Adoption & Waiting During The Holidays

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I would like to dedicate this post to all of my amazing CAC families waiting in the adoption process. I see you. I'm here for you. I'm praying that God would overwhelm you with His peace that surpasses all understanding this holiday season.

Waiting in the adoption process on any given day can be overwhelming, but during the holidays it can feel insurmountable. For many, the Christmas season exudes a sense of celebration, joy and wonder as we think about the birth of our Savior. But for some this holiday season is met with complex emotions as they are reminded of great loss or what they do not yet have: the child they are longing for.

I can understand and relate to the raw emotions surrounding an empty crib and the holidays. I will never forget two Thanksgivings after our miscarriage. Our baby would have been a little over 1 years old. While working through my grief on this day, I also found out that a family member was pregnant. On top of processing grief, I was also dealing with guilt over the complex emotions I initially felt about their pregnancy, even though at my deepest core I was thrilled for them. Only those who have walked through these waters can understand the juxtapositions of emotions that land you from one plane to another in regards to infertility and the holidays. It's just extremely difficult and at times confusing to navigate.

As an Adoption Consultant with CAC I have walked with many families through the adoption process. I have had conversation after conversation with families about this specific topic and so I have a front row seat to how waiting during the holidays can be more difficult. I have compiled a short list of helpful tools to help hopeful adoptive families navigate the holiday season.

1. Prayer. Be vulnerable with God in prayer. This seems pretty simple on the surface, but I think it's something that we forget to be intentional about as we progress throughout our day. He can handle all of your big thoughts and feelings. Pour them out at His feet. Ask God to help you. Ask Him to help you walk in His peace. Ask Him to help you find joy in the day-to-day even as you are navigating your complex emotions over the holidays. He is the best listener and loves to help His children. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14).

2. Read your Bible & Meditate on His Promises. We have access to the very Word of God. The Bible says, “All scriptures are God-breathed” (2 Timothy 3). His Word is full of rich truths and promises for His children. The Bible is what our soul needs. His Word is life-giving. His Word is transformative. His Word is powerful. His Word speaks truth to our fears. If this is something that is difficult for you to do, ask God to help you! He is faithful to answer our requests. It doesn't have to be a two hour long Bible Study, but I encourage you to set aside time each day (it can be 15 minutes!) to get in God's Word and meditate on His truths. If you miss a day, that's okay! Try again the next day. God just wants you to spend time with Him. Here is a helpful tool I use to help me read the Bible.

3. Confide in a friend. Talk to someone that you trust about what you are struggling with. Be vulnerable with them. Tell them why this season is especially difficult for you. Give specifics so that they can pray directly to God about it!

4. Guard Your Heart. Do whatever you need to do to guard your heart and your mind. If you need to stay off social media because seeing the influx of pregnancy announcements, adoption stories and pictures of happy families over the holidays is too difficult for you, then unplug for a while! If you need to take a break from a Christmas family gathering then step outside, call your friend and have them pray over the phone with you.

5. Start a thankful jar. Designate a jar in the house that will be your "Thankful Jar." Put it in a visible spot so everyone in the house can see it throughout the day. Anytime a thankful or grateful thought comes to your mind, jot it down and throw it in the jar. You can even turn this into a family tradition! If someone is having a hard day, dump the jar out and read the little notes out loud. Regardless of what you are going through, look for the little blessings, look for those little moments where you can say "Wow God! Look what you have given me. Look how you have blessed me." Then, go write it down and toss it in the jar. Setting your affections on thankfulness is a mighty way to praise God through whatever storm or hardship you are going through.

I know these ideas aren't revolutionary. Perhaps you already do everything single one of them. I just felt like someone needed a little reminder and maybe that person was you. It’s my deepest prayer that this season you would be reminded in tangible ways of God’s unconditional love for you and your family. It’s my deepest prayer that as you pour your heart before the Lord that He would comfort you and fill you with His peace, hope and joy.

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Email me, Kelly Todd, at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com to request a FREE information packet!***



Guest Post: Adoption Isn't A Way To Get Pregnant

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The moment the nurse placed him in my arms, I knew we belonged to each other. All the tears and frustrations of the past several years pooled into a fountain of joy. Now I understood why God has us wait for a baby: So we could have this baby.

After my husband and I struggled with infertility, the Lord blew us away with His kindness and matched us with a loving birthmother. Through her brave choice, He gave us a son.

People were happy for us. They threw us showers, brought meals, and eagerly cuddled our son. Yet amid the celebration, we heard comments hinting at something better to come. A wink here, a nudged elbow there, the crack of a smile implying special intuition. I cringed every time someone uttered the words:

“Now that you’ve adopted, you’ll get pregnant. It happens all the time.”

No. No, it doesn’t happen all the time. Research on pregnancy after infertility doesn’t account for couples who adopt before getting pregnant. From a scientific standpoint, this idea is a myth.

People who say this mean well. They’re trying to give you hope that your longing for a biological child will be fulfilled. What they don’t understand is that this myth devalues adoptees. It regards the process of adoption as inferior to biological procreation, and an adopted child as less desirable than a biological child.

Regardless of good intentions, statements like “Just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant” hurt people. They question couples’ family-building decisions, treat children as a means to an end, and reject the core Christian belief that God created all human beings in His image (Genesis 1:27).

Every life matters to God. He calls us as His image bearers to respect and preserve the dignity of every single person. No matter how a child is brought into a family, he or she is worthy of value to the Lord and to the world.

God grows families through both pregnancy and adoption. The varied makeup of the earthly families he builds reflects the diversity of our spiritual family. We come from different backgrounds, far-flung places, and widely ranging walks of life, all broken and in need of rescue. By sending Christ to die in our place and raise to new life, God gave us the right to be called His adopted children. As He welcomed us into His family, so we can embrace and appreciate the mosaic of families he forms in the world.

Through earthly adoption, God does more than unite parents with children. He provides a path to redeem some of the damage the Fall inflicted on childbearing and family unity. He takes crises like infertility, unexpected pregnancy, and children who are orphaned or otherwise at risk and transforms them into opportunities for restoration.

As with any earthly process, adoption isn’t perfect. It can’t completely “fix” these problems. Yet the creation of a family born of loss renders hope for a broken world groaning to be made anew (Romans 8:19). Like with our spiritual adoption, we need earthly adoption to claim the family wholeness we crave.

Viewing adoption as secondary to biological procreation diminishes a beautiful process whereby God works redemption. Rather than a lesser means to a better end, adoption is a resolution, a responsibility, a calling, and a gift. It’s an end unto itself and should be appreciated as a providential plan. John Piper describes the intrinsic worth of both ways God designs a family:

“In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But it does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth.”

Although it’s rare, some couples do get pregnant after adopting. It happened to us. I have no explanation for it, other than to say God worked another miracle after the first miracle of bringing our oldest son through adoption. We’re grateful for how he formed our family using different paths at different times.

Wherever you’re at on the path of adoption, be prepared to encounter the myth that adoption leads to pregnancy. Even if infertility isn’t part of your story, you’ll hear it tossed around as a platitude or joke.

While it’s frustrating to be told such a harmful cliché, try to approach the situation as an opportunity to educate others. Tell them that a child who is adopted isn’t a consolation prize for parents who couldn’t conceive. Give them a clearer picture of adoption, acknowledging the risks and flaws while also highlighting the value and beauty of this path.

Ask the Lord to give you boldness and gentleness to correct the myth. Help others see the glorious ways God chooses to grow a family, that they might glorify your Father in heaven.

Jenn Hesse is a writer, wife, and mother through adoption and pregnancy. She is the content director at a national infertility support ministry called Waiting in Hope, and has a passion for equipping others to know Christ through His Word. She writes at jennhesse.com and other Christian publications.

Healing Is In His Hands (Part 1)

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This post was prompted by a 9 year old video that my brother-in-law tagged me in the other day from my niece and nephews singing praise and worship songs. This video, along with others, were sent to me when we had just discovered I had cancer again and thought I would be going through months and months of chemotherapy. Their sweet little voices brought so much hope to my heart and I know God heard their prayers to heal their, "Aunt KK." What a sweet reminder that our prayers don't need to be fancy and we don't have to use big "churchy" words when approaching our Heavenly Father. We can come to Him like the child we are and lay our desires at His feet.

9 years ago this month I was told that the tumor growing in my upper right shoulder was an aggressive form of cancer and would require an immediate chemotherapy treatment plan. I was handed a stack of papers by my oncologist that detailed a schedule of the type of chemo they would be injecting into my body the upcoming months. I was told what I needed to do and where I needed to be. It was recommended that I drop out of my last semester of college because the type and dosage of chemo I would be receiving would make me very ill. I remember kindly arguing with my oncologist about needing to drop out of school. That was not an option for me. I wanted to finish so badly. At that point I had already taken a few breaks from college due to other health issues, one of which was just a year prior: open-heart surgery. 

This was the second opinion we received about the "mysterious tumor" that had been carved out of my shoulder. After months of testing, the first pathologist said that he "had never seen anything quite like this before" and that it "looked extremely suspicious." Because of my long history of cancer, he recommended a second opinion. Back in the hotel room I was devastated by the diagnoses. It felt like a nightmare. My mom and I had driven up to Minnesota before my dad and we were waiting on him to get to the hotel to share the news with me. While we were waiting my mom read scripture and prayed for healing over my body. She also read texts and emails to me from friends, family and strangers who were covering me in prayer as well.  I remember when he walked through the door I completely lost it. I was hugging him and I just kept on saying over and over again, "Why do I have to go through this again? Why? " After processing the information together and spending a great deal of time asking God for wisdom we decided to get one more opinion. I felt very hesitant in my spirit to proceed immediately with this specific chemo treatment plan.

But the only way for me to "get out" going through the treatment plan was if the pathologist at the other hospital saw something different than the previous one. He would literally have to look into the Microscope and be in disagreement with what the other pathologist saw. And so that is exactly what we prayed for. My brother-in-law held a prayer gathering and invited people from our church to come and lay hands on me. It was during the week so I didn't expect many people to be able to come. I still tear up thinking about how many of my brothers and sisters showed up. We prayed. We did as James 5:14 instructs,  "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord." We asked God to heal my body. We begged Him to heal me right there. We pleaded that the pathologist would see something entirely different when he looked in the microscope. When I left the prayer gathering I felt peace. Anxiety had subsided. I remember it quite keenly and I wrote it in my journal, "Even in my moments of weakness I feel the power of the Holy Spirit surrounding me, reminding me of His truth. And I know this is the power of prayer. Thank you Jesus for faithful servants who are interceding on my behalf.  Their prayers are the greatest gifts I could receive. I'm humbled by their kindness and commitment to pray for me." 

A few pathologists who specialized in the type of tumor this was suspected to be were hovering over the tumor for months. We were met with further delays and disappointments. "We need more time." "This tumor is proving difficult to diagnose." "We have never seen anything like it before." This was not the news we were hoping to hear, but ultimately it gave us more time to pray and seek the Lord. And then we got our answer. The final diagnosis of the tumor was completely in contrast to the initial diagnosis, but in the end all of the pathologists were in agreement: it was a low grade sarcoma (slow growing cancer) and therefore would require no further treatment! Surgery was sufficient! God blew us away with another big miracle and the only explanation is His healing hand. He heard our prayers and He answered. 

By the time we had finally received the news that no more treatment would be required (other than the surgery that had already taken place) 3.5 months had passed. Those 3.5 months felt like an eternity, but looking back I wouldn't trade them for anything. I remember leaving Rochester, Minnesota with the devastating news that months and months of chemo were in my future. We passed a wig store for patients undergoing chemo and I completely lost it. I wasn't afraid of my hair falling out. I was afraid that my hair falling out meant one step closer to death. I had been spending a lot of late nights googling the type of cancer I supposedly had and read that the survival rate wasn't very promising. And so death was on my mind a lot. I started thinking of all the things I wasn't going to be able to live to experience: graduating college, finding a career I love, getting married, having kids, seeing my niece and nephews grow up. It felt very heavy. I started pouring all of my thoughts out before the Lord-the angry ones, the sad ones, the "this isn't fair" ones, the "I'm scared ones." I came to Him with all my messy thoughts and He met me there. And He listened. This created in me a cycle of dependency on Him, my Sustainer, my Helper, my Healer, my Savior, and this dependency really never left. Over the duration of waiting on answers from the doctors, the Holy Spirit breathed freedom into my soul. I no longer felt impending doom. I no longer felt like I would be missing out. I no longer felt the fear of death because I had the sweet assurance that one day with Jesus is better than 1,000 elsewhere (Psalm 84:10). God could have "just healed my body," but He chose to drastically heal my soul too and I am forever grateful. 

Adoption Story: Terrence + Meredith

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I remember the first time I spoke with Terrence and Meredith. They were so kind and friendly. We hit it off immediately as they shared a bit of their story with me. I had a feeling we would become friends and I was right! When they started the adoption process we had no idea that they would be meeting their daughter for the very first time in the middle of a pandemic! But as we know, God's timing is best and I think you will come to see as we have that His timing is perfect!  As their Adoption Consultant with CAC I’m honored to share a glimpse into their adoption journey-the journey that led them to their beautiful baby girl! 

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After Terrence and Meredith signed on with Christian Adoption Consultants I provided them with our Adoptive Parent Guide Book (resources that CAC has pulled together from over 14 years of working in the adoption field!) and a trusted home study provider recommendation. Then, I walked them through what to expect in the upcoming days, weeks and months. 

When their home study and profile was almost done, I connected them with our recommended agency list and we talked through which ones might be the best fit for them. They began presenting to situations immediately. As it is for many families, this part of the adoption process was one of the most difficult aspects. We had many conversations about how a “no” does not mean “never” it just means “not yet.” I was amazed by their faith and trust in God as they continued putting their “yes” on the table despite hearing “no” so many times. 

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I will never forget the day they got an email from an agency I had connected them to. They learned about an expectant mama who was due with baby girl in a month! After praying about it they decided to present their profile. A few days later they called to let me know that they were chosen! When we talked on the phone they commented on the timing of how their story was unfolding. It was the end of April and we were in the very middle of a pandemic. But they still trusted that God would guide them through the uncertainty every step of the way.

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 A few weeks before baby girl’s due date I received this text from them, “ …we are on our way…baby girl was born this morning!…” They arrived there late Saturday night too late to go to the hospital, but Sunday morning I got the most beautiful text from Meredith letting me know their baby girl was doing good! When they finally got word they could head home with their daughter I was so elated! I knew they were so ready to introduce their eldest daughter to her new baby sister!

I got a picture from Meredith shortly after they got home of both girls in matching outfits. Lexi, their eldest, was giving their new baby sister a big kiss on the cheek. Meredith sent me a text with the picture that read, "My sister-in-law sent a few matching outfits and this was the best day of Lexi's life."

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I asked Meredith and Terrence to share a little about their experience with CAC and the journey to their daughter and this is what they had to say:

”I feel like our adoption story isn't the ‘norm',’ but then again, nothing about growing our family has been ‘normal.’ And even though the waiting wasn't easy (waiting for over a year for something you want SO BADLY is certainly not easy), we had to constantly remind ourselves that the Lord had brought us to this particular place, and He had made it very clear that adoption was part of His plan for our family. With every ‘no’ we heard (and there were a lot), we just had to remember that even though we didn't know how this would end, the Lord did. Terrence and I had to keep telling each other that if we truly believed the Bible and everything it tells us about who Jesus is, then we could trust Him with this completely. It's hard for both Terrence and I to give up control of things, but we agreed early on in this process that we had to give this to the Lord 100% because He knows better than we do. And the Lord proved Himself to us in ways we never would have dreamed!”

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Top 5 Questions I'm Asked As An Adoption Consultant

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As an Adoption Consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants I'm asked a lot of questions about the adoption process. Today I'm sharing the top 5 questions that families inquire about with the hopes of providing information to those who are interested in learning more about the process.  

  1. How do families afford adoption? The financial cost of adoption can prevent many from beginning the adoption process, but it doesn’t have to. “Where will the money come from? How will we be able to afford adoption?” At CAC you are never left to figure out things on your own, as we provide our family with a list of low interest/ no interest adoption loans, adoption grants and fundraising ideas that have assisted thousands of families in raising funds for their adoption. I could share story after story of God’s faithfulness in providing for our families.

  2. How common are failed adoptions? Although Christian Adoption Consultants has a lower adoption failure rate (< 20%) than the nation wide failure rate (50-60%), there will always be some level of risk in the adoption process. When a woman is considering an adoption plan for her child, she is making one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Placing a child for adoption is a sacrificial and selfless act of unconditional love. No one can predict whether or not an expectant mother will change her mind. However, if you are living and breathing on this earth, then risk is inevitable. You can’t be immune to it; it’s a part of life. At CAC we walk with our families and assist them in navigating the warnings signs to reduce the levels of risks associated with the adoption process.

  3. How long does it take to adopt? It depends on what route you choose to pursue adoption. On average families using Christian Adoption Consultants wait 7-12 months from the time their home study is complete until an adoption agency matches them with an expectant mother. Some families only wait a matter of days or weeks before receiving a match from an agency or an attorney, while others wait a bit longer.

  4. Will our family be desirable to an expectant mother? Is our family too big? Are we too old? Are we too young? Every expectant mother is looking for something different in an adoptive family. There is no such thing as a “perfect family.” Although it can be tempting to let fear drive families away from pursuing adoption, I always remind them that God works through the details including the specifics about your family!

  5. What's the difference between working with CAC versus just one agency? Christian Adoption Consultants is not an adoption agency, rather we are an adoption consulting service. An adoption agency is a licensed organization that works with both adoptive and birth families in placing children in homes. No agency is exactly alike but a generalization of their services are as follows: providing home studies for families pre and post placement, providing support for expectant/birth mothers pre/post placement, and matching adoptive families with expectant mothers.   So what does CAC do and how do we help families through the adoption process? Here are a few things to consider:

    Multiple Agency Networking– Families utilizing our services are able to work with multiple agencies at one time.  We strictly vet our adoption agencies/attorneys and situations to assess risk for our clients protection. In addition to our vetting procedures, we help assess the risks and warning signs of every situation that crosses their eyes.

    Education & Guidance– There is so much more to the adoption process than just the act of adopting. There is a lot to be learned along the way. At CAC we are committed to providing adoption education and resources for our families. From understanding open adoption, positive adoption language, risks in adoption, communicating with expectant/birth mamas/families, protecting your child's story, educating other family members-we are supporting, encouraging and guiding you from beginning to the end!  

    Personal Advocate– With CAC you will never feel like just another number. Our families have direct access to us via email, phone and text. We are here for our families every step of the way. Walking through the adoption process is filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, delays, disappointment, excitement, joy, sadness, etc.  It is such an honor to guide families through their adoption journey and it's a privilege we do not take for granted.

    Experienced Professionals– Christian Adoption Consultants is one of the largest, oldest, and most experienced adoption consulting firms in the world! We have been around since 2006 and since that time have assisted families with over 3,500 successful adoptions. Our team consists of adoption professionals that hold degrees ranging from masters to bachelors in the counseling, social work, child welfare and human services fields.  Because we work as a team at CAC, you not only receive guidance from your adoption consultant, but you also have access to the resources and experience from our entire staff! Between all team members we have 120 years combined professional adoption experience.


    ***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Not Defined By Infertility: 3 Truths To Remember

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My infertility once defined me. Every negative pregnancy test became a reminder of what my body couldn’t do. Baby shower invites would come in the mail and my heart would be overwhelmed with jealousy and a reminder of the brokenness I felt in my soul. A stroll through the baby clothes aisle at Target felt like walking onto a stage before a mocking crowd, as if a giant spotlight was shining on my empty tummy, reminding me that I was somehow less of a woman because of my barrenness. My entire life I was told the likelihood of having biological children would be very slim due to the cancer treatments I received as a baby. But after we were married I was still optimistic and hopeful that somehow God would heal my body. After all, my God is a God of miracles. I’d seen this to be true in my own life, as He healed my body of cancer more than once.

After a few years of struggling with infertility,  a positive pregnancy test appeared. But tragedy struck as quickly as the news came in, as I miscarried shortly after learning we were pregnant. The weight of that loss wrecked me. My tears bathed the pillow every night and every ounce of my body was grieving. I felt hopeless. I felt broken.  I didn't want to get out of bed or leave the house. When I did muster up the strength to get out of the house I felt like I had to dress myself up with a fake smile.

The death of our unborn child felt like being stuck in winter. As we greeted anger and sadness in the face, we started talking and lamenting over the loss with God, close friends and family. That was the most healing thing for us to do. And as we continued talking about the heavy thoughts and feelings we were experiencing and praying through the pain instead of running away from it, God continued healing our hearts.

Grace gave us the strength to trust Him through the loss and the reality of our infertility, knowing that He is a good Father, who loves us even when we couldn't make our way through the storm. And although most days I failed to see Him-the Son was always there. Eventually He melted the ice away and replaced my barrenness with hope- not hope in a positive pregnancy test or a child, but hope in Jesus Christ.

A doctor would tell you that I’m infertile, that statistically my chances of getting pregnant are impossible. But, I see it quite differently. God healed me. He just healed me in a different way than expected. God healed my heart to be at peace with my circumstances. Though my heart is content that doesn't equate to immunity from sadness over our loss or my infertility, but it doesn't consume my thoughts or define me like it once did.

For women struggling with infertility or loss I want to remind you that there is so much more to you than your inability to procreate. Infertility does not make you broken. Infertility does not make you less of a woman. Infertility does not make you unworthy. Infertility does not make you undesirable. But I also want you to know that if you've had some of these thoughts you are not alone. I've talked to many women over the years who have felt broken, less of a woman, unworthy and undesirable because of their infertility, myself included. But these are lies. And when we begin to see ourselves through these falsities and allow them to infiltrate our mind, we begin to believe them. We begin to see ourselves through these distorted lenses. So what do we do? We combat the lies with God's truth and promises. 

Lie: I'm broken.
Truth: Your body isn't broken, but Christ's body was broken for you. An empty womb is not the end of your story, but a Risen King from an empty grave is the beginning.  Christ came to this earth so we could have "life in abundance" (John 10:10). This fullness is explicitly and solely found in Christ alone.

Lie: I'm less of a woman. 
Truth: In Ephesians 2:10 Paul refers to the children of God as His "masterpieces." It does not say, "those who are fertile are God's masterpieces," does it? There is more to being a woman then the ability or inability to bear a child. You are first and foremost a child of God and those who are in Christ are "completed by Him" (not a positive pregnant test or a baby) (Colossians 2:10). All other identities you share (wife, friend, mother, employee) come after that one. Those identities, although wonderful, are not eternal like your relationship with your Heavenly Father. I am not trying to devalue our earthly relationships. Rather, I'm hoping to remind you that you are a child of God and that surpasses all other titles on this side of earth and heaven. 

Lie: I'm unworthy of love and undesirable. 
Truth: Your worthiness and desirableness are not based upon your ability to procreate. God went to great lengths to declare His love for you. He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross for you so that you could come to know Him and be known by Him. The Creator of the Universe, the one who placed the stars in the sky and causes the rain to water the ground, and flowers to bloom in their season, the One who fashioned every fiber of our DNA, desires a relationship with you. Let me repeat that: He desires you. He loves you. In Zephaniah 3: 17 we learn that God takes "great delight" in His children and "rejoices" over them "with singing."  You must learn to believe these truths as you are sifting through the lies. Your value and your worth are not contingent upon your ability to conceive. Your value and worth are found in Christ and nothing can dilute that-not even infertility.

Keep running to Jesus with all of your big thoughts and emotions. He can handle it. Keep pouring out your honest cries and prayers before the Lord. He is a good listener-the best. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you cling to His promises over any lies that the enemy would want you to believe about yourself or your situation. Remember that God is with you wherever you are, whatever you are feeling. You are not alone, sweet friend. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit" (Psalm 34:18). 

Peace in Christ Alone

March 15, 2010. The night before I had open heart surgery. Many would assume that I'd be anxious about the morning, anxious about the little tumor camping out on my mitral valve, the little tumor that 3 weeks prior had caused a mini-stroke. But I wasn’t. I surprised to recognize those feelings weren’t there, but instead replaced with an all-consuming peace. 

I'd been overwhelmed in the days prior, but this night was different. I sensed the Holy Spirit's power in that room helping me place my trust in the One who had carried me through time and time again. There was a stillness and a quiet confidence in my heart. I knew that whatever was on the other side of this surgery, whether life, death or any further medical complications, God was with me. I was not alone. God was keeping me. This wasn't a cliche statement I told myself, but something I believed in the deepest parts of my soul. No disease, no sickness, and not even death could snatch me from His mighty hands. 

8 hours before surgery I wrote, "I fell on my knees in the room of my cold hospital floor, weeping with great joy for just how much God is taking care of me. It still seems unreal that I will be having open heart surgery tomorrow. Although I do not know completely why things in my life have unfolded as they have, I do know the King of the Universe. I know the One who holds the world in the palm of his hand, and He knows me, and for that very reason and that reason alone, my heart is at rest & I have peace." If we are grappling to find peace from our current circumstances we will always be left wanting.

Jesus Christ told His disciples in John 16:33, 'I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world.' I have not mastered finding peace in Christ alone all day 24/7, but the Holy Spirit is kind to help me remember. I'm learning throughout this season of uncertainty the sweetness that comes through remembering who the keeper of my soul is. Because when I remember who the keeper of my soul is, the unknowns in this life don't seem quite as scary because I know my soul is safe & secure in my Heavenly Father's arms.

From Matched to Birth: 5 Helpful Tips As You Wait

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When my husband and I were matched with the twin's birth mother, we were so excited! We couldn't believe it! However, I quickly noticed fear creeping in and my mind began to go through all of the "what-if" scenarios.  As an adoption consultant I have walked with many families through the adoption journey. As an adoptive mama, I'm also privy to some of the emotions, thoughts and fears that families may experience as they navigate the process.  Waiting to be matched can be a very overwhelming and exhausting time, especially families who continue hearing no after no. It can be very discouraging. But it may surprise some to learn that the time between being matched and waiting for the baby to be born can be difficult as well. In fact, I have had many families tell me how shocked they were at how waiting for the baby to be born was an overwhelming time, filled with even more uncertainty and unknowns.

My CAC families realize and respect that until the expectant mother signs consents nothing is official. But I think carrying the weight of that uncertainty with them is what causes doubt and worry to set-in. Perhaps you are in this season right now, overwhelmed with all of the "what-ifs." Maybe you have spent countless hours worrying about the situation. But I want to challenge you with a question. How do you want to spend the next few months? Do you want to spend them constantly worrying about all the things that could happen? That is an option. But wouldn't you rather use this time to choose to believe that God called you to present your profile to this situation for a reason? Choosing to believe that God called you to present your profile to this situation for a reason isn't a guarantee that this precious child will be yours, but I much rather spend my time enjoying this season than being worried about all of the "what-ifs."

Here are 5 helpful things to consider as you wait from match until birth: 

1. God is with you. "...Do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand..." (Isaiah 41:10). When we have a million thoughts running through our mind, sometimes it's easy to forget the most important thing: God is with you. Say that outloud right now. "God is with me." Whatever you are going through right now, remember that you are not alone.  Whatever comes in the days ahead, there will never be a day where God is not with you. 

2. Remember why you chose to present to this expectant mama. You didn't just enter into this situation flippantly. You spent a great deal of time looking through and praying over the situation. Don't forget that. I love this quote by Elisabeth Elliot and I think it's quite applicable here, "Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." Our thoughts have the potential to lead us in a million different directions,  so take charge of them by reminding yourself that it was the Lord who led you to show this mama your profile book in the first place.

3. Start a prayer journal. This is one of the first things I encourage my families to do when they are struggling with the wait. Instead of letting worry fester in your mind, pour out your heart to the Lord. Tell Him that you are struggling and ask Him to help you. Use this time to pray for the expectant mother and her child. Pray that God would protect her mind, body and spirit. Pray that God would help you find ways to love this expectant mama well as she is navigating through this difficult time. Pray for the child she is carrying in her womb. Pray that God would give you peace regardless of the outcome. Pray that God would use this time of unknown and uncertainty to draw your heart closer to Him. Our prayers matter to God. He is a good Father. And He is the best listener.

4. Make an encouraging playlist of music to listen to. "Where words fail, music speaks "(Flans Christian Anderson).  Music is a sweet gift to us and as Christians it's a special way for us to communicate our thoughts and emotions to God.  In our home we have praise and worship music constantly playing, as it's important to our family to fill our home and hearts with reminders of God's promises. I created a playlist on Spotify called, "The Waiting Room." I created it with my CAC families in mind who are each in their own "waiting room" so to speak. Feel free to grab it here. I pray that as you listen to the music, the Lord would use it to comfort your heart. 

5. Steer clear of adoption content or stories that evoke fear or cause you to worry. With the accessibility of social media and the internet it is very easy to become a professional "researcher" of an array of topics, but please trust me with this. If the adoption content you are reading is causing you to worry, it's not worth investing your time in. We are pretty good at worrying all on our own without any "extra help" from the internet, so why would we knowingly seek out information about worst case scenarios?

These are not quick fixes by any means, but I pray that they have provided you with some helpful tools to navigate the remaining stages of your adoption journey!


***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***

Getting Through Mother's Day After A Loss

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It’s the day before Mother’s Day and I have so many women on my mind who are struggling with infertility and loss. As I was praying for these sweet ladies, a post I wrote over 6 years ago, 2 months after our miscarriage, kept coming to mind. I don’t know who needs to hear these words, but I’m confident someone does.

May 10, 2014

This would have been my very first  Mother’s Day with a little baby growing inside of me, but here I am in my bed, weighed down by a mountain of grief, unable to put my feet on the floor. I have been praying that God would give me (and others) strength to get through tomorrow, but I know it will still sting. This Mother’s Day will be a reminder of the loss of our baby. It will be a reminder of a broken dream. Mothers will post pictures of their “Mother’s Day” gifts and “Mother’s Day” lunches (as they should). It is something to be celebrated. Young mothers will get homemade drawings from their little ones and husbands will buy their wives a bouquet of flowers (as they should). Mother’s Day will be difficult for me to celebrate this year because it will be a constant reminder of our loss.

On this Mother’s Day, please honor your mothers, but don’t forget about those who have had a miscarriage or are struggling with infertility. Also, be mindful that many women (and men) have lost their mother or child. It may be difficult for them to be joyous on this occasion-so be understanding if they do not appear to be as “celebratory” as you. Be sensitive, gracious and very mindful of your words. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24). A simple: “I am praying for you” is more than sufficient.

To the women (and men) who are stung by a loss or infertility, please know it is more than ok (and quite normal) to struggle with feelings of anger and sadness-especially on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to dress yourself with a fake smile. Take your thoughts, take your sadness, take your frustration, take your brokenness, take it all to the feet of your Savior. He is a good Father. He is the best listener and He never gets tired of wiping your tears. I know your heart may feel broken and shattered into a million pieces, but our God is the Great Physician and He will help you.

A week after my miscarriage, I wrote a very honest letter to the Lord. I am not going to share all of it now (maybe one day), but I would like to disclose a portion with you:

“Where do I go from here? Where do we go from here? Great question. All I know is this: We are going to keep loving Jesus. And when we need to cry….we are going to cry. And when anger overcomes us we aren’t going to suppress it, but rather we will bring those feelings before the Lord, for He understands. We will keep running to the Ultimate healer who is more than able to restore our broken hearts.”

On this Mother’s Day don’t forget about those who are struggling with pain from prior losses or infertility. Pray for them. Pray that the Lord would bring complete healing to their soul. To all of the AMAZINGLY courageous women who contacted me after I shared about our miscarriage, sharing similar experiences, I will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow. I have found myself asking, “Lord, how am I going to get through the day tomorrow? It is just going to be an overwhelming reminder of our loss.” The Lord brought me to HIS WORD: “God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns” (Psalm 46:5). Remember: The Lord is walking with you tomorrow and if you need Him to…He will carry you through this storm. You are never alone.

Will Our "Yes" Ever Come?

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As an adoption consultant I’ve walked with many families through the adoption process from the very beginning of their journey to the end. It is such an honor and joy to serve families through their unique journey. When a family’s home study is complete and their profile is ready to go, they are ready to start applying with adoption agencies/attorneys and seeing situations.

As an adoptive parent and adoption consultant, I know there has been so much anticipation for this moment and now it's finally here! The time between presenting their profile and waiting for an expectant mother to make her decision can be overwhelming. There is a great deal of emotions and energy wrapped up in receiving a situation, evaluating and praying over it, choosing to present, and waiting on a response. When they receive a situation they begin thinking about "what could be." It's difficult to not imagine what their future may hold. While they are waiting on an answer they begin praying for this expectant mama and her unborn child. Minutes turn to hours. Hours turn to days. Still no answer. They continue thinking about "what could be." Then, they receive an answer. "She chose to move forward with another family." It is like an emotional roller coaster. 

Hopeful adoptive families are some of the most courageous people I know. They continue journeying through this process even through the disappointment, heartache, unknowns and uncertainty. They keep on pressing forward and holding onto hope. Their faith inspires me. That's why I thought it would be helpful to include thoughts from a few of my CAC families who have had the same doubts and questions as some of you. I pray their words are an encouragement to you today.

"I can’t tell you how many conversations we had with Kelly Todd, our adoption consultant with CAC, asking her 'What’s wrong with us? What could we do differently? What can we change?' She would always reassure us and remind us to trust in God’s plan and His timing. But after a while this is difficult to hear. Kris and I questioned our decision to pursue this adoption. We questioned things, such as 'Are we too old? Do we have too many other children?' I remember asking Kelly during one of our many conversations, "How do we know when enough is enough? How do we know that we have followed the right path?' As I sobbed on the phone, she again said 'Renee, you have to trust that God has a plan for you.' At this point I was questioning every aspect of our current situation. But then we got a call that would change our lives forever. Although our journey wasn't easy, every 'no' led us to our daughter. We are so grateful for the story God has written for our family.”
-Kris & Renee 

"The first few times we presented we were met with 'She has decided to move ahead with another family.'  It was incredibly disappointing.  I couldn’t understand what was wrong with us.  While presenting to one particular situation and awaiting the expectant mother’s decision, I remember feeling defeated.  I remember sitting on our couch crying and I looked at Michael and said, 'I just want a yes.'  I don’t think we are ever going to get one.'  The next day we received a phone call that the expectant mama had chosen us!  She said “yes” to us!  We were matched!  Unfortunately, within just a few weeks, our match failed.  Our hearts were shattered.  Our 'yes' turned into a painful 'no.'  Our families told us to take time, that we needed a break.  Others told us it was okay to stop trying.  I kneeled on the floor of this beautiful nursery in our new home and sobbed. I had been thinking all along that I was believing and trusting in God and in that moment I knew I had not.  Not really.  I wanted God to give me MY gift the way I wanted it in MY time. Something about that failed match lit a fire inside of both of us.  We were finally 'all in.'  No more fear, no more analyzing or assessing, no more trying to control, no more forcing.  Just trusting.  Just saying 'yes' to God, down whatever road He would have us go.  Just a few weeks later we found out that an expectant mama we were presenting to had chosen us.  Being scared would have been the easiest thing to do, but we had vowed to choose faith over fear, so we did.  With hope and joy, we gave our hearts to this expectant mama.  Less than seven weeks later, she laid her heart, in the form of her beautiful newborn baby girl, in our arms."
-Chelsey & Michael 

"Every tear we shed in our desire for a child, God was right there, loving us, and wanting us to turn to Him.  Though this timeline is not what we expected, we are so grateful that God loved us enough to do what’s best for us.  We would encourage anyone who is pursuing adoption to persevere in hope, trust Him in painful and uncertain moments, and seek His heart and will for you. If you do these things, you and your story will be in His hands, and there is no better place to be." -Jim & Julie 

When you are knee deep in a sea of unknowns and uncertainty it's difficult to have hope. When you are surrounded by feelings of discouragement, it's difficult to think about what could be. As an adoption consultant, I have walked with many families through many “no’s.” Never once did I hear them say that time wasn’t difficult. But let me tell you this: I have also never once heard a family ever say they regret what they went through to get to their child. I know all of my families would agree that every "no" was worth it because it led them to God's "yes" for their family. Hold on, friends. Hold on to hope. Hold on to God. He will never let you down. 

***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at kelly@christianadoptionconsultants.com and check out Christian Adoption Consultants for more information!***