Refinement In The Waiting Room

August 11, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

Oncology waiting rooms aren't unfamiliar to me. I've spent a great deal of time and energy in those spaces. As someone who has beat cancer a handful of times, I'm very accustomed to waiting. But please don't let me fool you, just because I'm familiar with waiting in unknown spaces does not equate to any mastery of it. However, God, in His rich mercy and kindness has allowed me to learn a thing or two from walking some down some very scary times of uncertainty. You might be thinking, "Kelly, what does your cancer have to do with our adoption process?" Because all of us have our own "waiting room" experiences. If you've spent any time at all in the adoption process, you know exactly what I mean.

Your current waiting place may look different than someone else's, but they all entail a similar component: uncertainty. When will our home study be done? When will an expectant mother choose us? When will we see the next adoption situation? When will we get the call that baby is on the way? How much longer until consents are signed? When will ICPC be complete?

Today I want to share with you three nuggets of truth that the Lord has taught me over the years. I pray the Holy Spirit will use them to minister to your heart—wherever you are in your waiting room.

1. God is working in you through the wait. Because God is in control of all things and desires good things for His children, we can assume that this wait is a part of God's loving and good plan for us. As a result of my cancer and infertility "waiting room experiences,” I became desperately more aware of my daily, moment-by-moment, breath-by-breath, can't-take-another-step-with-out-you need for Jesus. It was through all of those moments, days, weeks and years of uncertainty that I learned the depths of God's grace and found there was no end to it. It was through the hard things that God kept my heart close to His through the necessity of prayer. Out of this dormant space, a resilient spirit—deeply rooted in God's love—emerged from the grave. I'm certain if I hadn't been through the fire, I wouldn't be the mother, wife, friend, or consultant I am today. If you're in a waiting room right now, you can be certain that God is working in you through the wait.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4).

2. God hasn't forgotten about you. Sometimes when things aren't working out like we expected they would, we can be tempted to think that God has forgotten about us. The stillness can often make us feel isolated, alone or abandoned—like a ship lost at sea. But that is not the truth. It may feel really true to us, but we can't always trust our feelings, which often are moved and changed by circumstance. But God and His Word remain constant. God has not promised that the road will be easy, but His steadfast promise is to always be with us.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6).

3. God's timing is perfect. Although this is phrase is thrown around a lot, that doesn't invalidate or minimize its truth. As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I see this through the intricate details of each and every narrative God writes for my families. He is the author. He holds the pen. His timing is perfect. But sometimes, as a bystander, it's difficult to see what He is up to. Oftentimes we can't see the masterpiece He is creating until the work is finished. When a family walks through an interrupted adoption, the pain will seem unbearable. However, when they are on the other side of the adoption process, rocking their child to sleep at night, they’ll be certain that God's timing is perfect. If their story had unfolded any differently, the child they call "son" or "daughter" wouldn't be in their arms. That doesn't mean that their previous loss wasn't painful, but it does help them comprehend God’s beneficial timeline.

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps" (Proverbs 16:9).

Friends, if you’re struggling to trust God in the wait, ask Him to help you believe these truths. Your understanding and clarity is coming soon. Waiting is never wasted with God.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoption Story: David + Ashley

June 28, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

Before David and Ashley signed on to work with me at Christian Adoption Consultants they had been working with two adoption attorneys for over a year. During this time they experienced a failed adoption and a scam. They were feeling extremely discouraged and exhausted when they began their journey with CAC, but they continued to place their trust in the Lord. Ashley and I had countless conversations about how God’s timing is best, even when it doesn’t make any sense to us. I watched as they continued to persevere through the adoption process, presenting their profile over and over again, praying along with them. They never gave up. It wasn’t easy. There were tears. There was doubt at times, “God, what are you doing here? Have you forgotten about us"?” But they continued to place their hope in the One who was writing their story. For those of you who are exhausted and worn out from the process, please take a few minutes and be encouraged by Ashley’s words.

Adoption has always been something that my husband and I knew would be a part of our family's story, even from when we were dating. I had worked as an adoption social worker and saw firsthand the beauty and the struggles with adoption. We knew that conceiving a biological child would be difficult but we felt that we needed to try. We tried unsuccessfully to conceive for six months and then after learning that extensive fertility treatments would be necessary, we took this as God leading us to pursue adoption. In January 2014, we began the adoption process and welcomed our son Matthew with the help of Christian Adoption Consultants in May 2014.

In August 2018, we started the adoption process again , thinking that it would be a similar timeline to our first adoption. It was anything but that but God knew what He was doing. We reached out to Kelly at CAC in August 2019 after experiencing an adoption scam and a failed match. By the time our profile book was ready and we had presented to a few situations, we learned that our home study update would essentially have to be a new home study. We got that finished only for COVID to hit and things slowed down a lot. Over the next year, I think we presented 20 times and each no was harder to hear. We updated our profile book, expanded preferences, you name it- but nothing was happening. We were beginning to wonder if this ever was going to happen or if we had heard God wrong. Kelly was there every step of the way, encouraging us and praying for us.

We had presented to yet another situation and it was another no. We were scraping the bottom of the barrel for hope and we were weary. In the early Spring, we received a phone call from an attorney about an expectant mom due in 4 weeks. We had to make our decision to present fairly quickly. 4 hours later, we got the call saying that we had been matched. We were cautiously excited. The next week, the attorney's office called and said that a C-section had been scheduled for 2 weeks later. Four hours later, we got a message from the birth family saying that the baby was coming that night! A short time later, we saw a picture of a beautiful baby girl.

We scrambled to get packed and we drove 6 hours to the hospital and visited with our daughter's birth family on my husband's birthday! . God had truly gone before us because the pediatrician was our former missions pastor's wife! Alora needed to be transferred to a bigger hospital and the pediatrician chose the one in a city where we had previously lived. God knew that we would need the love and support of our friends there because the next week was the hardest of our lives. It looked like things were unraveling as quickly as they had come together but God was so faithful. A week later, we left the hospital with our daughter, Alora Kay! Alora means "my dream" and "Lord is my light." Kay means "rejoice.” Her middle name is my middle name, my mother's middle name and just happened to be her biological grandmother's first name!

Kelly was such an encouragement to us, even when nothing made sense. She kept reminding us that God wouldn't allow us to miss our baby. We also knew to trust in God's timing but to also trust in His delays- His timing is perfect. I laughed and said that I was going to be 40 with a newborn and sure enough, Alora arrived and I turned 40 a few weeks later! Looking back, we can see how God was orchestrating every "no" into the best yes.

Adoptive Mother's Thoughts On An Open Adoption: The More Love The Better

June 25, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

When Roman grins at me with his handsome brown eyes and big dimples, I see glimpses of his beautiful birth mother. When Ruby skips across the room in her princess dress with her beads clicking and clacking, making music as they hit each other, I think back to a 30 year old picture her birth mother sent me of herself when she was a little girl and I see Ruby in it. When Roman gets close to me, puts his hands on my face and presses his nose against mine as he says, "Nosey nosey kisses mama," I'm reminded, "That's our thing. I taught him that." When Ruby runs across the room and nearly squeezes my leg off as she says, "You're my favorite girl" I think of how many times she must have heard me tell her that.

See, our children have two mothers-their birth mother, the woman who carried them for 9 months and birthed them into this world. The woman who loved/loves them so much that she placed them in the arms of another because at the time she felt that she could not provide the life she wanted them to have. The woman who calls to check-in and see how they are doing-how we are doing. The woman who delights in pictures of the twins, updates, Facetime calls, and artwork made by her son and daughter. And they have me-the mother who has loved them and taken care of them everyday from the moment they were lovingly placed in my arms by their birth mother.

We’ve explained the twin's adoption story to them since they were itty bitty. We wanted them to know their story. We wanted them to know about the amazing woman who gave them life and loves them so much. Why? Because the more love the better. There is always room for more love. Our family didn't just grow by two when we adopted the twins, it grew by a lot more. Their birth family has become an extension of our family. We love them. We talk about them. The twins know them by name. There's a family picture of them hanging on our wall. They are family.

The other day Roman was asking me questions about his birth mother. He said, "So, I have two moms?" And I said, "Yes." Prior to starting the adoption process I never thought I would answer a question that way. But it's the truth. And confirming that my son and daughter have two mothers, does not in any way take away from the substance of our relationship. It makes it stronger. Because there is strength in unity. There is strength in truth.

"Do you have two mommies like me and sissy?" Roman asked. I should have known this question was coming. Roman makes quick connections.

Me: "No, I don't. But you know what? Daddy does."

Roman: "He does?"

Me: "Yes. Mims (what they call my husband's mother) is his mommy. But he grew in another mommy's belly."

Roman: "Like I grew in my birth mother's belly?"

Me: "Yes."

Roman: "Have I met her?"

Me: "No, you haven't. She had a boo boo when daddy was a little boy and she died. She's in heaven with Jesus now. But she loved your daddy so very much."

Roman: "Like Mims loves Daddy and me and sissy?"

Me: "Yes. Just like that."

Roman: "I wish I could know her."

Me: "Oh, me too Bubby."

Roman: "So we and daddy both have two mothers."

Me: "Yes."

Roman: "And they love us very much?" (He asks this question with a big smile on his face)

Me: "So much.”

He Withholds No Good Thing

April 26, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Infertility, Faith, Adoption, Motherhood

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84:11

He withholds no good thing. These 5 words have been nourishment for my heart. God's Word, His promise, has been a healing balm to my spirit. I've clung to these words tightly over the past decade of my life and even more so over the past few years.

I've asked God about His goodness and these “good things” while walking through some of the darkest nights. "Are you really good, God? I know you say that you withhold no good thing from your children, but I can't make sense of this."

Negative pregnancy tests.
Miscarriage and loss.
Cancer surgery after cancer surgery.
Unanswered prayers.

The other day I was sharing with a friend how I was desperately struggling with an unanswered prayer. But felt a lot of guilt around not being able to really believe that God wasn't withholding good from me. Because that’s how it felt…like God was withholding this from me.

She reminded me, "Kelly, I think it's okay to not feel okay right now." Her words rushed over my entire body from head to toe-body, mind and spirit. Then, a feeling of release ensued. All at once I felt the propensity of the weight I had been carrying. I recognized and named each thorn, each scar, and every piece of me that felt broken. I didn't try to make sense of it. I didn't try to push through immediately and find the purpose in the pain. Instead, I brought all of these broken pieces and fragments to Jesus. I laid them at His feet. I told Him I wasn't okay. I told Him how much my heart hurt. I told Him I didn't understand. I asked Him to help me. I told Him, “I know in your Word it says ‘you withhold no good thing from your children,’ but I’m struggling to believe this right now. Help me believe. Help me really believe."

Perhaps you can relate- the inner turmoil of knowing what God’s Word says, but your heart lagging behind, struggling to really believe. “God I know in your Word you say you have good things in store for me, but I just can’t see it now. Sometimes it feels like you are withholding this good thing from me.” If this is you, than I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m right there with you. I didn’t write this in “hindsight” looking back on the struggle. I’m in it now. I don’t have any quick fixes or cookie-cut answers for you. But I can tell what I’m doing. I’m continually running to the source of wisdom and asking Him to grant me wisdom and strength as I sit in the uncomfortableness and brokenness that comes with living in this fallen world.

The other day I was really struggling with this unanswered prayer and I didn’t feel like going to a conference that I was scheduled to attend. I made myself go anyway because I felt the Holy Spirit leading. As the speaker was sharing a bit of her story it resonated with some of the things I had been seeking the Lord about. I started tearing up because I knew that God wanted me in that room to hear everything the speaker had to say and in His kindness He got me there. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking directly to my heart as she continued to share,“Who told you that you’re missing out? Don’t you know that fullness is found in me!?”

Whatever you are going through-infertility, loss, the ups and downs of the adoption process, health issues, financial struggles, relationship issues, unanswered prayers, sit with the Holy Spirit and talk with Him about it. Ask Him for wisdom. God didn’t grant my unanswered prayer, but He gave me wisdom, generously, to be able to sit with the brokenness, while placing my hope in Christ and not my circumstances. He can do the same for you too, friend.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you” (James 1:5)

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Adoption Story: Kenny + Laura

April 12, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I had the pleasure of walking with Kenny and Laura through the adoption process. Perseverance is the word I would use to describe their character throughout the ups and downs of the journey to their baby girl. Adoption is not for the faint of heart and looking back I'm in awe of how the Lord gave Kenny and Laura the strength and faith to trust Him through the unknowns and uncertainty. Today Laura and Kenny share a bit of their journey that led them to their daughter.

Eighteen months ago we woke up and had our normal breakfast. During breakfast we received the phone call. "Are you ready to adopt?" That was the question we heard from the agency. We had been waiting for a year and 8 months so we were extremely ready and could not believe this was the call! The agency let us know that this expectant mama was in labor and asked us if we could be there that evening. It was about a 4 hr drive to the hospital. After discussing, talking to Kelly Todd, our consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants, we decided to go for it! So, we scrambled and made arrangements for our children and hit the road.

When we arrived at the hospital the nurses came and brought us to meet our baby girl. She was beautiful! After our visit we found a hotel for the night. The next couple of days were up and down. At one point we were told expectant mama had decided to parent. We understood, but were heartbroken. We called our consultant, Kelly, and family to tell them the news. Sadly, we started driving home. Then, hours into our drive we unexpectedly received a call that there was a miscommunication. She did in fact want us as the parents of her baby girl. We turned the car around and drove back as she was about to be released from the hospital and we wanted to make sure we got there as soon as possible.

Talking to Kelly was very helpful during this time to be reminded that God was in control of our situation and we could rest in that truth. It was quite a whirlwind, but through that time Shane and Shane’s song Psalm 130 became a comfort for us. "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope" (Psalm 130:5). This verse in particular brought us peace. We could not put our hope in having this baby girl join our family but we could put our hope in God, who cares and loves us. God was in control and knew what was best for our daughter, birth mom, and our family. We were called to love this baby girl and birth mom the best we could and trust God with the outcome. Our daughter has been an incredible blessing and joy to all of our family. We are thankful that we waited on God's timing and provision. His ways are always best. The waiting was hard at times, but knowing God had a plan made it easier to trust Him.

To families in the wait right now, our advice is to keep your hope in God and trust in His timing. Keep persevering because in the end you will look back and know for certain that the child you are holding in your arms was worth the wait.

Adoption & Fear In Presenting Your Profile

February 24, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

Fear is a common feeling that hopeful adoptive families typically encounter throughout the adoption process. What if we don't pass the home study? What if an expectant mother doesn't choose us? What if an expectant mother chooses to parent? What if the child we are matched with has medical issues we aren't equipped to handle? What if the adoption process takes longer than expected?

What I want to hone in on today is the fear that may arise as families consider whether or not to present their profile to a specific situation. After a family's home study and profile are complete they are able to start applying with agencies and begin seeing situations. The underlying feelings after reviewing their first situation may be a culmination of excitement, sadness, shock and fear. As I have journeyed through the adoption process before, I can relate. And I remind them that their thoughts and feelings are completely normal. But how do you manage fear when it seems to be lurking around every corner? How do you present to situations when you feel you are drowning in fear?

Ask God to help you get to the root of your fear. Seek the Lord in prayer first. Bring your fears and concerns before God and ask Him to help you sort through them and make sense of them. Here are some questions to help you navigate your decision:

Am I trusting God or am I letting fear calculate my every move? As Christians we can place our hope and comfort in the truth that God is in control of all things. This creates freedom in our hearts to move where the Holy Spirit leads, because we trust that we can't mess up or miss out on the plan God is writing for our family.
Am I holding out for the “perfect” situation? There is no such thing as a "perfect" situation or no-risk in adoption. Yes, there are times where situations will be less risky, but there will always be an element of risk in adoption. If you are holding out for the "perfect" situation, you may never put your "yes" on the table.
Am I allowing room for God to work outside my preferences? Sometimes we come into the adoption process with our own set of preferences. At CAC our families are able to specify their adoption preferences. Oftentimes, however, I've seen families step outside those preferences when God prompts them to do so. It's an act of obedience and leap of faith. But I've never had a family look back on that decision with regret. As you calculate your preferences, are you keeping your hands open to the Lord?
Am I being unrealistic with my feelings about a situation? If you are expecting yourself to have 100% peace and 0% fear whatsoever before moving forward you may never present. Although this is common to think/feel this way, it's an unrealistic expectation to have. We always encourage couples to be on the same page with whatever they decide. However, it's important to know there will typically always be some unanswered questions and some level of uncertainty in most adoption situations.
Am I seeking God in prayer in every situation that crosses my eyes? This is the most important thing to do. Be in prayer. Seek God in prayer with every situation that you encounter. Ask God to direct your steps and give you wisdom. Although it's important to seek guidance from your adoption consultant, there is no better council than that which comes from the Lord. Seek Him first! Also, if you choose not to present, continue praying for the expectant mother and her baby. What a privilege it is to ask God to help her as she considers adoption.

Adoption: When You Feel Like Giving Up

January 26, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

"We're exhausted. We've presented more times than we can count. We prayed about pursuing adoption for years before we even started the process! Why would God bring us to this journey if we would only be met with ‘no’ after ‘no,’ delays and disappointments? Did we miss something?"

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have the privilege and honor of walking families through the adoption process from the very beginning of their journey until they have their baby in their arms. I am very passionate about helping families in this way. It's a blessing and a calling I do not take lightly.

People outside of the adoption process may struggle to understand the intricacies and complexities of this sacred space. I know this to be true because my families have shared it with me. "No one gets it. My family, my friends- they just don't understand the roller coaster of emotions that we go through on a daily basis."

But I get it. The team at Christian Adoption Consultants understands. The adoption process can be exhausting. And yet "exhausting" doesn't even seem to fully encapsulate all of the feelings evoked from families struggling through the ups and downs of the adoption process. If these words resonate with you, then this post is for you.

Friend, take a few deep breaths, remove any distractions and lean into what I'm about to share with you.

1. God has not forgotten you. Sometimes when things aren't working out like we expected they would we can be tempted to think that God has forgotten about us. But that is not the truth. It may feel really true to us, but we can't always trust our feelings. Our feelings change a lot and are often moved by our circumstances. But God and His Word remain constant. God has not promised that the road He has called us to will be easy, but He has promised that He will always be with us.

"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20, NIV)

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6, NIV)

2. God is in control. "Through our union with Christ we too have been claimed by God as his own inheritance. Before we were even born, he gave us our destiny; that we would fulfill the plan of God who always accomplishes every purpose and plan in his heart"(Ephesian 1:11, TPT). As Christians, isn't this comforting to rest our minds and hearts on? Isn't this truth freeing to cling to? It's freeing to think about the fact that we can't "slip outside" of God's plans for our life. Friends, you can't mess up or miss out on the plans God has for your family...not in the adoption process and not in any aspect of your life.

3. God is working all things out for your good. If you are believer you can rest in this knowledge. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28, NIV). The "good" here that Paul is referring to might not be in agreement with our understanding of "good." My kids love Krispy Kreme donuts and would probably eat 3 every day if I let them. But doing so would not be good for them. Ask God to help you trust that He who knows all and sees all, knows what is best for us, even when it doesn't coincide and align with our thoughts.

4. God is faithful to equip you with everything you need to accomplish everything that He has called you to. Our God is a very present God. He isn't somewhere off in the sky, twiddling His fingers, just hoping His children figure it out on their own. He is with us. He has sent us the Holy Spirit, our Helper. "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19, NIV). Are you weary from the adoption process? Do you feel like giving up? Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a renewed hope and perspective. Ask the Holy Spirit to comfort you and strengthen you every step of the way. He is faithful.

Friends, I understand the adoption process is exhausting, confusing, and filled with ups and downs. But I also know and have seen how God creates beautiful stories out of really difficult times. I wish I could tell you that I know exactly how your story will unfold. I don't. But I know the One who does. When you feel like giving up, remember the One who called you to this journey in the first place. He will see you through.

Adoption Story: Matt + Laura

January 02, 2021 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I'm so excited to share Matt and Laura's adoption story with you today! I was introduced to this precious couple by one of my other sweet CAC families. When their home study and profile were done, they were ready to start presenting to situations. My heart ached every single time I had to send them an email that said, "I'm so sorry. The expectant mother has decided to move forward with another family." I knew their story. I knew their heart. I knew everything that they had been through and it broke my heart to deliver this news each time. But they never gave up. They continued pressing forward through their fears, doubts, questions- and a pandemic! Their story has been an inspiration to me and I know many others. Today, they share the story that led them to their baby boy.

When we first started talking about adoption, we really had no idea what to expect. We certainly had preconceived notions of what we thought it would be like. We had friends who were trying to adopt so we reached out to them for advice and guidance. They told us they were using Christian Adoption Consultants and were working with Kelly Todd. Since we really had no idea about consultants we asked them more questions and got a lot of details from them. We also researched some other consulting agencies and made a note of the ones we wanted to speak with.

After talking to various consulting groups we connected with Kelly at CAC. We really enjoyed getting to know her and more about the adoption process. Kelly really helped us along the way with our home study agency, applying with agencies, providing us with adoption education and giving us guidance on different situations that were presented to us.

One of our first steps was getting our home study completed. We were so nervous about this. Was our house big enough, clean enough, safe enough? Would having pets be an issue? Then came the deeper issues - would we be good enough parents? Would having a smaller family group pose issues? All valid things I feel like most adoptive families go through.

Once we were home study approved we could begin showing our beautiful profile book to expectant families. The first situation we presented to was an expectant mom who was due at the end of October. We were so excited about presenting to her and we thought it would be the perfect match. We felt a personal connection to her story and the information that was sent to us. We crafted a personal letter to her and then a couple days later we got the email.

She didn’t pick us.

That was heart wrenching. I cried immediately. And for a day or two. It was hard. It was difficult. It was something we needed to go through. And we did. Many more times.

We got to the point where we questioned everything. Are we not good enough? Is there something wrong with us? Should we redo our profile book? What can we do differently? Do we take new pictures? We felt like we just weren’t good enough to be parents. We felt like no one wanted us to be the parents of their precious baby. That hurt.

We were coming up on eight months of being active and we were starting to reach out to our home study agency about updating our home study and beginning that process when we received another situation. We reviewed all the information and thought it would be a good situation for us to apply to. Then, the call came.

The expectant family picked someone else.

We were again disappointed. All those thoughts came back, like they did every time. Why aren’t we good enough?

A few weeks later we received a phone call from an unknown number. We didn’t need any new warranties on our cars so we didn’t answer it. When we listened to the voicemail we found out it was the adoption agency from the previous expectant family. They were calling to tell us that we were picked afterall. The expectant family wanted us to raise their baby. A baby boy that was going to be born in 10 days!

We didn’t have much. Our friends that we mentioned before had given us so many things - a crib, mattress, tons of clothes, swings, mats, toys, etc. But we didn’t have anything else. So we hurried up and got on Amazon and ordered way more than we thought we would need. We drove the 16 hours to the birth family and waited for this beautiful, perfect baby to be born.

Then, a whole new set of questions came. What if she changes her mind? What if she decides she doesn’t want us afterall? What if we don’t get to bring him home?

Two days after he was born we could go see our baby in the hospital. Of course, since it was during Covid we could only go into the hospital one at a time. Matt would spend mornings with him and I would go in the afternoon to see him. After being in the hospital for six days we were finally given the okay to bring him back to our AirBnB. We waited for ICPC to clear (it only took a couple days; it was a holiday weekend, too). Then we headed back home with the newest member of our family.

Adoption has proven over and over to have many ups and downs. We cried. A lot. We had our hearts broken. A lot. We questioned everything. A lot. But in the end we became the parents to this amazing, miracle baby that we love beyond measure. He has become the pride and joy of our days. Covid has done a lot of damage and brought a lot of bad things, but the silver lining in all of it for us is that we brought our baby home. And the kicker - we’ve been doing a lot of working from home so our little guy gets to spend his days with both his mom and dad.

Adoption Story: Jamey + Sydnee

December 20, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

It was an honor to walk with Jamey and Sydnee through their adoption journey. When we first connected I remember Sydnee opening up about their long journey through infertility and loss. She shared her heart and about the journey that led them to this specific place and time. She also shared some of their fears with me about the adoption process, one of them being "too old" to be desirable to an expectant mother. As she was talking I remember thinking to myself, "I'm so glad that God connected my path to these amazing people and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for them." Their journey through the adoption process wasn't easy, but that same journey, the one with ups and downs, the one with disappointment, the one with waiting, led them to their daughter and I know they wouldn't change a thing about it. Jamey and Sydnee, thank you for allowing me to walk with you through the adoption process. I am beyond amazed at the story God wrote for your family! Today Sydnee shares that story:

I had someone that has only talked to me a handful of times ask me, “what kept you from giving up?” I immediately started crying. She knew our story of adoption, but she didn’t know all of the years that preceded. When she asked me that simple question, my mind was flooded with all the trials and tribulations from many years before that led up to receiving our precious daughter. So many times I wanted to quit, but there was an internal fight that would not let me. I could write about my many years of struggling with severe depression and anxiety wondering if I would ever be a mother. I could write about my husband not wanting children and our journey to come together and grow. I could write about miscarriage and pregnancy loss, or I could write about years of fertility treatments. God brought us to Him and gave us the strength to traverse and overcome each trying situation so that we could eventually become parents.

Oh the waiting! That was always the hardest part of all the troubled waters we navigated. Waiting for God to work on me, on Jamey, and on us. Waiting to hear His answer. Waiting on the outcome so that I could keep going and keep fighting. Waiting on the next attempt at parenthood and starting the process all over again. It truly is God’s waiting room. We had to learn what to do and how to handle our time there. We had to grow and wait on His perfect timing. Meditation, prayer, and music were essential. These lyrics by Tenth Avenue North were comforting in the waiting –

As I walk this great unknown, Questions come and questions go, Was there purpose for the pain? Did I cry these tears in vain? I don’t want to live in fear, I want to trust that You are near, Trust Your grace can be seen, In both triumph and tragedy. I have this hope, In the depth of my soul, In the flood or the fire, You’re with me and You won’t let go.

When we decided it was time to give our all to adoption, I remember finding Christian Adoption Consultant’s website and calling from a conference room at work. Kelly answered and talked to me about CAC, her journey and listened to our story. Luckily, I had a handkerchief with me. I immediately knew that we needed to work with her and CAC! And, just to mention that I had already talked to 3 other consultant groups before talking to Kelly. Working with CAC and Kelly was the best decision we made! She guided us every step of the way, and prayed with us and for us! We’re beyond grateful for CAC and for all that Kelly did to help us find our way to our daughter!

Jamey was always on board with adoption, but he never wanted biological children. I always knew I wanted to adopt, but my dream was to have a biological child and adopt a child. It took a lot of work on our part and on God’s part for us to come together even after 20 years of marriage, but we did and are closer and stronger than ever before. When we started this journey, memories from my early childhood came back. I remember my mother telling me stories about when I would have a child, and I would correct her and tell her I wasn’t having children that I was going to adopt. We did end up trying everything possible to have a biological child but that was not God’s plan.

The song that helped during this time is by Lauren Daigle – Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at Your feet, Every moment of my wandering, Never changes what You see, I’ve tried to win this war, I confess, My hands are weary, I need Your rest, Mighty warrior, King of the fight, No matter what I face, You’re by my side. When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move, When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through, When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You, I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.

The adoption journey is not an easy one, but every single time, God shows up and there is grace, mercy, and beauty beyond comprehension. We presented to expectant mothers several times and were not chosen, which was so hard. It was tempting to ask why, wondering what was wrong with us, but instead we would shift and pray for God’s will and trust in His plan and His timing. We presented to a situation where the baby was due in just 10 days and we were chosen. We were beyond excited and so hopeful! We met the expectant mother twice before her delivery and felt so purposefully connected to her. Since this was only a couple of hours from our home, we arrived at the hospital before this baby girl was born. We visited with the family and were so elated to meet and love on this sweet baby. We also spent the next day at the hospital. On the 3rd day, we arrived in the morning expecting to bring our baby girl home and we were asked to leave the hospital because the mother was struggling. We went to a park and prayed for help and guidance, until we received the call that the mother had decided to parent. Feeling completely devastated, we drove back to the hospital to give her the car seat, so that she could bring her baby home. We had to process this loss and grieve this baby girl. I do believe that this happened for a reason and that we played a part in this birth mother’s difficult decision. We immediately loved her unconditionally and continue to pray for her and her baby girl.

This song by Hillary Scott helped during this time – I believe that You are God alone, But sometimes I still try to take control, ‘Cause I get scared when I can’t see the end, And all You want from me is to let go. You’re parting waters, Making a rain for me, You’re moving mountains that I don’t even see, You’ve answered my prayer before I even speak, All You need for me to be is still.

Two and a half months later, we felt ready to present our profile and we were once again chosen. Though we were excited, we were cautious with our emotions. We spoke to the expectant mother on the phone and found out that it was going to be a baby boy. She went into labor about 3 weeks after we were matched, and we got the call to go home and pack since this was several states away. We waited to hear that we could head that way, and that call never came. The news we heard was that the baby was born and the mother was struggling with her decision. At the end of the week, we heard that she decided to parent. We had to pick ourselves up once again and find strength to keep going.

The song I listened to after this was by Danny Gokey – I’ve been running through rain, That I thought would never end, Trying to make it on faith, In a struggle against the wind, I’ve seen the dark and the broken places, But I know in my soul, No matter how bad it gets, I’ll be alright. There’s a hope in front of me, There’s a light, I still see it, There’s a hand still holding me, Even when I don’t believe it, I might be down but I’m not dead, There’s better days still up ahead, Even after all I’ve seen, There’s a hope in front of me.

I was finding it harder and harder to hold on to the fight, but God kept reminding us to not give up. On October 16, I was especially struggling, so I went to mass at Noon and prayed that if we were not meant to be parents, for God to please send me a clear sign because I was so tired. I went back to work and was headed to the gym that afternoon when I received a call from an agency. I was told that there was a baby girl born 2 days prior and that our profile was shown to the birth mother and father and that we were chosen! She said she needed to know right away because the baby could be discharged that day. We were on a plane the next morning! We had to pack, buy plane tickets, find a place to stay, and choose a name for our daughter! We met her on October 17 and left the hospital that day with her.

She was truly worth all that we went through! We stay in touch with our daughter’s birth parents and we love them so much! We got to meet them and visit with them a couple of months ago. During our visit we learned that my daughter, her birth mother, and my birthdays are all in October and my husband and our daughter’s birth father’s birthdays are in March. We are so thankful for an open adoption. God weaves the most beautiful tapestry of life for us.

Adoption & Waiting During The Holidays

December 12, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I would like to dedicate this post to all of my amazing CAC families waiting in the adoption process. I see you. I'm here for you. I'm praying that God would overwhelm you with His peace that surpasses all understanding this holiday season.

Waiting in the adoption process on any given day can be overwhelming, but during the holidays it can feel insurmountable. For many, the Christmas season exudes a sense of celebration, joy and wonder as we think about the birth of our Savior. But for some this holiday season is met with complex emotions as they are reminded of great loss or what they do not yet have: the child they are longing for.

I can understand and relate to the raw emotions surrounding an empty crib and the holidays. I will never forget two Thanksgivings after our miscarriage. Our baby would have been a little over 1 years old. While working through my grief on this day, I also found out that a family member was pregnant. On top of processing grief, I was also dealing with guilt over the complex emotions I initially felt about their pregnancy, even though at my deepest core I was thrilled for them. Only those who have walked through these waters can understand the juxtapositions of emotions that land you from one plane to another in regards to infertility and the holidays. It's just extremely difficult and at times confusing to navigate.

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have walked with many families through the adoption process. I have had conversation after conversation with families about this specific topic and so I have a front row seat to how waiting during the holidays can be more difficult. I have compiled a short list of helpful tools to help hopeful adoptive families navigate the holiday season.

1. Prayer. Be vulnerable with God in prayer. This seems pretty simple on the surface, but I think it's something that we forget to be intentional about as we progress throughout our day. He can handle all of your big thoughts and feelings. Pour them out at His feet. Ask God to help you. Ask Him to help you walk in His peace. Ask Him to help you find joy in the day-to-day even as you are navigating your complex emotions over the holidays. He is the best listener and loves to help His children. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14).

2. Read your Bible & Meditate on His Promises. We have access to the very Word of God. The Bible says, “All scriptures are God-breathed” (2 Timothy 3). His Word is full of rich truths and promises for His children. The Bible is what our soul needs. His Word is life-giving. His Word is transformative. His Word is powerful. His Word speaks truth to our fears. If this is something that is difficult for you to do, ask God to help you! He is faithful to answer our requests. It doesn't have to be a two hour long Bible Study, but I encourage you to set aside time each day (it can be 15 minutes!) to get in God's Word and meditate on His truths. If you miss a day, that's okay! Try again the next day. God just wants you to spend time with Him. Here is a helpful tool I use to help me read the Bible.

3. Confide in a friend. Talk to someone that you trust about what you are struggling with. Be vulnerable with them. Tell them why this season is especially difficult for you. Give specifics so that they can pray directly to God about it!

4. Guard Your Heart. Do whatever you need to do to guard your heart and your mind. If you need to stay off social media because seeing the influx of pregnancy announcements, adoption stories and pictures of happy families over the holidays is too difficult for you, then unplug for a while! If you need to take a break from a Christmas family gathering then step outside, call your friend and have them pray over the phone with you.

5. Start a thankful jar. Designate a jar in the house that will be your "Thankful Jar." Put it in a visible spot so everyone in the house can see it throughout the day. Anytime a thankful or grateful thought comes to your mind, jot it down and throw it in the jar. You can even turn this into a family tradition! If someone is having a hard day, dump the jar out and read the little notes out loud. Regardless of what you are going through, look for the little blessings, look for those little moments where you can say "Wow God! Look what you have given me. Look how you have blessed me." Then, go write it down and toss it in the jar. Setting your affections on thankfulness is a mighty way to praise God through whatever storm or hardship you are going through.

I know these ideas aren't revolutionary. Perhaps you already do everything single one of them. I just felt like someone needed a little reminder and maybe that person was you. It’s my deepest prayer that this season you would be reminded in tangible ways of God’s unconditional love for you and your family. It’s my deepest prayer that as you pour your heart before the Lord that He would comfort you and fill you with His peace, hope and joy.

Guest Post: Adoption Isn't A Way To Get Pregnant

November 12, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Infertility, Adoption

The moment the nurse placed him in my arms, I knew we belonged to each other. All the tears and frustrations of the past several years pooled into a fountain of joy. Now I understood why God has us wait for a baby: So we could have this baby.

After my husband and I struggled with infertility, the Lord blew us away with His kindness and matched us with a loving birthmother. Through her brave choice, He gave us a son.

People were happy for us. They threw us showers, brought meals, and eagerly cuddled our son. Yet amid the celebration, we heard comments hinting at something better to come. A wink here, a nudged elbow there, the crack of a smile implying special intuition. I cringed every time someone uttered the words:

“Now that you’ve adopted, you’ll get pregnant. It happens all the time.”

No. No, it doesn’t happen all the time. Research on pregnancy after infertility doesn’t account for couples who adopt before getting pregnant. From a scientific standpoint, this idea is a myth.

People who say this mean well. They’re trying to give you hope that your longing for a biological child will be fulfilled. What they don’t understand is that this myth devalues adoptees. It regards the process of adoption as inferior to biological procreation, and an adopted child as less desirable than a biological child.

Regardless of good intentions, statements like “Just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant” hurt people. They question couples’ family-building decisions, treat children as a means to an end, and reject the core Christian belief that God created all human beings in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Every life matters to God. He calls us as His image bearers to respect and preserve the dignity of every single person. No matter how a child is brought into a family, he or she is worthy of value to the Lord and to the world.

God grows families through both pregnancy and adoption. The varied makeup of the earthly families he builds reflects the diversity of our spiritual family. We come from different backgrounds, far-flung places, and widely ranging walks of life, all broken and in need of rescue. By sending Christ to die in our place and raise to new life, God gave us the right to be called His adopted children. As He welcomed us into His family, so we can embrace and appreciate the mosaic of families he forms in the world.

Through earthly adoption, God does more than unite parents with children. He provides a path to redeem some of the damage the Fall inflicted on childbearing and family unity. He takes crises like infertility, unexpected pregnancy, and children who are orphaned or otherwise at risk and transforms them into opportunities for restoration.

As with any earthly process, adoption isn’t perfect. It can’t completely “fix” these problems. Yet the creation of a family born of loss renders hope for a broken world groaning to be made anew (Romans 8:19). Like with our spiritual adoption, we need earthly adoption to claim the family wholeness we crave.

Viewing adoption as secondary to biological procreation diminishes a beautiful process whereby God works redemption. Rather than a lesser means to a better end, adoption is a resolution, a responsibility, a calling, and a gift. It’s an end unto itself and should be appreciated as a providential plan. John Piper describes the intrinsic worth of both ways God designs a family:

“In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But it does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth.”

Although it’s rare, some couples do get pregnant after adopting. It happened to us. I have no explanation for it, other than to say God worked another miracle after the first miracle of bringing our oldest son through adoption. We’re grateful for how he formed our family using different paths at different times.

Wherever you’re at on the path of adoption, be prepared to encounter the myth that adoption leads to pregnancy. Even if infertility isn’t part of your story, you’ll hear it tossed around as a platitude or joke.

While it’s frustrating to be told such a harmful cliché, try to approach the situation as an opportunity to educate others. Tell them that a child who is adopted isn’t a consolation prize for parents who couldn’t conceive. Give them a clearer picture of adoption, acknowledging the risks and flaws while also highlighting the value and beauty of this path.

Ask the Lord to give you boldness and gentleness to correct the myth. Help others see the glorious ways God chooses to grow a family, that they might glorify your Father in heaven.

Jenn Hesse is a writer, wife, and mother through adoption and pregnancy. She is the content director at a national infertility support ministry called Waiting in Hope, and has a passion for equipping others to know Christ through His Word. She writes at jennhesse.com and other Christian publications.

Surrender In The Adoption Process (& Beyond)

September 09, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption, Faith, Infertility

Control. Let's talk about that word for a minute. Control is defined as, "the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events." When my husband and I were in the beginning stages of the adoption process we were busy filling out paperwork, setting up appointments for our home study, working on our profile, filling out adoption grant applications, fundraising, etc. There was so much we were doing early on at some point I developed what I would call a "false sense of control" over the adoption process.

This "false sense of control" wasn't completely unfamiliar territory. When we were in the beginning stages of trying to grow our family biologically there were times I felt like if I did everything perfectly, ate all the right things, took all the right supplements, worked out, tracked my days, prayed the right prayer, that we would overcome my infertility. But no positive pregnancy test ever came. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us? Why isn't this happening, God?" My sorrow led me to some very dark weeks, months and years.

I don't remember the day it happened, but one day God healed my heart. He didn't heal my heart with a positive pregnancy test, but rather He created in me a heart of trust and surrender to His plans for our family. That didn't mean all the tears were gone or that we “finished” grieving the reality of my infertility, but it provided great comfort to know that the Lord was with us. He was with us. He had a plan. He hadn't forgotten about us just because growing our family was starting to look different than how we initially pictured it. I would describe myself as having clenched fists through most of our infertility journey. But when the Holy Spirit gave me the strength to release my expectations to the Lord, peace came. I traded in my clenched fists with open hands and I placed my desires at the feet of the cross.

I will have to admit that I can be stubborn and had a bit "relearning" of this to do when we started the adoption process. When things weren't working out quite like I expected they would, when we were met with disappointment, when we had no idea if the adoption grants would come through or how we would fund our adoption, I was tempted to sink back into old habits. And I did for a little bit. But I was quickly reminded of how uncomfortable that false sense of control really is. I'm so grateful that I didn't sit in that space for too long and that the Lord quickly reminded me of the better option-surrendering my desires to the Lord. Over the past decade I have learned that surrendering our wants, desires, and expectations, isn't a one and done thing. As a Christian it's a continual process. And through Jesus' blood shed on the cross we have access to the help of the Holy Spirit to help us do just that.

Sometimes we hold on to things too tightly because we mistakenly assume that if we let go everything will fall apart. We are afraid we will miss out on the thing we are holding onto. I think that's putting a little too much confidence in ourselves, don't you? We aren't in control of the cosmos. The Lord is. There is something freeing about letting go. We aren't letting go to nothingness. We are letting go because we trust the One who upholds the Universe with the palm of His hands. We are letting go because His ways are so much better than ours. We are letting go because we know that our God is a loving Father who tenderly cares for His children. We are letting go so that we can experience freedom from striving and enter the rest Jesus talks about in Matthew 11.

Perhaps you are walking through a difficult trial right now. Perhaps things aren’t working out like you expected they would. Maybe you are walking through the adoption process and feel overwhelmed by the "false sense of control“ that you have taken on. It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all. I encourage you to ask the Lord for help. Ask Him to help you surrender your desires and expectations at the foot of the cross because His plans for you are so much better than the ones you have for yourself.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Adoption Story: Terrence + Meredith

August 24, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I remember the first time I spoke with Terrence and Meredith. They were so kind and friendly. We hit it off immediately as they shared a bit of their story with me. I had a feeling we would become friends and I was right! When they started the adoption process we had no idea that they would be meeting their daughter for the very first time in the middle of a pandemic! But as we know, God's timing is best and I think you will come to see as we have that His timing is perfect! As their Adoption Consultant with CAC I’m honored to share a glimpse into their adoption journey-the journey that led them to their beautiful baby girl!

After Terrence and Meredith signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants I provided them with our Adoptive Parent Guide Book (resources that CAC has pulled together from over 14 years of working in the adoption field!) and a trusted home study provider recommendation. Then, I walked them through what to expect in the upcoming days, weeks and months.

When their home study and profile was almost done, I connected them with our recommended agency list and we talked through which ones might be the best fit for them. They began presenting to situations immediately. As it is for many families, this part of the adoption process was one of the most difficult aspects. We had many conversations about how a “no” does not mean “never” it just means “not yet.” I was amazed by their faith and trust in God as they continued putting their “yes” on the table despite hearing “no” so many times.

I will never forget the day they got an email from an agency I had connected them to. They learned about an expectant mama who was due with baby girl in a month! After praying about it they decided to present their profile. A few days later they called to let me know that they were chosen! When we talked on the phone they commented on the timing of how their story was unfolding. It was the end of April and we were in the very middle of a pandemic. But they still trusted that God would guide them through the uncertainty every step of the way.

A few weeks before baby girl’s due date I received this text from them, “ …we are on our way…baby girl was born this morning!…” They arrived there late Saturday night too late to go to the hospital, but Sunday morning I got the most beautiful text from Meredith letting me know their baby girl was doing good! When they finally got word they could head home with their daughter I was so elated! I knew they were so ready to introduce their eldest daughter to her new baby sister!

I got a picture from Meredith shortly after they got home of both girls in matching outfits. Lexi, their eldest, was giving their new baby sister a big kiss on the cheek. Meredith sent me a text with the picture that read, "My sister-in-law sent a few matching outfits and this was the best day of Lexi's life."

I asked Meredith and Terrence to share a little about their experience with CAC and the journey to their daughter and this is what they had to say:

”I feel like our adoption story isn't the ‘norm',’ but then again, nothing about growing our family has been ‘normal.’ And even though the waiting wasn't easy (waiting for over a year for something you want SO BADLY is certainly not easy), we had to constantly remind ourselves that the Lord had brought us to this particular place, and He had made it very clear that adoption was part of His plan for our family. With every ‘no’ we heard (and there were a lot), we just had to remember that even though we didn't know how this would end, the Lord did. Terrence and I had to keep telling each other that if we truly believed the Bible and everything it tells us about who Jesus is, then we could trust Him with this completely. It's hard for both Terrence and I to give up control of things, but we agreed early on in this process that we had to give this to the Lord 100% because He knows better than we do. And the Lord proved Himself to us in ways we never would have dreamed!”

Adoption Story: Joe + Gretchen

May 26, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

When people discover I’m an adoption consultant I’m met with a lot of questions. Most of them are pretty understandable! Before entering the adoption process years ago, I’m not sure if I knew what role an adoption consultant played. The short answer is that I help guide families through the adoption process from the very beginning to the very end of their journey. The really cool part about my job is that most of my families still keep in touch with me after they bring their child home and are always so kind to share pictures and updates!

I have the added bonus of getting a front row seat in watching God’s beautiful story unfold for amazing couples, like Joe and Gretchen. I remember the first time I spoke with Gretchen on the phone. She was so very personable and we clicked instantly. Like many couples after you are met with more than a few “no’s” it is common to get discouraged and feel like God has forgotten about you. But their faith, vulnerability, and perseverance throughout this entire process was so inspiring. Joe and Gretchen, it was an honor to assist you in your journey to your beautiful baby girl and I’m so grateful to call you both friends.

"God’s way is the best way”, a saying that we believed, but did not fully understand until we started our adoption journey. This year we will be married for 20 years and we have struggled with infertility the entire time. Adoption has always been an option, but God never opened the doors until January of 2018. After we completed our home study, we reached out to Christian Adoption Consultants. When we called we were connected with Kelly Todd. After talking with her we knew we wanted to move forward with CAC. We had a connection with Kelly, as she was so very nice and informative about the entire adoption process.

It was a long, emotional journey, but our adoption consultant, Kelly, helped us every step of the way. She always knew exactly what to say to be an encouragement to us when we needed it most. We presented numerous times before we were chosen. We prayed about each situation we presented to. We prayed for the expectant mother and her baby and most times we felt like "this would be the one," but they weren't. We were hit with many hard "no's." That was the most difficult thing to process. It was as if we had a miscarriage every time we heard that word "no." It was very painful, but we trusted that God had a different plan. It was difficult to wait and be patient, but God knew we needed that time to cry and mourn, and He never once left our side throughout the entire journey.

One morning we received multiple situations. Initially, after reading through them, we did not have peace about moving forward. We both headed to work, but one of the expectant mothers kept coming to my (Gretchen) mind. I looked at the situation another time and showed my husband, Joe, over his lunch break. We decided to present our profile because we felt like God was leading us to. Having heard "no" numerous times, we tried to guard our hearts while we waited on the expectant mother to decide. It was about a week and a half when we got a phone call. I was working so I did not answer, but later, I listened to the message. It was a call from the agency asking us to call them immediately! We were so nervous. What could they be calling about? I called the agency back. They were calling to tell us that she had chosen to move forward with our family! We were ecstatic! God had answered our prayers. I couldn't wait to get off the phone to tell Kelly and she celebrated with us too!

Baby girl wasn't due for quite awhile so this meant more waiting! We both had an overwhelming sense of peace from God during throughout this season and He helped us tremendously. During this time we were planning for the trip, which was over 1,500 miles away. After much prayer and talking to our social worker, we decided that driving would be the best option for us. We never had peace from the Lord that we were to fly. Again, God’s way is the best way. Little did we know at the time of planning that Covid-19 would take over and make it more difficult to fly. March 17, 2020 we got the call letting us know that she was in labor and we needed to start traveling immediately! We drove 24 hours straight to get there. I know 24 hours straight sounds like a lot to some people, but it was such an easy and smooth drive, with no traffic! Again, an answered prayer from the Lord!

When we got to the hospital we had room next door to the birth parents and we got to see our baby girl. When we held our baby girl it's as if all of the "no's" and pain from before drifted away. We smiled when we noticed her beautiful red hair, just like Joe's. God's "yes" for our family was so much better than anything we could have dreamt up ourselves.

Before we left the hospital with our daughter, we met with her birth parents again. It was a sweet time of good conversion and connection – one that will last a lifetime. We are forever grateful for our daughter's birth parents and how they have entrusted us with such a big piece of their heart. We plan to honor them always in our home and in our hearts.

Now we are back home and enjoying every minute with our daughter. All the things that caused us concerns about adoption, we gave them to the Lord, and He took care of everything. Not one thing that we were worried about needed to be worried about because God took care of it all! The best advice we can give to couples is give it to the Lord and trust Him. Easier said than done, but it will be the best thing you can do during this process. His way is the best way. He sees the bigger picture-just be patient and trust the Lord. Proverbs 3:5-6

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Adoption Story: Jonathan + Alli

May 19, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

I remember the very first time I spoke with Alli and Jonathan. I knew there was something very special about this sweet couple and I couldn’t wait to get to know them more throughout their journey! They signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants a few months after our initial call. Once they were home study ready I sent them a situation that they immediately connected with. They couldn’t wait to present their profile and letter to this sweet mama! This was the very first and only situation they presented to, as they were chosen after 3 months of being home study ready! Jonathan and Alli, it has been such a joy getting to know your family and walking with you guys through your adoption journey! Your little guy is such a joy and I have been so encouraged watching your relationship with his birth family unfold. God is so good! I pray you would be encouraged by their story this evening!

We asked the Lord to build our family in His timing and in His way and it’s been an adventure ever since! I would like to say that we always had surrendered hearts when it came to building our family, but that wasn’t the case. It took us years of infertility and heartache to get there. We walked through the pain of a miscarriage and battled with the fears and confusion of infertility before we came to a point where we honestly desired God’s plan for our family instead of our own. It was during a time of pouring-our-hearts-out prayer that God met us in our brokenness and graciously reminded us that He knows. He knew how we were feeling, He knew why we couldn’t get pregnant and He knew all the plans He had/has for us and our future family. He reminded us that He see’s the whole picture, that He is good and that we can trust Him to write our story. So, we placed our future family and our trust in Jesus’s hands. We gave Him our hopes and dreams of having a family and in return He gave us His heart for ADOPTION.

Over the next few months we learned as much as we could about adoption. After talking to several families and praying through all of our options we decided to sign on with Kelly at Christian Adoption Consultants and pursue a domestic infant adoption.

From day one of our home study we were very aware of our need for God to provide. We felt called to move forward with the adoption process but at the time we didn’t know where the funds would come from. For a while this paralyzed us from moving forward but after some more time in prayer we were reminded of the story of the fishes and loaves. We believe God wanted us to give Him what little we had and let Him fill the basket. And did He ever! From start to finish our God provided every penny and more. We are completely humbled and amazed at His provision and everything we needed came at just the right time.

We were actually cleaning up from our adoption benefit event when we got an email that changed our lives. It was a profile of an expecting mother who was due to have a baby boy in three months. We prayed about this opportunity and decided to send this brave momma our profile book. After a few weeks of waiting we found out that we were chosen and our hearts overflowed with joy and gratitude!

We saw God’s hand and provision through every step of this process and to this day we remain in awe of all that He has done and continues to do! You see, the birth of our son Jaden wasn’t the end of our story. In a lot of ways it was just the beginning of a long-lasting relationship with his birth mom and brothers. We love them dearly and consider them family. God knew what He was doing, He is still writing and we look forward to see how this next chapter unfolds!

It was during our most uncertain and difficult times throughout the adoption process that we were able to witness God’s faithfulness most abundantly. To those of you in the wait, we want to take this opportunity to remind you that wherever God leads, He provides. Seek His face in prayer and continue to move forward in faith even when it seems impossible.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

From Matched to Birth: 5 Helpful Tips As You Wait

May 12, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

When my husband and I were matched with the twin's birth mother, we were so excited! We couldn't believe it! However, I quickly noticed fear creeping in and my mind began to go through all of the "what-if" scenarios. As an adoption consultant I have walked with many families through the adoption journey. As an adoptive mama, I'm also privy to some of the emotions, thoughts and fears that families may experience as they navigate the process. Waiting to be matched can be a very overwhelming and exhausting time, especially families who continue hearing no after no. It can be very discouraging. But it may surprise some to learn that the time between being matched and waiting for the baby to be born can be difficult as well. In fact, I have had many families tell me how shocked they were at how waiting for the baby to be born was an overwhelming time, filled with even more uncertainty and unknowns.

My CAC families realize and respect that until the expectant mother signs consents nothing is official. But I think carrying the weight of that uncertainty with them is what causes doubt and worry to set-in. Perhaps you are in this season right now, overwhelmed with all of the "what-ifs." Maybe you have spent countless hours worrying about the situation. But I want to challenge you with a question. How do you want to spend the next few months? Do you want to spend them constantly worrying about all the things that could happen? That is an option. But wouldn't you rather use this time to choose to believe that God called you to present your profile to this situation for a reason? Choosing to believe that God called you to present your profile to this situation for a reason isn't a guarantee that this precious child will be yours, but I much rather spend my time enjoying this season than being worried about all of the "what-ifs."

Here are 5 helpful things to consider as you wait from match until birth:

1. God is with you. "...Do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand..." (Isaiah 41:10). When we have a million thoughts running through our mind, sometimes it's easy to forget the most important thing: God is with you. Say that outloud right now. "God is with me." Whatever you are going through right now, remember that you are not alone. Whatever comes in the days ahead, there will never be a day where God is not with you.

2. Remember why you chose to present to this expectant mama. You didn't just enter into this situation flippantly. You spent a great deal of time looking through and praying over the situation. Don't forget that. I love this quote by Elisabeth Elliot and I think it's quite applicable here, "Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." Our thoughts have the potential to lead us in a million different directions, so take charge of them by reminding yourself that it was the Lord who led you to show this mama your profile book in the first place.

3. Start a prayer journal. This is one of the first things I encourage my families to do when they are struggling with the wait. Instead of letting worry fester in your mind, pour out your heart to the Lord. Tell Him that you are struggling and ask Him to help you. Use this time to pray for the expectant mother and her child. Pray that God would protect her mind, body and spirit. Pray that God would help you find ways to love this expectant mama well as she is navigating through this difficult time. Pray for the child she is carrying in her womb. Pray that God would give you peace regardless of the outcome. Pray that God would use this time of unknown and uncertainty to draw your heart closer to Him. Our prayers matter to God. He is a good Father. And He is the best listener.

4. Make an encouraging playlist of music to listen to. "Where words fail, music speaks "(Flans Christian Anderson). Music is a sweet gift to us and as Christians it's a special way for us to communicate our thoughts and emotions to God. In our home we have praise and worship music constantly playing, as it's important to our family to fill our home and hearts with reminders of God's promises. I created a playlist on Spotify called, "The Waiting Room." I created it with my CAC families in mind who are each in their own "waiting room" so to speak. Feel free to grab it here. I pray that as you listen to the music, the Lord would use it to comfort your heart.

5. Steer clear of adoption content or stories that evoke fear or cause you to worry. With the accessibility of social media and the internet it is very easy to become a professional "researcher" of an array of topics, but please trust me with this. If the adoption content you are reading is causing you to worry, it's not worth investing your time in. We are pretty good at worrying all on our own without any "extra help" from the internet, so why would we knowingly seek out information about worst case scenarios?

These are not quick fixes by any means, but I pray that they have provided you with some helpful tools to navigate the remaining stages of your adoption journey!

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Getting Through Mother's Day After A Loss

May 09, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption, Infertility, Motherhood

It’s the day before Mother’s Day and I have so many women on my mind who are struggling with infertility and loss. As I was praying for these sweet ladies, a post I wrote over 6 years ago, 2 months after our miscarriage, kept coming to mind. I don’t know who needs to hear these words, but I’m confident someone does.

May 10, 2014

This would have been my very first Mother’s Day with a little baby growing inside of me, but here I am in my bed, weighed down by a mountain of grief, unable to put my feet on the floor. I have been praying that God would give me (and others) strength to get through tomorrow, but I know it will still sting. This Mother’s Day will be a reminder of the loss of our baby. It will be a reminder of a broken dream. Mothers will post pictures of their “Mother’s Day” gifts and “Mother’s Day” lunches (as they should). It is something to be celebrated. Young mothers will get homemade drawings from their little ones and husbands will buy their wives a bouquet of flowers (as they should). Mother’s Day will be difficult for me to celebrate this year because it will be a constant reminder of our loss.

On this Mother’s Day, please honor your mothers, but don’t forget about those who have had a miscarriage or are struggling with infertility. Also, be mindful that many women (and men) have lost their mother or child. It may be difficult for them to be joyous on this occasion-so be understanding if they do not appear to be as “celebratory” as you. Be sensitive, gracious and very mindful of your words. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24). A simple: “I am praying for you” is more than sufficient.

To the women (and men) who are stung by a loss or infertility, please know it is more than ok (and quite normal) to struggle with feelings of anger and sadness-especially on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to dress yourself with a fake smile. Take your thoughts, take your sadness, take your frustration, take your brokenness, take it all to the feet of your Savior. He is a good Father. He is the best listener and He never gets tired of wiping your tears. I know your heart may feel broken and shattered into a million pieces, but our God is the Great Physician and He will help you.

A week after my miscarriage, I wrote a very honest letter to the Lord. I am not going to share all of it now (maybe one day), but I would like to disclose a portion with you:

“Where do I go from here? Where do we go from here? Great question. All I know is this: We are going to keep loving Jesus. And when we need to cry….we are going to cry. And when anger overcomes us we aren’t going to suppress it, but rather we will bring those feelings before the Lord, for He understands. We will keep running to the Ultimate healer who is more than able to restore our broken hearts.”

On this Mother’s Day don’t forget about those who are struggling with pain from prior losses or infertility. Pray for them. Pray that the Lord would bring complete healing to their soul. To all of the AMAZINGLY courageous women who contacted me after I shared about our miscarriage, sharing similar experiences, I will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow. I have found myself asking, “Lord, how am I going to get through the day tomorrow? It is just going to be an overwhelming reminder of our loss.” The Lord brought me to HIS WORD: “God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns” (Psalm 46:5). Remember: The Lord is walking with you tomorrow and if you need Him to…He will carry you through this storm. You are never alone.

Repost: Fear In The Adoption Process

April 23, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

How will we afford the cost associated with adoption? What if the expectant mother decides to parent? What if there is a history of mental health issues? What if the expectant mother used drugs or alcohol during pregnancy? Are we too old to be considered? Do we have too many children to be desirable to an expectant mother?

As an adoption consultant these questions, concerns and fears enter the conversation quite frequently. But, I can relate. When my husband and I started our adoption journey we had similar concerns. Below, I will examine a few of the most common questions I receive as a consultant.

1. How will we afford the cost associated with adoption? Adoption can be expensive. The cost associated with adoption was one our biggest concerns before walking into the process. If this is one of your fears you are not alone. I would say it’s one of the most common questions I get asked about when a family is inquiring about adoption, “How will we afford it?” And yet, time and time again I see families blown away by the faithfulness of God through the generosity of friends, family and even complete strangers. At Christian Adoption Consultants, we also provide our families with resources and tools on how to fund their adoption through grants, loans, and fundraising.

2. What if the expectant mother changes her mind? Although Christian Adoption Consultants has a lower adoption failure rate (< 20%) than the nation wide failure rate (50-60%), there will always be some level of risk in the adoption process. When a woman is considering an adoption plan for her child, she is making one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Placing a child for adoption is a sacrificial and selfless act of unconditional love. Unless you've walked through this yourself, than you can't possibly understand the thoughts and feelings that surround this decision. No one can predict whether or not an expectant mother will change her mind. However, if you are living and breathing on this earth, then risk is inevitable. You can’t be immune to it; it’s a part of life. A gynecologist can’t guarantee a full-term pregnancy, as there is 1 in 4 chances that a woman will miscarry. But that risk doesn’t prevent couples from trying. There are many potential side effects of prescription drugs and medicine, and yet the majority rarely think twice about taking a pill. At CAC we walk with our families and assist them in navigating the warnings signs to reduce the levels of risks associated with the adoption process.

3. What if there is a history of mental health issues or the expectant mother used drugs or alcohol during pregnancy? I often hear couples say, “We just want a healthy baby.” Drug and alcohol exposure during pregnancy and a history of mental health issues are not uncommon in adoption. The desire for a healthy child isn’t abnormal, but in reality this is something that can’t be guaranteed, even in what some would consider the “best case scenario.” If you are considering adoption, please know that I don’t share this information with you to evoke fear. Rather, I share this to remind you that risk is a part of life and adoption is no exception. I'm confident that God equips families with His grace and strength to handle whatever circumstances may come their way.

4. Will we ever get chosen? Many couples express concerns about whether or not their family will be desirable to an expectant mother. “Are we too old? Are we too young? Do we have too many children?” Every expectant mother has their own set of preferences for an adoptive family. Perhaps one expectant mother may desire a family with many children for her little one to play with. Another expectant mother may prefer a family who has a history of infertility because she feels as though she is giving them something they cannot give themselves. Regardless of your situation, God is using everything about your family to connect with an expectant mother, even when you can’t quite see what He is up to.

When my husband and I were functioning and making decisions through a “what I can handle” lens, fear quickly became a familiar visitor. However, our worry began dissipating when we stopped thinking with an autonomous mentality and started reminding ourselves that our source of strength does not begin or end with ourselves. It is God who equips us with all that we need to journey through this life (and the adoption process)! It also brought us great comfort to know that we couldn’t mess up or miss out on the story God was writing for our family.

If we had let fear govern our decision-making, we probably never would have started the adoption process. And then we would have missed out on the two biggest blessings of our life: Roman and Ruby. Fears and concerns may arise and when they do my prayer is that you would remember the Author who is writing your story-the One who will equip with you everything you need to accomplish everything He will bring along your path.

Will Our "Yes" Ever Come?

April 07, 2020 by Kelly Todd in Adoption

As an adoption consultant I’ve walked with many families through the adoption process from the very beginning of their journey to the end. It is such an honor and joy to serve families through their unique journey. When a family’s home study is complete and their profile is ready to go, they are ready to start applying with adoption agencies/attorneys and seeing situations.

As an adoptive parent and adoption consultant, I know there has been so much anticipation for this moment and now it's finally here! The time between presenting their profile and waiting for an expectant mother to make her decision can be overwhelming. There is a great deal of emotions and energy wrapped up in receiving a situation, evaluating and praying over it, choosing to present, and waiting on a response. When they receive a situation they begin thinking about "what could be." It's difficult to not imagine what their future may hold. While they are waiting on an answer they begin praying for this expectant mama and her unborn child. Minutes turn to hours. Hours turn to days. Still no answer. They continue thinking about "what could be." Then, they receive an answer. "She chose to move forward with another family." It is like an emotional roller coaster.

Hopeful adoptive families are some of the most courageous people I know. They continue journeying through this process even through the disappointment, heartache, unknowns and uncertainty. They keep on pressing forward and holding onto hope. Their faith inspires me. That's why I thought it would be helpful to include thoughts from a few of my CAC families who have had the same doubts and questions as some of you. I pray their words are an encouragement to you today.

"I can’t tell you how many conversations we had with Kelly Todd, our adoption consultant with CAC, asking her 'What’s wrong with us? What could we do differently? What can we change?' She would always reassure us and remind us to trust in God’s plan and His timing. But after a while this is difficult to hear. Kris and I questioned our decision to pursue this adoption. We questioned things, such as 'Are we too old? Do we have too many other children?' I remember asking Kelly during one of our many conversations, "How do we know when enough is enough? How do we know that we have followed the right path?' As I sobbed on the phone, she again said 'Renee, you have to trust that God has a plan for you.' At this point I was questioning every aspect of our current situation. But then we got a call that would change our lives forever. Although our journey wasn't easy, every 'no' led us to our daughter. We are so grateful for the story God has written for our family.”
-Kris & Renee

"The first few times we presented we were met with 'She has decided to move ahead with another family.' It was incredibly disappointing. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with us. While presenting to one particular situation and awaiting the expectant mother’s decision, I remember feeling defeated. I remember sitting on our couch crying and I looked at Michael and said, 'I just want a yes.' I don’t think we are ever going to get one.' The next day we received a phone call that the expectant mama had chosen us! She said “yes” to us! We were matched! Unfortunately, within just a few weeks, our match failed. Our hearts were shattered. Our 'yes' turned into a painful 'no.' Our families told us to take time, that we needed a break. Others told us it was okay to stop trying. I kneeled on the floor of this beautiful nursery in our new home and sobbed. I had been thinking all along that I was believing and trusting in God and in that moment I knew I had not. Not really. I wanted God to give me MY gift the way I wanted it in MY time. Something about that failed match lit a fire inside of both of us. We were finally 'all in.' No more fear, no more analyzing or assessing, no more trying to control, no more forcing. Just trusting. Just saying 'yes' to God, down whatever road He would have us go. Just a few weeks later we found out that an expectant mama we were presenting to had chosen us. Being scared would have been the easiest thing to do, but we had vowed to choose faith over fear, so we did. With hope and joy, we gave our hearts to this expectant mama. Less than seven weeks later, she laid her heart, in the form of her beautiful newborn baby girl, in our arms."
-Chelsey & Michael

"Every tear we shed in our desire for a child, God was right there, loving us, and wanting us to turn to Him. Though this timeline is not what we expected, we are so grateful that God loved us enough to do what’s best for us. We would encourage anyone who is pursuing adoption to persevere in hope, trust Him in painful and uncertain moments, and seek His heart and will for you. If you do these things, you and your story will be in His hands, and there is no better place to be." -Jim & Julie

When you are knee deep in a sea of unknowns and uncertainty it's difficult to have hope. When you are surrounded by feelings of discouragement, it's difficult to think about what could be. As an adoption consultant, I have walked with many families through many “no’s.” Never once did I hear them say that time wasn’t difficult. But let me tell you this: I have also never once heard a family ever say they regret what they went through to get to their child. I know all of my families would agree that every "no" was worth it because it led them to God's "yes" for their family. Hold on, friends. Hold on to hope. Hold on to God. He will never let you down.