5 Tips On Talking To Children About Adoption

July 08, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

We were playing on the park one day when a seven year old boy with blonde hair and bright blue eyes approached me. I could tell what he was going to ask before the question came out of his mouth, as it's one I get asked often by kids around his age. I saw him looking at me and looking at the twins, wondering how we were connected.

"Are those your babies?" he asked politely.

"Yes, I'm their mama!"

"But, why are they brown and you're white?"

His mother, completely embarrassed, stepped in and put her hand on his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"Isn't their skin beautiful? You know, families come in all different shapes, colors and sizes. Some families are really big and some families are really small. Some families have step-brothers or step-sisters and some families have only one child or no children at all. Families are formed in different ways. Children can be raised by the family they were born into, like you and your family, or through a family who adopted them, like our family."

"What's adoption?" he asked further.

"That's a great question. Adoption is when a birth mom or birth parent feel they can't take care of a child at the time. And then adoptive parents become their mommy and daddy. My children grew in their birth mama's tummy. When they were born she chose me and that man over there (pointed to my husband, Obbie) to be their parents. They became our son and daughter through adoption. Their birth mama loves them so very much and so do we!"

“Cool!” he said running off to play with his friends on the playground.

The questions I get asked most about adoption and why my children and I don’t “look the same” come mostly from children. I started receiving questions like this as soon as I brought our babies home.

I was tongue tied the very first time a 5 year old little girl asked, “Why are they brown and your not?” The twins were just about 3 weeks old at the time.

“They were adopted!” I replied.“What’s that?” she innocently questioned.

I said, “You can have your mommy explain that!”

Looking back, I still think that answer was okay. It’s not my job to educate every single person on the adoption process and you don’t need to carry that weight either. Adoption is common. And families, schools and churches, should be be doing a better job at educating children on how families are created in different ways.

Here are a few helpful tips to keep in mind as you are responding to children and their questions about adoption:

Don’t overshare. Protect your child’s story when answering questions about adoption.Sometimes I have found it’s best to use generalized answers instead of using personal examples. “Birth mothers choose to have another mommy and daddy raise their child when they feel they can’t at the time.” I have found when I use examples from the twins life it leads to further questions about their adoption story, which isn’t mine to share. Your first priority is to protect your child’s story, not answer others questions about their story. Most kids asking questions are just innocently curious, but even so, it’s not my story to share.
Keep it simple and use age appropriate language. Don’t use abstract phrases or language that could be confusing to a young little mind.
Don’t feel the need to explain the adoption process to every child who asks you. Just like you wouldn’t explain the “birds and the bees” to any random kid who asks you how “babies came to be”-it’s not your job to explain the adoption process to every child who inquires about it. Sometimes it's okay to simple say, "You can have your mommy or daddy explain that" or "You know, I bet your mom or dad would like to explain that to you!"
Continue implementing positive adoption language. Even as we are explaining adoption to younger children, it's important that we still incorporate positive adoption language. I think it's okay to make big adoption words and phrases easier for the little ones to understand, as long as we are doing it in a way that continues to honor all parties of the adoption triad. Click here for a helpful post on positive adoption language.
Be prepared for more questions and how you will respond. Adoption is very complex and difficult for children to wrap their minds around. Many of the words and phrases you may use will be words most children have never heard before and may need further explanation. But again, it's also quite alright to say: "I bet your mommy or daddy would like to explain that to you!"

It may take some time and practice to learn how to respond to kids about complex topics like adoption, but that’s okay! You will get better at it as you go! I hope that you find these tips helpful as you navigate conversations about adoption with children.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Resting In The Adoption Process

June 19, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I know we talk about how the adoption process can feel like a "roller coaster" of emotions. And as many of you are already familiar with, this "roller coaster" can be an exhausting experience. In addition to the ups and downs of this journey, the adoption process is full of waiting and waiting can be tiring in and of itself. Waiting comes in many forms. Waiting to hear back from your home study provider to make sure they have everything they need from you. Waiting to hear back from an agency/attorney to see if your application has been processed. Waiting to hear back about an adoption grant/loan Waiting and wondering when that next situation will come through. Waiting to find out if you were chosen. Waiting for the baby to be born. Waiting for the expectant mother to sign consents. Whew! That's exhausting. It's no wonder why they say that adoption is not for the faint of heart!

In addition to the ups and downs, and the waiting, it can also be overwhelming answering others questions about your adoption journey. "Is your home study complete yet? Why is it taking so long? Have you seen many situations? Why weren't you chosen? Why is adoption so expensive? Do you know a lot about the birth mother?" Although most family and friends mean well, sometimes these questions can be exhausting and lead to further discouragement in the process. "Yeah, this is taking a long time! I wonder if we will ever be chosen."

Through the long and overwhelming seasons of waiting and the roller coaster of emotions that the adoption process can bring, I want to encourage you to take time to rest and recharge throughout this journey. This may look a little different for every couple and/or family, but I encourage you to take time to do things that will be refreshing for your soul and mind. Perhaps this means going on a simple weekend getaway to stay a night in one of your favorite neighboring cities. Perhaps this means having a date night where you both commit to not talk about adoption (sometimes you need a break from adoption conversations/questions). Maybe this looks like learning something new or picking up an old hobby you haven't tried in awhile. Maybe this could be a girl’s night out where you go to dinner with friends while your husband watches the kiddos (and next time you can treat him to a guy's night out, of course!). Maybe this just means going on a long run/walk while listening to some of your favorite music. Maybe recharging for you could be going on a family hike and bringing along a picnic. If you haven't taken any time to rest and recharge recently, I encourage you to put something on the schedule. Plan it. We can make lists of things we want to do all day, but I've found if we don't schedule it, typically that's a pretty good indicator that it won't happen.

Sometimes when we are exhausted and overwhelmed we can begin to see things through the perspective of our fears and doubt: "Why isn't this happening? God, are you not listening to my prayers? What's wrong with us? Why aren't we being chosen?" As you are taking time to rest and recharge, it's my prayer that God would renew your spirit and your mind. It's my hope that you would find your complete rest in the Lord and His promises that are true for you yesterday, today and tomorrow. If you are overwhelmed with worry and fear about the future or your present circumstances, Jesus has some comforting words for you: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).

The "No" That Led to Our "Yes"

June 14, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

GUEST POST
By Adoptive Mama, Chelsey Sisco

"She’s given birth to the baby. There are no other details right now. We’ve tried to reach out but have been unsuccessful. All we can do is wait and hope she reaches out to us.” Those were the words that drowned me on a Friday morning in late September standing on the sidewalk outside of my office. Exactly one week prior to that Michael and I sat in a Texas Roadhouse 12 hours from home meeting M for the very first time. We talked, laughed, and cried for 3 hours over a nice dinner. That was the day that M gave us ultrasound pictures of her baby girl. I could feel the fear that overwhelmed her when we locked eyes, walked towards each other, and hugged as she handed me the pictures. All I could do was squeeze her and say, “I know. It’s ok.” It was our first time to meet and, unfortunately, would be our last time to meet.

We found out on a few weeks prior that M had chosen us. She was due with her baby girl in a few short weeks. I vividly remember the moment I received that phone call. “She has chosen you guys.” I hit my knees in my office and sobbed uncontrollably. It was just one of those moments that I felt the heaviness I had been carrying for quite some time. We could not have been more excited!

But, I walked back into my office after getting the news about M’s baby being born and called my husband. The baby was born and the agency informed us that it was looking like a faiIed adoption. I can’t even remember what was said. Maybe we said nothing at all and just felt the heaviness of what was happening. All we could do was wait. Wait and hope. Wait and pray. Hadn’t we done enough waiting already? Waiting for what? The next disappointment? The next door slammed in our faces?

I was so angry. So angry with God. So angry with the situation So angry with a broken system. So angry about the money that would be lost. That weekend seemed to last forever as we waited to hopefully hear from M. For her to call us and say “The baby is here. Come get her.” The call never came. The call that did come was from the agency telling us that they were considering this was looking like a failed adoption. I ripped off my jacket, threw it, and screamed. Just this raw scream that I thought, if loud enough, could blow away all of the pain. We had a choice to make. We could “call it” or we could continue to wait to see if M would call. On Sunday, September 30, we decided that we could no longer wait and were ready to accept this as a failed adoption.

Almost as quickly as the years of waiting turned into joy, that joy turned into sorrow. I didn’t want to hear scripture. I didn’t want to pray. I didn’t want anyone to tell me that everything happens for a reason, that she wasn’t meant to be ours. I was hurt and I wanted to stay in my hurt. I truly believed that beauty would come of that loss. I knew it would and I knew that because of my belief in the promises of my God. But my heart ached and my grief over that loss was stronger than anything I had ever felt before. Friend, it’s not only okay, but it’s perfectly natural and normal to feel both or all or none or other. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to process grief. It will come in ebbs and flows but the grace of God is constant. What is true and right and comforting is the unfailing love of a God who, I promise you, does have an incredibly beautiful, perfect plan for your life. Rest in that. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.

We spent time in our sadness and even still I revisit that loss sometimes, but we chose not to live there. Not by any strength of our own, but by the power of Christ we were able to choose faith. Families and friends encouraged us to take time to heal, take a break, but something about that loss renewed us. Embers still burned under those ashes and God used them to spark a new fire within us. We chose to begin receiving situations again. We chose to be “all in”, to completely trust in God 100% in every aspect of our adoption journey and our lives. We were chosen by an expectant mother on the very next situation we presented to. Less than two months later she gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl and signed consents to place her with us. Today we have a 6 month old baby girl who is absolutely the light of our lives. We celebrated the finalization of her adoption two months ago. She is incredible. She is the beauty that came from every loss we faced. She is the living, breathing proof of God’s grace and goodness. I can’t imagine our lives without her. And not just any “her”, but actually HER. Every little thing that make her exactly who she is. Her eyes. Her grin. Her sweet personality. The way she responds to our voices. Everything about her. I would do it all over again as many times as it took to get to her. Every part of us is stronger and better suited to raise her in God’s love and grace because of all we have experienced, because of everything we went through.

I can’t tell you that I now understand all of the “whys.” My God is too powerful for my feeble mind to comprehend all of his marvelous works. I don’t know why we had to suffer, but I know beauty came from it. I don’t know why we had to wait, but beauty came from it. Our daughter came from it and I wouldn't change any of it. I don’t know God’s purpose for that first baby girl or M who were momentarily in our lives, or us in theirs, but I know that it was never to be her parents or for her to be our daughter. I know that we still pray for her, that I call out her name to the Lord and I lift her up, and maybe we are the only ones who will ever pray for her. Maybe that was our purpose. I can only guess at the reasons and the whys but I find new beauty every time I look back, in the little things, in the big things. God’s handprints are all over our journey and they are all over yours too. Friend, if you are walking through a failed adoption right now, do not lose hope. Do not think your story is over. It isn't. God is at work, even when we can't see what He's up to. Don't give up.

Adoption Story: Dan + Ashley

May 06, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

It was such an honor to walk through the adoption process with Dan and Ashley. Their journey has not been an easy one by any means, but they have trusted God every step of the way. I have been encouraged by their faith and hope in God, despite their circumstances. Dan and Ashley, it was such a privilege to walk this road with you and I know so many others will be encouraged by your story!

Adoption was never our backup plan. For as long as I can remember, I envisioned adopting a child into our family, even as a little girl. What I didn’t know as a little girl was that adoption would be the only way we could build a family.

After enjoying our marriage for a few years, Dan and I tried to conceive. We knew it could be difficult given the fact that Dan was diagnosed with Stage II Hodgkin's Lymphoma when he was 17. Although he is healthy and cancer-free today (Praise God!) the treatments he received impacted his fertility. At the same time, I (Ashley) was diagnosed with PCOS, which would make it difficult for us to conceive naturally. We sought the help of a fertility specialist, and went through IVF. But our IVF cycle did not result in viable embryos. After that, we knew we had our answer: God was telling us that first we needed to grieve the loss of a biological family we always dreamed of. And second, God was leading us to adoption. This is how we would grow our family.

As we began researching ways to adopt, we became extremely overwhelmed. Mounds of questions stared us in the face. How do we select an agency? How do we know if that agency is ethical? Do we adopt in our home state, or a different state? How do we create a profile? Will we ever be chosen?

That’s when we found CAC and spoke with Kelly. We liked her immediately. She was kind, patient with us as we asked a million questions, and we could tell she had a heart for adoption. The fact that CAC vetted all of the agencies they work with to ensure they practice ethical adoption standards was huge for us. We also liked the fact that we would have an opportunity to present our profiles to expectant mothers at multiple agencies rather than being restricted to just one agency. Our hope was that we may be matched more quickly.

Kelly guided us through the process of getting set up and ready to present our profile to expectant mothers. Gathering all of the paperwork and documents that we needed to be “home study approved” was time consuming and exhausting. Then there was the wait, which is probably harder than all of the paperwork put together. Waiting to present our profile. Waiting for expectant mothers to make a decision on our profile. Hearing “I’m sorry, she chose another family.” And waiting again for the next opportunity to present. Not only did Kelly sent us encouraging texts and emails to help us in that wait, she prayed for us. She also helped educate us on positive adoption language, and was pivotal to opening our hearts and minds to open adoption.

Less than three months into our adoption journey, we got the call we’d been dreaming of, “She chose you!” We couldn’t believe it. We were chosen to parent a baby girl due in just a few short months! But those months were filled with doubt and uncertainty. I still won’t forget the day when we got a call from our agency telling us that the expectant mother had changed her mind. The baby had been born, and she decided to parent. While we understood and respected her decision, we were heartbroken that this baby girl we had spent months praying for and preparing for was not going to come home with us. We were crushed and had to grieve yet another loss. But we are firm believers that everything happens for a reason. And for whatever reason, this baby girl was not meant for us, she was meant to be raised by her biological mother, which is beautiful in itself.

For the next few months, we went back to waiting and presenting. And I changed my prayer -- I stopped praying for God to give us a child, and instead I began praying for God to bring us an expectant mother who we could build a lasting relationship with. We believed that eventually God would give us a child, in his timing. What was most important to us was an expectant mother who we could love, just as Christ loves us.

Nine months after starting our adoption journey, we were matched with another mother expecting a baby boy! From the first time we spoke with her on the phone, we felt a connection. We met in person just a couple weeks later, and our love for each other grew. This woman has a huge heart. She is beautiful both inside and out, loves fiercely and is one of the strongest women I know. We walked alongside her for the remaining months of her pregnancy. Texting almost constantly throughout the day, and seeing her again in person one more time.

This incredible women gave me the honor of being by her side during her c-section. I had the privilege of seeing her baby boy be brought into this world. It was a moment that I will never forget filled with emotions that I can’t quite describe. She even gave us the privilege of caring for her boy the two days she was in the hospital -- giving us the opportunity to bond with this precious baby. Two days later, she made the hardest decision she’s ever had to make. She put all her trust in us to be the best parents we could be for her son. The weight of the decision is not lost on me. And the love she has for her son is undeniable.

This woman made me a mom, and I’m so grateful for that. The bond we share is sacred and unbreakable. We are so grateful for this open adoption and the relationship we share with her. Our son, Connor, is four months old now and we still talk frequently. We share photos back and forth, and have plans to see her again before he turns one. She will forever be a part of our lives. Open adoption is beautiful, and one day Connor will be able to talk to his biological mother about her decision. When God sent us this woman, he truly answered my prayers! Everything that led us to this moment -- the infertility and the disrupted adoption -- now makes sense, and we’re grateful for all of it.

Dan and I learned a lot about ourselves during this journey. We learned how to communicate better with each other. We learned how to pray and listen to God. We learned how to love. We learned how to lean on our friends and family when we just didn’t think we could go any further on our own. We learned that adoption is beautiful and broken, but born from love and loss. We learned how to open our hearts and minds in ways we never imagined. This journey through infertility and adoption strengthened our marriage in ways that “the easy way” could never have done. We learned how to process our emotions and let ourselves feel. We learned how strong we really are, but understanding that’s a strength that could only come from our loving Savior.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Yes, It Matters Where Your Adoption Advice Comes From

March 28, 2019 by Kelly Todd

As an adoption consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants, I've seen a drastic increase in the amount of questions that are asked about ethics, agencies, attorneys, fee structures, expectant mother/birth mother care, etc. As an adoptive mother and someone guiding families through the adoption process, I find it very encouraging that families are doing their research and asking the hard questions.

There are a ton of different avenues online where hopeful adoptive families can acquire information regarding adoption. From a quick online Google search to adoption support groups on Facebook-there is so much information out there! There are plenty of amazing adoption resources accessible to families. But, at times all of the information can be very overwhelming. In fact, I've had many families tell me just that. How do you know who you can trust? How do you know what information is accurate?

When I was working on my Master's degree in counseling I wrote many research papers. As a part of my work, I was required to include peer reviewed articles and journals. Peer review means these articles and journals had gone through an extensive series of evaluations by experts and scholars to establish their validity. I couldn't just pick a topic to write about and then "Google" my way through it to make my point. I had to ensure that the material being researched adhered to the highest credentials by the experts on that topic.

We live in a day and age where anyone can learn anything about anything. Although this has many benefits, it also reaps consequences. The consequences are that false, inaccurate and/or incomplete information about a topic has become easily accessible and transmitted to the general public. How many times have you stayed up late at night Googling your symptoms, only to be self-diagnosed with some crazy, rare disease based on someone's random post in a discussion board? Although we can glean a lot from others personal experiences, when it comes to something as important as your health, one would think you’d at least want confirmation on this crazy rare disease by an expert in the field: your doctor.

When my husband and I were researching adoption we quickly realized how much we didn't know about it. I'm so thankful our paths crossed with Christian Adoption Consultants. We felt more at ease knowing they were truly professionals in the field and had been around since 2006, assisting over 2,500 families on their adoption journey. The directors were more than just adoptive parents, they had founded 3 licensed adoption agencies in 3 different states, and had experience in working with adoption attorneys, social workers and case managers as well as state licensing specialists. When we signed on with CAC we weren't just getting access to one adoption consultant, but rather a team of 20 adoption professionals with 120 years of combined professional adoption experience. Four months after we signed on with CAC, we brought our twins home. And we could not have done it without their guidance, encouragement, support and prayers.

Shortly after the birth of our twins, I joined the team at CAC. Although our team has adopted 45 kids (and counting!) between all us, our knowledge goes beyond our experience as adoptive parents. We have team members that hold degrees ranging from masters to bachelors in the counseling, social work, child welfare and human services fields. Additionally, we have a licensed social worker on staff with over 17 years experience.

I'm a firm believer in doing research and asking the hard questions. How do you learn if you don't ask? But I'm also a big proponent in checking your facts and verifying credentials, especially in a day and age where anyone can be an expert. As an adoption consultant, I'm still learning and growing in this field-that will never stop! But I've found that with so much information at our fingertips we can't just accept any information that comes our way. We have to push back and ask questions. Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself as you are filtering through adoption information:

1. Where did you acquire this information? Who is the author? Adoption Facebook support groups are great places to learn from other's adoption experiences, but just as you would go to a doctor to verify your Google imposed self-diagnosis, confirm said information with an adoption professional/expert.

2. Is this a fact or opinion? Facts can be verified. Opinions cannot. Just because a lot of people are saying it doesn't mean it's true. It's very easy to repeat information others have heard or said because it sounds right or is dressed in a pretty package. But, do your research. Make sure the sources are credible.

3. When was this information published? The adoption world is constantly changing. While doing your homework make sure you’re looking at the date it was published to ensure it’s relevancy for adoption today.

4. Are they a part of a reputable adoption organization? There are many things that make an organization reputable: education and experience in the field are just a few.

5. What is their relationship to adoption? Are they an adoptee? Birth mom/parent? Adoptive parent? Social worker? Knowing this information will give great insight into where they are coming from. For example, I'm not an adoptee or a birth mother. I can only speak to what I've learned from other adoptees and birth mothers. But, that is second-hand information. That doesn't mean I can't share what I've learned or discredit the information, but it's important for the audience to be aware of the sources relationship to adoption when speaking on it.

6. What topic are they discussing and what are their credentials? For example, someone who is discussing ethics and how it relates to an agency: Do they have any experience working at or with an adoption agency/attorney? Are they a social worker? Have they counseled expectant mamas/ birth parents before? If they haven't personally, are they a part of an organization that has where they are receiving education to be equipped with the knowledge they need to be discussing said topic?

I can't tell you how many people have come to me with inaccurate adoption-related information regarding something they read in an adoption support group on Facebook or the comment section of someone's Instagram account. I’ve seen false information regarding adoption that was essentially just parroted from something that someone else read or heard. It’s my hope that these questions will serve as tools to help you filter through information that crosses your path.

Adoption Story: Craig + Camille

March 05, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

Have you ever met someone and just known instantly that there was something special about them? That was my experience with Craig and Camille. Their love for Jesus and faith in God is so evident and has often been an encouragement to me. I spoke to Camille for the very first time in November and they signed on with me at Christian Adoption Consultants a few weeks after our initial conversation. They were matched 4 months later with a sweet baby girl! I will never forget the excitement in my heart when they called to tell me they had been chosen. I was cooking in the kitchen and as I got the news from my sweet family tears of joy streamed down my face. It was such an honor to have a front row seat in watching God’s beautiful plan unfold for their beautiful family. I encourage you to grab a few tissues as Camille shares about their story and God’s faithfulness to their daughter, Annesely Rose.

We thought about adoption for a couple years before feeling God's nudge to begin the process. We crossed paths with Kelly Todd at Christian Adoption Consultants when we were nearing the end of our home study. I’m so grateful we did! We appreciated their multi-agency approach, and we felt more at ease with the adoption process knowing that CAC had heavily vetted these adoption agencies and attorneys. It was so important for us to work with an ethical adoption agency! One of the things that intimidated me most about the adoption process was creating a profile. I was so relieved to know that Kelly would make our book for us, and because of this we felt like we could confidently present to situations. The guidance and education Kelly provided for us was another reason we chose to move forward with CAC. She helped us evaluate the risks, encouraged us when we were discouraged, and answered all of our questions.

During the process my main fear was whether we would ever be chosen. That fear mainly crept in because of my human impatience; I know I'm getting older and want to have energy to care for my child. After we were home study approved we started receiving situations. We presented several times and were told “no.” We started to feel discouraged and wondered if we would ever be parents. One day we were contacted by an agency about a specific situation. We both felt very strongly that God was leading us down this path and so we decided to present. We were so excited to find out we had been chosen!

A few weeks later we received a phone call from the agency stating that the baby had been born that morning - 5 weeks early. She continued to list other things such as length, weight, etc, but everything became a blur when she mentioned the baby had Down Syndrome. This was not something we were aware of prior to her birth. At the same time we received this news, we were actually in a state of grief as both of our grandmothers had passed away within the previous few days. We had been preparing for funerals and were not expecting to travel for another month.

Even though this news had taken us by surprise, we knew it wasn’t a surprise to God. We collapsed into each other's arms and immediately began praying. We also texted Kelly and pleaded for her prayers during this time. After an hour of praying, reading the Bible, crying, and talking, we felt a definite peace in our hearts. We knew this baby was our baby girl and even though we felt unprepared, we knew that God would equip us with everything we needed to be the best parents we could be. When we arrived at the hospital we were finally able to meet our daughter, Annesely Rose, for the very first time. We loved her as soon as we were matched with her; however, when we first saw her, we realized how much we loved her, and it was even more evident when we could hold her for the very first time.

Throughout this adoption journey, God has taught us that we are not in control - He is. We should have known this all along and sometimes think we do, but deep down we still often try to control things ourselves. We look back in amazement at how God orchestrated all this. We love our little girl and are so thankful that she is in our lives. We feel God has a special plan for her and are just thankful that it includes us!

Encouragement For The Waiting Room

February 21, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Faith, Adoption

Last fall I was diagnosed with cancer again. Although I’m healed and healthy today, I spent many hours in the waiting room. As a childhood cancer survivor, I’ve grown more than accustomed to waiting. Waiting to be seen by doctors. Waiting to hear back about a biopsy. Waiting to get a 2nd and 3rd opinion. Waiting to find out the final diagnosis.

In November while I was laying in a big, noisy machine, waiting for the MRI to be finished, I was thinking about how waiting rooms aren’t just spaces for cancer patients. All of us have our own waiting room experiences. Maybe you’ve been hoping for years to see a positive pregnancy test. Maybe you’ve been told no a dozen times by expectant mothers in the adoption process. Perhaps you are waiting to hear back from the doctor on some major health issues. Maybe you’ve been praying for years asking and pleading with God for that “one thing.” They might not look all the same, but they all entail waiting with a sense of uncertainty.

As an adoption consultant with CAC, I work with many families who are in their own kind of waiting room. Some of them have been there longer than others, but all have endured a sense of unknown about their journey at one point or another. I’ve been there before too. It’s difficult. Sometimes it feels as if you’re on a roller coaster of emotions. It can be exhausting. It’s difficult to trust God when we don’t know where our journey will take us. But, that’s what He calls us to do. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) One of the (many) things I’ve learned through spending time in the “waiting room” is that God doesn’t leave us to ourselves. He is right there with us, holding our hand. He is a good Father who loves us more than our earthly minds will ever be able to comprehend.

I’ve compiled some encouraging Bible verses, quotes, songs and blog posts that have provided a sense of hope to me during times of uncertainty. I’ve clung to many of these truths during times of despair. I’ve sat in the waiting room and soaked my pillow listening to and praying through some of these songs. It is my prayer and hope that wherever you are in your journey, your soul would be encouraged as you reflect upon these words and promises that are true for you.

TRUTHS
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
-Isaiah 40:28-31

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope..."
-Psalm 130:5

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
-2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
-Isaiah 55:8

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
-Ephesians 3:20-21

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
-Isaiah 41:10

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
-Joshua 1:9

A FEW OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES

BLOG POSTS:

God is Working In Your Waiting

The Unwelcome Gift of Waiting

The Wait is Never Wasted

THE WAITING ROOM PLAYLIST

A playlist featuring Lauren Daigle, Bethel Music, Caleb and Kelsey, and others

Adoption Story: Michael + Chelsey

February 18, 2019 by Kelly Todd

I remember the first time I spoke with Michael and Chelsey over the phone. We talked for at least an hour and I knew within minutes that there was something special about this couple. As their adoption consultant, I not only had the honor of guiding them through the adoption process, I got to know them very well throughout their journey! And I can tell you that I have seen them walk through the unknowns, heartache and loss with the kind of joy and hope that can only be found in Jesus Christ. As Chelsey beautifully explains below, their story is one of God’s faithfulness, grace, mercy and unconditional love. It is my prayer that you will be encouraged by their faith, as I have.

“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”
-Lamentations 3: 22-23-

A mother takes her young son into a store. The store owner approaches the young boy and tells him to take a hand full of candy. The young boy looks up to the store owner and asks if he would get the candy for him. Later that day the mother asks her son, “Why did you ask the store owner to get your candy instead of getting it yourself?” The boy replies, “because his hands are bigger than mine.”

A coworker of Michael told us that story as we packed to go to Florida to await the birth of our baby girl. I couldn’t fully comprehend the meaning behind the story at the time. All I could do was trust. Trust that God’s hands were bigger than mine and He would give us more than we could grab ourselves. Now I understand.

Michael and I knew pretty quickly that we wanted to be parents. It was just the next step and we had no reason to believe we would encounter any problems. Until we did. And the months turned into years. The “trying” turned into diagnoses and surgeries and procedures. The hope turned into despair. The dream turned into a very cruel reality that having biological children was not likely.

We knew that adoption was next. After giving ourselves time to heal from the excruciating loss of that dream, we began researching and pretty quickly decided we were interested in hiring a consultant. We made a phone call to Christian Adoption Consultants in December 2017. Let me tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous in my life to make a phone call. No answer, but shortly thereafter we received a call back from Kelly Todd. It only took a few minutes for Kelly’s kind, soft voice to dissipate my fears and anxieties about the call. After speaking with her, we decided to dive in. In January 2018 we signed on with CAC and truly began our adoption journey.

By June we were home study approved and ready and excited to begin receiving situations! I’m not sure what I expected but the realities of a large majority of these situations left my heart heavy. I remember asking Kelly if they would all be that way and her answer shed a new light on the journey. She explained that adoption is full of brokenness. Expectant mamas are making an adoption plan for their baby because of the difficult situation they are in. They want a better life for their child. I don’t know what kind of fantasy land I was living in or why, but I needed that explanation. We received a ton of situations, some we presented to and some we didn’t. We didn’t know how to choose whether or not to present and I’m so thankful for a conversation with Kelly during which she reminded me that there was nothing we could do or not do that would ruin God’s plan for our family.

The first few times we presented we were met with “She has decided to move ahead with another family.” Ugh. It was incredibly disappointing. I couldn’t understand what was “wrong” with us. While presenting to one particular situation and awaiting the expectant mother’s decision, I remember feeling defeated. I remember sitting on our couch crying and I looked at Michael and said, “I just want a ‘yes’. I don’t think we’re ever going to get a ‘yes’.” The next day we received a phone call that the expectant mama had chosen us! She said “yes” to us! We were matched! Unfortunately, within just a few weeks, our match failed. Shattered. Our hearts were shattered. Our “yes” turned into an ugly, glaring, painful “no.” Our families told us to take time, that we needed a break. Others told us it was okay to stop trying. I kneeled on the floor of this beautiful nursery in our new home and sobbed. I had been thinking all along that I was believing and trusting in God and in that moment I knew I had not. Not really. I wanted God to give me MY gift the way I wanted it in MY time.

Something about that failed match lit a fire inside of both of us. We were finally “all in.” No more fear, no more analyzing or assessing, no more trying to control, no more forcing. Just trusting. Just saying “yes” to God, down whatever road He would have us go. Just a few weeks later we found out that an expectant mama we were presenting to had chosen us. Being scared would have been the easiest thing to do, but we had vowed to choose faith over fear, so we did. With hope and joy, we gave our hearts to this expectant mama. Less than seven weeks later, she laid her heart, in the form of her beautiful newborn baby girl, in our arms.

I can’t begin to describe the feelings. The pain, the waiting, the longing, the emptiness, the barrenness, the grief, the loss… it all culminated into that moment when we walked into a labor and delivery room at 3:30 AM after driving 10 hours through the night and had our baby girl laid into my arms.

We have been floating since. Our sweet girl turned 10 weeks old today and I still can’t help but stare at her and cry, because of my love for her but also because of God’s love for us. She’s absolutely perfect. God’s hands were so much bigger than mine or Michael’s.

Does it all make perfect sense now? Some would tell you “yes”, but I’ll be honest with you and tell you “No, not exactly.” My little mind is just not capable of understanding God in all his power and wisdom. What I do know, what does make perfect sense, is that God knows. I don’t know when or how or why he chose this baby girl for us. I can’t begin to fathom, but I know I’m as proud of her as if I had made her myself. I know that God knew how our story would unfold long before we did. I know that God is incredible and I stand in complete wonder and awe of His amazing love.

The process of adopting was not an easy one. There were days when it was just hard, in every sense. There were moments when I couldn’t find the strength to even dream of holding our child in my arms. Each and every time, though, God sustained us. God lifted us up, he strengthened us, he renewed our hope, and he covered us in his faithfulness. Like he has always done and like he will always do. Our story is not one of our faith or endurance, but of God’s grace and mercy. Of his ability and willingness to grab a handful of candy for us because his hands are so much bigger than ours and he can hold abundantly more.

If She Doesn't Choose Your Family

February 09, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

What's wrong with our family? Why aren't we being chosen? Is there something undesirable about us? Are we too old? Are we too young? How many times will we hear a no before we hear a yes? These are common questions I get from potential adoptive families at some point in their adoption journey. Many times families enter the adoption process after years of struggling with infertility. Month after month, year after year, dozens of negative pregnancy tests are tossed in the trash-a silent, but excruciating “no.”

After hearing no after no, you may begin to feel your situation is hopeless. It can be tempting to think that every no you receive is rejection, as if someone is screaming with a megaphone right in your face, "this is never going to happen." But I'm here to remind you that your situation is not hopeless. Your situation isn't hopeless because God is still writing your story. Even the no’s are a part of that plan. He hasn't put down the pen. He just works at His own pace in His own time. I can assure you with full confidence that however difficult your situation may be, it is not hopeless. Although I don't know how or when your family's story will unfold, I know God does. I'm trusting that the one who called you to the adoption process in the first place has not forgotten about you, even when at times it may feel otherwise.

The road I'm going to encourage your heart to go down won't be a popular one. It won't be a popular one because it doesn't end or begin with the promise of a child. As Christians pursuing adoption, it should be our deepest desire that these expectant mamas make the best decision for their child- whether that be choosing another family or being empowered to parent. Even if she doesn't choose your family, there is still reason to have joy. "How can that be, Kelly? Are you asking me to be happy over the fact that we were not chosen? That seems rather dismissive of our feelings." I'm not asking you to have a fake or false sense of happiness over the fact that your family wasn't chosen. I'm not saying you should just "get over it." I'm not encouraging you to dismiss your sadness or feelings of disappointment. As someone who has walked through infertility and the adoption process, I know it is not an easy journey. But as you're processing through these heavy feelings, I encourage you to look up to Christ. Look at what God is doing. I'm asking you to remember that even in your disappoint there is a reason to have joy in this situation. This expectant mama chose life for her child. This expectant mama considered all of her options and chose life. This expectant mama connected with another family. This expectant mama chose a family to parent her child. As Christians, we can hold both disappointment and joy in the same hand because we know that God is working through all of these things.

At times you may look around the adoption community and compare: "How did they match so quickly? What are they doing that we aren't?" In my experience, comparison only leads to further disappointment and it's also pretty good at stealing your joy. When my husband and I were struggling with infertility it seemed like everyone around us was getting pregnant so easily. I had to get off Facebook for a bit of time because I couldn't handle all of the pregnancy announcements blowing up my newsfeed. At times I felt consumed by jealousy and bitterness. I forgot to fix my eyes on Christ. God was doing a work in my heart, but I I couldn't see it because I was so blinded by what I wanted. I can honestly say that I'm so grateful that God didn't give me what I wanted when I wanted it. Why? Because if He had I would have missed out on some major heart growth that God needed to do in me. Why? Because if He had I wouldn't be the person and parent I am today. Why? Because if He had we wouldn't have started the adoption process when we did and Roman and Ruby wouldn't be our son and daughter. And I just can't imagine our world without them.

Perhaps your journey to growing your family through adoption is taking longer than you expected. Perhaps you’ve heard more than a dozen no’s and are starting to think that it’s never going to happen. Maybe you’ve looked around and noticed other families match quicker than you. Perhaps you’ve wrestled with the lie that something is wrong or undesirable about your family. My prayer for you is that you wouldn’t let the delays deter you from the desire God has placed on your heart. God never promises that our road will be easy, but He does promise to equip us with everything we need to accomplish everything He has called us to. Don’t forget that He is doing a work even when you can’t see it. He is doing a work even through the delays, detours, and even all of the nos. And even if she doesn’t choose your family, God is still writing your story. It isn’t over.

Cancer Doesn't Win

February 02, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Faith

2018. What. A. Year. I turned 31 yesterday and I can’t believe how quickly the year has come and gone. It was a great year. But a painful one. Last fall we received some unexpected and shocking news: another tumor was found-this time in my leg. Our world was rocked. Test after test, biopsy, surgery, fear, uncertainty, praying and waiting-that’s what the end of last year looked like for our family. I will never forget the conversation with our oncologist: “Cancer, it’s definitely cancer, probably another sarcoma, but it’s proving really hard to diagnose.” There is something scary about being a medical anomaly, as if your body is an unsolvable puzzle. Without the diagnosis we didn’t know what further treatments would be required. We couldn’t move forward. I felt stuck, stuck in a scary place of unknowns, doubt and uncertainty about my future, about my kids future and about our family’s future.

I was extremely scared. This was my 6th surgery. This was my 6th tumor. I’ve sat in the oncology wing many times before. But something was different this go around. There were 2 other factors in the equation: my son and daughter. My heart ached thinking about how this may affect them. I didn’t want them to see me sick. We prayed every night as a family that recovery would be fast and that God would heal my body completely. God, once again, drew our hearts closer to Him through the cancer. Hearing my 2.5 year old twins pray unprompted for God to “make mommy’s boo boo better” and as they sang along with me to “Great is Thy Faithfulness” brought me to my knees (and to tears). Even though the surgeon took a fist-sized chunk out of my muscle, I mended up really quickly, with minimal pain and no limitations. He healed my body again! Now I just have another really rad scar-another visible reminder and story of God’s faithfulness.

Technically we still don’t have a definite answer as to what type of sarcoma was in my leg. And we’ve been told by one of the top pathologists in the country that we may never know. The pathologists were left “stumped.” But, here’s the good news: because the tumor was so small, isolated and they were able to get it all no further treatment was or will be required. God answered our prayers!

Physically I’m healed. Sometimes I even forget about the surgery unless I see the scar. As Ruby and Roman put it, “Mama’s boo boo all better.” And we are all praising God for that! But emotionally, living without a final diagnosis has proven to be more difficult for me than the surgery itself. I’ve wrestled with God in the dark places. I’ve cried. I’ve struggled with doubt, anger and sadness. But no matter where my thoughts go my heart keeps coming back this this truth: God is Most High. God is not like us. God is not perplexed by this situation. God isn’t in heaven twiddling His thumbs trying to figure out what this “unknown thing” is. He knows. He knows all things. I can’t help but think there is a reason He wants to keep me in this unknown space. And if He wants me to stay here than I can be certain it’s for my good and His glory-even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it.

There are moments when I get worried. What if the oncologist missed something? What if this cancer that can’t be diagnosed will somehow come back and defeat me? Then, I stop. I breathe. And I remind myself, “God is Most High.” Everything on this earth is subject to God. Even the cancer, even the tumor, even my fears-they all bow down to Him. When worry creeps in I just visualize the cells in my body, the fear in my heart, my doubts, my thoughts, everything bowing down to Creator and The Author of The Universe.

Regardless of what the future holds, I know God is on His throne. Cancer doesn’t win. Nothing can shake that and nothing can change that. And that’s a good thing for me. And that’s a good thing for everyone. Nothing. Not even the thing you fear the most can knock God off His throne. He is greater.

This has been a painful season. But even so, we have found great pockets of Joy in deep seasons of despair. This has been a time of learning to trust God in the unknown and with no guarantee of an answer. This has been a time of learning to trust God and His promises that are true for me even when the warm fuzzy feelings aren’t there. This has been a time of learning to trust God with my life and our family, knowing that He is the keeper of all things. Corrie ten Boom says it far more eloquently than I ever could, “When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” So that’s what we continue doing. We continue trusting and sitting in the unknown spaces, trusting that the Master Commander knows exactly what we need and He knows exactly where we are going.

How Grief & Hope Can Co-Exist In Loss

January 28, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Faith, Motherhood, Infertility

The other night my family and I were driving home from Dreamland BBQ. Our 2.5 year old twins were giggling and singing, "Baby shark" in the back of our mini van on repeat. I looked back at my beautiful son as he said, "You sing it, mama." I proceeded to join in with silly hand gestures and facial expressions. Then, my sweet Ruby girl let out the most adorable belly laugh. She has a lot of different laughs, but that one's my favorite. Roman joins in with giggles and as I look back I can see his big dimples and pearly whites as the car's tail lights in front of us are shining on his face. There was so much joy in that space.

But then I noticed something. I started counting quietly in my head. "It's January....so our baby would have been 1...2...3...4...4 years old...4 years old..." I sat quietly for a moment. Apparently, it was longer than I realized because my husband noticed that I stopped singing. "You okay?" he asked. I was silent for a few more moments and then looked over at him, "Do you ever think about how old our baby would be?" He quickly replied in a somber tone, "Yes, I do."

I was working on my Master's degree in Counseling and unintentionally signed up for a course on grief and loss the semester that I miscarried. I learned a lot during this time. One thing in particular that stands out to me is that grief is messy. It can't be contained. Of course you can sweep it under the rug- that's your choice. But, it will remain there, demanding to be dealt with, demanding to be felt, heard-to be understood. Yes, there are technically 5-steps to the grieving process, but you can't cookie cut your way through them. Grief isn't here one day and gone tomorrow. Grief is dealt with in waves. It comes in ebbs and flows. C.S. Lewis says, "Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley, where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape."

Grief is unpredictable. I would have never guessed that such a happy moment with our twins could trigger thoughts of our unborn child. But then sometimes, that's how grief works. It comes when you least expect it. It comes out of the blue. It comes during should-have-been birthdays and would-have-been holidays with that extra person sitting at the end of the dinner table.

A year after our miscarriage I was not in a good place emotionally. "Shouldn't you be over this, Kelly? I mean, it's been a year. God has blessed you with a beautiful life." I had falsely formed a belief that one day I would wake up and just be "over it." But, how could I? We are talking about a precious life here-a baby that we never got to hold earth side. I believe my belief was mistakenly influenced by how society views death.. We live in a culture that really doesn't understand how to respond to suffering and people who are grieving. Comments like, "it will happen for you one day" or "miscarriages are very common" are at their core dismissive statements that prevent the individual from being able to express and process their grief in a healthy way, further delaying their ability to heal.

Don’t let the world’s poor understanding of suffering and loss prevent you from processing your feelings in the healthy way that God intended you to. Contrary to what the world may tell you, grieving isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength and spiritual and emotional maturity. It takes courage to look your feelings in the face and actually deal with them.

My prayer for you is that you would give yourself time and space to heal. Be kind and patient with yourself. Turn your eyes away from how the world responds to suffering and look to Jesus Christ as your example. When Jesus discovered his best friend, Lazarus died one of the very first things he did was weep. Jesus wept (John 11:35). He mourned with his friends and family. Upon hearing that His cousin John the Baptist was murdered we learn that Jesus withdrew to a quiet place (Matthew 14:13). We don't for how long, but one thing is for sure is this: if the Jesus Christ, the Perfect God-man needed time away to mourn the loss of His friends, than we need to give ourselves the grace to process our loss, without judgment and without expectations.

When you grieve it is my prayer is that you do not grieve without hope. Can hope and grief co-exist? If you’re a child of God, than absolutely they do. You can grieve with hope knowing that God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). You can grieve with hope knowing that you are not alone and God will strengthen you and uphold you with his right hand (Is. 41:10). You can grieve with hope knowing that God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). You can grieve with hope knowing that nothing can separate you from the love of God-no death, no loss, no fear-nothing (Romans 8:28-29). We can grieve with hope knowing that you can cast all of your cares and anxieties on the Lord and He promises to sustain you (Psalm 55:22). You can grieve with hope knowing that one day Christ will return and he will wipe every tear from your eyes and there will be no more mourning and no more crying (Revelation 21:4).

After our miscarriage I felt like I was drowning in a sea of darkness. Obbie would come home from church and our sheets would be soaked with my tears. I was angry, bitter and depressed. But, God did not leave me alone in my despair. He pulled me out of the pit and gave my heart a reason to hope. “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent (Psalm 30:11) For me healing came when I stopped putting my hope in a positive pregnancy test and instead fixed my eyes on Christ and His promises that were true for me even when I couldn’t make it out of the bed. Friend, you may feel hopeless in your loss. You may be angry. You may feel like you are drowning in a sea of darkness. But, remember this: God isn’t scared away by any of your big emotions. He understands every single one of them. He is with you. He is keeping you under His wings and His love will never let you go.

Adoption & The Unknown Spaces

January 14, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I’ve always lived in the unknown spaces in some respect. As a childhood and adult cancer survivor, I’ve spent my share of time waiting for answers from doctors, pathologists, surgeons and test results. In some ways I can see how waiting in the unknown spaces helped prepare me for some of what was to come in our adoption journey. As a former client of CAC and an adoption consultant, I know first-hand how difficult the journey can be. Those who have walked through the process before can testify to the fact that there are so many unknowns throughout every stage of the adoption process.

Researching Adoption
The unknown spaces greet you as soon as you begin researching adoption. “Who should we should we work with? An agency? An attorney? An adoption consultant? What type of questions should we be asking? How will we afford it? How do we know this agency/attorney is trustworthy? How long will it take? What’s a home study and why do we need one?” When my husband and I began researching adoption we quickly became overwhelmed and realized we didn’t know much about the process other than our desire to adopt. After calling a few different adoption agencies, we ultimately made the decision to move forward with Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC). We were so thankful that we had an adoption consultant who was holding our hand and guiding us through the entire process from start to finish. The unknown spaces became more manageable and less daunting because our consultant was constantly educating us on the process, answering our questions (we had a ton!) and providing helpful resources to us throughout our journey.

Home Study Providers
When you are beginning the home study questions may enter your head such as, “What is entailed in a home study? What kind of stuff will they be asking us about? How long will it take? How do I know I can trust this home study provider?” At CAC we connect our families with reputable home study providers in their state. The thought of a social worker coming into your home can seem a little intimidating at first because you don’t know what to expect. At CAC we help ease some of the unknowns and fears through addressing home study related questions and providing tips and advice on what to expect so that you feel more prepared going into your first interview.

Creative Financing Ideas
The financial cost of adoption can prevents many from beginning the adoption process, but it doesn’t have to. “Where will the money come from? How will be able to afford adoption?” At CAC you are never left to figure out things on your own, as we provide our family with a list of low interest/ no interest adoption loans, adoption grants and fundraising ideas that have assisted thousands of families in raising funds for their adoption. I could share story after story of God’s faithfulness in providing for of our families.

Adoption Family Profile Book
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin!” This is one of the most common statements I hear when discussing a profile book with a family. The profile book is one of the most important pieces of the adoption process because it’s the only information an expectant mama will have to make her decision on. We have years of experience in creating beautiful and unique profile books for our families and we know what agencies and expectant/birth families are looking for.

Applying to Agencies/Attorneys
If you were to do a google search for “adoption agencies” hundreds and hundreds of agencies will pop-up. You won’t be able to tell just by looking which ones provide ethical services and this is such an important aspect of the adoption process. At CAC our families have access to our thoroughly vetted agency list. Based on a family’s adoption preferences, we help eliminate some of the uncertainty in recommending which ones to apply to. We also are available to answer any questions that may arise about the agencies and attorneys.

Adoption Risk Assessment
Whatever route you choose to grow your family there will always be risk involved. Adoption is no exception. But at CAC you are not without our guidance. Our support team of 20 adoption professionals have over 120 years of combined experience. We’ve also assisted our families with 2,500 + adoptions. Our “doors” have been open since 2006 and we’ve learned a lot along the way. Therefore, we are equipped to help our families weigh the risks of every situation. Our team of adoption consultants have been trained to follow our company’s high standards and guidelines for ethical adoption practices. When my husband and I started seeing situations we were so grateful to have an adoption consultant point out risks to us that we otherwise would have been clueless about!

Waiting
There are ebbs and flows in adoption. Though our families do see more situations than others who are only working with one agency that does not always mean our families see situations every day or every week. However, because of our multi-agency approach our families do get more exposure and opportunities than if they were only working with one agency/attorney. When things feel a little more “ebbing” than “flowing” in the adoption process, in the unknown spaces it can be tempting to think God has forgotten you. But, He hasn’t. God is writing your story. It may not meet up with the timeline you had in mind, but I promise His plan for your family is good. His plan for your family is best.

Hearing “No”
Hearing “no” is never easy and can feel extremely discouraging at times. In the unknown it can be easy to think, “Are we ever going to get chosen? Is something wrong with our family?” Something I continually share with my families is “every no is leading to your yes.” Once you are holding your baby in your arms all of those “no’s” will finally makes sense, and the wait will be worth it!

Hearing “Yes” (Matched)
It has finally happened-an expectant mother has chosen you to be the parents of her little one! This is a very exciting, overwhelming and emotional time. But, even still, I’ve heard families say this can be difficult time of waiting in the unknown. Thoughts like, “What if the expectant mother decides to parent? How should we be communicating with the expectant mother? What can we say? What should we not say?” I’m so grateful my husband and I had an amazing consultant who was able to address these questions for us and help speak truth into our fears.

Traveling, Hospital & ICPC
There can be so many unknowns during this time. At CAC we provide our families with information regarding travel, places to stay, packing list, hospital etiquette, and post- partum communication. We also provide our families with education on what to expect during ICPC.

At CAC we cannot eliminate all of the unknowns in adoption-no adoption professional can. Although we can speak truth into many of your fears, there will always be some aspects of adoption that are just uncertain. Though I do not know how or when your story will unfold, I do know the One who does. Because I know my God has a plan and purpose for all things (Ephesians 1:11), I know that these unknown spaces are not wasted in adoption and are part of His good and loving plan for your family. Learning to trust Him in the unknown is a sanctifying process and one I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve learned that that these unknown spaces in life are very sacred moments where God continually draws us closer to Himself. Even though this will be difficult my prayer for you is to not wish away this time and trust God with your story. Dig deep into God’s word, prayer and seek out what He is teaching you through the unknown. Though the uncertainty and difficulty of this process may not make much sense to you now, I’m confident it will one day.

Overcoming Fear In The New Year

January 07, 2019 by Kelly Todd in Faith

Are you crippled by fear? Are you consumed with worry over losing a loved one? Are you or a loved one struggling with an unresolved health issue? Do you fear failure or the thought that you’ll never be “good enough?” Do you carry around the weight that something bad is going to happen to you? Have you been struggling with infertility and wondering if you will ever get pregnant? Are you weary from the adoption process and wonder if you’ll ever be chosen? Do you stay up late at night worried about your child getting sick? Do you fear losing your job or the inability to provide well for your family?

I can relate to some of these fears. At times, I’ve felt consumed by them. When I was in my third year of college I had a mini-stroke. It took weeks before we discovered why the seemingly healthy 22 year old suffered one. There was so much uncertainty surrounding those weeks. Test after test, the results of one test would soon lead to another and dozens of doctors from different specialties came in and out of my hospital room asking the same questions. When your health is starting to look more like an anomaly and an unsolvable puzzle, fear can start to creep in. But, God met me in that cold hospital room. God was there with me when I discovered I would be having open-heart surgery due to the tumor growing on my mitral valve. God was there with me when I was told this would affect my ability to have biological children. God was there with me when thoughts and fears of what the outcome of surgery would entail for my future. And as I was looking out the hospital window the night before surgery, my heavenly Father lovingly guided my heart to a place of peace and trust.

I’ve been brought to my knees many times throughout my life, as I’ve struggled with fear surrounding my circumstances. I wanted to share a little tried and true “road map” for your soul, that’s been extremely helpful to me in fighting and overcoming fear. I pray it brings your weary heart to a place of rest.

Share your fears with God. Acknowledge them and lay them all out before Him. Every thought. Every feeling. Don’t hold back. No feeling is too big for Him to handle. I’ve found it helpful for me to even write them down in my journal or say them out loud in prayer.
Remember who your Father is. Ask God to help you remember who He is. Lately I’ve been reminding myself that God is Most High. He is supreme and above all things-our fears, our health issues, our struggles, the unknown. He is bigger. He is greater.

God is our helper. Psalm 121:1-8
God is our comforter. Psalm 34:18
God is our strength. Psalm 46:1
God is our hope. Psalm 33:20
God is our peace. Philippians 4:7
Meditate on God’s promises.We have access to the very Word of God. The Bible says, “All scriptures are God-breathed” (2 Timothy 3). His Word is full of rich truths and promises for His children. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes it’s a struggle for me to make time to do this. I get so frustrated with myself because I know The Word is exactly what my soul needs. His Word is life giving. His Word is transformative. His Word is powerful. His Word speaks truth to your fears. In a world that is vying for our attention and our time, in a world that is spitting lies into our face, we need to fight for time in God’s word. It must be a priority. But first we must ask God to do what only He can: create in us a desire to read it. Through the years I’ve realized this is not something I can do a part from God’s grace.
Isaiah 41: 10 “ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”

Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

Psalm 23: 4 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.’’
Reflect on the times you’ve seen God’s faithfulness in your life and in the lives of others. When you are struggling with fear it can be very tempting to go inward and get stuck in your head. Reflecting on God’s faithfulness can remind your heart to hope, as you remember all the ways that God has provided for your family and others.
Ask God what He wants you to learn through this. Fear can be a byproduct of the unknown. But, God wastes nothing. Asking God to help me find His purpose through this “thing” I fear most, the pain, the unknowns and suffering (and not a part from them) has been transformative for my soul.

Cancer multiple times, health issues, open-heart surgery, infertility, miscarriage-I know what it’s like to be overwhelmed with fear and the unknown. I know what it’s like to feel like you are drowning in your circumstances. But, it was through these challenges I became more keenly aware of my need for something bigger than myself. It was through the fire (not a part from it) that I came to know the depths of God’s grace, love and kindness and learned there is no end to it. Joni Erickson Tada said it well, “My weakness, that is, my quadriplegia, is my greatest asset because it forces me into the arms of Christ every single morning when I get up.” Pray that God would help you see His purpose through the unknown, through the struggle, through the pain.

Does fear still creep in? Absolutely. Some days more than others. But the trials I’ve encountered earth side have kept me closer to Jesus, right underneath His wings, which I’m continually reminded is the safest and the best place for me to be. When you know your soul is secure in Jesus Christ, ultimately nothing can overcome you-not even the thing you fear most. You can look that “thing” you fear most straight in the eyes and say with complete confidence, “My God is bigger.”

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39

New Year, New Blog: Something Beautiful Here

January 03, 2019 by Kelly Todd

Grab a cup a coffee, pull up a seat and take a few minutes to peruse my new website design! A big shout out and "thanks a bazillion" to Manda Julaine Designs for making all my blog inspirations come to life on my computer screen! They are a dream to work with and I'm so grateful our paths crossed!

My blogging journey began almost a decade ago, as a means to keep family and friends updated on my health after having open-heart surgery. By the grace of God, life went on. And before long, this little space became a means to share my messy, grace-filled life with the purpose of encouraging and instilling hope in others.

A lot of changes have taken place since that time: I finished my undergraduate degree (finally), got married to a soon-to-be pastor, survived cancer a few times, struggled with infertility and loss, finished my Master's degree in counseling, moved across states, adopted our beautiful son and daughter, made it through a national disaster, started working for Christian Adoption Consultants and a ton of other little and big things in between.

Through all of these transitions one thing that has remained true and constant is God's unconditional love and faithfulness. And so that is what I write about. If you choose to follow along, (which I hope you do), I pray you would be encouraged and reminded of God's big love for you, a love that sent His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins, so that we could come to know Him. I pray you will be comforted as you read stories of God's faithfulness and grace in the midst of struggles and trials, motherhood and parenting, marriage and adoption. It is my hope that you would be reminded that even when your eyes can’t see what God is up to and you find it hard to follow His brush strokes-He is at work. He is creating a masterpiece- something MORE BEAUTIFUL than you could ever imagine.

***To learn more about the inspiration and meaning behind my blog, "Something Beautiful Here," hop over to this link. Feel free to share, subscribe and follow me over on Instagram!***

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Running To Jesus With Childlike Faith

November 29, 2018 by Amanda Stichter in Faith, Motherhood

The other day I’m not sure exactly what happened or who was responsible (the story of a twin toddler mama’s life, really). My best guess is that Roman chucked a dinosaur at Ruby because they were fighting over who got to play with the T-rex or “daddy dinosaur,” as my son refers to it. Ruby came screaming into the kitchen with tears running down her cheeks and one hand holding the other for me to examine, “Hurt my hand, mama. Make it better?” I got down on both knees, looked into her beautiful brown eyes and asked, “What happened, baby?” Through tears streaming down her face and a runny nose she explained, “Bubby hurt it.” I knew exactly what she wanted. She came to mama because she remembered that mama always kisses her boo-boos and makes them better. And so, I did what I always do when sissy gets a boo-boo. I kissed her little hand and said, “All better now.” She repeated with a big smile, while wiping her tears with her little kiss-mended hand, “All better now! Thanks Mama!”

Last night Roman tripped over a gate in our living room and came crying to me with his arms wide open, waiting for me to pick him up, waiting for me to wipe his tears, as he whimpered “hold me, mama.” In that moment, nothing would do but his mama-not his nigh, nigh, not his daddy dinosaur, not his Cruz 3 car toy, not even his favorite movie, “The Land Before Time.” In that moment, Roman knew that the only thing that would make his boo-boo better, the only thing that would calm his fears, was letting me scoop him up into my arms, kiss his wet cheeks and wipe his tears.

My children know who their mommy and daddy are. They know mommy and daddy will comfort them when they are scared. They know mommy and daddy will pick them up when they fall down. They know mommy and daddy will provide for them. They know when mommy and daddy make a promise they will keep it. They know when mommy and daddy say they will do something they can count on it. They know mommy and daddy have their best interest at heart. They know mommy and daddy’s love for them is unconditional and there is nothing on this earth they could ever do or say to lose it. They know mommy and daddy aren’t perfect and they make mistakes, but my children know there is always room for grace and forgiveness.

Our twins fierce confidence and reliance on their father and I continually teach me about the Gospel and my relationship with God. When Roman reaches out for me there is not one doubt or question in his mind that I’m going to pick him up and wrap my arms around him. He is absolutely and 100% certain that I’m going to follow through.

I wish I shared that same unwavering confidence and childlike faith in my heavenly Father. I know that God keeps His promises. I know that God is a good and kind Father, who only has the best in store for His children. I know that He is my peace, my hope, my joy, my comforter, my rock and my sustainer. But sometimes I sense a strong disconnect from what I know to be true in my head and the fickle feelings, pride and fears encompassing my heart. Like Roman, I long to run to my heavenly Father instead of worldly and at best temporary fixes, with complete confidence and trust that God is who He says He is. Because at the end of the day my inability to do so is a mere reflection of my heart and doubt towards the very nature and character of God. If I believe that God is who He says He is, than what prevents me from running to Him, like Ruby, with that childlike trust? Why do I (we) continue running to temporary Band-Aids to fix our boo-boos when we have 24/7 access to the Ultimate Healer, Protector, Redeemer, Comforter, Sustainer, Creator of The Universe, All-Powerful, All-Knowing, Immutable, Merciful, Omnipotent, Grace and Life-Giving Father?

The answer? One three letter word: Sin.

Like a stubborn teenager, who disregards their parents because they mistakenly believe they know it all, we stop running to God and we stop seeking His counsel. And in our pride, arrogance and complacency we attempt to trudge through the waters on our own. We forget. We forget that we are a child in need of our heavenly Father. But, our God never forgets. Our Father knows what we need. He never leaves our side even when we act too big for our britches. He isn’t scared away by our big feelings or when we struggle with unbelief or doubt. He doesn’t shy away when we struggle to come to Him with our boo-boos or our sin. His grace covers all things and His love will never let us go.

So how do we stop running to temporary Band-Aids to fix our boo-boos? How do we run to God with unwavering confidence and complete trust that He is who He says He is? We recognize we can’t do anything a part from the grace that God provides. We repent of our sin. We come to God with our doubt, fears, failures, shortcomings, and yes, our boo-boos, and we lay them all down at the foot of the cross. And then, we ask Him to help us. We ask Him to do what only He can do-help us believe.

To My Daughter: More Than Just A Pretty Face

October 02, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Faith, Motherhood

Lies have been infiltrating the thoughts of women for centuries now. Some of the lies are: "If I become more successful or make a name for myself I'll be happy. If my life looked more like hers or if I had that job I’d be happy. If I were married or if I could get pregnant I'd be happy. If I could lose a few pounds I'd be happy." I've sat across from many successful and beautiful women. The world would say, "Their life must be perfect. They have it all: beauty, job, husband, children, etc." More times than not each of these women have bravely shared with me about their struggles and the lies they fight not to be consumed by. The lies that tell them they aren't ________ enough- not successful enough, not worthy enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not a good enough wife, mother, friend, employee etc.

Satan is the king of the “Lie Factory." Since the beginning of time (literally), he’s aggressively been trying to lure women into doubting that what God says in His word is true. It all started in the garden. "Did God really say that?" Not all that much has changed. Satan still roams around like a roaring lion plotting to devour little Eves through lies about ourselves, God and others. He wants us to question God’s promises. He wants us to think we aren't worthy enough for God’s word to hold any value for us. He wants us to be so focused on ourselves and consumed by our insecurities and self-perceived failures that we forget God’s ultimate purpose for our life-to make much of Him.

I believe Satan uses "the comparison trap" as his biggest ally. I remember falling into that deadly game dating back to middle school. The scars left on my body from cancer and the health issues I battled as a result made me feel so different from my peers and seemed to be in stark contrast to how I perceived the world to define a woman. And so, all though my teenage years and early college, I permitted others opinion’s of what is beautiful, valuable and worthy to define me. And so when I examined my life, I felt in many ways that I didn’t measure up. Through years of therapy, prayer and being really honest with those closest to me, I experienced freedom from the lies that used to torment me. And as God’s word transformed my mind, I came to realize how God would use all things in my life for my good and to bring glory to His name.

But, I’m not too far removed from that time that I’m not distinctively and overwhelming aware of the societal pressures placed on women. Even though I have experienced freedom, I still feel the pull sometimes towards those worldly standards and the lies that once consumed me. And it is because of my experience and knowledge that raising a daughter in this generation gravely concerns me at times.

Lately, when my 2-year gets up in the morning she has been proclaiming as soon as I walk in the room, "Morning, Mama! Hey, I a princess!" The other day I was cooking dinner and Ruby found a picture of her and her twin brother and brought it to me and pointed to herself, “Hey, I’m pretty!” I smile, as I know she has been listening to every single word we say.

In a world that is telling little girls and women of all ages, “you’re not enough" and "you’ll never measure up,” I want my daughter to know that her value extends way beyond what she sees in the mirror. Do I want my daughter to know she is beautiful? Absolutely. But most importantly, I want my little girl to be confident in the very person God uniquely made her to be. I want so much more for Ruby than self-confidence with her reflection in the mirror. I want her to know she is fearfully and wonderfully made and that God has a wonderful plan for her life. In an ever-changing world of social media, standards and perfection, I long for her to know that the one thing that never changes, the one thing that remains constant is God's unconditional love for her. In a world that is telling everyone that their value is found in what social media thinks about them, their appearance, employment or martial status, I want my daughter to not be fooled by this notion.

My prayer is that Ruby would know for certain that beauty isn't just found in a pretty face. Rather, beauty comes in many forms-extending kindness, love and patience towards others, using the mind to bring about change in this world, being a strong voice for the oppressed and those who can’t speak for themselves, using humor to make others laugh, befriending those who don’t “fit in,” or using talents to bless someone. Instead of focusing all of her time and attention on cultivating outwardly beauty, my prayer is she would invest her time and energy in cultivating a beautiful soul, which can't be done a part from Christ.

Some of the most beautiful people I’ve met had one trait in common: they cared less about what others think of them and invested their time directing others towards the ultimate source and creator of beauty-God. The National Geographic listed Antelope Island State Park in Syracuse, Utah as home to one of the most beautiful summer sunsets in the world. After a long day of traveling to this glorious spot, would it make any sense to pull out a mirror to look at yourself just as the sun is setting? No, that would be considered foolishness. As the gorgeous colors were filling up the sky you would stand in awe and you would stare. You would realize the magnitude of beauty that is right before your eyes, as you point to your friends, “Wow! Look at that. Isn’t it the most beautiful sunset you’ve ever seen?”

Many of us have become so consumed by our insecurities and shortcomings that we forget our ultimate calling on this earth-to bring glory to God. We are constantly in the presence of the creator of beauty, the One who spoke the stars and sky into existence, and yet like the person pulling out their mirror during the most beautiful summer sunset, we forget. We forget that our calling on this earth isn’t to make a name for ourselves, but rather to move all attention and honor to Jesus. Do I still struggle with insecurities? Absolutely. But now I know where to fix my eyes-the author and perfector of my faith, Jesus Christ. God has the power to redeem us, transform our thinking and make us more like His Son, through His grace that was poured out for us. We forget because we stop looking at Christ. We forget because we look to other things and only find momentary satisfaction. In a world that is screaming, “Hey, look at me, look at me,” I want my daughter to know where her value comes from and to be able to say with confidence, “No, look at Him. Look at Christ.”

As mothers, this starts with us. If we long for our daughters to be confident that their purpose on this earth goes far beyond trivial things, than we have to lead by example. What is my daughter observing that I place my value in? Is she seeing that I treasure Christ above all else? Is she hearing me speak words of life and truth into our home? Is she hearing mommy speak well of herself and other women? Or is she seeing a mama who is swayed by opinions and expectations of this world? I know for certain that our daughters are watching. They watching and they are listening. After all, my two-year-old daughter knows she’s a princess. I wonder who she heard that from?

Adoption Story: Derek + Shannon

September 24, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I chatted with Shannon for the very first time around Christmas last year. I remember her talking about how it had been snowing there recently and they had been outside playing with their four boys. It has been such a joy getting to know their sweet family and have a front row seat to all of the incredible ways that God has provided. They signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants in January and in less than two months they were chosen to be the parents of a little girl by her brave birth mama. Shannon shares more of their story below.

Adoption was something that Derek and I talked about early on in our marriage. We wanted to wait on God’s timing and for His plan to be made clear. Looking back over the past 10 years- what a journey it has been. We decided to try and start a family shortly before our one year wedding anniversary. I know- so soon?! But we were both settled in our jobs, we felt financially secure, and let’s be honest- I have always loved babies and couldn’t wait to start that chapter in our lives. Over the next few years we had four boys about 2 years a part. However, we felt like our family wasn’t complete. Watching close friends journey through foster care and domestic adoption, our hearts were being tugged at more and more.

I was ready to start the adoption process quite a bit before Derek was. I talked about it all the time. I felt like I was often nagging him about getting on the same page and wondered, “God, why are you calling me to something so huge, but not my husband?!” I decided to lay low for awhile and completely drop the topic and just pray. So for a few months that’s what I did. Finally, in October o f 2017 after we both spent time in prayer, Derek said that he really felt we should start the process towards adoption…NOW!

After discussing our options with a friend who recently adopted, I called Christian Adoption Consultants and spoke with Kelly Todd. I loved the idea of hiring an adoption consultant to walk with us through the entire process. Because let’s be honest, we were total newbies and we had no idea what we were doing. Simply just chatting with Kelly and getting information from her was like talking to an old friend. I felt my eyes literally tear up at times during the conversation when talking about that missing piece of the family, and our hearts for adoption. Kelly was so helpful and made us feel very comfortable and confident throughout our entire journey.

After our home study was complete near the end of January 2018, we signed on with CAC. Shortly after we received our first situation. We were so excited to give our “yes” for the first time, but knew very well not to expect things to happen right away. Over the next month, we said “yes” to 3 more situations. Every “no” felt more like a “not yet” to us, and we trusted that God wouldn’t let us miss out on His plan for our family. There were times when we doubted and we wondered if we’d ever be chosen by an expectant mama. Some of the doubt specifically came from the fact that we already have 4 biological children. What would an expectant mom think about that? But time and time again we heard God telling us just to trust Him. And so we did.

Near the end of March we presented to another situation. The next day, as I was building a snowman with the boys outside during a freak March snowstorm, my cell phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. But by the area code I figured it was the agency calling to tell us that the expectant mama chose to move forward with another family. I was shocked when she explained to us that we were chosen. It was us- this was really happening! There was just something about this sweet little baby girl having four older brothers to protect her that made us stand out. Derek pulled in from work just a few minutes later and I ran outside (barefoot and all) onto the ice and snow telling him that we were matched! It was exciting, but nerve wracking all at once. We had a few months until the expectant mother’s due date. Having time to prepare was good, but it wasn’t always easy. It was difficult waiting in the unknown and we still struggled with doubt sometimes. Our faith was tested almost daily, but God continued to show up. He showed up during our fundraisers-helping us cram in two huge events in that time frame. He showed up with our community- with the support and love and prayers we felt all the time. He was faithful and He provided for us in so many ways.

When Derek and I discovered that the expectant mother wanted me with her in the delivery room, we thought it would be best if I headed in that direction a week early. Derek would plan on coming later. My mom graciously traveled out with there early with me. A few days later we were able to have lunch with Mama A and get to know her. When we first met she greeted me with the biggest hug. It was if we had been friends forever. We also met her parents that day, who were extremely supportive and made my mom and I feel like we were family. Saturday morning my mom left and headed back home to take care of our boys. I was in the unfamiliar city alone and continued waiting to get the call that Mama A was in labor. Clinging to God and trusting His plan for us was all I could do during that time. Monday night before bed I specifically remember crying out to God, as so many emotions came over me that night as I lay in bed.

After receiving confirmation in the middle of the night that Mama A was admitted into the hospital, I called Derek to tell him to get on the next plane and I took an Uber over to the hospital. I was completely honored that she wanted me to be in the delivery room with her. It was such a special time and one that I will never forget. I held her hand and supported her, as she bravely brought her daughter into the world. After the birth she reached out to me and we hugged and cried for a very long time. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. A few hours later, Derek arrived and there could have not been a sweeter reunion.

Over the next few days we continued to get to know our daughter’s brave birth mama. We are so inspired by her courage and the unconditional love she has for her little girl. We, along with her birth mother, named our daughter, Selah Nakora. Selah means ‘to pause and reflect’, or another interpretation says ‘to praise.’ We couldn’t think of a more fitting name for our baby.

As soon as we brought Selah home our boys were so smitten with her and have already stepped into the “big brother” role so well. Our daughter is such a miracle baby in so many ways and we are so blessed to be her mom and dad.

“Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to Your name, be the glory, because of your love &faithfulness.” - Psalm 115:1-

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Adoption Story: Heath + Shannon

September 10, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I remember speaking with Heath and Shannon for the very first time in the winter of last year. I have always been so encouraged by their unshakeable faith and the way they have trusted God with their story. They signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants in February and finished up their home study and profile in March. In June they were chosen to be the parents of a little girl by her brave birth mama. Shannon shares more of their story below!

Waiting has always been a common theme of my life. Waiting for a job, waiting for a husband, and waiting for a baby. Each season of wait was harder than the wait before. This could be why my favorite verse is Isaiah 40:31 “They that wait upon the Lord will renew our strength, they will mount up on wings as eagles, they will run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint.”

My husband and I took a while to find each other. I thought I would never get married and Heath was content being a bachelor. Then one day on a hike, we discovered each other. Growing up, we had attended the same church and were well acquainted with each other’s family. It was God who finally brought us together. That season of waiting and feeling lonely was over.

After we were married, we decided to enjoy our first year together, growing as a couple. When we decided to begin our family, we were disappointed to discover that we were struggling to have a baby. We began to seek out medical consults and learned through surgery, that I had endometriosis. The surgery to explore became the surgery to repair, but still, we struggled to grow our family.

In the meantime, we began the process of being approved for foster care. But the timing never seemed to work out. On the same day that we went to get a third medical opinion about our infertility, we also made an appointment to meet with adoption caseworker in our foster care organization. We felt a little hopeless after leaving the fertility doctor, but the adoption meeting was very encouraging.

After many conversations and prayers, we made the decision to begin the adoption process. We quickly discovered that adoption is filled with so much uncertainty and we had no clue what we were doing. But, when we met Kelly Todd, an Adoption Consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC), we knew immediately that she and CAC were both a gift from God. The process became clearer and less daunting. But more than that, we felt like we had a friend to guide us through this journey... to help us through the fears and rejoice with us in our joys. Talking with Kelly was like talking with a long lost friend.

After our home study was ready to go and our profile book was complete in March, we began receiving situations. We were told "no" many times by expectant mothers. It was discouraging and somedays it felt like we would never be chosen. But, we didn't lose hope. In April we received a situation for a baby girl due in the summer. For some reason, this young woman caught our hearts. When we found out that she chose to move forward with another family, it was so difficult. I remember a co-worker praying me through the tears. Heath also felt this disappointment. Through God’s strength, we moved forward and continued waiting. We were secure in the knowledge that God had it all figured out and that every no would lead to a greater yes. It's incredible to know that we couldn't mess up or miss out on God's plan for our story.

Since I was a young girl, I believed that God would use myself, our farm, and our horses for a greater purpose. It was my dream to open a children’s camp for children to ride. I kept putting this vision off, thinking that it will happen the next year, and then the next. But I never got around to putting it into effect. God used the wait and the unknowns in the adoption process to encourage me to take the steps necessary to organize bringing children in foster care to our farm for a week long day camp. It was after I was obedient to his calling, we got a call that changed our lives so much.

To our surprise, one of the agencies we were working with was contacting us about a situation we presented to a few months prior-it was the expectant mother who caught our hearts. For some reason she was asking about us again, as she chose not to move forward with the other family. We were able to speak with her on the phone two days later and instantly clicked. She felt like a dear friend from the very beginning. We were so grateful to know that she chose us to be the parents of her little girl. Her due date was in few short weeks so we rushed to make travel arrangements to meet her and her son. We were so thrilled to have the opportunity to get to know them. Later that day, we worked together to name this precious child, Raegan Grace. Looking back, it’s amazing to see how God worked out all of the details and met our every need.

At her request, I was able to hold her hand through delivery, while encouraging and supporting her every step of the way. When our beautiful girl made her appearance, her brave and amazing birth mother wanted me to be the first one to hold her. As I burst into tears, Raegan’s birth mother grabbed me in a hug that I can still feel. We spent the next few days in the hospital bonding with our daughter and spending time with her birth mother. She said that it was so difficult to say goodbye, but when she saw Raegan with Heath and I, she knew she made the right decision. We are still amazed by her strength, courage and the decision she made for her baby girl. Raegan’s birth mother is a part of our family forever and we are so grateful to know her and for the selfless decision she made in choosing adoption for her daughter.

Through the entire experience, we were blessed beyond what we could imagine. Every day we look at our little girl, we are more and more amazed at God’s goodness. As we prepare for her dedication, we are committed to proclaim that this precious child is God’s child and we are but caretakers of a beautiful gift. We have been entrusted with something so precious. And we know through everything, God put it all together.

Anxiety: How God Used It For My Good

September 05, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Faith

Wouldn't it be great if we could just snap our fingers and by doing so all of our present concerns and worries would just be eliminated into thin air? As a self-professed "professional" worrier, I've often thought about how great it would be if someone had a "worry wand" where they could just zap away all of my anxieties with the flip of the wrist. Am I the only one who has thought this? I mean, wouldn't that be awesome?

As a childhood cancer survivor, I dealt with medical complications on a daily basis related to the treatments and surgeries I received. I still deal with some of those issues today, but they’ve become as normal to me as breathing air into my lungs. As a little girl, however, they were a great source of embarrassment, anxiety, and sickness. Throughout elementary school I had to be excused from class by my nurse multiple times a day to take care of these issues. Kids were curious and I would get nervous about how to answer their questions about where I was going or what I was doing. I was sick often all throughout school, constantly concerned about making up tests, missed assignments and how I would ever graduate. Although I participated in many extracurricular activities, there were times I was nervous and constantly on edge about whether or not these medical issues would flare up during an event or a performance-and a few times they did.

When I was younger I tried to convince myself through “pep talks” not to worry over these things. The more I told myself not to worry, the more I became consumed by anxiety-ridden thoughts. I had stored up Bible verses in my heart such as “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink...” (Matthew 6) but I was conflicted because I was worried and I really didn’t know where to go from there. Even though I was a believer and clung tightly to promises that God was in control, He was keeping me, He hadn’t forsaken me, He had a plan for all things-I wasn’t immune to fear.

Six months after my husband and I started dating I was diagnosed again with cancer. There was a lot of unknowns and uncertainty surrounding my diagnosis. I was initially told by one of the top hospitals in the US that it was a very aggressive type of cancer and would require an immediate and intense chemotherapy regimin. But they weren’t 100% sure of the diagnosis so we opted to get another opinion. While waiting for further tests to be concluded, we took a family vacation to Florida to get away and enjoy the sunshine. I was so fearful about what my future would hold-would I even have one? I had read Matthew 6 about a thousand times at that point, about how I shouldn’t worry, but my faulty understanding of those verses left me struggling with guilt and condemnation over the anxiety I had. Can anyone relate to that?

One morning I woke up early before my family and stepped out onto the balcony of our condo. The morning sun greeted me and I just took in one big deep breath and exhaled, “I’m scared God. I’m so scared. Help me.” As I turned around to go back inside, a little yellow bird caught my eye. It was sunbathing on a white chair on our balcony. I knelt down to get a closer look and held out my hands. Assuming the little guy would fly away, I was surprised when he jumped right into my hands as if he belonged there. I thought back to Matthew 6 and realized my faulty understanding of those passages had been influencing the way I dealt with fear and anxiety.

Jesus wasn’t telling the people not to worry in the absence of worry. That would be absurd! He wasn't telling them to pick themselves up by their bootstraps, get rid of all of their anxiety and then come to Him. Jesus was telling them not to worry because He knew them well. He knew they were prone to struggle with anxiety and fear. He knew they were prone to forget God’s promises. But, you see, He didn’t just stop with a an empty suggestion. He pointed them towards their heavenly Father. “Don’t worry about your life…Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them (Matthew 6:25-26) Then, He reminded them that they are more valuable then these things. If God provided for these things, would He not also provide for them? Through studying the scriptures I learned I wasn’t alone in my anxiety and contrary to my initial interpretation, I wasn’t any “less of a Christian” because I struggled with it.

Just as I had learned to recognize that God has used my physical weaknesses to remind me of my need for a Savior, he has used (and continues to use) the anxiety in my life to draw me closer to Him. My worry throughout the years has led me into a dialogue of prayer with God. My struggles with anxiety have actually pushed me closer to the Lord because I am constantly aware of my great need for Him. Instead of trying to “self-help” my way out of anxiety, instead of trying to ignore it and act like it isn’t there (come on, we’ve all done that), I’ve learned to do what the author says in Psalm 55, “Cast all your cares on the Lord.” And God has met me there. God has met me in my honesty, and in my vulnerability and in my tears, and in my mess. He has met in my fear and in those dark places where I felt outnumbered by my thoughts. He picked me up and breathed life, His Word, into my lungs and He sustained me. And He continues to do so everyday.

If God hadn’t renewed my perspective through His word when He did, and if I hadn’t been able to see, through His grace, how He was using all of these difficult trials for my good and His glory, I know for certain I wouldn’t be equipped to handle the journey before me. It’s not that worry, doubt and sadness don’t exist anymore. They do. How could they not? I’m human. It’s just I’ve learned where to take with these feelings when they come pouring in-to the foot of the cross. And I’ve never been turned away. Christ always meets me where I am and greets me with His grace, truth and unconditional love. And He offers the same to you, my friend.

The Flood Will Not Consume You

August 20, 2018 by Kelly Todd in Faith

Two years ago today I wrote a post on the The Great Flood of 2016 that hit our home and community in Denham Springs, Louisiana (see below). Last week I wrote a post on the importance of looking back on what God has done in our life to give us strength and confidence to trust Him with our present circumstances and future. This is me practicing what I preach...

Six weeks after we adopted our twins, the Great Flood of 2016 hit our community and our home in Denham Springs, Louisiana. The Washington Post stated that this flood dumped three times as much rain on Louisiana as Hurricane Katrina. According to the Red Cross, this was the “worst US disaster since Hurricane Sandy,” and FEMA reported that over 150,000 homeowners/renters applied for assistance.

Moments leading up to the evacuation I was cooking chicken fajitas for Obbie and I. While I was feeding our boy I looked out the front door and noticed the water line had risen quite considerably. At the time I wasn’t nervous because we weren’t in a flood zone. I showed Obbie and he went out to talk with all of the neighbors who had gathered at the edge of their driveways. When I stuck my head out the door, I saw Obbie’s face from a distance. I will never forget the concerned look on his face. I knew it wasn’t good. He came back inside and said, “Kelly, we need to pack everything up. The water will probably be entering our house soon.” I started crying. I didn’t want to leave. This was our home.

I couldn’t find a suitcase so I brought a large empty black trunk and dragged it into the twins room. As I walked in, I began to tear up. I had spent so much time preparing, decorating, dreaming and hoping in this room. As I began stuffing all of their clothes and diapers into the trunk I looked to the right and saw the huge frame that read, “I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him…” I turned it around and saw all of the names I had hand written with a sharpie marker-probably 500 or more. Every single person who helped us bring our babies home has a place in our hearts and on the back of the frame. I hoped that it would serve as a future reminder to our children of just how loved they are-not just by us but by an entire community! Little did I know that on Saturday, August 13, 2016 the Lord would use something I had intended for my children to minister to me. In those scary moments I felt like He was saying, “trust me with this Kelly…remember how I brought you through the other storms and valleys…remember…even when you can’t make sense of what is going on…trust me…”

We threw as much as as we could into the back of our neighbor’s big white truck. Although I don’t remember a lot from that day, I will never forget the drive. At that point the water was so high I could feel it splash my face. And as I looked down at the twins I began to cry as we slowly waded through the water. There were moments when I felt like I was in a nightmare and I just wanted to wake up. I prayed, “Dear Lord, protect our babies. Please keep our babies safe…”

A few hours after we arrived at our neighbor’s house the waters began rising there too. We made the decision to evacuate their house because if we waited too long we wouldn’t be able to get out. We took the twins and two back packs full of diapers and formula and headed to the one of the only dry streets left in our neighborhood. Preparing to sleep in our mini van, we parked behind our friends on the side of the road. A few minutes after we arrived there a young woman approached us with a concerned look on her face. "Please come stay with us.” We spent that night and the next day camped out in her living room. Her entire family welcomed us and fed us.

After a few days the water subsided. When we realized our house was going to be unlivable for a few months due to the flood damage, we thought it would be best if I took the twins up north to stay with family. (We ended up staying there for a few months while my husband continued gutting and rebuilding our home with the help of friends and strangers.) Many families lost absolutely everything. Later we learned that many families had to be evacuated by boat because the water was so high. They had to leave everything behind. Can you imagine that kind of loss?

To the flood victims: I know so many of you are exhausted and you just wonder when things will go back to normal. You walk into rooms that you barely recognize. You try to salvage a decades worth of memories in print. You wonder how you will provide for your family because you didn’t have flood insurance and government assistance hasn’t covered a fraction of what it will cost to rebuild your home. I am hurting with you. But, one thing I do know for sure is that we will rise from this and we will grow and become stronger through it. I don’t say that to diminish the loss or pain you/we are going through. I say to encourage you and remind you that there is hope. And that Hope is Jesus Christ and that is what I am clinging to.

It can be overwhelming when you look around at what is left of your house. Memories may flood your mind of what used to be there; the room that you rocked your baby in for the very first time; that special corner in your living room where you put up your Christmas tree every year; the kitchen table where you shared meals together. Although the flood may have destroyed the physical things-those waters will never be able to take your memories. But more importantly than those precious memories is the overwhelming reminder that this place is not our eternal home. The Lord has always used trials in my life to remind me of this. I am not going to sit here and try to make sense of the flood. I can’t wrap my mind around it. However, I am quite certain through my own trials, that God does not waste anything. He is sovereign and in control of ALL things. God didn't waste my cancer. God didn't waste my miscarriage. And we can be confident that God is still at work right now. God creates beauty out of the mess and muddy waters.

Perhaps you've never been through a natural disaster. But I know through personal experience that it doesn't take an actual flood to bring on a storm. In the pain and chaos it is difficult to see God’s plan. When you are knee deep in the waters it is easy to think that God has forgotten you and sometimes that makes it difficult to trust. But, believe this my friend: the flood will not consume you and He has NOT forgotten you. He is worthy of our trust even when we can’t comprehend or understand the chaos that surrounds us. Whatever flood or mess currently has your attention, my prayer for you is that you would cling to your Savior. When you look around at all of the unrecognizable mess, my prayer is that you would fix our eyes on Christ. Ask Him for strength. Ask Him for patience. Cry out to Him. He is listening and He is near. He will bring you out of this storm. Why? Because He is a faithful God who promises to never leave His children.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." -Isaiah 43:2