kelly. Working with CAC and Kelly was the best decision we made! She guided us every step of the way, and prayed with us and for us! We’re beyond grateful for CAC and for all that Kelly did to help us find our way to our daughter!

Jamey was always on board with adoption, but he never wanted biological children. I always knew I wanted to adopt, but my dream was to have a biological child and adopt a child. It took a lot of work on our part and on God’s part for us to come together even after 20 years of marriage, but we did and are closer and stronger than ever before. When we started this journey, memories from my early childhood came back. I remember my mother telling me stories about when I would have a child, and I would correct her and tell her I wasn’t having children that I was going to adopt. We did end up trying everything possible to have a biological child but that was not God’s plan.

The song that helped during this time is by Lauren Daigle – Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at Your feet, Every moment of my wandering, Never changes what You see, I’ve tried to win this war, I confess, My hands are weary, I need Your rest, Mighty warrior, King of the fight, No matter what I face, You’re by my side. When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move, When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through, When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You, I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.

The adoption journey is not an easy one, but every single time, God shows up and there is grace, mercy, and beauty beyond comprehension. We presented to expectant mothers several times and were not chosen, which was so hard. It was tempting to ask why, wondering what was wrong with us, but instead we would shift and pray for God’s will and trust in His plan and His timing. We presented to a situation where the baby was due in just 10 days and we were chosen. We were beyond excited and so hopeful! We met the expectant mother twice before her delivery and felt so purposefully connected to her. Since this was only a couple of hours from our home, we arrived at the hospital before this baby girl was born. We visited with the family and were so elated to meet and love on this sweet baby. We also spent the next day at the hospital. On the 3rd day, we arrived in the morning expecting to bring our baby girl home and we were asked to leave the hospital because the mother was struggling. We went to a park and prayed for help and guidance, until we received the call that the mother had decided to parent. Feeling completely devastated, we drove back to the hospital to give her the car seat, so that she could bring her baby home. We had to process this loss and grieve this baby girl. I do believe that this happened for a reason and that we played a part in this birth mother’s difficult decision. We immediately loved her unconditionally and continue to pray for her and her baby girl.

This song by Hillary Scott helped during this time – I believe that You are God alone, But sometimes I still try to take control, ‘Cause I get scared when I can’t see the end, And all You want from me is to let go. You’re parting waters, Making a rain for me, You’re moving mountains that I don’t even see, You’ve answered my prayer before I even speak, All You need for me to be is still.

Two and a half months later, we felt ready to present our profile and we were once again chosen. Though we were excited, we were cautious with our emotions. We spoke to the expectant mother on the phone and found out that it was going to be a baby boy. She went into labor about 3 weeks after we were matched, and we got the call to go home and pack since this was several states away. We waited to hear that we could head that way, and that call never came. The news we heard was that the baby was born and the mother was struggling with her decision. At the end of the week, we heard that she decided to parent. We had to pick ourselves up once again and find strength to keep going.

The song I listened to after this was by Danny Gokey – I’ve been running through rain, That I thought would never end, Trying to make it on faith, In a struggle against the wind, I’ve seen the dark and the broken places, But I know in my soul, No matter how bad it gets, I’ll be alright. There’s a hope in front of me, There’s a light, I still see it, There’s a hand still holding me, Even when I don’t believe it, I might be down but I’m not dead, There’s better days still up ahead, Even after all I’ve seen, There’s a hope in front of me.

I was finding it harder and harder to hold on to the fight, but God kept reminding us to not give up. On October 16, I was especially struggling, so I went to mass at Noon and prayed that if we were not meant to be parents, for God to please send me a clear sign because I was so tired. I went back to work and was headed to the gym that afternoon when I received a call from an agency. I was told that there was a baby girl born 2 days prior and that our profile was shown to the birth mother and father and that we were chosen! She said she needed to know right away because the baby could be discharged that day. We were on a plane the next morning! We had to pack, buy plane tickets, find a place to stay, and choose a name for our daughter! We met her on October 17 and left the hospital that day with her.

She was truly worth all that we went through! We stay in touch with our daughter’s birth parents and we love them so much! We got to meet them and visit with them a couple of months ago. During our visit we learned that my daughter, her birth mother, and my birthdays are all in October and my husband and our daughter’s birth father’s birthdays are in March. We are so thankful for an open adoption. God weaves the most beautiful tapestry of life for us.

Adoption & Waiting During The Holidays

December 12, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Waiting In Adoption

I would like to dedicate this post to all of my amazing CAC families waiting in the adoption process. I see you. I'm here for you. I'm praying that God would overwhelm you with His peace that surpasses all understanding this holiday season.

Waiting in the adoption process on any given day can be overwhelming, but during the holidays it can feel insurmountable. For many, the Christmas season exudes a sense of celebration, joy and wonder as we think about the birth of our Savior. But for some this holiday season is met with complex emotions as they are reminded of great loss or what they do not yet have: the child they are longing for.

I can understand and relate to the raw emotions surrounding an empty crib and the holidays. I will never forget two Thanksgivings after our miscarriage. Our baby would have been a little over 1 years old. While working through my grief on this day, I also found out that a family member was pregnant. On top of processing grief, I was also dealing with guilt over the complex emotions I initially felt about their pregnancy, even though at my deepest core I was thrilled for them. Only those who have walked through these waters can understand the juxtapositions of emotions that land you from one plane to another in regards to infertility and the holidays. It's just extremely difficult and at times confusing to navigate.

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have walked with many families through the adoption process. I have had conversation after conversation with families about this specific topic and so I have a front row seat to how waiting during the holidays can be more difficult. I have compiled a short list of helpful tools to help hopeful adoptive families navigate the holiday season.

1. Prayer. Be vulnerable with God in prayer. This seems pretty simple on the surface, but I think it's something that we forget to be intentional about as we progress throughout our day. He can handle all of your big thoughts and feelings. Pour them out at His feet. Ask God to help you. Ask Him to help you walk in His peace. Ask Him to help you find joy in the day-to-day even as you are navigating your complex emotions over the holidays. He is the best listener and loves to help His children. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14).

2. Read your Bible & Meditate on His Promises. We have access to the very Word of God. The Bible says, “All scriptures are God-breathed” (2 Timothy 3). His Word is full of rich truths and promises for His children. The Bible is what our soul needs. His Word is life-giving. His Word is transformative. His Word is powerful. His Word speaks truth to our fears. If this is something that is difficult for you to do, ask God to help you! He is faithful to answer our requests. It doesn't have to be a two hour long Bible Study, but I encourage you to set aside time each day (it can be 15 minutes!) to get in God's Word and meditate on His truths. If you miss a day, that's okay! Try again the next day. God just wants you to spend time with Him. Here is a helpful tool I use to help me read the Bible.

3. Confide in a friend. Talk to someone that you trust about what you are struggling with. Be vulnerable with them. Tell them why this season is especially difficult for you. Give specifics so that they can pray directly to God about it!

4. Guard Your Heart. Do whatever you need to do to guard your heart and your mind. If you need to stay off social media because seeing the influx of pregnancy announcements, adoption stories and pictures of happy families over the holidays is too difficult for you, then unplug for a while! If you need to take a break from a Christmas family gathering then step outside, call your friend and have them pray over the phone with you.

5. Start a thankful jar. Designate a jar in the house that will be your "Thankful Jar." Put it in a visible spot so everyone in the house can see it throughout the day. Anytime a thankful or grateful thought comes to your mind, jot it down and throw it in the jar. You can even turn this into a family tradition! If someone is having a hard day, dump the jar out and read the little notes out loud. Regardless of what you are going through, look for the little blessings, look for those little moments where you can say "Wow God! Look what you have given me. Look how you have blessed me." Then, go write it down and toss it in the jar. Setting your affections on thankfulness is a mighty way to praise God through whatever storm or hardship you are going through.

I know these ideas aren't revolutionary. Perhaps you already do everything single one of them. I just felt like someone needed a little reminder and maybe that person was you. It’s my deepest prayer that this season you would be reminded in tangible ways of God’s unconditional love for you and your family. It’s my deepest prayer that as you pour your heart before the Lord that He would comfort you and fill you with His peace, hope and joy.