Guest Post: What If My Adoption Journey Looks Different Than I Thought It Would?

Natalie lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, Darren, and their two children, Sophie and Levi. Natalie is a teacher and Darren is a police officer. They spend their time together raising sheep, pigs and chickens (plus numerous other creatures that reside on the farm) and watching the kids ride their horses. 

A few years ago, God called me to mission work. Literally, with a billboard. (That's a story for another day). I traveled to a children’s home in Guatemala for the first time. The next year, I went back. I knew God wanted me to get our church family excited and more involved in mission work. I thought that was it. I did what God asked of me. However, I quickly learned that God’s work is never done, and He was just getting started with me. 

About a week after I returned home from my second Guatemala trip, I felt a tug toward adoption. Everything in my path was about adoption. I simply could not get it out of my mind. One Sunday, our pastor preached about adoption, even though the topic in the bulletin was listed as something else. A friend came up to me and said, "That was a weird sermon." Weird for her, maybe. But I knew it was for me.

On Thursday of that week, I was doing a devotional entitled, "Discerning God's Voice." After studying, I prayed to God. I asked Him simply for a clear answer. He knows how stubborn I can be. I prayed, “God, if this is something you want for our family, you are going to have to be LOUD and CLEAR.”  

The moment I asked for that discernment, my phone rang. It was an agency calling that I had reached out to previously, to see if they could help me on my adoption journey. With tears in my eyes, I knew this was God calling. I knew our life was about to change. My husband Darren, and our two kids, Sophie and Levi, were on board and excited about adding to our family. 

In the summer of 2018 we were matched with a brave expecting mother who was due to have a baby boy at the end of October. She chose our family to raise him. We were over the moon excited! We couldn’t wait to add this little boy into our lives, but also his courageous mama too.  

A few months later we learned that the baby was born early, and a family member stepped in and would be taking him home. Shattered. Broken. This was a complete shock to everyone. Although we were grateful he was able to stay close to his mother, there is a distinctive pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes. We felt like he was ours already. His nursery was ready, waiting for him. I had already packed his hospital bag and it was waiting by the door. We were absolutely devastated. But we always knew this would be a possibility in our journey. We took some time to heal before moving forward.

After our failed adoption, we kept presenting to other situations. We heard the words, “I’m sorry, she chose another family” more times than we could keep track of. To this day, I have a list of each expecting mama’s name so I could continue praying for them. But the journey became exhausting, and I began to question if I misheard God’s desire for our family. 

In June of the next year we were chosen by an expecting mother of twin boys! We were over the moon excited! Things were falling into place. We started to have phone conversations with this woman. She said she wanted us to be a family and hoped for an open adoption. We were thrilled! Our bond with her continued to strengthen and grow. At the end of summer, we flew to Arizona to meet her and accompany her to a doctor’s appointment.

When we returned home we received a call from the agency. The baby boys were here, and the mama had decided to parent. We were devastated. Darren and I were so heartbroken and angry. No, I did not carry these two boys in my womb, but they grew in our heart. We had their names picked out, our bags packed, and we were ready to go when we got the call. Sophie and Levi were ready to be a big sister and big brother. 

As hurt and confused as I was, I rested in God's embrace. God promised to never leave me, and He promised to be close when I'm hurting. I knew he would renew my strength and meet my needs. I wrote the following in my journal that day, “I do not understand His plan right now, but that's okay. Will we continue on our adoption journey and try again? I don't know that either. I do know that I will pray for this woman. If my purpose was to stand in the trenches and pray for her these last few months, then I am okay with that.”

Once the dust settled, we had a decision to make. We were mentally and emotionally drained at this point. I felt like I was not being a good wife or a good mother to my two children. Our finances had taken a major hit. After much prayer, sadly, we decided to end our adoption journey.

I felt like a failure. As if I had given up on what God had asked us to do. But, we serve a God of understanding, mercy and grace. I suddenly had an enormous peace about our decision. We said we would never completely shut the door. If there was a child in need, we would open our hearts and our home. 

When I was trying to make sense of everything, my husband felt that maybe God just wanted to know that we trusted Him. Darren did not get that audible or visual calling at the beginning of our adoption journey, but how could anyone say no to the many ways God was telling me to start the process?  Darren would get his opportunity at the end. 

Shortly after sharing the news with our church family, one of our friends sent a text to Darren. “I was doing my devotional today and for whatever reason, God was telling me to tell you to read the story of Abraham. I have no Idea what it means or if it will be helpful but I had to tell you.” As you may well know, the story of Abraham’s life is quite in depth and Darren wasn’t sure what area of Abraham’s life God was trying to speak on.  Shortly after receiving that text another friend was talking with Darren and said, “this all reminds me of the story of Abraham.” 

Right after that Darren went to Genesis and began reading. He felt a draw towards the story of Isaac. Abraham and Sarah had longed for a child so long, and now God wanted Abraham to sacrifice the very child that took years of waiting for. But in that moment, the willingness to obey was enough for God. There was a great peace about this story that Darren had, and he felt God asking, “Are you willing? Will you be faithful?” God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham obeyed. His faith in God was so great that he trusted God to do what was best. 

Now that I am on the other side, I do see the good that has come from our journey. One of the things that stands out to Darren and I is how our faith has grown. Through the pain and confusion, God drew our hearts closer to Him. Through the ups and downs of the process He created a dependency on Jesus in our hearts that couldn’t have been done apart from everything we went through. 

Also, we had the opportunity to pray for so many women and their families- the 2 expecting mamas we were matched with and the expecting mamas that chose other families. Did God want us to be there and support them for a period of time? Maybe. And if that’s the case, then I am completely honored that God would allow us the opportunity to do that. To this day, we think about those women and their children and we know that God continues to hear our prayers for them. That time was not wasted and our prayers were not wasted. 

I have days when I look back and still feel confused about our journey. I was so confident in what God was asking of me. Actually, I’m still confident of that. I am still figuring out the “why’s” of what we went through. I do know that God wastes nothing. God is committed to making me more like Christ (Phil 1:6). He promises to never leave me (Heb 13:5). God promises to be close to me when I’m hurting (Ps 34:18). He will renew my strength (Is 40:31) and meet my needs (Phil 4:19). 

If you are walking through a similar story, I pray that God will guard your heart and mind. I don’t know the reason for your pain, but lean into the One who does. You will come out on the other side stronger than you were before. You will find your purpose in this life after loss- purpose in the pain. It might not be today, or tomorrow, but it will come. 

Give yourself time to grieve; that’s very important. Not everyone will understand your sadness and that’s okay. We have gone through a miscarraige, and from my experience, the pain of a failed adoption is quite similar. In some ways, it felt worse. When we walked through our miscarriage, we knew that our baby was in the arms of Jesus. The babies we never met through adoption are living a life we know nothing about. We can pray for them, and pray for God to guide their steps. Today feels heavy, but His mercies are new each and every day. I pray that God will help you see that His work is not done, and joy comes in the morning.  

A Letter To The Hopeful Adoptive Family

To the weary, hopeful adoptive parents, I see you. I want you to know that your journey does not go unnoticed by me. I know the adoption journey is filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, delays and disappointments, but first and foremost I just want you to know that I see you. I understand that this hasn't been an easy process for you.

As an adoption consultant with CAC, it breaks my heart to have to send another "I'm so sorry you weren't chosen" email. I carry so much heaviness on my heart typing each word. Right before I push send I hold my breath and say a prayer, "Lord, please comfort them and be with them when they receive this." It's never easy to deliver that kind of news.

I understand that all of the no’s can seem so final and definite and they can can make you doubt or even second guess your decision to pursue adoption. I realize the no’s can make you feel like something is wrong with you and your family. For those of you who have struggled with infertility, I get that the no’s can feel like more rejection and may serve as a painful reminder of all of those negative pregnancy tests.

I also understand that it’s hard when things in the adoption world are moving quite differently than you expected they would. “Have we been forgotten about? Did God really call us to this journey? When will we see another situation?”

Perhaps you are already at the point where you feel like you are drowning in a sea of no’s and endless disappointments. Perhaps the silence has been too overwhelming to bear. You may begin to think that somehow because things aren’t unfolding as you expected they would that you somehow entered into this journey by mistake. Friends, even though I'm hurting for you, I also need you to know that I am hoping and praying for you. I understand the heartache and disappointment that comes with each no. I know the heartache that comes with the silence, the questioning, the wondering. However, I also know that you can’t miss out on God’s plan for your family. That’s worth repeating. You can’t miss out or mess up God’s plan for your family. I place my hope and confidence in the fact that our God is a good Father who loves His children. And so if you are still waiting on God’s “yes” than let your heart rest in knowing that this is a part of His plan. “…But I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait” (C.S. Lewis).

God wastes nothing. Even when it seems like nothing is happening, God is working. He works in the waiting, even when we can’t see it. When you are holding your baby in your arms, the no’s and the waiting will make more sense. And thats not just something I say to make you feel better. It’s something I truly believe. It’s something I have seen to be true for my CAC families time and time again. It’s something most of my families tell me when they get to the end of their adoption journey, “We get it now, Kelly. We get it.” If you are on this journey, but are weary from the process, don’t lose hope. Perhaps instead of hearing each "no” as a resounding “never” you can start receiving them as a “not yet.” Don’t let the no’s or the waiting deter you from something God has laid on your heart. “Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith” (Elizabeth Elliot).

Adoption Story: Ryan + Lauren

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I will never forget when Ryan and Lauren called and expressed their desire to pursue adoption. They signed on with me at CAC just a few short months after our initial call. The journey to their daughter was not easy, but as they share, every mountain they climbed to get to her was well worth the wait. Through all of the no’s, through all of delays and setbacks, through COVID and in the middle of a Texas ice storm…they never gave up! Ryan and Lauren, it was an honor to walk with you guys through the adoption process. What a joy it has been to see your story unfold! God’s grace is so very evident over every detail.

If you have been in the adoption journey for a while, then you already know.  If you are just starting, then you will quickly learn. This process is one of the most challenging things that your marriage and faith may ever go through.  But the ways God will work in your heart throughout this journey are absolutely amazing.  If you can push aside the distractions of the enemy, you quickly see that your relationship and faith will be stronger. Our story was about to end with us quitting. But God intervened. 

We had been struggling to conceive a child for several years prior.  My wife and I both had health issues that were contributing factors. After unsuccessful procedures and a couple major health scares, we decided that having children biologically was probably not going to happen. 

At that point, the thought of adoption was not on our minds yet. We had not even considered it.  Then, God placed a little girl in our lives.  She was staying with a family, which we are good friends with.  Her mother had been struggling with drug use and she was going to stay with our friends until her mother got better. We immediately developed a relationship with this little girl. We grew to love this little girl and as our love grew for her, God laid adoption on our hearts. 

In 2018 we signed on with Kelly at Christian Adoption Consultants and we jumped right into our adoption journey. I would say our journey for the most part was pretty typical.  We finished our home study and profile book. We applied to adoption agencies and attorneys. Situations would become available to present our profile; we would apply and then they would say we were not selected. Then, we would have another; we would apply and then they would say we were not selected. Then another, and another, and another and then the questions started popping up in our head.  “Is there something wrong with us?", "Do we need to be trying something different?",  or the dreaded, “Should we be doing this at all?”.  

Every time we were not selected for a situation our minds would turn it into a big NO!  Believe me after so many of those, it really started to hurt.  We were starting to feel the struggle of it mentally and we allowed some of the questions to get to us.  All the way to the point of giving ourselves a date of no more. We renewed our contracts with CAC and our Home Study Agency, and we told ourselves this was the last time. The enemy had finally gotten to us, and we were going to quit.  BUT THEN GOD.

At the end of January we received a phone call from one of the adoption agencies that we had been working with. They told us about a mother who was choosing adoption for her baby. Something felt different about this situation, but we didn’t know what it was, so we asked them to give us a few moments and think it over.  We got off the phone, talked to each other and contacted Kelly, our Adoption Consultant. After speaking with her, we felt good about moving forward. We called the adoption agency back and told them that we would love to present our profile. She immediately said she was glad we had decided to move forward, as the expecting mother wanted the agency to choose and they had chosen us. We immediately felt a  flood of emotions!  All of the years of waiting, years of "no's" that we had interpreted as rejection, years of not feeling adequate, had ended with a simple, YES! 

The agency shared with us that the expecting mother would like to name her child. We asked if they knew what she would like to name her.  “Yes, she would like for her name to be Angeline.” We were amazed and shocked! A couple months before my wife had lost her Aunt Angie.  Angie was the one that gave my wife her middle name, Nichole.  Angeline fit perfectly-Angeline Nichole, it was. 

Her due date was March 2nd so we started planning quickly! But we didn't get too far with it because she came about a month early! She was born in Texas. We live in Illinois- a short 16.5 hours drive if conditions are good. But we drove through an ice storm that shut down Texas. Once again, God took control of the situation and saw us through. We made it to Texas in great time, considering the conditions.  

Once we got to our destination, we settled into our hotel room and started figuring out when we could go see our baby girl. The agency informed us that she was in NICU because she was not eating on her own just yet. Due to COVID restrictions they were only allowing one visitor at a time. Our first thought was, "How are we supposed to bond with our child one at a time, for a small window, once every 24 hours?"  But God had other plans. He placed amazing nurses in our path that pushed for the Medical Director to allow us more time with her.

When she was eating better we were finally able to take her back to our hotel. Twice during the first few nights that we had her with us we lost power for several hours. Typically, being in  Texas, you wouldn’t be worried about this. But the weather conditions weren't favorable, as this black out was caused by a record setting winter storm.  Stores started running out of food, fuel was becoming limited, but God put us in a place where people did not cause more chaos. This town came together and helped each other.  The hotel made sure the people that stayed there had at least 2 meals a day. The surrounding gas stations made sure people stayed orderly and everyone had a fair chance at getting fuel. Even when people told us something was going to be a big roadblock, God made a way.

When we began the interstate paperwork for the adoption, we were warned that it could possibly take twice as long as normal due to everything that had been going on with COVID and the storm.  Typically, it should take anywhere from 7-10 business days for it to process. They told us we should be prepared for over 14 days. It took only 4. God was with us in every detail. 

Our story is a reminder to us of God's faithfulness. Angeline came into our lives February 10th.  It was the day we were meant to become parents.  All of the waiting, heartache, struggle and frustration all disappeared. This is the day we had been waiting for. It gives a new meaning to, “This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24).

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoption Story: Steven + Annie

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I had the wonderful privilege of walking with Steven and Annie through their adoption journey. I was amazed by their strength and faith throughout this entire process. Today they share the story that led them to their beautiful daughter. I pray their words serve as a means of encouragement to anyone who is in a season of waiting. God isn’t finished with your story.

We will never forget waiting in the car in a thunderstorm for four hours to be let into the hospital through protocols and signatures to see our daughter. You hear all the time “patience is a virtue.” Our journey through adoption definitely tested our patience, but we wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Our story starts like many others; boy meets girl, they get married, decide they want children together, and then bam! – a brick wall to get through. We struggled with getting pregnant and after many years of trying, fertility treatments, and praying, we moved forward with adoption. 

The first chapter in our adoption journey started with the long road of fostering to adopt. After completing the intense training program and being approved to foster, we were never given the opportunity to foster someone outside of an emergency situation. And even then, because of calling multiple families at once, someone had already committed before we could. As the length between situations kept increasing with fewer and fewer calls, we turned to prayer once again for guidance on what we should do. Was this a sign we were not meant to do this or is it a sign to pray harder?

Fast forward a few months later, it was a toss up between more expensive fertility options or adoption outside of foster care. This is when the great team at Christian Adoption Consultants came into our lives. We were so thankful to have Kelly Todd as our Consultant. Her guidance throughout the entire process was invaluable to us and without her support we may have given up. 

Once you get approved to present to situations you get this feeling that you made a great decision by working with a consultancy as everyone is on top of their game and very attentive. Although Kelly and her team were phenomenal, the process of presenting to situations just seemed to take the air out from under our wings. And then, “patience is a virtue” comes back. We presented over and over, feeling like “this is meant to be” each time. With each new exciting situation and potential match, we were met with “the mother selected a different family”. This became quite discouraging as we progressed deeper into our journey.

We had many sleepless nights, tears of sadness, and the feeling that our prayers were going unanswered. The thought came each time, “maybe we are not meant to do this?” We had many conversations with Kelly where she stayed positive, encouraged us to keep our faith, and to keep moving forward. She always helped us put everything into perspective and to continue praying just as she was doing. 

After presenting more times than we could keep track of, we were matched with sweet expecting parents. The excitement and joy that came over us was nothing we had ever experienced before. The baby was due in six weeks and the expecting parents wanted to meet with us prior to the birth. As nervous as it was to drive to a different state and meet the birth parents of our future daughter, the experience couldn’t have been any better than it was. We had a wonderful time getting to know each other and everything just felt right. For the first time in the presenting process, we finally got feedback as to why we were selected and it was completely overwhelming. 

From here we knew that there was a reason God had us wait so long to be matched. We were waiting for our daughter. From the moment we presented to the day we met, it felt like it was meant to be. Through the entire array of emotions, the many years of pushing through, and the countless prayers from everyone that knew of our story, we are forever thankful to our daughter’s birth parents, the agency used to complete the process, the team at Christian Adoption Consultants, and to God for bringing us such a sweet baby girl that has completely filled our hearts with joy. 

Stay positive in your journey, don’t lose your faith, and know that God has a plan for how your story will be told.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Navigating Grief Over The Holidays

All around me and within me I hear echoes of great loss. The holidays are powerful like that. They have a tendency to intensify the feelings intertwined with grief.

Grief is s powerful emotion. It’s a natural response to loss. Understandably, most often grief is associated with those grieving the loss of a loved one. And while this is true, grief also seeps through the cracks and corners of many other losses. It extends beyond one sector. The loss of a significant relationship. The loss of a job and financial security. The loss of identity (e.g. a survivor of breast cancer grieving the lost sense of femininity after her double mastectomy). The loss of autonomy (e.g. an individual struggling with a degenerative physical or cognitive health issue). The loss of dreams and/or expectations (e.g. a couple struggling with infertility or walking through a failed/interrupted adoption). It's vital to understand and acknowledge that grief can come wrapped in different packages. Your loss may look different than someone else’s. But that does negate it’s validity or need for grieving and healing.

Christmas 2014 was “supposed to be” one of the happiest and joyous Christmases of our life. The holiday festivities were “supposed to be” our first Christmas with our miracle baby-a miracle in every sense of the word. A baby that we were told was less than “1% chance possible” after struggling with infertility. I remember all of the emotions that were building up in my heart as the days progressed closer to Christmas. I didn’t want to do anything. I thought it might spark some joy to put up the Christmas Tree. (It didn’t). I nearly rolled my eyes when I came across an ornament that read, “Immanuel” (God with us). “Yeah right,” I thought to myself. I didn’t feel like He was with me. I felt like there was absolutely nothing to celebrate. The baby who was supposed to be less than 30 days old and snuggling in my arms wasn’t there. We spent that Christmas with friends, and even though I was surrounded by a ton of people who were happy, I felt sad and empty.  That's the power of grief. You can be completely surrounded by happy things and happy people, but feel absolutely miserable, angry and alone.

I’ve heard it said time and time again that grief is harder to manage over the holidays and I know this to be true. How do you navigate what is “supposed to be” such a festive and joyous holiday when you feel like you are drowning in your grief?

1. You remember Immanuel. You sink into the promise that God is with you. Period. Even when you don’t “feel” it. Your feelings are powerful, yes, but they do not change who God is or His eternal commitment to you, His child.

When my daughter had a boo-boo and she was crying, I kept on whispering in her ear while I had her wrapped in my arms, "I'm here with you. I'm here with you." A few minutes later she looked up at me with big tear drops in her eyes and said, “I'm so glad you're here with me." Even as she was hurting, it provided her 5 year old little heart comfort to know that mommy was here and mommy wasn't going anywhere. That's the power of a loved one's presence. It doesn’t take away the immediate pain. It doesn’t always fix the problem at hand. But there is something comforting on a universal level about the nearness of a loved one’s presence.

The comfort of a loved one’s presence pale’s in comparison to the nearness of of your Heavenly Father. Poured out through Scriptures we see variations of the promise that God is with us and examples and testimonies of how God followed through on His commitment to His children.

  • “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.” Isaiah 43:2

  • “…for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

  • “…for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

  • “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save.” Zephaniah 3:7

  • “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

  • “Even though I walk through the valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” Psalm 23:4

  • “God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.” Psalm 34:18

  • “Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

We should find great comfort as we read through truths like these and many others. Our tears don’t overwhelm Him. He doesn’t draw back when we try to hide. He isn’t annoyed by our big feelings. The comfort of God is constant. The comfort of God is steadfast.

2. Remember as Christians we are to look to Christ as our example in all things, including how we process our emotions. “…The one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.” (1 John 2:6). This is an invitation to feel things just as deeply as Christ did.

When Jesus discovered his best friend Lazarus died one of the very first things he did was weep. Jesus wept (John 11:35). He mourned with his friends and family. After hearing that His cousin John the Baptist was murdered Jesus withdrew to a quiet place (Matthew 14:13). Jesus got on a boat, left the crowd and went away to a secluded place to be alone with the Father and mourn the loss of his dear friend. We don't know for how long, but one thing is for sure is this: if Jesus Christ needed time away to mourn the loss of His friends, then we need to give ourselves the grace to process our loss. In Matthew 26, at the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus became grieved and distressed upon thinking of the crucifixion. “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death…” He later fell to his face and cried out to the Lord. Scripture says at one point that his grieving became so intense that he suffered from Hematohidrosis (a rare condition in which an individual sweats blood). Jesus didn’t keep his grief in a neat tidy box. He lamented before the Father in anguish.

The grieving process is not a linear equation. It’s messy. It comes in ebbs and flows. C.S. Lewis says, "Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley, where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape." It comes when you least expect it. It comes out of the blue. It comes during should-have-been birthdays and would-have-been holidays with that extra person sitting at the end of the dinner table.

Be kind, patient and gracious with yourself as you grieve. Don’t set the bar too high in regards to the expectations you have for yourself, especially over the holidays. If you need to keep it low-key or step away for a bit from a family gathering, than do so. Your family and friends will understand.

3. Remember that your story doesn’t end with grief. In 1 Thessalonians 4:13 Paul instructs them not grieve as those who have no hope. He wasn’t telling them to “get over your grief and get on with your life.” He was reminding them that as believers they can grieve with hope.

Hope came to us in the form of a little baby boy. A little baby boy who came to save the world. “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call His name Immanuel” (Isaiah 7:14). A little baby boy, who would grow up and become quite familiar with pain, suffering and grief. (Isaiah 53:3). He experienced great loss in his short time here on this earth. He was mocked, rejected and threatened. He was betrayed by those whom he loved dearly. His identity and reputation came under question. He experienced the loss of friends and family. He experienced public humiliation of the worse nature as his clothes were ripped off his body and he was beaten. He knew what was coming for Him on the cross and grieved in anguish in anticipation of what would be a slow, tortuous death. But His story didn’t end there. His story didn’t end on the cross. He was raised to life and now sits at the right hand of God. Just as Christ’s story didn’t end with grief, ours doesn’t either.

As a believers sealed by Christ through the Holy Spirit you can grieve with hope knowing…

  • You are not alone and God will strengthen you and uphold you with his right hand. Is. 41:10

  • God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds . Psalm 147:3

  • Nothing can separate you from the love of God-no death, no loss, no fear-nothing . Romans 8:28-29

  • You can cast all of your cares and anxieties on the Lord and He promises to sustain you. Psalm 55:22

  • Your present sufferings are not comparable to the glory that will be revealed in you. Romans 8:18

  • The God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will restore you and strengthen you. 1 Peter 5:10

  • One day Christ will return and he will wipe every tear from your eyes and there will be no more mourning and no more crying . Revelation 21:4

  • This place is not our home. As believers, we have an eternal home waiting for us in heaven, where we will spend every day worshiping our Savior amongst our loved ones who we now grieve. Hebrews 11:16 & Rev. 7:9

The grieving woman in 2014 who rolled her eyes at the ornament that read, “Immanuel,” questioning God’s presence with her, did not escape God’s grace, goodness or unconditional love. Her feelings of doubt, anger, sadness, and despair did not scare Him away as they might a mere human. No matter how dark it got, no matter how unbearable and heavy it felt, God did not leave her side. Not for a moment. "Ultimately, your hope…hinges on Jesus. He’s holding onto you even when it feels like you’re free falling. You may be in the dark, but your Shepherd is walking right beside you. He knows what it’s like to be overwhelmed by grief and swallowed by bleakness. Your grip on life may falter, but his grip on you won’t” (Stephen Altrogge).

Refinement In The Waiting Room

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Oncology waiting rooms aren't unfamiliar to me. I've spent a great deal of time and energy in those spaces. As someone who has beat cancer a handful of times, I'm very accustomed to waiting. But please don't let me fool you, just because I'm familiar with waiting in unknown spaces does not equate to any mastery of it. However, God, in His rich mercy and kindness has allowed me to learn a thing or two from walking some down some very scary times of uncertainty. You might be thinking, "Kelly, what does your cancer have to do with our adoption process?"  Because all of us have our own "waiting room" experiences. If you've spent any time at all in the adoption process, you know exactly what I mean. 

Your current waiting place may look different than someone else's, but they all entail a similar component: uncertainty. When will our home study be done? When will an expectant mother choose us? When will we see the next adoption situation? When will we get the call that baby is on the way? How much longer until consents are signed? When will ICPC be complete? 

Today I want to share with you three nuggets of truth that the Lord has taught me over the years. I pray the Holy Spirit will use them to minister to your heart—wherever you are in your waiting room.

1. God is working in you through the wait. Because God is in control of all things and desires good things for His children, we can assume that this wait is a part of God's loving and good plan for us. As a result of my cancer and infertility "waiting room experiences,” I became desperately more aware of my daily, moment-by-moment, breath-by-breath, can't-take-another-step-with-out-you need for Jesus. It was through all of those moments, days, weeks and years of uncertainty that I learned the depths of God's grace and found there was no end to it. It was through the hard things that God kept my heart close to His through the necessity of prayer. Out of this dormant space, a resilient spirit—deeply rooted in God's love—emerged from the grave. I'm certain if I hadn't been through the fire, I wouldn't be the mother, wife, friend, or consultant I am today. If you're in a waiting room right now, you can be certain that God is working in you through the wait. 

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4).

2. God hasn't forgotten about you. Sometimes when things aren't working out like we expected they would, we can be tempted to think that God has forgotten about us. The stillness can often make us feel isolated, alone or abandoned—like a ship lost at sea. But that is not the truth. It may feel really true to us, but we can't always trust our feelings, which often are moved and changed by circumstance. But God and His Word remain constant. God has not promised that the road will be easy, but His steadfast promise is to always be with us. 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6). 

3. God's timing is perfect. Although this is phrase is thrown around a lot, that doesn't  invalidate or minimize its truth. As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I see this through the intricate details of each and every narrative God writes for my families. He is the author. He holds the pen. His timing is perfect. But sometimes, as a bystander, it's difficult to see what He is up to. Oftentimes we can't see the masterpiece He is creating until the work is finished. When a family walks through an interrupted adoption, the pain will seem unbearable. However, when they are on the other side of the adoption process, rocking their child to sleep at night, they’ll be certain that God's timing is perfect. If their story had unfolded any differently, the child they call "son" or "daughter" wouldn't be in their arms. That doesn't mean that their previous loss wasn't painful, but it does help them comprehend God’s beneficial timeline.

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps" (Proverbs 16:9).

Friends, if you’re struggling to trust God in the wait, ask Him to help you believe these truths. Your understanding and clarity is coming soon. Waiting is never wasted with God.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Guest Post: Choose Joy

I was scrolling through FB a few weeks ago and came across a post that one of Roman & Ruby’s favorite teachers wrote about choosing joy in unknown circumstances. I knew I had to share it over here, so I asked her if I could. She said, “yes!” Shawna Mohler is a wife, mom of two teenagers, an Early Childhood Educator and a follower of Jesus. I hope this post is an encouragement to you, as it has been for me!

3/25/2020

As I write this we are in the midst of a “Shelter in Place” order from the Governor of Illinois in response to the Covid 19 Pandemic that has taken the world by surprise.  As I sit here I feel some anxiety. I am sitting in the quiet of my own living room, in my pajamas, with a laptop in my lap. Why do I feel anxious? I believe for me, it's the unknown. I am a planner. I like to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen and what I need to do to help. Give me a task and I will complete it. 

I don’t know why God wants me to write my thoughts down. I’m not a writer. I have no desire to write. So I am questioning why.  While I am questioning why, I feel Satan trying to fill my head with lies. “You can’t write. You don’t have anything important enough to say that you should write it down. No one is going to read or care what you write.” All of those statements may be true, but I remember the scripture in 2 Timothy 1:7 “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control”. Satan is trying to fill me with fear while God is calling me to obedience to listen and act.  So I sit here and I write, not knowing what God is going to do with these words. Not knowing a plan. Not knowing why.  The world around us is filled with fear, but we should be filled with “joy”.  Fear is contagious but joy is, as well. We all need more joy, especially now with the fear we see and hear all day long with the unknown of this virus.  

During the last twenty months I believe that God has been teaching me that I can not control what happens to me or around me. But, I do control how I respond to situations and to people.  I really can control how I respond. I know this statement is true. I wish I could say that I always respond the right way, but I don’t. I’ve adopted my own little saying in the last year and half that I tell myself and my family on a regular basis, “choose joy”.  I have a t-that says “Joy in the Journey”. The journey may be rough, but finding Joy in the midst of the journey is essential.  Again, I wish I could say that I am always joyful and that I always remember this statement, but I don’t. I start to slip into a “woe is me” mindset. Thankfully my God is so faithful and so generous, He gently...or not so gently...reminds me with one simple word: JOY. It’s my attitude that I can control, that allows me to choose joy.  

The dictionary defines joy as “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation”. I can get caught up in that definition when I look at my own situations and surroundings. I can ask God “how do you expect me to have joy when I have had to go through so many hard and hurtful things?”  I have wrestled with the verse “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4). I have questioned God on this one many times. How am I supposed to have joy in the middle of THIS? You surely didn’t mean for me to find joy in THIS situation? Do you know what is going on? Do you see THIS?  Each time I have questioned God I get a resounding, “YES”. Yes, I see you. Yes, I know what you are going through. Remember I knew it was coming before you did? Yes, I know you are hurting. But, Yes, I want you to find Joy.  

God wants me to find joy, not in my circumstances, not in my situation, but in HIM. He wants me to find true joy. Joy that only comes from knowing Him and living in obedience to Him. Joy that will flow from Him, through me, and to others. Joy that can only be described by saying, “You see that? You see that joy she has? That joy comes from being a child of the King.” 

I am learning though that choosing joy does not mean you won’t have bad days. That doesn’t mean you won’t be sad or have ‘moments.’ You will. It just means you don’t stay in those moments of sadness and hurt forever. You eventually choose joy.  I am choosing to replace hurt with joy. I am choosing to replace bitterness with joy. I am choosing to replace anxiousness with joy.  I am choosing to replace unforgiveness with joy. I believe that I can choose joy because I know where my joy comes from- Jesus.  I can choose joy because through Him I have a peace that surpasses all of my understanding.

Trust me here, I do not understand this world. But I do understand we live in a fallen world, marred by sin. I don’t understand why I have gone through the things I have gone through. I just have to give Him the glory for getting me through those trials and know that without Him, I would be lost and alone.  But thankfully I can rest knowing He is right here with me.    There is a song that we sing at church called “Hindsight”. When I hear this song I almost always have tears in my eyes.  The lyrics are too powerful to shorten, take time to read through the whole song,

Hindsight

Hillsong Young & Free

As I reflect

I find perspective

There in the best and worst days of this life

You were always on my side

You're in the pain

You're in the promise

And on the days the furnace finds my faith

You're the fourth within the flames

I don't need to know what the future says

'Cause if the past could talk it would tell me this

My God isn't finished yet

If He did it before He can do it again

So I'll trust Him with what comes next

For the God I know is known for faithfulness

Yeah, my hindsight says

I can trust Him with what's next

For the God I know

Is known for faithfulness

There's more ahead

Than what's behind me

'Cause through the highs and lows and in between

God You go ahead of me

And where You call me

I will follow

If the water folds beneath my feet

Then You'll pull me from the deep

I don't need to know what the future says

'Cause if the past could talk it would tell me this

My God isn't finished yet

If He did it before He can do it again

So I'll trust Him with what comes next

For the God I know is known for faithfulness

And my hindsight says I can trust Him with what's next

For the God I know is known for faithfulness

I don't need to know what the future says

'Cause if the past could talk it would tell me this

My God isn't finished yet

If He did it before He can do it again

So I'll trust Him with what comes next

'Cause my hindsight says I can count on this

My God isn't finished yet

If He did it before He can do it again

So I'll trust Him with what comes next

For the God I know is known for faithfulness

Yeah, my hindsight says I can trust Him with what's next

For the God I know is known for faithfulness

My God is known for His faithfulness. He has brought me through so much. How could I not trust Him with what comes next? When I begin to doubt and fear what is happening around me, I think of this song and let the words pour over me, I don’t need to know what the future says. The past (my past) tells me My God isn’t finished yet!

Shawna Mohler is a wife, mom of two teenagers, an Early Childhood Education and a follower of Jesus. She enjoys spending time with her family, hiking and spending time outdoors. She is very involved in her church and serving her community.

Shawna Mohler is a wife, mom of two teenagers, an Early Childhood Education and a follower of Jesus. She enjoys spending time with her family, hiking and spending time outdoors. She is very involved in her church and serving her community.

Adoption Story: David + Ashley

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Before David and Ashley signed on to work with me at Christian Adoption Consultants they had been working with two adoption attorneys for over a year. During this time they experienced a failed adoption and a scam. They were feeling extremely discouraged and exhausted when they began their journey with CAC, but they continued to place their trust in the Lord. Ashley and I had countless conversations about how God’s timing is best, even when it doesn’t make any sense to us. I watched as they continued to persevere through the adoption process, presenting their profile over and over again, praying along with them. They never gave up. It wasn’t easy. There were tears. There was doubt at times, “God, what are you doing here? Have you forgotten about us"?” But they continued to place their hope in the One who was writing their story. For those of you who are exhausted and worn out from the process, please take a few minutes and be encouraged by Ashley’s words.

Adoption has always been something that my husband and I knew would be a part of our family's story, even from when we were dating. I had worked as an adoption social worker and saw firsthand the beauty and the struggles with adoption. We knew that conceiving a biological child would be difficult but we felt that we needed to try. We tried unsuccessfully to conceive for six months and then after learning that extensive fertility treatments would be necessary, we took this as God leading us to pursue adoption. In January 2014, we began the adoption process and welcomed our son Matthew with the help of Christian Adoption Consultants in May 2014.

In August 2018, we started the adoption process again , thinking that it would be a similar timeline to our first adoption. It was anything but that but God knew what He was doing. We reached out to Kelly at CAC in August 2019 after experiencing an adoption scam and a failed match. By the time our profile book was ready and we had presented to a few situations, we learned that our home study update would essentially have to be a new home study. We got that finished only for COVID to hit and things slowed down a lot. Over the next year, I think we presented 20 times and each no was harder to hear. We updated our profile book, expanded preferences, you name it- but nothing was happening. We were beginning to wonder if this ever was going to happen or if we had heard God wrong. Kelly was there every step of the way, encouraging us and praying for us.

We had presented to yet another situation and it was another no. We were scraping the bottom of the barrel for hope and we were weary. In the early Spring, we received a phone call from an attorney about an expectant mom due in 4 weeks. We had to make our decision to present fairly quickly. 4 hours later, we got the call saying that we had been matched. We were cautiously excited. The next week, the attorney's office called and said that a C-section had been scheduled for 2 weeks later. Four hours later, we got a message from the birth family saying that the baby was coming that night! A short time later, we saw a picture of a beautiful baby girl.

We scrambled to get packed and we drove 6 hours to the hospital and visited with our daughter's birth family on my husband's birthday! . God had truly gone before us because the pediatrician was our former missions pastor's wife! Alora needed to be transferred to a bigger hospital and the pediatrician chose the one in a city where we had previously lived. God knew that we would need the love and support of our friends there because the next week was the hardest of our lives. It looked like things were unraveling as quickly as they had come together but God was so faithful. A week later, we left the hospital with our daughter, Alora Kay! Alora means "my dream" and "Lord is my light." Kay means "rejoice.” Her middle name is my middle name, my mother's middle name and just happened to be her biological grandmother's first name!

Kelly was such an encouragement to us, even when nothing made sense. She kept reminding us that God wouldn't allow us to miss our baby. We also knew to trust in God's timing but to also trust in His delays- His timing is perfect. I laughed and said that I was going to be 40 with a newborn and sure enough, Alora arrived and I turned 40 a few weeks later! Looking back, we can see how God was orchestrating every "no" into the best yes.

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***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoptive Mother's Thoughts On An Open Adoption: The More Love The Better

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When Roman grins at me with his handsome brown eyes and big dimples, I see glimpses of his beautiful birth mother. When Ruby skips across the room in her princess dress with her beads clicking and clacking, making music as they hit each other, I think back to a 30 year old picture her birth mother sent me of herself when she was a little girl and I see Ruby in it.  When Roman gets close to me, puts his hands on my face and presses his nose against mine as he says, "Nosey nosey kisses mama," I'm reminded, "That's our thing. I taught him that." When Ruby runs across the room and nearly squeezes my leg off as she says, "You're my favorite girl" I think of how many times she must have heard me tell her that. 

See, our children have two mothers-their birth mother, the woman who carried them for 9 months and birthed them into this world. The woman who loved/loves them so much that she placed them in the arms of another because at the time she felt that she could not provide the life she wanted them to have. The woman who calls to check-in and see how they are doing-how we are doing. The woman who delights in pictures of the twins, updates, Facetime calls, and artwork made by her son and daughter. And they have me-the mother who has loved them and taken care of them everyday from the moment they were lovingly placed in my arms by their birth mother. 

We’ve explained the twin's adoption story to them since they were itty bitty. We wanted them to know their story. We wanted them to know about the amazing woman who gave them life and loves them so much. Why? Because the more love the better. There is always room for more love. Our family didn't just grow by two when we adopted the twins, it grew by a lot more. Their birth family has become an extension of our family. We love them. We talk about them. The twins know them by name. There's a family picture of them hanging on our wall. They are family. 

The other day Roman was asking me questions about his birth mother. He said, "So, I have two moms?" And I said, "Yes." Prior to starting the adoption process I never thought I would answer a question that way. But it's the truth. And confirming that my son and daughter have two mothers, does not in any way take away from the substance of our relationship. It makes it stronger. Because there is strength in unity. There is strength in truth.

"Do you have two mommies like me and sissy?" Roman asked. I should have known this question was coming. Roman makes quick connections. 

Me: "No, I don't. But you know what? Daddy does."

Roman: "He does?" 

Me: "Yes. Mims (what they call my husband's mother) is his mommy. But he grew in another mommy's belly." 

Roman: "Like I grew in my birth mother's belly?"

Me: "Yes."

Roman: "Have I met her?"

Me: "No, you haven't. She had a boo boo when daddy was a little boy and she died. She's in heaven with Jesus now. But she loved your daddy so very much." 

Roman: "Like Mims loves Daddy and me and sissy?" 

Me: "Yes. Just like that." 

Roman: "I wish I could know her."

Me: "Oh, me too Bubby." 

Roman: "So we and daddy both have two mothers."

Me: "Yes."

Roman: "And they love us very much?" (He asks this question with a big smile on his face)

Me: "So much.”

Infertility & Mother's Day

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My husband picked the kids up the other day from preschool. I was waiting at the door to greet them. They came running with papers in their hands and their backpacks dragging on the ground. Roman said with the biggest dimpled filled grin on his face, "Mommy! Mommy! We made something for you for your Birthday!" Ruby jumps in, "No, not for her Birthday, for Mother's Day! Here you go, mommy!" As I looked down at my beautiful and handsome almost 5 year old twins, my heart smiled. In that joy-filled moment I thought to myself, "These are the moments I dreamed about. These are the moments I prayed for."

For the first four years of our marriage I hated Mother's Day. I didn't want to hate it, but I did. For me Mother's Day seemed like a tease, marked with confusion, anger, jealousy, despair and bitterness. Although infertility affects women everyday of the year, for me Mother's Day was a sheer reminder to me of my broken body and my empty womb. Mother's Day was a reminder of what cancer took from me. On this day, more than any of the other days, I felt the accuser's lies yelling in my face, "You're not really a woman."

I miscarried in 2014 just two months before Mother's Day. I didn't want to go to church that Sunday. I was angry at God. I did not want to sit through another Mother's Day of the pastor asking all of the mother's to stand up so they could be honored and gifted with a flower. I wanted to stay in bed and cry and grieve. When our unborn child died, I felt like a piece of my heart died too. Those years were some of the darkest years of my life both spiritually and emotionally.

We later discovered through a few tests that the likelihood of me being able to bear children biologically would be medically impossible. Hopelessness and despair-two emotions that I became well acquainted with. When you think your identity as a woman is tied to being able to bear children and then you can't do the thing that you think your identity is tied to, hopelessness and despair typically follow. Shortly after we miscarried we moved to a little town just outside of Baton Rouge, Louisiana where I was introduced to an amazing counselor who loved Jesus and loved helping others. She was a gift from the Lord-a God send. The Lord used her in my life at a time when I needed it most.

Little by little I came to see the identity I had constructed in my head of what I was supposed to do or be as a woman had missed the mark. I got it wrong. As believers our identity is wrapped up in who Christ is and what He did on the cross. Our identity has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Jesus Christ. Seeing infertility through this Gospel lens is crucial for the health and wellbeing of our souls. How so? Because if we aren't careful we can allow our infertility to define us. And that's exactly what the accuser, Satan, desires. He wants us to become so wrapped up in our struggle with infertility that we forget the beautiful truth that in Jesus Christ we are complete. Satan longs for us to forget that it is in fact our Savior, not a negative pregnancy test, who deems our life worthy and gives us intrinsic value.

Although I am not consumed by my infertility like I once was, I still have sad moments and reminders of our loss. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad about sad things. God understands. And so I take my thoughts to Him and talk with Him about it. I don’t have to minimize my emotions or clean them up before I go to Him. I can just go to Him.

Overtime the Lord restored and redeemed that which was broken. He restored my heart and my mind. I don't walk around anymore thinking I'm less than because of my empty womb. I have joy. And not joy that can be found in anything this world has to offer. I'm speaking of the eternal joy found in Christ. The kind of joy that isn't swayed by circumstances because it's hope is secure in the Lord.

Our infertility led us to adoption. Adoption led us to our children. And now I am "mama" to my precious son and daughter, whom I can't imagine my life without. The Lord gives beauty for ashes and joy for mourning, friends. You may feel hopeless now, but that hopelessness will not be forever. "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5). I'm living proof.



He Withholds No Good Thing

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For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84:11

He withholds no good thing. These 5 words have been nourishment for my heart. God's Word, His promise, has been a healing balm to my spirit. I've clung to these words tightly over the past decade of my life and even more so over the past few years. 

I've asked God about His goodness and these “good things” while walking through some of the darkest nights. "Are you really good, God? I know you say that you withhold no good thing from your children, but I can't make sense of this." 

Negative pregnancy tests. 
Miscarriage and loss. 
Cancer surgery after cancer surgery. 
Unanswered prayers.

The other day I was sharing with a friend how I was desperately struggling with an unanswered prayer. But felt a lot of guilt around not being able to really believe that God wasn't withholding good from me. Because that’s how it felt…like God was withholding this from me.

She reminded me, "Kelly, I think it's okay to not feel okay right now." Her words rushed over my entire body from head to toe-body, mind and spirit. Then, a feeling of release ensued. All at once I felt the propensity of the weight I had been carrying. I recognized and named each thorn, each scar, and every piece of me that felt broken. I didn't try to make sense of it. I didn't try to push through immediately and find the purpose in the pain. Instead, I brought all of these broken pieces and fragments to Jesus. I laid them at His feet. I told Him I wasn't okay. I told Him how much my heart hurt. I told Him I didn't understand. I asked Him to help me. I told Him, “I know in your Word it says ‘you withhold no good thing from your children,’ but I’m struggling to believe this right now. Help me believe. Help me really believe."

Perhaps you can relate- the inner turmoil of knowing what God’s Word says, but your heart lagging behind, struggling to really believe. “God I know in your Word you say you have good things in store for me, but I just can’t see it now. Sometimes it feels like you are withholding this good thing from me.” If this is you, than I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m right there with you. I didn’t write this in “hindsight” looking back on the struggle. I’m in it now. I don’t have any quick fixes or cookie-cut answers for you. But I can tell what I’m doing. I’m continually running to the source of wisdom and asking Him to grant me wisdom and strength as I sit in the uncomfortableness and brokenness that comes with living in this fallen world.

The other day I was really struggling with this unanswered prayer and I didn’t feel like going to a conference that I was scheduled to attend. I made myself go anyway because I felt the Holy Spirit leading. As the speaker was sharing a bit of her story it resonated with some of the things I had been seeking the Lord about. I started tearing up because I knew that God wanted me in that room to hear everything the speaker had to say and in His kindness He got me there. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking directly to my heart as she continued to share,“Who told you that you’re missing out? Don’t you know that fullness is found in me!?”

Whatever you are going through-infertility, loss, the ups and downs of the adoption process, health issues, financial struggles, relationship issues, unanswered prayers, sit with the Holy Spirit and talk with Him about it. Ask Him for wisdom. God didn’t grant my unanswered prayer, but He gave me wisdom, generously, to be able to sit with the brokenness, while placing my hope in Christ and not my circumstances. He can do the same for you too, friend.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you” (James 1:5)

Adoption & Fear In Presenting Your Profile

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Fear is a common feeling that hopeful adoptive families typically encounter throughout the adoption process. What if we don't pass the home study? What if an expectant mother doesn't choose us? What if an expectant mother chooses to parent? What if the child we are matched with has medical issues we aren't equipped to handle? What if the adoption process takes longer than expected?

What I want to hone in on today is the fear that may arise as families consider whether or not to present their profile to a specific situation. After a family's home study and profile are complete they are able to start applying with agencies and begin seeing situations. The underlying feelings after reviewing their first situation may be a culmination of excitement, sadness, shock and fear. As I have journeyed through the adoption process before, I can relate. And I remind them that their thoughts and feelings are completely normal. But how do you manage fear when it seems to be lurking around every corner? How do you present to situations when you feel you are drowning in fear?

Ask God to help you get to the root of your fear. Seek the Lord in prayer first. Bring your fears and concerns before God and ask Him to help you sort through them and make sense of them. Here are some questions to help you navigate your decision:

  1. Am I trusting God or am I letting fear calculate my every move? As Christians we can place our hope and comfort in the truth that God is in control of all things. This creates freedom in our hearts to move where the Holy Spirit leads, because we trust that we can't mess up or miss out on the plan God is writing for our family.

  2. Am I holding out for the “perfect” situation? There is no such thing as a "perfect" situation or no-risk in adoption. Yes, there are times where situations will be less risky, but there will always be an element of risk in adoption. If you are holding out for the "perfect" situation, you may never put your "yes" on the table.

  3. Am I allowing room for God to work outside my preferences? Sometimes we come into the adoption process with our own set of preferences. At CAC our families are able to specify their adoption preferences. Oftentimes, however, I've seen families step outside those preferences when God prompts them to do so. It's an act of obedience and leap of faith. But I've never had a family look back on that decision with regret. As you calculate your preferences, are you keeping your hands open to the Lord?

  4. Am I being unrealistic with my feelings about a situation? If you are expecting yourself to have 100% peace and 0% fear whatsoever before moving forward you may never present. Although this is common to think/feel this way, it's an unrealistic expectation to have. We always encourage couples to be on the same page with whatever they decide. However, it's important to know there will typically always be some unanswered questions and some level of uncertainty in most adoption situations.

  5. Am I seeking God in prayer in every situation that crosses my eyes? This is the most important thing to do. Be in prayer. Seek God in prayer with every situation that you encounter. Ask God to direct your steps and give you wisdom. Although it's important to seek guidance from your adoption consultant, there is no better council than that which comes from the Lord. Seek Him first! Also, if you choose not to present, continue praying for the expectant mother and her baby. What a privilege it is to ask God to help her as she considers adoption.


***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***

Adoption: When You Feel Like Giving Up

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"We're exhausted. We've presented more times than we can count. We prayed about pursuing adoption for years before we even started the process! Why would God bring us to this journey if we would only be met with ‘no’ after ‘no,’ delays and disappointments? Did we miss something?"

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have the privilege and honor of walking families through the adoption process from the very beginning of their journey until they have their baby in their arms. I am very passionate about helping families in this way. It's a blessing and a calling I do not take lightly.

People outside of the adoption process may struggle to understand the intricacies and complexities of this sacred space. I know this to be true because my families have shared it with me. "No one gets it. My family, my friends- they just don't understand the roller coaster of emotions that we go through on a daily basis."

But I get it. The team at Christian Adoption Consultants understands. The adoption process can be exhausting. And yet "exhausting" doesn't even seem to fully encapsulate all of the feelings evoked from families struggling through the ups and downs of the adoption process. If these words resonate with you, then this post is for you.

Friend, take a few deep breaths, remove any distractions and lean into what I'm about to share with you.

1. God has not forgotten you. Sometimes when things aren't working out like we expected they would we can be tempted to think that God has forgotten about us. But that is not the truth. It may feel really true to us, but we can't always trust our feelings. Our feelings change a lot and are often moved by our circumstances. But God and His Word remain constant. God has not promised that the road He has called us to will be easy, but He has promised that He will always be with us.

"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20, NIV)

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6, NIV)

2. God is in control. "Through our union with Christ we too have been claimed by God as his own inheritance. Before we were even born, he gave us our destiny; that we would fulfill the plan of God who always accomplishes every purpose and plan in his heart"(Ephesian 1:11, TPT). As Christians, isn't this comforting to rest our minds and hearts on? Isn't this truth freeing to cling to? It's freeing to think about the fact that we can't "slip outside" of God's plans for our life. Friends, you can't mess up or miss out on the plans God has for your family...not in the adoption process and not in any aspect of your life.

3. God is working all things out for your good. If you are believer you can rest in this knowledge. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28, NIV). The "good" here that Paul is referring to might not be in agreement with our understanding of "good." My kids love Krispy Kreme donuts and would probably eat 3 every day if I let them. But doing so would not be good for them. Ask God to help you trust that He who knows all and sees all, knows what is best for us, even when it doesn't coincide and align with our thoughts.

4. God is faithful to equip you with everything you need to accomplish everything that He has called you to. Our God is a very present God. He isn't somewhere off in the sky, twiddling His fingers, just hoping His children figure it out on their own. He is with us. He has sent us the Holy Spirit, our Helper. "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19, NIV). Are you weary from the adoption process? Do you feel like giving up? Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a renewed hope and perspective. Ask the Holy Spirit to comfort you and strengthen you every step of the way. He is faithful.

Friends, I understand the adoption process is exhausting, confusing, and filled with ups and downs. But I also know and have seen how God creates beautiful stories out of really difficult times. I wish I could tell you that I know exactly how your story will unfold. I don't. But I know the One who does. When you feel like giving up, remember the One who called you to this journey in the first place. He will see you through.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***